Lies, Lates and Where is it’s .

We set off at 7.15 am to cover the 15 miles or so to Chester. We’d never been to this particular venue before so I suggested Lady J used her sat-nag. Things did not go well. The Transylvanian voiced minx inside the box was having an off day.
When we go to Chester we start the journey by turning right and heading for the expressway. Ms Dracul asked us to turn left instead and head for the Coast Road.
Much to Julia’s chagrin I suggested she obey instructions as I had no idea which part of Chester the hotel was in. We were due to arrive by 8’am so the ladies could go to the hairdressers.
By 7.40 we had reached a point where the back road into Chester was close and I suggested we prepare, but no, the beguiling voice sent us left onto the motorway. As there is an alternate route into Chester I wasn’t worried until Vladina told Julia to go round the roundabout and take the third exit. Panic set in because there was a new roundabout ahead and the third exit took us onto the main motorway to Manchester. Strange mumblings came from Julia’s mouth as she took the road before I was able to shout “Ignore the wench, she’s playing with you.” We had got a few hundred yards when the voice with a throaty chuckle told us to “Turn round when possible”. We took the next exit( miles away) and out friend directed us back onto the opposite side of the motorway to retrace our steps. It’s now 8.15 and I’m having trouble keeping calm.
Back to where we were the disembodied idiot told us to turn right and approach the roundabout taking the third exit again. I knew it was wrong as I could see the Chester Road close by on the left but by now we were in her thrall. Right it was and the third exit loomed. Hoylake said the sign. We both knew that’s on the Wirral peninsula but we carried on until the fiend said “In one hundred yards you have reached your destination, you have reached your destination.” It was a lay-by near to a huge brick wall which somehow didn’t seem right. Reaching over Julia I gripped the sat-nag with the intention of throwing her out of the window but knowing the litter laws and the fact that police cars can hide behind an autumn leaf I just turned her off and suggested we turn the car round and I’d navigate. Ten minutes later at 8.30 we dew up at the hotel. Within 5 minutes I was esconced in our daughters room as they departed for hair-do’s and nail buffings.

All Wedding days have hiccups, so glad that ours were over I sat on the chaise longue  and nodded off. Soon enough the distractions returned and I headed down to the bar for coffee. It wouldn’t take Julia long to change so she joined me for a cuppa and we laughed about the mornings events until it was time to get dressed. Back in the room the cameras were flashing as each new person appeared in their finery. Without noticing the time arrived for the bridesmaids and Julia to depart. Half an hour later the phone rang to  say our car had arrived.A Rolls Royce no less.
The driver suggested taking a slightly longer route so we could pull up outside the church on the slide Yvonne would alight. We were pulling up  outside the church when there was a lot of frantic waving for us to go round the block again. I saw sheer panic on Yvonne’s face for a moment that Ugo hadn’t turned up bu she knew that couldn’t be the case so rolled down her window. It transpired Ugo was patiently waiting our arrival but his mother journeying from London hadn’t arrived. Back up went the window and e set off to go round the block when Yvonne realised she didn’t have her bouquet. We dashed back to the hotel where I ran ( or limped) inside and shot upstairs shouting ” I couldn’t do it, I changed my mind” at the reception staff. The electronic key wouldn’t work. Back down, key registered and back up again for the flowers. Another dash back to the car to arrive at the church at 3.20 for the 3.00pm marriage. Word came that Mum was on the way so we’d give her till half past then we’d have to start. I used the time wisely, I stood beside the car and had a calming smoke.
At 3.30 we went in. Yvonne on my arm looking a dream. Mum hadn’t arrived but we couldn’t hold the queue up any longer or we”d be having joint weddings with the next couple. Even worse was he Best Man was now missing as he’s gone to find his mother and bring her. The ceremony was just drawing to and end as they appeared. ” Don’t worry Dad” said Yvonne, “It’s  just African time, it’s much more relaxed than ours.”
It transpired that the car she was travelling i got lost and the best man went out to guide them in. For some strange reason they’d taken time to park their car and travel with the best man. Later as we went for the wedding breakfast there were spaces at the table as they’d decided to go and collect the car they’d abandoned. They arrived back just a we were finishing our main course and had to catch up.
The day itself was wonderful. The weather had saved it’s best for us and the wedding party all looked great in their assorted finery.I confess that Julia and I were both glad to change into easy flowing African outfits made for us when the dancing started.

Proud Dad and Beautiful Daughter


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28 responses to “Lies, Lates and Where is it’s .

  1. Now that’s the way a father ought to look when heading to the church! Beautiful bride. Congratulations to you all.

    • Thanks so much Normandie. Everyone says I have to give the outfit back to the Hotel Doorman now .Actually I don’t wear the top hat very often as you can imagine, but my frockcoat gets a bit of wear and I’m often to be found in waistcoats because I love them.

  2. Thank you for posting that photo 🙂 Yvonne looks absolutely beautiful, and wonderfully happy. What a great day you must have had. You don’t scrub up half bad youself either!

    • Aww thank you. They planned the wedding around my annual bath. She looked stunning and t was a fantastic day….after a funny start.

      • Gee, that was lucky timing then. Lucky that the evil GPS didn’t have her way with you and send you to another part of the country.
        I love that Yvonne has maintained her cool demeanor this whole time, even when the wedding day didn’t go completely according to plan.

      • It’s lucky that I know the area reasonably well even if not down to individual roads and properties but I’m always careful not to be set too far into ‘Enemy Territory- England’.
        Yvonne has been a star. Cool, calm and collected. She inherited something from me then. x Hugs

  3. It wouldn’t have been a proper wedding day with memories had you not had to endure such lies, lates, and where is its. 😉 Congrats on an absolutely stunning day – and may I say you both look amazing. Thank you so much for sharing…this was a beautiful way to start my day here across the pone. Many cheers and toasts along with ❤ (((huggers))) chocolate and flowers from Janet ~ Don ~ and WiseGuy 😉 xx

    • You’re right Janet. weddings are prime examples of the best laid plans of mice and men……….. Thank you for the lovely comments, as someone here put it, I do scrub up OK.There are lots more photographs on my Facebook page though obviously we’ve not had the official ones yet but as soon as a disc arrives I’ll post the best. It’s been quite a week with Ju’s book coming out the day before the wedding. I’m so proud of my family.
      Sending you massive shiploads of Hugs plus your chocs an flowers. Hello to Don and to Wiseguy.

  4. Thank you for that lovely photo! And for the hilarious description of the proceedings 😀 Yvonne looks simply stunning and as Metan said, you don’t scrub up too bad yourself!

    I know I’m being greedy but if you get some more photos please post them, especially ones in those African outfits – they sound wonderful. 🙂

  5. Congratulations all around! Everyone looks radiant and Yvonne was a most beautifyl bride. A most happy day.

  6. Yvonne made a beautiful bride and you looked quite dapper yourself.

  7. Great photo of you and your daughter. I’m glad the wedding went well.

  8. I knew it would all be perfect in spite of the comedy of errors getting there and the trials and tribulations endured beforehand. With the wonderful people involved how could it be anything but the happiest of events? You ALL looked fabulous!

    Much Love and hugs!
    Patti xxoo

    • A car full of monkeys would have got there quicker but nothing could spoil the day once the Gride and Broom both turned up ( without duress too). Ju looked wonderful, Yvonne looked stunning, I looked like an advert for Christmas Carol. I’m afraid the mutton chops will have to go ! One good wind and I’m in trouble. Hugs.

  9. You and your daughter are a beautiful/handsome couple. You look so proud. I’m happy for your family. Wow, David, the beginning sounds like something I’d see at the movies like with Father of the Bride. Of all times streets were closed, key cards not working, Mum is missing along with the best man! In the end, your daughter was married. Congratulations to you all.

    • You’re most kind Mary though I confess my daughter looked fantastic on the day and my wife was beautiful. I don’t think any wedding escapes the Gremlins but these are stories to be lovingly, laughingly handed down.
      Many thanks.x Hugs

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