Daily Archives: February 17, 2013

Fear.

It’s rare I make two posts in a week let alone in one day but I experienced fear least night and today that makes me seek favours.

I have not been well for a few days. I’m aware it’s largely my own fault in not having chased up the doctors for more anti-biotics to get rid of the latest chest infection. To be honest, I had three lots last year one after the other without clearing one and I thought why bother? Last night my chest was tight and trying to get relief I finished the spray specific as a reliever. I knew I was going to request a new one on Monday and thought that would be OK. I’d be uncomfortable bit so what I already was.  There was little I could do as Ju was already in bed since 6 pm suffering her own discomfort.

By 11 pm I was struggling for breath and couldn’t even get undressed for bed. I was already sitting upright in my chair and decided to stay in that position as being best. Some of you will understand me saying it was the most difficult night I have spent  in my life since childhood asthma attacks. It’s important to relax the muscles and almost impossible to do so since you’re trying to force air into your lungs. By 7.30 am today I was tired and decided to force myself to go take my meds for the day and wake Ju to see to the girls as I wouldn’t be able to approach the cages today. Ju was scared when she came through and I tried to brush it off but I wasn’t able to take the meds and standing up took most of my strength. Ju called an ambulance .

The driver was there by 8.am and was horrified when she got here. She took Sats and found my oxygen levels at about 63% immediately giving me an oxygen mask. She called for back up and another ambulance arrived. They took me aboard carefully propping me up and giving me more oxygen and cortico steroids. I was in A & E quite quickly where they fought to get the Sats up with three nebulisers. Ju had followed in the car but they wouldn’t let her through.  I was so sorry I’d messed up her roast lamb dinner.

By 12 pm my oxygen levels were back up and I was able to breathe fairly easily. Hard as it is for me to speak to people I had no choice and explained why I could not be admitted and had to go home again. Dr Gupta must have understood the urgency because he came to see me to extract a promise. Any recurrence and I’d go back straight away. I’d see my own doctor about the infections this week and that he’s issue me a relief spray to replace mine with also a new one which is a cortico-steroid, two shots to be taken twice a day for five days to give my doctor chance to decide how long to continue it as it’s quite strong. I had no hesitation in agreeing since I was scared at how close I’d come to losing Ju. The staff nurse told me of a chemist that opened all day, furnished me with a prescription and by 1.pm we were leaving.

At home the lamb dinner became a sandwich but I couldn’t eat and just nodded off after a quick look at emails. At teatime I had some fruit and toast though. Tonight I must rest early and must wear the alarm pendant through the night just in case. This has made me realise that perhaps life is more fragile that we expect and though Ju has her vile illness I could still die first. Should that prove to be the case I must say thanks to all my friends who’ve shown me such magnificent support during these terrible months. You’ve been kind enough to listen to me and keep me on the right path. The favours I now ask is that should anything happen to me, you carry on with your support of Ju through my daughter on ebay.  Yvonne Eboh. I know she’d place as high a value on it as I do. Thank you all. Hugs. xxxxxxx

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A Hideous Spirit

Recently I featured a poem by myself. A rank amateur and someone with little interest in the field. But, today a friend from the Author’s Den site shared one of his many poems with me and I was so affected that I thought I’d share this with you. I hope you like it as much as I do.

A Hideous Spirit 

A smiling face that hid loathsome strategies

still haunts the shadows, lurking with predatory instinct,

ravenous in relentless pursuit of impossible dreaming.

A heart once embraced by lustful passion

destroyed by a Vampire’s thoughtless scheming.

Hideous spirit, you took what was not yours to take.

Your charm and transient grace would manifest fake.

Fingers, dancing delicately over a heaving breast

with voluptuous elegance you conned my heart

into feeling safe. Yet you tore it from my chest,

splintering sensual pleasure for a lifetime of pain

because you thought it best.

Now a cadaverous shell I lay,

my heart at your feet

on a canvas less painted in blood.

Pages of a life ripped from a spine-broke-book,

fly like leaves cracking on a withering wind

blown in disarray across a dispassionate wasteland.

Scattered to oblivion – a history lost to that look.

© P. Williams 2004 revised 2013

 

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