It’s rare I make two posts in a week let alone in one day but I experienced fear least night and today that makes me seek favours.

I have not been well for a few days. I’m aware it’s largely my own fault in not having chased up the doctors for more anti-biotics to get rid of the latest chest infection. To be honest, I had three lots last year one after the other without clearing one and I thought why bother? Last night my chest was tight and trying to get relief I finished the spray specific as a reliever. I knew I was going to request a new one on Monday and thought that would be OK. I’d be uncomfortable bit so what I already was.  There was little I could do as Ju was already in bed since 6 pm suffering her own discomfort.

By 11 pm I was struggling for breath and couldn’t even get undressed for bed. I was already sitting upright in my chair and decided to stay in that position as being best. Some of you will understand me saying it was the most difficult night I have spent  in my life since childhood asthma attacks. It’s important to relax the muscles and almost impossible to do so since you’re trying to force air into your lungs. By 7.30 am today I was tired and decided to force myself to go take my meds for the day and wake Ju to see to the girls as I wouldn’t be able to approach the cages today. Ju was scared when she came through and I tried to brush it off but I wasn’t able to take the meds and standing up took most of my strength. Ju called an ambulance .

The driver was there by 8.am and was horrified when she got here. She took Sats and found my oxygen levels at about 63% immediately giving me an oxygen mask. She called for back up and another ambulance arrived. They took me aboard carefully propping me up and giving me more oxygen and cortico steroids. I was in A & E quite quickly where they fought to get the Sats up with three nebulisers. Ju had followed in the car but they wouldn’t let her through.  I was so sorry I’d messed up her roast lamb dinner.

By 12 pm my oxygen levels were back up and I was able to breathe fairly easily. Hard as it is for me to speak to people I had no choice and explained why I could not be admitted and had to go home again. Dr Gupta must have understood the urgency because he came to see me to extract a promise. Any recurrence and I’d go back straight away. I’d see my own doctor about the infections this week and that he’s issue me a relief spray to replace mine with also a new one which is a cortico-steroid, two shots to be taken twice a day for five days to give my doctor chance to decide how long to continue it as it’s quite strong. I had no hesitation in agreeing since I was scared at how close I’d come to losing Ju. The staff nurse told me of a chemist that opened all day, furnished me with a prescription and by 1.pm we were leaving.

At home the lamb dinner became a sandwich but I couldn’t eat and just nodded off after a quick look at emails. At teatime I had some fruit and toast though. Tonight I must rest early and must wear the alarm pendant through the night just in case. This has made me realise that perhaps life is more fragile that we expect and though Ju has her vile illness I could still die first. Should that prove to be the case I must say thanks to all my friends who’ve shown me such magnificent support during these terrible months. You’ve been kind enough to listen to me and keep me on the right path. The favours I now ask is that should anything happen to me, you carry on with your support of Ju through my daughter on ebay.  Yvonne Eboh. I know she’d place as high a value on it as I do. Thank you all. Hugs. xxxxxxx


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45 responses to “Fear.

  1. You just look after yourself, not only does Ju need you but think of poor Dr Dreamy fend to fend off all the woman without you to hold them in check from what you said poor guy wouldn’t stand a chance but I will look up your daughter on ebay anyway

  2. Hanging in there with you, David, for your sake and Julia’s. We won’t stop our prayers.

  3. For me – in times like these I lean on the people I love. This is hard especially if you are as stubborn as me. Everything is ‘fine’ when its not really. But if you admit this out loud, you think the world will come crashing down and all hell will break loose. It won’t.

    Being brave is what we are good at, even in the face of adversity. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through. Your post however fills me with hope. Hope that you have a family, a daughter who is in your life.

    Life is full of riches and you and I know that I’m not talking about gold and silver. You have the’roast beef sandwich’ kind. The kind my life has. Even after what happened, there will always be a sandwich and not an empty chair. If you understand my weird metaphorical ideals that is. I’m not very good at expressing myself to someone I have never met 🙂

    I am so proud of you and the hard post you just shared with us all. Be brave, walk tall and hug your nearest and dearest every time you see them. No regrets.


    • Old habits die hard don’t they. Lucky for me I’m good at hugging and think it has a great place in the world, not just my world. I can identify with the roast beef sandwich type of riches provided you allow me plenty of onions and some diabetic approved salt.
      You’re doing fine at expressing yourself and I’m grateful you’ve taken the time to write to me. I’ll try and be brave and walk tall but I suspect there will always be regrets.
      I send you Hugs

  4. One breath at a time. We’re out here in cyberspace sending our best wishes to you both.

  5. When I went though my own ordeal, everyone told me to make sure I took care of myself. As a caregiver to a sick spouse, we are always thinking about them and neglecting our own health, but then we suddenly get a slap in the face, a wake-up call telling us that we aren’t invincible. Please take care, David, so you’ll be strong for those around you. Please don’t neglect going back to the hospital if you have to. Thinking and saying a prayer for all of you.

    • I’ll try to remember that MaryJ. I won’t be much use to them if I don’t keep well myself.Sometimes carers like you forget themselves in the day to day caring and the slap when it comes can be hard. I’m so glad that your slap still left you to be one of my friends though. I send you Hugs Galore. xxxx

  6. Dearest David, so glad I saw that you’d posted. So glad you’re looking after Ju in all events. Praying for you and her, in your difficult but love-filled life!

  7. Pauline

    Plenty of rest now David, I just wish I was nearer, I would get in the car and pop over, but instead I am sending you both big hugs and positive energy. I hope your medication kicks in and you can have more relief as soon as possible. Don’t hang about if you can’t see any improvement – get back to the hospital. xxxxx

    • Pauline, you know your Hugs are always welcome and the positive energy is a treat that must have helped me get home.Meds have done their job as there’s just a background wheeze now which I’ll watch carefully. Don’t worry too much though as Ju tells me when it drowns out the TV.
      I’m sending you the biggest Hugs I can find and hoping one day they’ll send you this end so I can buy you the coffee I owe you.

  8. As I am a frequent eBay buyer, I searched eBay to find seller Yvonne Eboh, but without any results. Could you post the url to her seller’s page? And I am sorry you haven’t been well; I hope you’re feeling better soon.

    • Sorry if I led you to believe ebay K.D as I meant Facebook. If you use Facebook you’ll find her there Yvonne Louise Eboh. Yes thank you. I’m much improved now and will e more careful to go quicker next time.

  9. Take care of yourself. I hope the drugs kick in and you have a better night and day tomorrow.

  10. Don’t you dare die on us Daud! Don’t you dare…

  11. 63%?! My boot is now flying around the planet to give you a kick in the pants!! (So don’t sit down, it will be there soon).
    After my experiences with Number 2 son and his terrible asthma attacks I can imagine what a terrifying night you must have had. Yes, life is a very fragile thing and I meet every day with that in mind.

    I am glad the doc listened to you and allowed you to go home, and I am even more glad that you are now looking after yourself a bit better. We wouldn’t want anything to happen to you!

    PS: can you put a link to Yvonnes ebay? I had a look and couldn’t find it. 🙂

    • She’s on as Yvonne Louise Eboh but the link is https://www.facebook.com/yvonne.l.prosser?fref=ts Thanks so much for the timely boot up the pants. I won’t sk what it’s for as being male I understand I must deserve it. I’m so sorry for NUMBER 2 SON, I can remember the horrific times when asthma hit as a child and when it hit really hard it was awful staring death in the face. It must have been awful for my parents as it must be for you.I hope he grows out of it in his early teens as I did except for the odd wheeze. Hugs to you. xx

      • Clearly Lady J and Yvonne have trained you very well 😉 Actually the boot was for not calling the ambulance in the night before you got so low, but I am sure that there are other boot-worthy things that you will get up to soon enough 😉

        I think that, at the time, having a child with asthma is as bad as having asthma yourself. Helping the nurses intubate a four-year-old was the most frightening thing that I have ever done. Being a parent is full of unexpected events isn’t it!

        (thanks for the facebook link 🙂 )

      • I didn’t want to call the ambulance the night before in case I disturbed Ju. They have both trained me to fear them but Ju’s illness is such that she need her rest and flying off behind an ambulance using it’s siren to get to hospital wouldn’t have helped her. Perhaps if I’d known how bad it was going to get I’d have rethought that decision.
        Yes, there are times being a parent is no fun at all, especially when your child is sick. You do feel it with them but an asthmatic child is so much worse because it’shell trying to breathe for tem and it hving no effect. Luckily there are nebulizers and so many good sprays to help now. I hope #2 son has something good. Hugs xx

      • He is much better now, a different medication made the world of difference and now (years later) we are slowly weaning him off that too, fingers crossed!

        Hopefully you have nothing but success with your medication from now on 🙂

  12. Catherine Johnson

    Awh, David poor you. That must have been frightening! Now you make sure you take your meds. You’re needed xxx

    • I’m a good boy with my meds Catherine. The only really scary thing was the thought of leaving Ju alone. I don’t want that so I’ve promised to disturb her in future to get help instead of hiding it. Oops. Hugs.xx

  13. Oh, David… Please, please promise you will really take good care of yourself. What would we do without you? Ju and Yvonne need you at your best now, so
    please take care! May this fear help you take better care of yourself!
    Many hugs from Brazil

    • I do try Renata honestly. I didn’t think it would get so bad in a short space of time. Hmph. stopped me from wanting food too so that’s not good ! Mind you I could do with losing the weight. I’ll try to behave, my doctor is coming to see me at home tomorrow so I shall have to be on my best behaviour.A bad sign not to call me in to the surgery.Trouble with a Capital T.
      Sending Hugs to you. xxxx

  14. Food Stories

    Such a scary story to read and live through. Unfortunately, things like this happen, all the time. In my own family, my mother was chronically ill and on her deathbed. We were all helping out but my father was the primary caregiver & we were all bracing for the inevitable … Then my father, unexpectedly and tragically passed from an instantaneous, massive heart attack. It was so unexpected and shook our family to the core as it just didn’t seem feasible. This happened a long time ago but it still feels like yesterday.

    Hope you’re feeling better – Take care of yourself – Hope for the best & plan for the worst (that’s my motto, anyway).

    • It’s terrible when something like that happens unexpectedly. You often feel you didn’t manage to pay enough attention to the one who dies because you were concentrating elsewhere. I’m so sorry you suffered this. I’m much better thanks, like a germ I’m hard to get rid of. Love the motto.
      Sending Hugs.xxxx

  15. My first thought GL is to yell at you for not listening to me all those times I tried to get you to go to the Dr.an take care of yourself, but my most overwhelming thought is how scary and horrible it all was for you and how much I wish I’d been there to give you a huge bear hug ( or maybe a more gentle one since you couldn’t breathe ) I can’t bear the thought of loosing any of you, but you know I will always be here for my surrogate family.

    Love n hugs galore xoxoxo

    • Guess I’m in trouble yet again huh? I don’t think this could have been avoided as it came from nowhere and has hopefully gone back the same way never to be repeated.A gentle hug would have been welcome at the time but your ongoing friendship is much nicer so I came back. Huge Hugs to you Spidey. GL. xxxx

  16. Are you not able to get a home nebulizer? My husband has severe asthma, and any infection sends him into attack, so we have a nebulizer we start every 4 hours as soon as infection begins. You mentioned previous episodes, so I just wondered.

    • No. My wife actually asked about that and this surgery doesn’t do them on the grounds of if you need it often you should be in hospital.If there’s an infection and the possibility of needing them, they write a letter to the cottage hospital to do them a couple of times a week to help. Normally, even with a bad chest my oxygen levels are fairly good but this time they plummeted for some reason. I’m really sorry about your husband. It must be awful to suffer like that all the time, and almost as bad watching it. xx Hugs Lorene xx

      • Lorene Pinkley

        Oh, wow, how different our medical system is! My husband (and son when little) would have lived in the hospital! The home nebulizer works great, and, well, keeps you HOME. Brent does have to go to the ER if it doesn’t keep his asthma/bronchitis for 2 hours. BUT— he has been taking something called Power Immune (an herbal liquid) that has cut his asthma and respiratory infections by probably 75%. It’s has a lot of ingredients that herbalists recommend for resp problems. Im not a huge fan of herbal medicine, but this one works for him.

      • I’m afraid since the Government made surgeries into Fund Holders ( They basically give the surgeries money for the year to pay for all service used by their patients like x-rays, drugs etc) the surgeries have cut back on what they allow in case they run out of money. As it’s a National Health Service, the Government should be paying based on our tax contributions.I have one spray that’s a preventative and one box I place a capsule in and inhale the contents that’s the same, then one spray that’s for treatment of any breathing problems.That usually keeps things fairly well steady but nothing worked that day until the oxygen. I’ll keep a look out for power immune in case one of our herbalists keeps it. Thanks for letting me know Lorene.
        Hugs xxxx

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