Our Thanks for Kindness Shown.

All our friends have been so kind following the progress of Julia on my blog. Actually the only reason I share it is to get visitors here anyway.  Today wasn’t a day I was expecting to share anything but laughs about releasing trapped wind but it’s fair I share the truth.

Julia and I arrived at 3.30 for our 4.00 pm appt. Despite the fact we were meeting with Dr. Hotlips we expected to be alone as Ju was to have the drainage done on her distended stomach. But, rather than pass up a chance to leer, one of my nieces dashed there from work to join us. At 4’45 we were still sitting there and there were still others waiting. When we checked they were all for our oncologist with earlier appointments than us. Somehow the glazed eyed staff had managed to double book everyone and the list was running about an hour and a quarter late according to Dr. Hottie’s nurse. The chances of getting the drainage done today were fading fast and Ju was in pain from sitting.

This morning our own doctor had descended upon us at home to check on us both which meant to roast me about not going very often and to give Julia a new prescription for her morphine at an increased dose AGAIN to try and control the pain. Ju had decided to start them tomorrow.

To our surprise and that of the people before us we were called in at 4.50 pm. The oncologist sat us down and picked up the report from the scan. He told us there wasn’t much fluid trapped and there wouldn’t be a drain. That was a major surprise after what we’d been led to believe by him, the scanner ( sounds better than scan technician) and the MacMillan Nurse. While my niece and I were still taking it in Julia asked whether the welling was then a direct result of the tumour. You could hear the regret in his voice as he answered a simple “Yes”. Taking the bull by the horns at this point she asked whether she’d still be here in August. I’ve suggested that the gap left between question and reply was big enough to run a London Bus through. He eventually replied “I can’t answer that” but his face did.

Julia shows strength and determination on the outside but I saw her diminish in size. Dr McHottie asked if she would agree to go into a hospice for a few days at least to try and get the level of morphine right to control the pain. She agreed and it’s arranged for tomorrow morning. This will be an opportunity for her to decide if she prefers a hospice later on or would rather be at home which is what I’d prefer. No-one knows at what speed this monster will travel now or whether we’ll be able to talk about treatments like radiofrequency ablation which our daughter found. This is a form of killing the cancer by burning it out but can it be done when the evil thing has wrapped itself round major blood vessels?

So there we are. A day we weren’t expecting and one I’ll never adapt to. I want to thank on behalf of both of us all our wonderful friends who’ve visited to keep up to date with Ju’s treatment and who’ve left messages of such positivity to keep us going. Sorry but there’ll be no windy jokes today. xx Hugs to you all.


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39 responses to “Our Thanks for Kindness Shown.

  1. David, I’m so sorry. i need to ask, though, if you don’t have access to hospice at home? We used them for my step-father, my aunt, and my uncle, and it made such a difference. They were fantastic.

    Still praying.

  2. I don’t want to hit like, hugs to you both, stay strong and I hope you find a treatment that even if it can’t work miracles it can give you more time and make things more comfortable for Ju

    • Thanks a lot Paula. My fingers are in a permanent state of being crossed and I’m not giving up. She’s done well to go this long and I think it’s all the positive thoughts she’s had so no reason she can’t outlast me if you lot pull your fingers out again. xx Hugs xxxx

  3. Ally Shields

    So sorry for your news, David. May the future hold more hope than you see at the moment.

  4. ((( xxxxx))) Hugs both, You are daily in my thoughts x

  5. Just over twenty years ago i had a large happy mad crazy but loving family, over the years i have watched Cancer claim four grandparents both my parents, several great aunts + uncles and some close friends…… All of these people have been taken relatively quickly, which you may think a blessing…. And then we come to one relative, who if you looked up the word brave or courageous her face would be next to it, my aunty julia.. Who in the last 18 months has been more brave than a fighting soldier, and i know she will always be. This has been a very long journey for all of us as a family, and we will face the future as a family, strong + supporting each other wherever this journey is taking us, it will take us hand in hand together x x x

    • I’m lucky that there is such closeness and such wonderful support- with even the chance of a hug. We will be there for her giving her strength as long as she wants to go on fighting. Sending you Hugs Sweetie and thanks too. xxxx

  6. I’m praying for you both. As one other commenter mentioned, I wonder if you may choose to have hospice at home. My mother and my niece both did, and those nurses were wonderful. I so wanted to hear better news, and I know you haven’t given up hope. My cousin, who lost her husband to colon cancer two years ago at age 43 gave me this piece of advice when my own husband’s cancer returned this past fall: Focus on the emotional needs of your spouse more than the medical stuff. She regrets not being there more for him emotionally in those last precious months, weeks, and days. I know you are doing all you can for her in all ways, just know that being there emotionally for her is the greatest gift you can give her. No matter what the outcome. Praying for a miracle for all our loved ones, but especially so for yours and mine!

    • obsidianpoet

      So sorry to hear about this. Hospice can be done at home at least where I live in KY. I think you just need to ask. Praying for you.

    • Thanks so much Jolyse. Yes, I’ll be there for Ju emotionally as will our daughter and wonderful nieces and our nephew. The nursing staff can focus on the medical needs. It sounds like you’ve had quite a time of it yourself. Sending you Hugs. xx

  7. Dont know if you got my other message, but I’ll send it again. All my very best to your wife and you and here’s to things coming out well in the end.Best, Sarah Mallery ASMSG

  8. David, I am so sorry. I’ve been there. Done that. I’ve heard the doctor say what I knew was coming, but always prayed would not. It’s a hard moment to face. My prayers continue that you both will have the strength and grace you’ll need for the days ahead. With long term illness we do grieve in increments, yet in our premature grieving, we must never forget to enjoy each day, each hour, and each moment to its fullest. Enjoy the now with Julia.

    • Dear Rosie you’re quite right. This is grieving in increments but there won’t be a day I won’t enjoy having Ju at my side, except when her hand’s on my wallet of course. I thank you for all your kindness and send you Hugs. xxxx

  9. I would have much preferred an inappropriate joke about wind than that news. Hopefully the stay in the hospice will be able to make her feel more comfortable, and in turn give her more strength once she is home.
    I’m thinking of you both, hugs to you.

  10. David, I’ll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.


  11. (((((((((D&J)))))))))))))
    A long hug to you both.

  12. I hope and pray Julia can stay at home. Every small joy counts. Massive hugs to you both.

  13. Oh, David… what to say in a moment like this? As others, I’m also praying for you all, and wishing with all my heart I could do something more practical but I simply can’t…

    Love Ju, be with her, and never waste any moment, that’s all.
    The amount of hugs I’m sending to you and your whole family right now can’t be measured by ‘many’.

    • Dearest Renata, there’s nothing more practical to me than being there when I need to let off steam or just moan and whinge. Unless of course anyone is a renowned oncologist who says there is a cure. My friends have been a huge comfort to us both but I freely confess mainly to me as I don’t want to spoil Ju and let her think it’s there all the time. If I wrote the blog and no-one came I’d find some release but when people like you come and show you care I’ve been able to show a happy smiling face to Ju even when I haven’t felt that way. You all offer practical help every day.
      I’ll be with Ju as much as I can but I hope she’ll be out the middle of next week with the proper pain relief fixed. She can show me what the cooker looks like then and where al my clean clothes are.
      I’m sending you some Welsh Hugs and thank you for the wonderful ones you sent.

  14. Dear Gl,
    I’ve been sitting here trying to think of the best thing to say and then I realized.. there just isn’t. So instead I will say what you already know…You and Ju have touched my heart ❤ I love you both.
    tremendous hugs,
    Spidey xoxoxoxoxoxo

  15. My friend…I think of you and Ju often with much fondness. Please know I am sending pleasant thoughts and wishes to both of you always.

    Aaron Brinker aka DadBlunders

  16. A very moving blog, and like everyone else I wish you and Julia all the best at such an awful time

  17. So sorry to hear of your trouble.

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