That Was the Week that Was

Normally I’d post on a Wednesday to let you know how the horse riding has gone, and how the smile goes from horse to Ju to me. This week hasn’t been like that.

On Tuesday night Ju started to feel some breakthrough pain. She’d taken her normal tablets  and then her emergency ones without getting any ease. By 11.00pm she was really hurting. There was no choice but to call the out of hours service and get the Marie Curie Nurses. Because of the stupidity of our system they had quite a distance to cover from another Shire and arrived at 12.15am. By 12.20 am she’d had an injection of morphine and I hoped she’d sleep. The nurses left about 1.00am and as Ju seemed to be resting I went to bed. By 2.00 am she was in obvious distress again and was now being sick as well,  so it was back on to the service. Ju hates being sick and is quite prepared to stop fighting when that happens. The first team were out on another job so they’d send our local team out. Local? So why send those from far away first time round? We had a phone call back saying they’d leave as soon as the’d spoken to a doctor about the dosage Ju was allowed. I was able to tell them the dosage and frequency so they set off.

By 2.30 am the second dose of morphine had been administered but we were worried about the sickness. The Marie Curie Nurses said they asked the doctor about that too and he was coming. He arrived and gave her an injection of something to get rid of the nausea. He was obviously a little annoyed he couldn’t get round the bed easily because of Ju’s crafting stuff and suggested I might like to clear it. I bit my tongue and said I’d see when someone could do it. I didn’t think gone 3.00 am was a good time to start and he did’t need access there and then.I was probably a little tired. Anyhoo, by 4.00am they’d all gone so I made myself a coffee and sat watching Ju for a while while she slept.

I decided to get my head down about 5.00 am. I managed to fall asleep until 7.50 am when it was time to get up and see to the girls. I gave them a chocolate drop each and then feeling very guilty walked round apologising that ‘Mummy’ wouldn’t be getting them out to play today. I’m sure there were some glares thrown at me so I passed them all a Shreddie with a little milk on. Time to turn the fish on, I’ll rephrase that in case you think I’m wearing my fishnet stockings, time to turn the lights on the fish tank. Then it’s my meds and a coffee. I took a cup of tea through to Ju and she was awake but sore and tired. Time to phone and cancel riding for today. She’s been invited on one on Sunday again so I reckon it’s too early to cancel that. Wednesday her normal meds seemed to hold her but she stayed in bed for the day holding court with one visitor after another and gossiping with Yvonne who’d come to look after her precious Mum.

Thursday. Ju seemed to have no overnight problems and we both got some rest. I took her tea through and suggested she might like to get up for a while so I could change her bedding. She sat in the lounge talking to the girls but didn’t take them out again. I was in and out answering emails or nipping to the shops for a paper and some lunch. It was late morning I saw her pick up the phone and she rand the doctors to ask for a visit. I was puzzled as she hadn’t complained, but she said the pain was back. He came but persuaded her to stick to the tablets for the day and if things hadn’t improved by 5.00pm to phone him again. That was kind, and she didn’t need to. She struggled a bit overnight but no nurses were called out.

Friday. For some reason I was up answering emails at 4.30 am today. I didn’t go through to the lounge until 8.00pm and was shocked to see at least 4 inches of snow on the ground. Where the heck did tht come from? A rhetorical question honestly. And it was still snowing. I gave the girls a chocolate drop or maybe gave one girl 4 chocolate drops since I couldn’t actually look them in the eye so guilty did I feel. Ju and I normally shop early on a Friday so they don’t get their playtime but they’ve missed so much this week. I took a cuppa through and Ju wasn’t looking well. I had my meds, got a coffee and cancelled the Sunday ride. Her MacMillan Nurse arrived and gave her a morphine injection with an anti nausea one. Fair play she did balance it out, one in each arm. Then she left for a while. I went to the shops for my Euro Lottery ticket which is going to make me filthy rich tonight- no, dammit, I can afford soap. There was no way I could do my shopping with the snow and with Ju ill. The paper says 36 hours of this weather with maybe 12″ of snow. Oh Joy !

Ju had some toast for lunch and another cup of tea, that’s all I could get her to try. Then the district nurses arrived. There are always two so I’m sure one comes to hold the handbags. In all honesty they’re great. They brought a driver to attach to Ju so she gets a continuous feed of morphine to kill the pain. Most of the afternoon it seems to have been working but I know when they come to change it tomorrow Ju or I will have to tell them the pain had broken through by this evening. So, currently I haven’t been shopping so haven’t been able to get to the bank. Even If I had cash there’s nothing to buy round here for dinner. We’ll be sharing the rat’s food for the weekend unless a friend can take me shopping tomorrow or I can find a taxi willing to take me to a cash machine first. Of course once I tell them I’ve won 80m on the lottery they’ll be keen to help won’t they? I’m hoping against hope that Ju will at least be able to get out of bed tomorrow even if she can’t go out.( and do my shopping for me). Maybe she can allow the girls half an hour out of their cage. But most of all I want her free of this pain and fighting again beside me.I HATE this Cancer.


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38 responses to “That Was the Week that Was

  1. I hate it right along with you. I am so sorry that you and your family (and all those other families) have to go through this. I would tell you to stay strong, but it certainly seems that you are, and more importantly, you appear to still have your sense of humor. Wishing you all the best. Hugs.

    • Thanks Kimberly. I must sound very selfish talking of a personal war but I do feel sorry for all who have cancer and all who have to see what it does. This particular one is so underfunded despite some big names having been claimed by it. I send Hugs xxxx

  2. Sending prayers for a restful weekend for all of you. I hate cancer as well. It touches so many people’s lives. Hugs, David and Ju.

  3. So sorry. My thoughts are with all of you.

  4. I understand about the stress you are going through. The breakthrough pain is horrible. We were with Mum and her battle with cancer; one can never regret being there to do whatever little thing is needed.
    Saying another prayer for you both.

  5. You’re not alone David. We’re all here for you, even if our help is just a few digital hugs. But your real world friends are there for you as well. Please don’t be stoic. You can’t go through a weekend eating Shreddies!
    -massive hugs-

  6. Oh David, I HATE it too! It’s such a horrible thing, because you can’t simply kick its ass, punch it in the face and keep holding it under your boots until it suffocates… No, the damn cancer can’t be spanked…
    But our prayers are with you and your family, and I really hope Ju feels better now, and that someone go and buy you some food!


    • I never want to say I gave up trying and let Cancer win as I lost both parents and a sister to Cancer. But you’re right Renata, it can’t be spanked , not unless there’s some form of treatment and for this there isn’t. I’ll go buy food this morning and find treats to cheer her up.
      Sending Huge Hugs to you. xxxx

  7. Me too, Lord David, me too. xxx

  8. Catherine Johnson

    Youare coping amazingly well, David. I do hope you are soon inundated with roast eef and yorksire pudding or something. You poor dear having to worry about food as well as Ju. *hugs* Praying for you both

    • I’m playing the martyr this weekend and getting lamb to roast as it’s Ju’s favourite. I hate the smell of mint sauce.But I might manage some yorkies.
      Great big Hugs Catherine.xxxx

  9. I wish peace and comfort for you and Julia. Why do doctors count dosage at a time like this? Her comfort is the only consideration. She is lucky to have you by her side. I wish I could help. I wish I could at least go shopping for you. Or something.

    • Many thanks Virginia. You do help believe me by listening to me and responding. I’d let you do the shopping if you promised me dark chocolate biscuits, but I’d better go and choose treats for tomorrow’s visitors so they don’t eat the biscuits I’m hiding. Big Hugs to you xxxx

      • Spouse picked out these weird cookies we never bought before. Kind of expensive. I said, “Just this once.” Tiny dark chocolate dipped shortbread with sugar sprinkles. Shall think of you with each bite.

      • Erm, will you be thinking of me with each bite I take or each bite you take? If me, when do they arrive? If you, that’s sadistic and you have to pay me a box of cookies. xx Hugs xx

  10. A roast leg of lamb sounds very yum. Hope Ju is tempted and feels up to it. Thinking of you both and sending lots of positive energy your way ❤

  11. Sorry… don’t know how I managed to press the wrong button. Was saying it’s awfully sad but, of course, the most important thing is that Ju’s sufferring is minimised and that you look after yourself. xxx

  12. Thinking of you both. I hope the pain eases so Ju can enjoy riding again soon. I like the fact you give the girls a moistened shreddie. A massive meal for them 🙂

    • Thanks so much Pete. I don’t think Ju will ride again now. I don’t think I have her for much longer.
      As for the girls, two of them eat 2 Shreddies and two of them eat 3. If it was shredded wheat I’d be running away from home.
      Hope the new book is coming along well.

  13. I hear you, David – my prayers for you and Ju – that she would keep fighting!
    On Wednesday, my Tom and I learned that our longtime friend, Nancy, has cancer, has refused treatment, and has gone into a hospice home, the same hospice home where Tom’s brother lived. Yesterday, another longtime friend and I visited Nancy there. Nancy looked thin, and I felt frightened, but the moment I heard her voice I felt better: she is still Nancy. We had a good talk, and my other friend fed her her breakfast.
    Love to you both,

    • Thanks so much Maria, it’s brave to refuse treatment but very often it’s only palliative care anyway. I hope she doesn’t suffer at all. Ju was taken to hospital this afternoon until Monday when she transfers to the hospice if she’s still with us in body then. I don’t want to lose her but I don’t want her to suffer more either. Sending Hugs xxxx

  14. There comes the moment when the need to see someone you love at peace outweighs the need to have them with you. I am so sorry this has come so soon. I am still rooting for her to hold on to August and see a new life come into the world. But you will have story after story to tell him, and through that she will live again. At the end, I don’t know if strong transdermal patches and scopolamine patches are helpful but they did help me with my reconstruction surgery. Thinking of you…Lori Pinkley

    • I think you’re right Lori. My need to see Ju pain free and at peace outweighs my need for her here. It’s just so difficult to say goodbye o my wife, my best friend and my rock. She’s pretty pain free now on this driver she has and at least the staff can continue to increase dosages where needed. Tomoorw I’ll spend the night at the hospice so I can be with her and if that’s her time to let go I shall say goodbye with a kiss and a hug and hope to see her again soon.We’ll be sorry she didn’t have the strength to make August but stories of his grandma will surround the new arrival. xx Huge Hugs xx

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