Post Marital One-Sided Discussions.

Today I was transported back in time to the days when the first bloom of marriage has just worn off and the protagonists  partners, are just trying to assert themselves a bit to show they haven’t lost themselves totally. I remember going through it with Julia so well and in fairness I would have warned my son-in-law if I’d remembered that it’s a waste of time because men never win, but I forgot. Or at least I forgot for a while and then thought I might as well just shut up and enjoy the match.

Yvonne and Ugo have just moved to a new house. It’s larger than the last one and in need of a lot of decoration. Knowing how Yvonne decorated the last one before she and Ugo became a couple reminded me that she’s very good, except maybe when it”s not her property. I add that only to remind her that when she moved in with Julia and myself ‘for a few weeks’ some years ago, the visit ended up being for two years and meant the bedroom needed redecoration. OK, I admit she was a lot younger, but even so, you needed sunglasses to walk in there and she’s only done the parts she could reach. When she vacated we were left with a room that had day-glo crimson walls coupled with dark brown skirting boards and an off white border at the top which she hadn’t reached. It was a case of fait accomplis one day when I returned from work and my gaping mouth was quickly covered by Ju.

Notwithstanding that, her last house was elegant and very tasteful. I expect the same of this one though the signs were worrying. Not for me obviously as I don’t have to live with it. Bear in mind also that this new place has lounge, dining room, kitchen and 3 bedrooms, one of which ( the smallest) is to become Ugo’s study. It seems there were discussions last week about wallpaper for the lounge , Ugo listed the choices he liked and Yvonne bought the one she wanted which was not on his list. The soft furnishing will now be bought to match.  Today was the turn of their bedroom. A new bed arrived last week, I’m afraid that choice may have been somewhat limited by budget as I was buying it as a housewarming gift.  Yvonne made the final decision as to style and colour though. Today was shopping for a new quilt since Ugo is allergic to duck and down and needed a hypoallergenic one. Easy-peasy since no colour is involved. But with a new quilt comes pillows and bedding.


Walking round the shop looking at bedding was a treat. Ugo’s eyes and hands alighted on some which he raised with great hope asking ” How about this one”. Yvonne without actually shaking her head and tutting managed to convey that feeling nonetheless. Each one was put back until she found the ideal one is a shade of turquoise though she named it Teal. Ugo was ready to appeal to me and to L’il Mike who was at my side grinning. We both shrugged our shoulders in a ‘Don’t involve us’ kind of way and we watched him physically deflate. A momentary attempt at ” I’m not too sure about it” got him nowhere as she explained that it would match the proposed colour scheme exactly. He considered his next words carefully before swallowing them again. Sensible lad. We left the shop with the bedding and with a throw in a lime green shade also.

There’s work to be done on the room Ugo wanted as a study which it turned out wasn’t going to happen since that is the nursery. Since the baby to come is a boy Ugo was I’m sure contemplating a blue room with football wallpaper.  It’s amazing how good he’s getting at hiding his disappointment. We also paid a visit to an old factory that houses a furniture warehouse. I knew what would happen there and tried to distract Ugo with talk of the man who used to play professional football for Poland who works there. ( Zbigniew you’re a gentleman and I appreciate your help in the past with putting things together). It didn’t last for long as he watched Yvonne check out the wardrobes and chests of drawers for the bedrooms, along with tables and chairs for the dining-room and a display cabinet for the lounge. For all the help we actually were, Mike and I might have well gone for coffee. Ugo could have joined us. Yvonne had perfectly valid reasons for rejecting his choices and for wanting wood rather than a laminate but he was starting to look despondent.  Having been through a similar day or two with Ju I could have advised him, Mike also could have put in a word to the wise but we were both having too much fun to do so. We both saw the moment when he lost his tether and ask in a desperate voice if he was to have any say in how the house was done. We had to bite our tongues when she answered ” But of course dear, you can do your study.” The dear was said with such resignation that it spoke volumes, As if I’d trust a man to do this, and/or why don’t you go and look at a football magazine or something.”

I dare say Ugo will learn eventually that a man’s opinion as to decor is only sought as a sop to their pride since women know our limitations. Julia knew mine and I was a quick study in those days. A fair division of labour, she chose, I applied.


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33 responses to “Post Marital One-Sided Discussions.

  1. 😀 I’m still laughing. Poor Ugo. Oh we’ll, he’ll learn. So will Yvonne once she is outnumbered by males. Soon enough, and if Ugo plays his cards right, it will be Ugo and son spreading their toys through the house with Yvonne wondering where all the Lego came from.

    • I’ve never known a woman who can be outnumbered by males yet. As for the lego, she wonders that already.
      Huge Hugs xxxx

      • I’m amused that you got so much enjoyment from poor Ugo’s discomfort. I am sure there will be a day when you and Ugo are accompanying Grandson Number 1 and his bride on a shopping trip and he is appealing to Ugo for help that will never come… 😀

      • I’m sure it will happen. But as L’il Mike and I had to learn that women win in the end, so must Ugo learn and so must my grandson. We enjoyed Ugo’s discomfort so much because we recognised the futile attempt at fight we’d tried ourselves. The sooner he learns men have no design skills the better. For years I thought I was different because Ju let me pick wallpaper and things, it was only much later I realised I only chose what I’d been led to in the first place. Females. your talents are endless.
        Huge Hugs Metan. xxxx

  2. If my husband brings home one more beige towel. . .

    • You mean you don’t take them back and swap them so he wonders where they are? Ju had me convinced for years I thought I’d bought beige but they were actually dark brown in the daylight.
      Sending Big Hugs. xxxx

  3. Yes, there is a Swedish saying, “The youngest child is the King of the house!” Soon a new KING was come and Yvonne will soon learn what parents everywhere learn. Remember how Yvonne redecorated her room? One day her soon will do the same (boy or not!) and she, like all good parents, will realize the child is the boss!

    • If the new child is as smart as his mother, he’ll let them think they’re still in charge for a long time. It took me years to realise that ‘But Daddy I need” had become a reality every time.Heaven forbid they ever buy him tins of paint and leave him at home for the day.
      Big Hugs xxxx

  4. So true – it’s my 20th Anniversary very soon and I’ve managed to get some of my stuff down from the loft… I did it bit by bit and only when the dear wife was either out heavily asleep or in a very good mood!

    • Congratulations Johnny on both the anniversary and on getting things down from the loft. I found so many things in the garage that had made their way there unknown to me, but so far haven’t braved the loft. I’m still scared it’s full of Christmas Trees. When I do, it’s guaranteed I’ll find so much there’ll no longer be room for it.

  5. -giggles- I don’t remember ever having such problems with my ex. Perhaps he just had very good taste – exactly like mine. Then again he had control of the finances so I guess it balanced out in the end.

    • Erm, I controlled the finances I thought but it still doesn’t seem to have made a difference. I wanted o buy some new bedding and I had to ask Yvonne what colour I should get. My training is now ingrained. lol

  6. Kind of like with clothes huh? We all know we dress our men better than they do! In our minds anyway. Go Ugo!

    • Only in your minds? It’s funny how often I’ve read your thoughts then. Actually, to be fair Julia let me get away with murder with my waistcoats but probably only because it was seen as a mild eccentricity. Blast, that’s just taken the fun out of wearing them.
      Hugs to you Mary J. xxxx

  7. Aww poor Ugo I at least let my other half pretend he has a say – I decide on two schemes I like then let him choose which one – that way I get what I want and he thinks he has got what he wants

    • That’s the way I think I was trained too. No doubt Yvonne will adopt that method eventually when the buying is more relaxed. She probably thinks if he doesn’t bring him to heel at the moment he might try and surprise her…………. explaining how wrong he is could be difficult. After all these years I wouldn’t dare try and decorate without a woman’s touch.
      Hugs to you Paula. xxxx

  8. The G.O. and I sort out our boundaries this way: me house; him shed. We take suggestions but the final say goes that way. I suggest Ugo uses whatever influence he has, and gets a shed. Even the study is inside, so it comes under Yvonne’s jurisdiction. Oh, and Ugo lost it at laminate… it was never going to happen.

    • Well, there is a shed at the new house so he may well be glad to have charge of it. I’d say you and the G.O. have probably accepted the way it is and your training methods obviously work. Accepting suggestions sounds a very fair way even though I’m aware they’re only usually a sop. It makes us feel good though.
      Now, I wonder what colour to paint the bedroom.
      xx Hugs xx

      • I have an uncle who sidelines as a house painter, and has the most wonderful eye for colour. He rules their interior decor. Luckily because my aunt’s taste is very ordinary… nearly every gift I have from her is orange 😉

      • Well at least Orange is a very positive colour. Warmth without the danger of red. I only hope it suits your colouring. I used to buy yellow shirts and then never see them again once they’d gone for washing. Eventually Ju explained they made me look awful as I have a sallow complexion. If I didn’t move people would think I’d died.
        Don’t tell me your Aunt has the shed !
        xx Hugs xx

      • … My aunt has lawn bowls… keeps her out of the house, and my uncles’s shed! 🙂

  9. My husband should have been a woman. His nickname is “Mr Fluffer”. By day, computer software architect, but get him out of the office and voila! He is a designer extroadinaire and very artistic. He leads, I follow. Thank God we have similar tastes. We have decorated 3 houses, and I am ready for a rest. But no rest for the weary. My daugheter wants her room re-decorated, and the in-progress “re-do” makes my eyes water. He let her lead. She is 11 and chose purple, silver and dark teal. Oh God my aching eyes. I asked him how he could stand it, and he said: “It’s not my room. Since she lives in it, we will let her choose.” But….if we sell, I will have to re-paint this nightmare of a room. One wall is a shimmering silver….and it gets worse from there. So I can sympathize with Ugo!

  10. Ah Lorene, a female child, not yet developed into the design star and ruler of her kingdom she will one day make. You poor souls. Just like Yvonne in younger days with her magenta walls, ouch, so difficult to repaint.
    There are men like your husband who show flair and good taste but few women like you to give them that freedom. I envy him the freedom I would never have been allowed.
    On the other hand I’m a shopper. My daughter preferred shopping with me to shopping with her mother who couldn’t stand the pace. I’m rare, but such things do happen once every 5 generations. Of course if women had known I’d probably have been retrained from birth.
    Save your sympathy for Ugo, he must learn his place is the scheme of things. He hasn’t shown the flair your husband has. Liking laminates over real wood puts him outside the pale where furnishing is concerned.
    xx Huge Hugs xxxx

  11. Catherine Johnson

    How funny! I painted a lot of rooms last year so now I feel very confident with a brush but we’ve been lucky to move so much we didn’t get around to decorating 🙂

    • Even if you hadn’t been wielding the brush Catherine, as a woman it would have been your taste that came first in all issues. No argument brooked.We men have to learn to accept our limitations.
      xxxx Hugs xxxx

  12. I’m still smiling at this post.
    When we downsized and moved from a big house to one less than half the size, my husband swears “his” spaces kept disappearing in bits and pieces.
    He’s an easygoing problem solver and very generous, so he rented a storage unit for all his off-roading and 4-wheeling gear, and VOILA! he suddenly had much more room! Go figure.

    • Thanks Marilyn. You’ve obviously been a very good teacher if your husband can make decisions on his own about creating space. Julia used to complain about my clutter filling the house ( probably why it disappeared every Christmas) yet after she died and we started to move things from her colllections ( horse figurines etc) my daughter laughed at how many bags and boxes we filled. It seems I hadn’t been taught the difference between clutter and collectibles at that point. Your training has obviously been better. Perhaps you could write a book on Husband Training for all new wives out there, or is it done by instinct?
      xx Hugs xx

  13. Hope all is well with you David… missing your posts this week! xxx

  14. Poor guy. Doesn’t he realize yet that he doesn’t know what he really wants?

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