The Missing Doughnut and Bye Bye Birdie.

Long, long ago in the Dark Ages three hopeful spirits set out on a Pilgrimage. They were not seeking the elusive Holy Grail, but a much more mundane prize, The Perfect Summer’s Day.

Two adults ( though in on case that’s a matter of opinion) and one child travelled from their lonely village home of Llysfaen ( Cliss fine or if your tongue has straightened out from last time, Thliss fine) (Please send a crossed cheque made payable to me for these lessons I’m providing) to the shores of the great sea that floated in front of the Promenade at Llandudno. The sun beat down mercilessly, or to put it another way, the temperature actually achieved double figures. The child (Yvonne) like all the other children of this magical place grew hungry and thirsty. The adults who protected her ( let us call them David and Julia) saw that there was a place of abundance close by and went hunting.

David returned with a feast which was called Doughnut while Julia returned with drink from the sacred spring of St. Pepsi.  Yvonne started to sate her thirst and lifted the Doughnut to her mouth. At this moment the sky darkened. Time seemed to freeze momentarily and they knew a monster approached.!! Seconds later, even before they had time to hide beneath a bench the monster struck and Yvonne’s hand was empty. The Doughnut was gone !! Yvonne’s face crumpled as had her hand moments before. David ran to the place of hunting and quickly acquired a replacement. He placed it gently in Yvonne’s hand and her face lit up again bringing the sun back out. The hand grew round the Doughnut to encompass it and keep it from sight and tentatively she moved it towards her mouth. Success, she managed a bite. As her smile grew all three heard a beating sound like that of the little drummer boy rat, tat, tatting on his instrument. ( get your minds out of the gutter please).

All at one there appeared at Yvonne’s feet dozens of pigeons. She cooed with pleasure, they cooed back. Before the adults could warn her she started to sprinkle crumbs from the Doughnut in their path. The crumbs disappeared as if by magic, but the pigeons didn’t. They decided her knees would make good perches and moments later the adults had lost sight of their precious daughter as in her place sat a pigeon tree. David, being a wimp, was about to panic when Julia took action. “SHOO” she cried and with a huge whoosh the birds took flight. Yvonne was in some disarray since the pigeons obviously thought her hair was straw ( since they don’t eat gold and have no idea what blonde is). But in her hand she was clutching with determination half the Doughnut. She took a tentative bite when the sky darkened for a second time and down came the monster. This time it didn’t attack but landed close to Yvonne and started to stalk her. All the time it’s beady eye on her hand, all the time her eye on it’s huge maw. It was a test. The adults dare not interfere as these two forces of nature prepared to do battle. All of a sudden, Yvonne brought her hand up to her mouth and took a bite but before the monster could attack she threw the remaining piece down and said ” Awww, poor seagull, here you are.”

They say no kindness goes unpunished but that day the two adults were surprised to see it could happen. Yvonne was safe. She drank her libation from the sacred spring of St. Pepsi, gave a polite burp, and they moved on to other delights. A Punch and Judy show on the pier, a very short and uncomfortable donkey ride and even a bit of shopping though no Kinky Boots were bought. They lunched in another scared Sacred grove which came to be called The Cocoa House where they found fish with delightfully deep fried objects called chips. The adults partook of Sacred drugs called caffeines. And they grew tired.

As the day wore on David noticed Yvonne beginning to flag. ” Let’s go home” he suggested.  They headed towards their chariot which had been parked on the street of shops close to a feeding station. Julia took to the reins. They had noticed some of the seagulls ‘mooching’ about on the pavement near the chariot as people threw crumbs to them. Some landed in the road and as Julia pulled the chariot away from the kerb one of the braver seagulls made a dive for a large crumb. There was a crunch like breaking a stick of seaside rock and the two adults looked at each other and then at Yvonne. David got out to check and sure enough there was one monster less in the skies. Getting back into the chariot he said ” Whew, that’s lucky. the wheels went either side of it and missed.” Yvonne smiled again and said ” I wonder if that’s the one I fed?”



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28 responses to “The Missing Doughnut and Bye Bye Birdie.

  1. Brilliant – I’ve had that happen – I think it was in Cornwall on my honeymoon and I’ve had ducks chase me too!!!

    • I think we could have lived with Ducks Johnny since they don’t usually pinch food though I’ve never known them chase someone, that’s usually geese. I lost a sandwich to a cheeky deer at Lyme Park one time.but it was nothing compared to the attack of Hitchcock’s Birds that day. Your case must have made a memorable honeymoon for you and a great subject to write about.

  2. Maybe it was karma… the first seagull Yvonne fed involuntarily… at least it had a last meal…

    • Yes Karma. Payment for theft earlier in the day. It would be funny to think of it being the same one getting it’s come uppance. I don’t think Ju meant to be Judge, Jury and executioner though.
      Sending you Hugs Ella. xxxx

      • More like theseagull was a greedy bugger who didn’t watch where it was going. Darwin’s rule of survival of the fittest, not the fattest 😉

      • Ha Ha, spot on. It just wasn’t fit enough or fast enough. I’ve watched them there and they concentrate on eating rather than moving. They hear the sound of traffic all the time and don’t move, it’s food, food, food all the time. The road is paved with feathers in the season and the guest houses have nets sticking out from the rooflines to prevent them landing early and waking all the guests.
        xxx Hugs xxx

  3. Dear David,
    GOD has Blessed you in sharing with many, many people around the globe with such beautiful and touching stories of your Characters (David, Julia & Yvonne) of their travels and experiences of daily life. You CAN (and SHOULD) write a book, it will be well received by millions of your fans around the globe.

    Best Regards,
    Michael Phelps
    Miami Shores, Florida (the little colony across the pond)

    • Dear Michael, as always it’s lovely to hear from you in The little Colony across the pond. You’re very kind to suggest my posts are worth reading and also to bring up the subject of a book. It would be nice to think that thousands of fans. never mind millions would enjoy reading my work. So far the three books I’ve already written have had a good reception by more like tens of fans. If you feel you’d enjoy the challenge of reading them they’re all available on Kindle or of course in paperback form on Amazon, Barnes & Noble etc. Perhaps I can make it a duty of Colonists to read them d’you think? LOL. There are links to Books 1, 2 and 3 on the home page here. Their titles are……
      My Barsetshire Diary
      The Queen’s Envoy
      More Barsetshire Diary
      If you’re interested in the blogs about Oscar that some thought should also be in a book you’ll find them archived at . So far I haven’t managed to pull myself together enough to contemplate continuing with the fourth book I had planned but I’ll try and keep my hand in with the blogs.
      My very Best Wishes to you.

  4. I second Michael’s suggestion, David. Give yourself time, but soon, perhaps, you’ll be ready to write another fun compilation of your anecdotes.

    Do you remember seeing the seagull pictures from our time in San Carlos? Greedy things!

    • They’re the same the world over aren’t they Normandie. Huge appetites and unable to resist flocking wherever there’s food. Yes, the San Carlos ones were big I seem to remember.One day maybe I’ll try to finish the fourth book in Ju’s honour because I know she was the first person to laugh at my stories. Judging by the sales, possibly the last too.
      Hoping you’re both well, I send Huge Hugs. xxxx

  5. Catherine Johnson

    That reminds me when a huge flock of seagulls flew up from the beach and scared a little Hannah half to death so funny! You are the best storyteller ever :0)

  6. Aww, poor little, stupid little critter. We once had a mourning dove walk (yes, walk) under our tires and flatten like a pancake. Oddest thing I’d ever seen.

    • Oh Dear. that must have been odd. Sometimes seagulls seem to be defiant and I think it proved to be the undoing of this particular one.Poor Ju felt so guilty about it but I jut know they won’t touch our doughnuts again.
      Massive Hugs to you. xxxx

  7. That was marvelous to read, David. It reminded me of that scene on Finding Nemo! 😀 Here we only have the pigeons to fear, no seagulls. I bet it was a magical day to Yvonne.

    • To be honest Renata it was a magical day for all except the seagull. Yvonne was a happy child and lucky for us she didn’t mind being with us instead of friends sometimes. Just being out together and having the simple pleasures of each others company and candy floss stuck in my hair made the day special. Thank you for saying you enjoyed it, I get my pleasure this way but I can’t see what my readers seem to.
      I send you Hugs Galore. xxxxxxxx

  8. You haven’t lost your touch. 🙂 Having once been besieged inside the car while a flock of seagulls tried to peck their way in via the windscreen, I’m not all that sympathetic towards them. I’m sure they must have been the ones to inspire Hitchcock!

    • Thanks so much Andrea. Everyone is just so kind today with comments. I sympathise with you if you’ve had a flock around you, it can be quite scary. Once they start more seem to join them just as with Hitchcock who really proved himself a master of fear with The Birds.
      Huge Hugs to you as always xxxxxxxx.

  9. Hee hee, now you have reminded me of the time we were on a family holiday. My sister and I were quite small and we were all by a river feeding the ducks and, if I remember correctly, geese. The two of us secretly put a delicious morsel in the belt of my nan’s jacket so they would sneak up behind her and give her a nip on the backside! Ahhhh, my pop taught us well… 😀
    (Of course we didn’t go on to squash any of the critters though.)

    • Tut ,Tut, Tut, Metan. I hope your conscience is pricking you now, not just for what you did to your Nan but for what’s going to happen to Nans across the globe once this has been read. I’d start wearing a false moustache and a wig if I were you.
      Sending you Huge Hugs.

  10. Thought I was reading the making of a horror novel with all those pigeons and one bold seagull surrounding one little girl. So happy, that instead, it turned out to be a very joyous occasion. As usual, a very pleasant read from you, David. Hugs.

    • Thank you Mary J. I’m bowled over today by some of the kind comments I’m getting. It was definitely not a day of horror ( except for one seagull). Yvonne wasn’t scared and me, well I’m fearless if you don’t count spiders.
      Massive Hugs to you. xxxx

  11. A lovely little tale for a summer day!

    • Thank you Candy. The sun is out here for the third day on the trot. It lifts one’s spirits so that unhappy posts are forgotten and instead it’s memories of similar days that surface. ( We only get a summer once every 10 years so make the most of it).
      Hugs galore. xxxx

  12. You set the tone beautifully. I thought I was reading a fairy tale. Some of the descriptions “sacred spring of St Pepsi” were priceless. You made a simple day into a great read.

    • Thanks so much. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth carrying on and then someone like you comes along and gives me a boost. Thank you for your excellent post today which helped me enormously.
      xxx Hugs to you xxx.

      • It was too creepy not to share….although that sounds a little weird…..I certainly will never move anywhere near there. Hugs to you too David!

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