A Mode of Transport

I stood outside a garage for an hour this afternoon. Not because I was hoping to be picked up by a female kerb crawler, after all she’d have to let the guide dog drive, but because my ‘brotherfriend’ was waiting to pick up his car which was being repaired. Since I was having no joy with the ladies, not even the sympathy vote, it gave me time to think about just how often I’ve done this with Michael. Believe me he’s been through a lot of cars since I’ve known him, and even before that he had one of the first Model T’s from Ford’s line. Factory fresh and brand new it was apparently.

Excuse me a moment while I just barricade my door. ” Pardon Michael, sorry bro I can’t hear you too well, and something seems to have happened to the door. Now now, temper, temper, you know what the specialist said.”

His cars have never been new, except to him. and they’ve always been bargains in his eyes. Yet a relatively short time later he appears in something else as his car is in the garage. This time he has a Renault Megane cabriolet 1.9 dci which may well be Greek for They saw him Coming. When he arrived on Friday I saw the look of fear on his face that told me it may be something serious this time, we’ve all seen the look where the pound signs roll in the eyes like the handle of a penny machine has been depressed,  and that’s quite an appropriate word. You can hear the sound of mechanics hands rubbing together in glee, so fast it almost ignites the oil deposited under their nails. He’d heard a sound when driving up that came from the rear underside of the car and it sounded expensive. The car had gone in on Friday and he was told to check on it’s health this afternoon. He’d been given a loaner because the garage he’s using at the moment is owned by someone he considers a friend and a straight up front fella to paraphrase his words. This chap is very knowledgeable with car electrics and is the man to call if you have a problem in this area.

The car he’d been loaned is a Renault Twingo and just in case anyone is interested I know nothing about cars but made copious notes. However, if Renault are interested in a sponsorship deal, the Twingo is an excellent vehicle with plenty of leg room for the slightly longer person even when they use crutches. We used thiss most excellent vehicle to go and buy some urgent supplies for my daughter and new born grandson ( Come on, what kind of Pops would I be if I couldn’t brag when I could? ). We’d had to travel over the border into that country where carrier bags are still free in shops, ( but yah boo sucks, we don’t pay prescription charges on my side!), but we’d managed to deliver said supplies, received tears of gratitude, get hugs, coffee and then a ten minute argument with my daughter when she transferred the money into my bank account. *** Note to pensioner parents, be careful never to let anyone have your bank account details, this goes doubly if you’re related to them. *** Note to self, she thinks she’s won does she? HA!

We recrossed the border at the checkpoint and were eyed with suspicion by guards on both sides. I assured them we were not smuggling Titterton’s Pork Pies ( I haven’t given up hope of one of their executives reading this blog) but were on a humanitarian mission to fill Michael’s stomach, at times it grumbles more than he does. We were close to a Frankie and Benny’s ( will I ever make a living name dropping like this) so stopped for an all day breakfast. A very healthy diabetic option of course with bacon, sausage, egg, French fries, tomato, beans and mushroom, just look at all that veg. After mopping the residue from the front of my shirt we made tracks for the garage. The first thing I noticed as we arrived was a Suzuki Cappucini 675cc 1994 reg roller skate. It’s been so long since I heard mention of his second car that I almost forgot he had one. Yes, it was another of his ‘new’ cars he’d wanted because it was rare, sporty, soft top ( to match him) and only broke down on alternate weeks.This one has spent much of it’s life with him in this home from convalescent home with various ills. For the sake of my health I decide not to mention it.

In the hour I waited outside the garage Michael explained how he’d managed o swing the deal of the century in paying much less for this car than it’s worth- as a very expensive ornament- when behold it was fixed. We returned the Twingo with some apprehension and set off for home in the now repaired Renault. We didn’t get very far before I proved just how extensive my knowledge of cars is. ” Stop!!! Car thingy ! Look that has to be big enough for Yvonne, Ugo and the baby, a family! ( no-one can doubt my deductive powers after this).


Car thingy aka Nissan Almeira.

      If it gets them out of that Fordy thing it has to be good. “The Almeira you mean” said a smug little voice, ” yes. it would be good since it’s in the garage quite a lot.” It was at this point I bit my tongue and almost choked when I swallowed it. Mind you If I’d opened my mouth just then to say what I was thinking I’d have choked for sure and Michael’s children would have been smuggling files in cakes. Anyway, Michael asked about it. Y reg model I think, one owner from new, 75,000 miles on the clock, 11 months MOT, 6 months tax ( thanks to his silver tongue) and just £850 with about £200 part exchange for his Mondeo. Bearing in mind I know naff all about cars, don’t care to and don’t drive I was so excited now I was almost salivating at this point and desperate to get it for them. Only the voice of reason held me back as I thought maybe they should agree to this first. Michael test drove it to check the handling which was fine and I texted her. It was all Michael could do to stop me rushing in and paying on my card and he suggested we go home and wait for an answer. I take back everything I ever said about him, I can see where the red haze descends and takes over now. At that point I’d have bought a bald tyre.

I’m still waiting for an answer- A reasonable, non-swearing at Daddy type answer for preference. After all, I’m just trying to look after my baby. xx


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20 responses to “A Mode of Transport

  1. You had me at the very mention of pork pies. Oh how I love them! Have you ever had a hot one with mushy peas? Very Yorkshire that is. I’m so busy thinking about them that I almost forgot your post is in fact not about pies but cars. I seem to remember there was an advert for Nissans a while back that had a natty jingle ‘You can with a Nissan’ – I’m not sure quite what it was supposed to mean? Maybe, you can break down in a Nissan? or you can eat pork pies in a Nissan? The mind boggles. Good luck with the car search David. Lottie XXXXX 😀

    • Hi Lottie, sorry about making you salivate. Hot pies aren’t restricted to Yorkshire as many a Lancashire lad has enjoyed them. Michael just pointed out to may it was the staple fare at Man Utd games at Old Trafford. I’m sure Nissan’s advert must have been referring to pies but I’ve not been able to verify so far if the claim is true. Maybe the kids will have the car and I can do a test chomp for you. I’ll call it a scientific study.
      xxx Sending you Massive Hugs xxx

  2. I’ve heard of a Model T and a Renault Megan but after that car-wise you lost me. I do know a good pork pie when I eat one. I’ve had the same car since 2001 and the thought of ever parting with it makes me cry. The red mist does descend in other areas… I’ve never met a handbag I didn’t want to take home but sometimes discretion is the better part of valor. You can with a Nissan? Of course, be a lovely Dad, and Pops to be thinking of such things 🙂

    • For some reason he woke at 1 am and decided to read the blog.He came through to give me a headache for my cheek.Does your car have an affectionate name Ella? 12 years is a long time to own a car these days.
      One of my nieces has a similar problem with handbags while the other had to have a special cupboard built for the shoes that cry out to her as she passes.What a terrible affliction you all have with this acute hearing that catches “Take me home” when you go near shops.
      I’ll make the effort to be a good Dad and Pops because it cuts down on nagging that way.
      xxx Massive Hugs xxx

      • Mostly I leave the shoes/hand bags in the shops so they can go to someone else’s good home 🙂
        My care doesn’t have a name… I am the exception to my family’s rule on that account 🙂

  3. @ Ella and David. Good cars deserve a name and my 1988 Toyota Corolla is called Jimmy. And before you ask, all my cars have had male names. Driving a Betty would just feel weird!

    I hope you get a big thank you David, but be prepared for a ‘thank you but’. Young marrieds can be horribly independent. 😀

    • How can anyone give their car a male name? That’s like hanging a sign round your neck saying ‘Here be Madness.’ Cars are always female because of the classy chassis.
      Yes, I expect stroppy from the young marrieds but when I sulk, you can stand on my bottom lip and that’s always proved killer for getting my own way before. I have no idea why it didn’t work yesterday though, surely my daughter can’t see through me?
      xxx Hugs Galore xxx

  4. Wow. I knew you were a shopaholic but this takes the cake! Where on earth are you going to get a carrier bag big enough to take it home?

    • Har de Har Metan, I wasn’t going to take it home was I. I wanted it to be gift wrapped and delivered. I’m not silly, it would have meant I couldn’t carry anything else and there were still shops to visit. xxx Hugs Galore xxx

  5. I understand that red mist where cars are concerned…. but after all I am a HUGE motorsport fan, having travelled to Australia on more than one occasion for the opening round of the F1 season!

    Like your commenter “acflory”, all my cars are christened with a male name to match the more macho chassis! 😉

    • Mike usually drives like he’s practising for the opening rounds which may be why he spends so much time in the waiting rooms of garages like an expectant father waiting to see if the C section has brought him a new baby.Perhaps it would be better if he stopped buying old babies to start with.
      Oh Dear, you and poor ACFlory are obviously suffering from the same malady.I keep telling her to go to Specsavers but she won’t listen. xx Hugs xxx

  6. David, it took me so long to comment, I bet you already have an answer by now. And I hope it’s a yes, because it seems like a lovely car. -Note that I know as much as you about cars… and always remember what Sheldon Cooper taught us: we don’t drive because we are part of a superior species, ‘homo novus’ if you will…!! 🙂

    • Well, the answer I got was a resounding NO. They wouldn’t let me help them with money and were also worried because their current car is younger than the one I proposed getting. My reasoning that it was a bigger vehicle and a more reliable make held no water with them. I have a very stubborn family. Paying my nephew for painting my walls was hell yesterday despite the fact he’s had to travel to get here two days on the trot. I managed in the end but oh what a struggle. xxx Massive Hugs xxx

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