Daily Archives: August 31, 2013

Phone calls from the Throne.

It’s no secret that I’m a bit of a technophobe. I freely confess that it’s not because I dislike technology but because I don’t understand it and it moves a little too fast for me. It’s been some years since I answered a telephone. I’m a craven coward when I hear them ring and it’s all I can do to get myself to listen to messages left afterwards, at least where people have the courtesy to leave messages.  Of course 90% of all calls these days are to ask whether your bank owes you money for mis-sold PPI’s and who wants to listen to those. But I do have a mobile phone for emergencies. Almost everyone I know would text me with information or maybe warn me that they’re about to ring. I would usually text back straight away.

Today my brotherfriend Mike had visited with a lady friend and another compadre had come along for the ride. Shopping had been dealt with but Mike was in need of a new laptop and compadre needed a new desktop computer. I had the perfect shop in mind and so trotted them off. Nice lady friend Rose stood in the background while Mike explained to the salesman who wanted what. Compadre first got a superb little desktop box with blah-de-blah and yawn on it which ensures smooth and fast running for the next century but only comes with 12 months warranty. It has Windows 8 on it and when Mike explains the current machine runs Windows XP, I see a slight grin which says “Good luck with this then” creep across the salesman’s face. Mike then asked to see a laptop which was displayed in the show case. It came out and  Mike’s eyes glowed and his ears pricked up as the salesman ( let’s call him Pete for the sake of the story and well, mainly because it was his name) mentiond 8 gig of DDR3RAM (???) AND 1 Terrabyte of hard drive  ( This is Tower of Babel stuff folks, foreign languages and worse). The one thing I heard Mike asking was ” Is it wi-fi?” I mean even I laughed at that one, do they make anything that isn’t these days?  After an answer in the affirmative we had two happy little bunnies. All that was left was payment and Rose and I now wandered off to view the gift section.

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We decided the hard work deserved a reward. It was Rose’s and my hard work I mean, pretending to be interested for so long and managing to stay awake. So, it was off to the coffee shop. Mike has a slight tummy problem so hopped, skipped and jumped as far ahead of us as he could. Compadre has a less problematic tummy but a bladder the size of a pea so he limped on behind Mike to form an orderly queue.They both laughed knowing they’d beat me. I already know what they  both prefer to drink but at this time of the day it was coffee or nothing. Rose secured us a table outside  just away from the blasts of Siberian wind that kept lurking round the corner and I went in to order the drinks and hand over today’s sweets.

PAUSE FOR ADVERTISEMENT. Ceri was on duty and asked about my beautiful grandson so of course  I had to give her all the details and promise a visit in the near future.There is a page for photographs of my beautiful grandson on this site.

As Ceri and I were talking I heard music. No, it wasn’t just her dulcet tones doing things to my spine, it was in fact my pocket. Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve rose ( No not Rose) in volume until I twigged someone was ringing my mobile. Panicking I dragged it from my pocket just as thee damned thing stopped but I could see who’d been ringing me. MIKE !! “Heck Ceri, I’m sorry about this, but I’ve got your loo on the phone” I half whispered to her as we herd a thumping sound and some muffled voices.  Compadre came through to the counter and as if to prove he’s hard of hearing bellowed out ” He’s run out of toilet paper.” There was a chance that the next street might not have heard so he repeated it. The young man from the tills grabbed my tray and led me away blushing to where Rose sat outside. Mike followed a minute later. “Do you know what that cheeky beggar Ceri asked” he said, “whether I’d had to jiggle it under the hand drier. I told her yes and I burnt the end of it.” he laughed. Compadre joined us moments later and we had our drinks. The heat from my face kept mine warm.  Compadre in the impossible hope of embarrassing Mike made loud mention of his predicament to the town and it’s environs without success.

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We went for lunch. That affair passed off quietly since everyone was hungry.

We went home and Compadre decided to head off to set up the new Desk Top model in his own lounge and see if he could figure out how to transfer files from the old to the new. My eyes glazed over and I wished him goodbye and good luck. With an apology I headed for my room to check emails since the numbers have a nasty habit of creeping up when you’re not looking. Damn them, they had, From zero before the shopping expedition to 63. I was given leave by my guests to plough in while Rose decided we were boring (true) and she needed a nap and Mike decided he may as well configure the laptop and check it out. I thought I’d get a nice uninterrupted session and polish off the mail but I hadn’t accounted for ‘The New Toy’. Mike came to lie on the floor outside my room so he could get the code or whatever off the back of my thingy box. He input it but had no joy at all. Various messages popped up to say he wasn’t connected and my ears had to share all the details. It was a good 3 days down the line ( OK, I’m told it was nearer an hour) of being bombarded with information about ethernet cables before a growl suddenly informed me the problem was solved, or rather the reason for the problem was solved. This was not a laptop after all but a notebook and it seems notebooks are not wi-fi. This was of course a pain in the posterior ( and we’ve had enough of those today)  as he’s specifically asked about wi-fi. So back in the box the gadget went and off again he trotted to the shop.

I’d just finished the emails and was working on Mike’s family tree which should have been fairly short considering the classification I’ve mentally given to him today, when the front door opened and in he walked again with another box. With an ‘I know what’s coming’ sigh I stopped typing and tried to put my most concentrated ‘I’m totally focused on you’ face on. Out of the box it came and with a delighted chuckle he proceeded to tell me what a deal he’d made to get a swap and just what this new one did. All I could focus on was the colour  A striking blue case, blah, blah, blah “But it’s BLUE Michael, I want one.”. He managed to get on the net without a hitch and we left him tapping on the keys with a manic smile on his face totally oblivious to our presence except for the occasional “Look at this” and ” Oooh, it’s fast.” Rose and I went out for dinner and dancing and he never noticed. They say small things please small minds but I still want one. The new toy has been returned to it’s box in preparation for his return home tomorrow and his lady friend returned t him unscathed. I’m just waiting till it’s late enough and dark enough to replace the hated technology with a couple of bricks so he won’t know it’s missing. Progress, ya gotta love it !

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