Phone calls from the Throne.

It’s no secret that I’m a bit of a technophobe. I freely confess that it’s not because I dislike technology but because I don’t understand it and it moves a little too fast for me. It’s been some years since I answered a telephone. I’m a craven coward when I hear them ring and it’s all I can do to get myself to listen to messages left afterwards, at least where people have the courtesy to leave messages.  Of course 90% of all calls these days are to ask whether your bank owes you money for mis-sold PPI’s and who wants to listen to those. But I do have a mobile phone for emergencies. Almost everyone I know would text me with information or maybe warn me that they’re about to ring. I would usually text back straight away.

Today my brotherfriend Mike had visited with a lady friend and another compadre had come along for the ride. Shopping had been dealt with but Mike was in need of a new laptop and compadre needed a new desktop computer. I had the perfect shop in mind and so trotted them off. Nice lady friend Rose stood in the background while Mike explained to the salesman who wanted what. Compadre first got a superb little desktop box with blah-de-blah and yawn on it which ensures smooth and fast running for the next century but only comes with 12 months warranty. It has Windows 8 on it and when Mike explains the current machine runs Windows XP, I see a slight grin which says “Good luck with this then” creep across the salesman’s face. Mike then asked to see a laptop which was displayed in the show case. It came out and  Mike’s eyes glowed and his ears pricked up as the salesman ( let’s call him Pete for the sake of the story and well, mainly because it was his name) mentiond 8 gig of DDR3RAM (???) AND 1 Terrabyte of hard drive  ( This is Tower of Babel stuff folks, foreign languages and worse). The one thing I heard Mike asking was ” Is it wi-fi?” I mean even I laughed at that one, do they make anything that isn’t these days?  After an answer in the affirmative we had two happy little bunnies. All that was left was payment and Rose and I now wandered off to view the gift section.







We decided the hard work deserved a reward. It was Rose’s and my hard work I mean, pretending to be interested for so long and managing to stay awake. So, it was off to the coffee shop. Mike has a slight tummy problem so hopped, skipped and jumped as far ahead of us as he could. Compadre has a less problematic tummy but a bladder the size of a pea so he limped on behind Mike to form an orderly queue.They both laughed knowing they’d beat me. I already know what they  both prefer to drink but at this time of the day it was coffee or nothing. Rose secured us a table outside  just away from the blasts of Siberian wind that kept lurking round the corner and I went in to order the drinks and hand over today’s sweets.

PAUSE FOR ADVERTISEMENT. Ceri was on duty and asked about my beautiful grandson so of course  I had to give her all the details and promise a visit in the near future.There is a page for photographs of my beautiful grandson on this site.

As Ceri and I were talking I heard music. No, it wasn’t just her dulcet tones doing things to my spine, it was in fact my pocket. Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve rose ( No not Rose) in volume until I twigged someone was ringing my mobile. Panicking I dragged it from my pocket just as thee damned thing stopped but I could see who’d been ringing me. MIKE !! “Heck Ceri, I’m sorry about this, but I’ve got your loo on the phone” I half whispered to her as we herd a thumping sound and some muffled voices.  Compadre came through to the counter and as if to prove he’s hard of hearing bellowed out ” He’s run out of toilet paper.” There was a chance that the next street might not have heard so he repeated it. The young man from the tills grabbed my tray and led me away blushing to where Rose sat outside. Mike followed a minute later. “Do you know what that cheeky beggar Ceri asked” he said, “whether I’d had to jiggle it under the hand drier. I told her yes and I burnt the end of it.” he laughed. Compadre joined us moments later and we had our drinks. The heat from my face kept mine warm.  Compadre in the impossible hope of embarrassing Mike made loud mention of his predicament to the town and it’s environs without success.










We went for lunch. That affair passed off quietly since everyone was hungry.

We went home and Compadre decided to head off to set up the new Desk Top model in his own lounge and see if he could figure out how to transfer files from the old to the new. My eyes glazed over and I wished him goodbye and good luck. With an apology I headed for my room to check emails since the numbers have a nasty habit of creeping up when you’re not looking. Damn them, they had, From zero before the shopping expedition to 63. I was given leave by my guests to plough in while Rose decided we were boring (true) and she needed a nap and Mike decided he may as well configure the laptop and check it out. I thought I’d get a nice uninterrupted session and polish off the mail but I hadn’t accounted for ‘The New Toy’. Mike came to lie on the floor outside my room so he could get the code or whatever off the back of my thingy box. He input it but had no joy at all. Various messages popped up to say he wasn’t connected and my ears had to share all the details. It was a good 3 days down the line ( OK, I’m told it was nearer an hour) of being bombarded with information about ethernet cables before a growl suddenly informed me the problem was solved, or rather the reason for the problem was solved. This was not a laptop after all but a notebook and it seems notebooks are not wi-fi. This was of course a pain in the posterior ( and we’ve had enough of those today)  as he’s specifically asked about wi-fi. So back in the box the gadget went and off again he trotted to the shop.

I’d just finished the emails and was working on Mike’s family tree which should have been fairly short considering the classification I’ve mentally given to him today, when the front door opened and in he walked again with another box. With an ‘I know what’s coming’ sigh I stopped typing and tried to put my most concentrated ‘I’m totally focused on you’ face on. Out of the box it came and with a delighted chuckle he proceeded to tell me what a deal he’d made to get a swap and just what this new one did. All I could focus on was the colour  A striking blue case, blah, blah, blah “But it’s BLUE Michael, I want one.”. He managed to get on the net without a hitch and we left him tapping on the keys with a manic smile on his face totally oblivious to our presence except for the occasional “Look at this” and ” Oooh, it’s fast.” Rose and I went out for dinner and dancing and he never noticed. They say small things please small minds but I still want one. The new toy has been returned to it’s box in preparation for his return home tomorrow and his lady friend returned t him unscathed. I’m just waiting till it’s late enough and dark enough to replace the hated technology with a couple of bricks so he won’t know it’s missing. Progress, ya gotta love it !


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28 responses to “Phone calls from the Throne.

  1. Mike

    box now hidden… nanananana xxx

  2. Well, that’s some story. See, I told you the new computer was fun. And, by the way. I love your ringtone, which means I love Bittersweet Symphony. Now I need to go play it. Nice choice. Who picked it out for you? 🙂 M’bad.

    • Believe it or not Mary J it was my own choice and I even managed to download it to the phone myself though I admit it was more luck than judgement.
      I do need a new computer but since my bro tells me the box is now hidden it doesn’t look like I’ve got one this weekend ! xxx Huge Hugs xxx

  3. -grin- Would you like an explanation of some of those techie terms? No, I thought not. Mwahahaha!

    Ahem. So basically you had a fun and now want a blue computer of your own? …

    C’mon! Someone had to say it. 😀 Besides, I’ve just polished off two assignments that have been hanging over my head and I feel /good/.

    • So the assignments are done, that’s great. Doesn’t necessarily mean you have time to make fun of me now though. I can’t help it if techie terms go straight over my head, and do you think I really want this laptop just because it’s blue? It is a beautiful deep, metallic blue hat makes the cover just glow and did I mention jt how nice it looks? Ahem, it’s fast as well, he said so.
      xxx Massive Hugs xx

  4. yellehughes


  5. Whaddoyou mean Men! ? We had a woman with us too.It’s bound to have been her fault whatever it was.
    xxx Hugs Galore Yelle xxx

  6. Lol! Amusing and witty as ever. And what do you mean, Windows 8? Don’t you know that the rest of us have already migrated to Windows 13 and are doing everything in a cloud?

    • By the time I get round to understanding what the rest of you are doing I’ll likely be playing a harp while sitting on a cloud , unless of course I earned a slightly warmer reception.Heaven only knows what I’ll do when I get something new as it’s taken me 3 years at least to get to grips with Vista.
      xxx Hugs Galore Niamh xxx

  7. ha ha ha… what a beauty. Thanks!!! 😀

  8. The energetic properties of blue suggest this is a good choice for you even if you didn’t realise it “energy of the color blue – it allows us to look beyond and increase our perspective outward. It contains a cool vibration that is helpful to communication.”
    “Put some blue in your life when you want:
    calm and relaxation to counteract chaos or agitation
    to open the flow of communication
    to broaden your perspective in learning new information
    solitude and peace”.

    I checked in on Reuben’s page… he’s a sweetie.

    I hate new computers but I recently brought home a Toshiba Ultrabook that runs Windows 7 and 8, and although it isn’t blue, my language was, but it was worth every swear word expended setting it up. I love it. I was fond of and familiar with my old Toshiba laptop and Windows XP but there are times when adopting new technology is a good thing – I wish you luck.

    • Hi Sweet Ella, the blue around me is usually my language these days and isn’t great at counteracting chaos or agitation. I think I’d better start wearing more blue hadn’t I. In truth, Michael says he has to wind me up sometimes just to see if I’m alive as I get so chilled out.I’m quite passive except when I’m talking to my computer which I do frequently if it starts going slow.
      I’m lucky that both compadre and Michael have gone to their respective homes with their new computers so I don’t have to hear their frustrations. I think they both ended up with ACER’s and both Windows 8. Since I do want a new desktop ( I find them much better than laptops for me) I’ve probably got all these frutrations to come.

      Thank you, Reuben is a sweetie.I’m currently taking bets on him. One person says with those fingers he’s bound to be a concert pianist. I say a surgeon.

      I’m glad you’re happy with your Toshiba Ultrabook. I’m guessing that’s a notebook of some kind?? so you probably have a good memory and speed. When my time eventually comes, it’s speed I’ll be looking for and the ability to keep my favourites just under my task bar for one click access. If they go I’m lost.
      xxx Huge Hugs to you xxx

  9. Funny story, David, and a bit embarrassing. Now I’m off to check out those pics of your beautiful grandson! (((hugs)))

    • From now on my phone is turned off when I go in there and I shall be wearing a full face balaclava.
      I’m grovelling for more pictures but I won’t see them at all this week.
      xxx Huge Hugs Jolyse xxx

  10. I switched from Windows to a Mac and haven’t looked back. What a dream. For a month I was a student, but worth every minute. It really is boring shopping with anyone, I find. I know what I want and I don’t need to have a bunch of conferences to make a decision. Bless the Internet…I can do my homework in peace and quiet.

    In other words, David, my heart goes out to you, patient man!

  11. I quite enjoy shopping with others as I like shopping but I know what I want and conferences don’t change that…..unless it’s with an expert in the shop.I’d be scared to change to a Mac. Not because they’re much more expensive but because I’d never be sure I could have the programmes I want. At the moment though I’m tearing my hair out at the lack of speed and the number of times ‘Not Responding’ comes up against things.
    I’m not sure I could really be called patient but I love the idea of it.
    xxx Huge Hugs to you xxx

  12. I totally understand it David. My laptop is red, and even though it had almost everything I needed in a machine, I must confess that the search was over when I saw the color! 🙂

    Now clicking on the link… it’s baby photos time! 😀

    • Ha Ha, I’m not really like that Renata. The colour doesn’t really bother me as much as the specs of the machine. When/If I buy a new computer it will probably be a desk top and be in the usual boring grey colour. xxx Huge Hugs to you both xxx

  13. Ha ha! You are just a Bower Bird! Ours collect blue things too. I had a tiny blue ceramic pig who lived in the garden for ages before he was spotted by them. Every few days he was moved along the garden and left on the lawn at the point where he clearly outweighted their abilities to transport him and I would return him to his spot. Then we made the mistake of going on holiday and I never saw him again. 😦
    Of course I am sure you will actually pay for any blue computer that might take your fancy, rather than you slowly working the box over to the exit in the course of a few days then sneaking off to the car with it… 😀

    • Very enterprising birds you have there. Now, if only my beak could just peck through the security chain. hmm, 5 yards x 20 ft per minute on crutches = a long prison sentence. Of course not, I wouldn’t dream of it.
      xxx Huge Hugs. Lovely to see you again. xxx

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