Monthly Archives: November 2013

Welcome to an Interview with Rip.

This is the first time I’ve ever agreed to interview a character rather than the author that created him. It’s not something I felt especially comfortable with especially as he’s an irascible character with no seeming redeeming points. Anyway, I shall leave you to judge for yourselves                                                                                                                          David Prosser.
Welcome to an Interview with :  Rip, The Voice of Rage.
A Character in the novel  City of Guardians by Bee L. Kirk:  
A brief synopsis.
City of the Guardians: Introducing Alex Honor is a story about the human emotions that affect us everyday. Rage, Love, Compassion, and Jealousy are all emotions and feelings that we can identify with. City of the Guardians gives these emotions names, attitudes and opinions. Rip is the voice of Rage and he lets it vent on mankind as often as possible. Leere represents Love and is in Love with spreading her gift, although it’s not always wanted.
Don’t you ever wonder about those little nudges and whispers you get from time to time, the ones that say, “Don’t go there today” or “Change lanes”?
City of the Guardians: Introducing Alex Honor will show you who’s behind those whispers and nudges. This book will make you take notice to the existence of things beyond our sight. The Guardians fight to make their voice the one you listen to. Which will you choose?
City of the Guardians also touches on subjects that we want to avoid talking about sometimes, like suicide. I give the topic a voice and my idea of what it sounds like in the head of it’s potential victim.
Alex Honor is one of the main characters and finds himself in the middle of a battle that started long before he was born. He has no idea that on the morning of his accident, life as he knew it would no longer exist.
The message of this book is to enlighten, the content of this book is to cause one to pause and think about the choices they are contemplating on making before the inevitable,’shoulda, coulda, woulda’.
You might be embarrassed to admit that you’ve experienced a nudge or quiet whisper but you and I both know that you have. Rip and Stilo are waiting.
Alex Honor is involuntary thrown into the throes of an unseen world of whispers and nudges. The ones we hear telling us to slow down when we’re driving or the ones that tell us to not to go a certain place that day. He and his friends are involved in an accident that claims one the best friends.
So Rip, I’ve had the opportunity to read some of your monologue and it appears you’re not a happy chappie. Why is that?
Next question.
I understand the Guardians were united at one time. What caused the rift between you and why have some of you changed to what could be called the Dark Side?
The rift, as you call it, was caused by the decision of some to follow the one who didn’t agree with the Beginning of all things.
Explain why you rage, and what it is you rage against?
I rage against the stupidness of society. I can’t stand the fact that you humans have it so easy. You can make as many mistakes as possible, molest & kill children, lie, cheat and steal, then ask for forgiveness and all is forgiven. Then on top of this undeserved injustice, you  fail to realize how lucky you all are. If a human is miserable enough to vent their perceived injustices on one another, I am only to happy to assist them.
What do you achieve by having people commit such terrible crimes, and why if they won’t do as you ask with your malicious little suggestions would you make them commit suicide?
Man is weak, they have been since the beginning of time. They are selfish and sinful by nature. I only suggest what is already in the heart of man and woman or child. It’s my job to make your life miserable and I enjoy this because I have nothing better to do. If a person really believes me when I say killing themselves will make things better, who am I to argue with that?
If you could change One thing about the real World, what would your first choice be?
Really? Hahaha; I would remove every Bible in the World. I would make it impossible for them to gain the knowledge that the book holds. I would make it impossible to see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.
Share with the readers one little known fact about yourself.
I can be resisted.
Do you miss the companionship of the lighter Guardians and do you see a chance that you may all be united again one day? If not, what will you achieve for yourself from your actions?
No, I don’t miss the companionship and I could care less if we are ever re-united. It’s not how it works. I have chosen my side. I only exist to make your life worth not living. I achieve a sense of gratification every day. Each time a person decides their life isn’t worth fighting for. Each time an idiot decides to kill someone because they don’t agree with them, I know that people are still listening to me. I know that I’m still getting through. I’m inspired by the lack of faith that the youth has today. I love the fact that they have taken prayer out of schools. It makes my job that much easier. The ones that still pray are the ones I seek the most. But for some reason, no matter how bad it gets for them, they seem to stay the course and push me out. But I don’t give up. I’m always waiting, hoping for the opportunity to ignite the rage inside them. I know it’s there, I just have to be patient.
Are we done?
Yes Rip, I think we’re done thank you. I’m sorry you’ve had to bear with man’s stupidity this long.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
COTGCover.234211838_std
Bee L. Kirk, Author of City of Guardians
What made you decide to write this book?
When I first started writing City of the Guardians, I had know idea how it would turn out. I didn’t know there would be a character named Rip (Rage) or Stilo (Strength). I wanted to write a good story that would allow people to escape their normal lives and live through my characters and their circumstance. At some point I decided that there had to be something extraordinary about my book that would make the reader want to read it again and again. After deciding on the first traumatic action scene I thought, why not create a character that caused this action scene. I thought how cool would it be to give a voice to an emotion. And then I started thinking about all the emotions that play out in our lives like, Love (Leere), Compassion (Cadence), Jealousy (Jilt), Guilt (Gib) and sometimes Rage (Rip). By the way Rip is featured along with Stilo on the book cover. Rip is the one facing you.
Where did you find the characters?
I wrote down a list of emotions/feelings. After looking at the list I thought about how each of them made me feel. The emotion/feeling of Love made me feel free. I remembered watching a movie called ‘Jason’s Lyric’ when I was young and it was a story about love. Lyric-Leere. So, I gave the emotion of Love the name Leere. Another example I would like to give is Jilt (Jealousy), who is a female. I tried to think of the one event that would cause me to be the most jealous of something or someone. And I felt it would be if I was jilted at the alter. I would be extremely hurt and most jealous of other brides who weren’t left at the alter. Jealousy-Jilt. I could go on and on about each character but I’ll save all that(smile).
I think I did a pretty good job with Rip (Rip) because you’re one of the first bloggers to agree to interview him. I understand the hesitation, he’s not someone I would want to speak with either.
Thank you David for agreeing to interview him.
All My Best,
Bee L. Kirk
Do you have a website to share?
Any Link to the Book?
Please feel free to share an excerpt.
Chapter 14
~No Love~
‘The times repeat themselves.
One decade will resort back to the previous. The youth will revisit old fashions, politics will come back to a prodigy personality, and the violence makes a repeated appearance. It says that the generations to come will be weaker but wiser, and once again, it is coming to fulfillment. Back in the day we had to really try to convince a child to go into a school and kill everyone.
Today’s times are totally different. It doesn’t take much to convince “Little Johnny” that he should kill up a bunch of people because he had been picked on for years. Their mentality is weaker, which works in my favor. I don’t care who they shoot up, just as long a destruction is a result of their actions.
I don’t really have any favorites. I want the one who is going to listen to my voice.
I want the one who is weak enough to believe that my solution is the best choice.
Destruction, destruction, destruction, and more of it.
And if he happens to punk out and decide he can’t kill innocent people, I’ll push for the next best thing─suicide. I whisper that life would be so much easier without them. I tell them that their parents don’t care for them and they want them gone. I tell them that life on the other side will be paradise and they will forget this horrible one. I tell them life will never get better. It will only get worse and there is no other answer.
All lies, but they don’t care to hear Stilo when he tells them everything will be alright. They push him out and concentrate on what I am saying, and that’s when I turn it up. The end result is another life extinguished, another soul I don’t have to worry about in the end. Still, there’s another little unintended surprise left by the loser.
They often leave family and friends behind, so I get to plant the seed of suicide, guilt, depression, sorrow, and worry in them; not all of them though. Some of ‘em have the “faith” thing going on and resist my urges.
One thing about me you should know is that I never give up. I’ll give them a break, and when the time is right I’ll pay them another visit. Funny thing, though, is that if they could see what I see and knew what I knew, they’d never listen to me. They wouldn’t take this life for granted. They would take a breath and chill out, but I don’t care what they do as long as they keep me and my counterparts busy.
I don’t want any trouble, and when business slows down for us, I know there’s trouble coming. So me and my gang keep at it, always waiting for that weak moment or when they aren’t expecting. I like to disguise my intentions; can’t be too obvious.
An opportunity or problem has arisen now. Stilo and his self-righteous friends have a Shiner on the horizon. I hate them more than anything.
What is a Shiner, you ask?
Hmph.
It’s a mortal who has been given the ability to see us, the Guardians.
Originally we were all on the same team. But after some miscommunications, some of us decided to switch sides and have some fun. Anyway, Shiners are fresh and strong. They don’t know everything there is to know about our world, but they have the gift.
Oooh, I feel despair. Mmm, someone is contemplating the easy way out. Let me go and assist them in their last decision.
We’ll talk again. Real soon.
Oh yeah, I’m Rip.’
 
Website:http://www.beelkirk.com                                                                                                                                                                               picbypond.234210613_std
Twitter: @beelkirk
Bee L. Kirk is a thirty five year old, married, mother of two. She was born and raised in Camden, Arkansas and moved to Texas in 1996. She worked for the Dallas County Sheriff’s Department for four years as a Detention Service Officer and while there came to appreciate the fragility of the unknown. She is the host of an internet radio talk show called “The Honey Hour” on DFWiradio.com, a blogtalk radio show called ‘City of the Guardians’ and contributing writer for Best Southwest Moms Blog.
Bee always asks the guest on her show what their passion is. She feels it is important to establish and speak the thing that makes you tick. Her passion is letting people know that no matter their past mistakes, current situation, or future uncertainty, it is never too late to pursue their passion. “I am living proof that dreams come true,” is just one of her many sayings.

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Liebster Award.

I’m highly honoured that the very talented and exceptionally kind Miss Teagan Geneviene has awarded me the Liebster Award. This is like one of my favourite things, a virtual hug. I think what I’m so appreciative of is the fact that I’m lucky enough to have such a broad range of ages popping into my blog listening to me witter on.                   Below is a link to Teagan’s blog.

teagansbooks.wordpress.com

The Questions set by Teagan for her nominees to answer are,
  1. If you could go anywhere for as long as you wished, where would you go?   I think I’d stay right here thanks. Wales is where my heart lies.
  2. Have you become what you wanted to be when you grew up?  No way, I don’t think of myself as grown up yet.
  3. If you could say one sentence that the whole world would hear, what would you say? Lay down your arms, the World need peace.
  4. What is your definition of success? Having enough money to do the things I want without incurring jealousy from those around me. 

The Blogs I’d like to offer this award to.

Wildwomenwear… http://en.wordpress.com/read/blog/id/33040914/    Tales of living , working and enjoying life in the outdoors.

gendermom… http://en.wordpress.com/read/blog/id/54546913/                Sharing a very difficult journey with us.

Jane Wenham-Jones   http://en.wordpress.com/read/blog/id/36017015/  For her writing advice which come from great experience.

I shall notify each one in accordance with the rules.

My Questions for my nominees.

1. Given just one wish to use, what do you ask for?

2. Given a choice of all the exotic places in the world to live, where would you choose?

3.What is your favourite genre to read, and where do you read most?

4. You can meet one famous person from the past, who’s it to be?

Liebster Rules

Here are the Liebster Blog Award (entirely optional) rules:                                                                                                                        liebster

1. Thank your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog (that’s me).

2. Link back to the blogger who presented the award to you (that’s my site).

3. Answer the questions posted for you in my blog.

3. Copy and paste the blog award on your blog.

4. Present the Liebster Blog Award to three blogs with 200 followers or less who you feel deserve to be noticed.

5. Let them know they have been chosen by leaving a comment on their blog.

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You need Hands

Sunday. After the flooding of yesterday I knew I could get into no further trouble today if I sat quietly all morning and did e.mails and designed a few Christmas cards. The mails were mainly from you  lovely people who’d commented on the blog and in some cases left me with a large smile. There were however two other messages that piqued my interest, one to tell me I’ve won a book in a rafflecopter draw and asking me what format I’d prefer it in ( what’s a rafflecopter?) and the other one from a Nigerian business man who’s found a way to bilk the British Government in some complicated scheme to have me send them some goods and claim an allowance before they send them back and get a refund from the person we bought them off. I may have got this wrong because in all honesty the Zzzz’s were drifting in front of my face before I’d finished reading. What’s the equivalent of the chalk marks tramps and gypsies used to use to mark the pavement outside a gullible nice person’s house. I swear someone has marked my computer only it’s more like the way a dog marks it’s territory.                                                                                                                                                                                                          Yvonne, Ugo and Reuben were picking me up for lunch about eleven thirty. The morning’s rain had stopped and so I put my shoes on ready to step outside and watch for them. I don’t use the crutches just to stand by the door so I opened up, went to clasp my hands behind my back and wallop I hit something. I half turned and saw a T-light candle holder in the shape of a pair of hands sail past my side. The relief was palpable as they landed on the carpet and my sigh was accompanied by an inaudible chuckle as they bounced, hovered on the lip of the step and dropped to smash into more pieces than I had glue for. I don’t understand why the Gods hate me, I sacrificed an apple to them only ten years or so ago. I swept up dejectededly as I really loved those hands. Such character they had. The car drew up outside so I grabbed my jacket and sticks, locked up and went to lunch. Yvonne reminded me I’d suggested lunch and a visit to the Tweed Mill to see their Christmas shop.There’s no way we’d eat lunch there as it’s very overpriced for a simple cafeteria area. We ate at the Dragon’s Rest ( sorry Mike, I know it used to be ‘Our’ place) where Reuben came to life and watched every mouthful I ate giving me a terrible conscience, probably as intended. The food was great and as soon as we finished it was time to move on. The Tweed Mill was crowded. Yvonne walked round cursing me for taking her there, (like I even drive), while Ugo and Reuben walked round looking bored. After the Christmas shop Yvonne and I left Ugo to have a cuppa and a cake while she and I walked round the gift section. Being good the only thing I bought was a picture frame for them about being married to your best friend. We caught up with the boys and headed home where I gave them the clothes I’d bought yesterday, some owl wall stickers and the books that had come for Yvonne. I gave them chance to read while I held Reuben up to the mirror to be fascinated by himself. They left about 4.pm and I dealt with mail till it was time to eat then I settled down to watch the last half of one of the feelgood movies that are on around now. Back to emails because tonight I’m staying up late by watching a film that doesn’t start till 9.pm.’ The Book of Eli.’ After that it’s an hours read and then hopefully some sleep. Bet you all wish your life was this exciting.

Monday. Monday morning brings a curtain of rain first thing. I looked out of the window to see if it was snow and the predicted Arctic from had arrived, but no it was rain and everything was still pitch black. I dealt with emails fairly quickly because there were no marriage arrangements to ponder but I did check my bank account and don’t understand why the millions haven’t arrived yet. Mind you, my account was still intact too but that could have been my accidental slip in providing a completely bogus name and account number and directing them to the fraud office of the bank. I had half an hour on ebay looking at gadgets and was very impressed ( I’m a child) with the finger lights that look fantastic when you wave your hands around in the dark. The light seems to follow behind so it looks like you’re writing.                                           At about 9.0am I tried dodging raindrops as I dashed ( har de har) to the corner shop for bread. I was soaked six feet from my front door. It’s just as well I’m shrink proof. It was odd while I was  there and noticed a bottle of Lucozade.-for those who don’t know what it is, count yourselves lucky. A friend(?) and I had also discussed this in emails and I was reminded that as a small child of about 5 years, I won 6 small bottles of this drink for singing Nellie the Elephant on the pier at Hastings. I think the prize was one bottle and the other five bribery to make me stop singing the chorus. I always wonder if the people have ever returned to Hastings since then. Another memory that slips into replace that is of the ‘penny machines’ where you’d flip a lever and propel a steel ball towards a set of metal chutes above. If it went inthe right hole you could win a cigarette, Woodbines or Players I think. How times change. On similar machines ( for those in the UK- anyone else STOP READING) you could also win a packet of Spangles. If you’re about my age you may remember them. The Old English with a peculiar brown one that tasted of cough medicine, or the fantastic Acid Drop ones that I still yearn for today. Where was I? Oh yes, Hastings Pier. Believe it or not but I had a fine singing voice when young, it’s the Welsh blood. I was selected to sing in the choir at St.George’s Church in Stockport when I was about eleven but we moved away soon after and I’m assured there was no connection. I remember having a tape a  friend and I made when I was in my early twenties where we sang Beatle’s songs to backing music. I’m quite sure Yvonne never believed it was me.                                   More Christmas parcels arrived during the day and I’m getting quite smug now.                                                                                                                                                                                            Doing emails this evening I came across one that had a music video of Men Without Hats- Safety Dance. That set me on a music of the 80’s evening while I finished my comments. So, just to copy the idea,I leave you with one of my favourites ( of Oh so many) of that era. Enjoy !                                                                                                                             http://youtu.be/OvMoRVrqx_I

Tuesday. I’m not sure if it was even worth going to bed last night as I was awake at 3.50 am. I’d woken up gasping for breath as in the dream I’d last had I’d just finished making a strange kind of surf n’ turf meal with a moules marinieres sauce which I’d then tasted knowing how allergic I am to seafood. I’d hate to have my dreams translated as I also remember last night a sequence where for some strange reason I found myself designing and making a ladies nightie with a matching housecoat. It was in some kind of black lace and quite sheer. If anyone in Prudes United ever hears about it, I’ll be drummed out. The rain was lashing down outside doing a continuous drum roll on the roof. This is on of those times to regret being in a bungalow as you don’t have an upper storey to shield you from the noise. Obviously it was pitch black outside still so abandoning custom I made an early coffee and settled with my mail. No proposals, no cons today ( at least so far) though all the world want to sell me insurance and an inordinate number of businesses are now following me on Pinterest.                                                                                                                                                           COMMERCIAL BREAK- For any of you authors interested in getting your books on any of my Pinterest boards, check here   http://www.pinterest.com/lorddavid/   and let me know what board you want. If a particular Nationality like New Zealand writers for example isn’t there for you it can always be created.                                                           The rain has ceased by the time it was getting light at 7.30 so Yvonne and I agreed to meet at  Broughton Park for a day’s shopping. ( She’s a terrible influence on me). We met by Tesco’s at 9.30 and headed straight for the escalator  up to the cafe. I parked Reuben by my table while Yvonne went to the counter to order. He was happily asleep. Yvonne told me he’d had a nine hour night and instead of getting some rest she’d stayed awake worrying  about him not screaming at feed time.I hope as Reuben starts to get into a sleeping habit, she will too. Coffee over we mooched round the clothes section but amazingly bought nothing.Then back down the escalator ( no, not the same one) to the Christmas gift , decorations and food sections where we – by which I mean I- was well controlled again.  Outside into the very nippy air I managed a cigarette before looking round British Home Stores  admiring all their house wares and their unusual Christmas gift section. They had some lovely hampers.With the lack of movement of the pram- though not a lack of movement from him, phewee, Reuben started to wake. We started a brink walk towards lunch an baby changing facilities. I hoped a burst of speed might confuse people as to where the smell was coming from but really I was more concerned they didn’t think it was me. Costa provided the light lunch and a drink we needed and the information centre where they’re based gave Yvonne the chance to change Reuben though the swap she got still looked suspiciously like him.  You can see what you think if I decide to post any pictures this week for his fan club, my exes.                                                                                                                                         Before leaving today I’d put on my patented super slimmer vest  with the reinforced, armadillo-like plating.There had been a fair amount of screaming and swearing, some of it from me. As I was walking round the shops I noticed it wasn’t doing a very good job of holding my stomach in. What  it did do however was reduce the small band of fat just above my hips. This was a problem as that was all that was between me and a degree of embarrassment if my trousers fell down. Keeping a steady walk with the crutches and attempting to raise the waistline of my trousers was an art form in dexterity I don’t want again.                                                                                                               I shan’t bore you with details of other shops we went round and a period where Reuben decided he wanted to be carried and then put in the baby sling but needless to say a few bags somehow got filled.  By the time it came to depart I had a full backpack as well as two large carrier bags trying to hinder my walking.  The Christmas shopping may be going well but it’s certainly no doddle. I was home in time to catch an old episode of the Mentalist and have a meal, snake and pygmy with mashed potatoes followed by some tinned pineapple- out of the tin for the sake of my teeth- an then into battle with the day’s messages. There were 139 but crying didn’t help so I got stuck in leaving just 6 when 8.55 pm arrived and a new episode of the current Mentalist. I relaxed and enjoyed myself with a bar of extremely nice totally diabetic friendly Cadbury’s chocolate. 10.00 pm and it was back into battle. The 6 were now 42 which kept me up till 11.30 when it’s time to relax with my book for a while. The very excellent Conn Iggulden’s Wars of the Roses. Goodnight all.

Pongy Nappy

Pongy Nappy

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Wednesday. Early morning, rain, rain and more rain. Someone loves me again and wants me to look after her inheritance since her parents died in an horrific plane crash ( easily verifiable she tells me) and they always wanted her to  marry well. She just needs to get the money out of the clutches of her wicked guardian and she’s going to need a lawyer and my bank a/c details. …….. At 9.00 am the rain stopped and I went to the post office to send a phone flip case to my niece. I think the postmaster kept his finger on the scale when he told me the postage would be more than the case cost and they’d included postage in that. I lightened my wallet considerably, wiping the tears from my eyes as I did so then I headed back home. The first message I opened on my return was from a crook. I hope my bank manager isn’t like this…………………

Assalamu alaikum,

My name is Mr. Hamzaki Mourad, I am a staff working with the Bank Of Africa here 
in Ouagadougou,Burkina Faso. I want you to help me in receiving the sum of 
Twenty Secen Million Two Hundred thousand Dollars ($27,200,000) into your Bank 
Account. This fund was deposited in the bank here by a foreign customer who died 
accidentally alongside with his entire family members many years ago. Nobody had 
asked for this fund till now.

If you are interested, you have to provide an account where the fund will be 
remitted because i am highly interested to secure this money from the Bank. 
Please you can contact me immediately to start the transfer process. Further 
details about the fund and this transaction will be given to you upon the 
receipt of your response.

Please understand that we have to hurry-up our actions because the bank 
authority here has plans to redeposit this fund into the treasury of the Central 
Government as unclaimed fund if nobody applies for this fund after the next bank 
audit which will begin here soon. I await your urgent reply.

send me the information’s
Your full names.........................
Address,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Age,,,,,,,,,,,,,
profession,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Your photo................

Mr. Hamzaki Mourad
Bank Of Africa
Ouagadougou - Burkina Faso

I’m not sure  how much twenty secen million is though. The day passed pretty much without incident except maybe at lunchtime when I had a Shepherd’s Pie ( I just hope he never catches me). I was so eager that when I bit into it I burnt my tongue and my lip. They naturallly swelled a little so when Dilwyn and Matthew arrived for their game early I had to regale them with my brave struggle against the mystery assailant before we could play a game. Naturally it’s the fault of my damaged lip that Dil started his Scrabble game with a seven letter word on a double word score and got something ridiculous like 156. I went next with a brave and challenging 12 followed by Matt who’s barely old enough to know any words who hammered me again with a 28 or something. All I’m going to say is I fought hard and lost. The second game Dil started with just 24 but even then my tongue only managed 12 and Matt a 24.  Matthew won. I called a break and made a drink. After that I pulled out the new but original game of Trivial Pursuit I’d bought on Ebay. My faulty reasoning was Matthew wouldn’t know the answers to questions set back in the 80’s and Dil would only be able to answer the ones he was interested in then. Within minutes my tongue and lip were aware I had a game on my hands and those two begg my brother and nephew had two portions of pie each. Even an afternoons’s swotting wasn’t helping ( joke). I took it up a gear and showed my age class by winning the game. Honours even.

Thursday. Horror of horrors. I opened my emails this morning and received an invitation to have a woman at my side as soon as I wanted. Young, nubile and ready to ‘swing’ into ‘action’, she didn’t offer marriage or millions of pounds. Does she think I’ll sell myself so cheaply on the alter of ‘Nookie’?( Probably). Someone recently offered to let me read The Perfumed Garden and I had to explain I’ve not graduated from the allotment yet. Anyway, after I’d sobbed my heart out at being thought such easy prey, I went out to the shop. The cash machine was empty and I was reduced to pulling the fluff out of my pockets to find enough cash to pay for my lottery ticket. I’d not been home a few minutes when MuJo arrived. I made coffees and opened my morning post that had nearly hit John on the back of his leg as it shot through the letterbox. I’ll have to tell the postwoman to ease up on those steroids. We chatted for a while or to be more accurate I listened for a while as John was very enthusiastic about some Christmas Cards I’d designed and printed for him. I can understand why his came out fine but when I tried to do mine the printer wouldn’t take the good card and on the card it would take, the ink soaked in. We went to town. I got cash from the bank machine then left  my watch at a market stall to get a new battery and headed off to lunch at Kassidy’s. Roast pork dinner today with crackling but I know Christmas is getting close as my plate was adulterated with sprouts. An abomination before me on my plate. Ugh! I made a formal complaint to the management and left hastily before he heard me. With all three of us claiming to be full to bursting we headed off to Flint. MuJo wanted to look at box freezers in case they get snowed in this year. They’ve already had their first snowfall so it’s entirely possible.We went in at least four shops that don’t sell freezers where I was able to get a few bits and bobs ( very useful things are bits and bobs) before we headed for a coffee. At least I had a coffee while those two had a chocolate indulgence which is like another meal with all the cream and marshmallows on top. John added a scone to his list. Finally we went to a shop that sells freezers via a catalogue ( Argos for my UK friends) and bought one for delivery next week. By the time we got back it was getting dark. I showed John how to adjust volume on computers and they left for home. I had twenty minutes mail before watching my Mentalist. Between 8.oo pm and 11.05 pm it’s been emails and this post. Time to read my book now I think.

OK, I'm just being needlessly cruel now.

OK, I’m just being needlessly cruel now.

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Friday. I don’t know why I woke so early this morning but I know I was never happier to see seven o’clock as by the time it arrived I was down to my last two cigarettes and they’d last me till about five past the way I was feeling today. I suppose you could call it On Edge. One email I received told me that a gift I’d ordered two weeks ago isn’t in stock despite showing as being in stock at the time of he order. Two emails later I’m informed new stock won’t be arriving until about December 12th. This is a main present and as such is very important and not easy to replace. I have no choice but to wait and see but I’m not happy at being let down at this stage.                                      The in appears my popularity has taken another nose dive as there are no marriage proposals today though I suppose it’s possible that Nigeria is currently empty of women all flying off to get married….yeah, right !  The postman called with a parcel I’ve been looking forward to, a pair of the most ludicrous slippers I’ve ever bought and believe me the competition has been tough. The joy I’ll get out of seeing the recipients face when their parcel is opened. Why, I’m even thinking of gift wrapping it to build the tension.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Half past eleven I received a text from Mike, “On way” it said. Knowing he was over two hours away, probably over three if he drives within the speed limits, I was able to have a liesurely lunch and then for pudding eat all the loose chocolate biscuits he might otherwise pinch. I feel sick now. I must have nodded a little because I just heard the front door opening and it made me sit upright. I might as well pretend to be alert now I’m in this position.                                                                                                                                We had a good afternoon’s natter till I applied his gag so I could see The Mentalist. Then I made some sandwiches for tea after which the gannet ate my last two Christmas puddings with custard. He was kind enough to come through to wash my hair then I had a shower and made coffees.( Not in the shower, I made those in the kitchen). We talk a lot Mike and I, generally throwing insults at each other but friends don’t generally come much closer than we are. After 40 years we know each other inside out. It therefore pained me to tell him I could no longer have him coming at the weekends if he keeps telling me he only eats my chocolate because he doesn’t want the loose bars to get lonely. About 11.00pm I came through to finish my mail before bed. Shopping in the morning so I’ll need to be up early.

Saturday. Early rising as predicted. I hadn’t thought it would be as early as 4.40 am but it’s not like I have a choice. I turn the computer on and walk down the hall towards the loo. It’s not an easy journey as Mr ‘I don’t snore’ was breathing heavily with accompanying noises. Every time he breather out I was pushed back the way I’d come, when he breather in I was able to make some progress. Eventually I lowered myself to the carpet where I thought I’d off er the least resistance and made it before I wet myself. I just finished my mail at 7.10 when I almost had a heart attack after hearing Mike get up without an alarm and without me using a crowbar. I made us both a coffee and while he sat in his chair looking like a mini Buddha, stomach resting on his knees, I collected the rubbish to put out for collection. When he spoke I put him back down again. Despite having managed to drag himself from his pit we were still late going out at 8.00am.                                                                                                                                Shopping didn’t take too long as my list was short today. We drove to Flint where he could have a coffee and leer at Ceri in the cafe. Daniel told me his brothers, my friends Adam and Richard are singing the anthem at the Australia-Fiji match this afternoon. I’ll miss it unfortunately but I’m looking forward to the release of their Christmas album soon. After a lovely hug and a kiss from Ceri we took the shopping home and unpacked. By now it had gone mid-day so we set off for Colwyn Bay and lunch, a visit to a specific shop and also to meet our friend. Mike and I had actually finished eating before Brian arrived so we took the chance to look round a charity shop . They’re all so dear now and far from the old days of all donated things, there’s so much new stock in them now. Brian finished and joined us we all had a wander round a little of the local market and through the shopping precinct ( Mall) until Mike went to get a sim card from the car for Brian’s phone. That done we said our goodbyes and headed our separate ways. We stopped off t look at a Christmas shop in a garden centre on the way which was a chance of a drink and I enjoyed a milk shake for a real change. It was only after we got home I remembered we hadn’t been to the shop we’d traveled to Colwyn Bay for.                                                                                                   An attack on emails, some tea and then a relax with the TV alongside the usual insult sessions filled up most of the evening. Time to finish off here now so I have time for a read. But I must just remind you first that when sending your fan mail some of you think my name is Reuben.  That’s OK. I’ll accept it under any name now as I appreciate your efforts.

Huge Hugs and I wish you all A  Great Week

Bright 3 laugh


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Losing Breakfast, Saving Lunch/ A Disadvantage of Living Alone.

It’s always a delight for me to recount my week to my friends and if all has gone well maybe raise a smile or two. Thank you for taking the time to share this with me and provide a comment of your own. I will always try to respond with a Hug for the ladies, and whatever is acceptable for the men.                                                                                       Here’s the week in view……..

Sunday. I’d been disappointed on Friday to find on going into a shop for something advertised in their brochure that I can’t read because it wasn’t due in till Monday. Knowing I couldn’t get to the shop then I managed to persuade poor Michael that a little burst of shopping this morning might just find an alternative. He fell for it hook, line and sinker and got ready by half past ten which for him is DAWN or thereabouts. There was no way I’d find what I wanted in Flint but I did manage to get my Christmas list down by another two gifts. I keep the list on my desktop so I can update it when I get home, turning red all the items I’ve actually got. It’s more red than black now. There was still a good half hour before lunches would start at The Blossoms so we went for our usual coffee at Temptations. He had his usual banter with the girls and as usual I crossed my fingers that we wouldn’t get banned. We went for lunch. As we walked in the young man ( Carl?) behind the bar saw us, said hello and asked if we wanted the usual drinks. We both thought that was great. We settled on a lamb dinner which was excellent but towards the end a large family group came in and as the group contained young children was very noisy with items of cutlery ringing on the floor with some regularity. It’s a very small dining room so we were all sitting closely and the noise and proximity got too much for me. I had to leave so telling Mike I was going for some fresh air and a cigarette (????) I paid and left. I may have to find somewhere with more space or stop eating out. Michael left soon after to go to his father’s by which time I was turning any drink I picked up into a shake.I spent most of the rest of the day staring at the TV screen.

Monday. Time to catch up on all my emails. I’m trying to decide which one of the marriage proposals to accept when it occurs to me that I may have to learn another language, throat singing or the ululation of some African tribe. Maybe I’ll stay a widower a while longer. Anyway, two out of the five psychics have said now isn’t the time for rash decisions. How they’d seen the state of my skin I don’t know. It always amazes me that the psychics write to me since they should really be able to predict my responses and save themselves some time. I confess that apart from trying to answer the ‘sarky’ comments of one of my regular correspondents who shall ‘meekly’ remain nameless, the day was pretty boring.

Tuesday. Courage ( or stupidity) gripped me this morning as I found myself at the bus stop complete with backpack containing gifts for Reuben. Stupid in as much as I decided to go for the early bus at eight-ten when the bus stop was crawling with children. Courage because I didn’t walk away. The school bus came and whisked them away leaving just three of us at the stop. I started breathing again. The bus arrived and I struggled on to find the disabled seat at the front was free. I grabbed it (before it ran away), sat down and applied my earphones to listen to music and ignore distractions. The distraction soon arrived. A young lady with pushchair got on and sat next to me. That was fine, but the baby, now in the gap in front of me obviously wanted to play. For twenty minutes I had to play visual hide and seek with a child getting shriller by the minute. At least she was a happy little bunny so I didn’t mind. She got off and distraction two arrived. The man sat next to me despite the free seats available. Was my nutter magnet working again? No, he didn’t speak but Lord how he smelled. It’s just as well I don’t eat breakfast or everyone would have known what I had. How he didn’t notice me going blue from holding my breath I don’t know and he must have heard the explosions of breath as I had to give up. I bathe every 6 months even if I don’t need it but this was a ten year man without a doubt. The bus crawled but eventually we got there and you’ve never seen a disabled person clear the hurdles as fast as I got off the bus.  Yvonne met me with Reuben in his pram and I asked to go for coffee. The nearest was a Pret a Manger which looked clean and roomy. Yvonne went to the counter while Reuben snored and I watched him. She came back and passed me  a latte. Quite a big glass so I put three sugars in. We were talking all the time as we do when I saw Yvonne take a sip if her flavoured latte. “Mm” she said “this doesn’t taste very much of what was promised.” I lifted my own mug and the smell of whatever it was hit me. “There could be a reason for that” I told her. We swapped and I added just two sugars this time in view of the sudden diet I was going on. She tasted mine and I saw the grimace. She never did finish that drink……. After some shopping ( c’mon, what else did you expect when I’m with Yvonne) we went for lunch. I took Reuben to the table as Yvonne stayed in the queue to order. Reuben woke up. A few smiles and Yvonne arrived with lunch and with water to heat his bottle. The idea was that she’d feed him while I ate then we could swap. His eyes were following my every mouthful and I swear he tried to distract me with a fake High Five so he could pinch a piece of pie. It didn’t work. I finished and took him on my knee. His grip on my beard told me his milk and my steak pie weren’t even in his eyes.

A little more shopping on the way home, obviously only because we had to pass the shops anyway. At home Yvonne made me don a Christmas hat so she could take a few photographs for my Christmas cards. I carried Reuben round the room with frequent stops at the mirror which seems to fascinate him. Ugo arrived home and after half an hour was ready to run me home. We chatted all the way then stopped at a Chippie so he could get some tea to have at my place. He mustn’t have heard me whisper “no thanks” as he got me a portion of chips for my tea too. With threats that they’d see me Sunday and take me out for a meal he left. No time for anything but mail for the rest of the evening barring one quick break for the new Mentalist episode.

Wednesday. During the course of the morning I received several parcels from different couriers and the post office. These interruptions of course spoiled all my courting of the varied age ladies who deem me proper to look after both themselves and their personal finances. I was so close to completing my bank details for them to deposit finds on several occasions but another knock on the door put paid to that. Such a shame, I could have used the money to buy a bell. Don’t for one minute think I’m ignoring my psychic’s advice not to be rash but I reckon we have time to mull over things before the marriage plans are final. I’m thinking I may have to join a religion or perhaps even start one that allows me to enjoy so many wives. The millions we’ll have will of course enable me to buy a suitable place to house this new harem and hire a doctor to keep an eye on my heart as well as one for my brain. The aforementioned parcels are of course part of my Christmas campaign which is going very well this year. Yvonne thinks I may be going a bit over the top ( “as usual” she says) but this is a good chance to spoil people.However if I carry on like this there will be no room here and I may have to invoke the Sanity Clause to get me to stop. It’s not that I spend a fortune, it’s that I like to find unusual but suitable gifts for people. For instance, I’m sure Reuben will appreciate the baby alligators instead of rubber ducks in his bath. See what I mean, I’m thoughtful.                                                                                                          Tonight was excellent. Dil and Matthew came for their weekly game and then my nephew Lee turned up too. My cup runneth over but I turned the machine off before the floor was flooded. We had two games of Scrabble which I won ( Hint…always hide a q and u up your sleeve till you see a treble word space available) and two games of Balderdash which they allowed me since I lose all the Absolute Balderdash games we play. I won those games too and was able to wave goodbye to them with a smug grin on my face. At least until I was reminded I didn’t win  thing last week with my brother taking most of the honours. I waved them off, washed the pots and came through to start my evening mail which kept me going till 11.15 pm.

Thursday. This morning I woke to pouring rain and howling wind. No, it was genuine wind outside, not the surfeit of beans type you were imagining. The horror was I had to go out in it. Not very far I grant you but ‘A’ for effort please. How am I ever going to be rich if I don’t keep up with my lottery tickets? While I was out I nipped (now that’s a term not often associated with me) to the Post Office cum Chemists. I needed to return a watch I’d bought my brother and which he brought back last night as the minute hand didn’t work. I was tempted to point out the other two did but he’s four inches taller than me and plays a nasty game of Scrabble. Anyhoo, I posted it off and on my way out saw a great bargain on a bottle and food warmer. I suppose if I can’t use it Reuben might.  As I got home I met someone in dark clothing with a hint of red and was relieved to find out it wasn’t the Salvation Army band but the postman.He was trying to bend a parcel to get it in the letterbox. I relieved him of it but couldn’t manage it either so I just carried it in. I polished the rain from my glasses to better see what it was and saw it was from Amazon. Strange, I haven’t ordered from them recently. The x-ray vision and guesswork not being up to scratch I opened it, cleverly opening up the side of my thumb in the process. Muffling the weeping and wailing I applied a plaster ( band-aid). The content was a book I had ordered from Ebay as part of a group for Yvonne. She wanted them for Christmas but I said I couldn’t give her second hand gifts for that. I shall have to hope she thinks the attempt to bend it to fit the letterbox is why it’s second hand so she’ll accept it early.

Friday. Ah, the rain has stopped. Just as well since I forgot bread yesterday. From 5.15 till  almost 10.0 am on my emails seemed to take forever. I just put my coat on to go for the bread when post dropped on the mat. Almost as much rubbish as some of my emails so it went in the bag for recycling. To be on the safe side I decided to nip to the loo before going out. You could say I was in full low when there was a knock on the door. Damn, I thought “Won’t be a minute” I shouted, having learned the hard way never to shout “Coming” gain only to find some random woman at my back watching me pee. Naturally I had an hour bladder this time and by the time I’d finished and washed my hands and opened the door, no-one was there. I got my crutches and went out. There on a neighbours doorstep stood a man knocking. Taking a chance I asked if he’d just knocked on my door thinking he might be the gas man ( No, still nothing to do with stomach upsets). It was in fact a courier and yes, he’d just been to mine but said he hadn’t heard me shout. Strange because I hadn’t mentioned I had shouted!  Some kind of delayed ESP perhaps. I took the box he had and signed for it, Rasputin seemed appropriate today. I knew what it was and just popped it back inside the house and went to gt the bread. Twenty minutes later with the help of some very blunt scissors I had my Trivial Pursuit open. YAY. Wednesday nights will be great from now on. My nephew is far too young to remember anything from the original game and I’m hoping my brother has maybe forgotten it all except sports.  I had a reasonable bing meal at lunchtime, managed to clear my mail by 5.00 pm and caught an old episode of The Mentalist. I keep getting confused as to who is with who now and why Rigsby has a baby but no wife. After that I decided to have a shower. I know it’s a month early but hey, live dangerously and believe me I know of what I speak. I suffer from Unstable Angina( which just means it can come on at anytime without exertion). One thing that triggers it is often putting my arms above my head so ballet, playing Dervish and washing my hair aren’t easy. Someone else usually washes it for me but Michael isn’t here this weekend. I’ve developed a knack for putting my head low almost between my legs ( the better to kiss my ass goodbye) to do the actual rubbing/scratching but unfortunately I also have a talent for losing my balance.You can guess the rest. Moments later I was on the outside looking in holding a very sore forehead and feeling the mat beneath me get wetter and wetter where I’d knocked the shower door open.In again, rinse, groan, and out. Hang mat over door, don dressing gown and grab chest while running for nitro. I’m better now and going trough to watch a sexy lady dissect the bodies of the poor unfortunate deceased. Purely for educational purposes of course.

Saturday. Ah well. The weekend has arrived. Up with the larks, that is if the larks like being up in the pitch black at 4.45 am. I know my lovely niece Karen will be taking me shopping this morning. I almost said escorting but that  sounds like I need supervision and surely I’m not that bad. Am I? No, of course not, chances are it’ll be me stopping her spending. Anyway, I’ve chance to do my mail since she won’t arrive until between 7.30 and 8.00. Let’s see if I’ve any marriage proposals in the meantime. Well, the easy answer is no, but I have been propositioned which is new. This girl is all for happy times and swinging. Is there a circus in town I don’t know about? I answered “No” anyway since she suggested taking my breath away and I need all I’ve got to keep breathing. A text at 7.20 tells me Karen is on her way. Picking up the bags from the kitchen and I see the floor really needs a good clean. I’ve plenty of time to run a mop over it before I go. I actually made it over half way before my genius for being a klutz kicked in and I upended the bucket trying to pull it across the floor just using the mop. I always wanted an indoor pool just not here, not now. I had just finished getting the worst of it up when Karen arrived. I’ll leave it to dry while I’m out though I don’t know whether the little lagoons under the washer/drier and the fridge will do so.On the way out I put out the bins, the big one now has the old microwave in and I hope they don’t open it to check.                                                                                  8.00am at Asda and we have to walk the length of the car park because someone forgot to put my disabled badge in my coat pocket. Tut Tut Karen. ahem. She heads for the potatoes but I call her back and say I don’t need them this week. Instead we start by selecting two bunches of flowers for Ju which Karen will arrange beautifully when we get home to avoid it looking like it was done by a blind man. Before we reach the food I need some enveloped for Christmas cards and then I see some baby clothes. Soon I have a pair of dungarees, matching tee shirt, fur lined hooded coat and a pair of tiny boots. Karen who pointed them out has nothing and stands there smirking. I look at the gents clothes but NO, I will behave. But nearby is a sale stand and Karen tells me they have nothing like it in her store. I get a double bed set for just £4  and two big cushions at £2 each. Then candles, heck where did all the space go and why is Karen laughing at me? We finally reach the food and in an effort to show I’m a single minded shopper I fling four bing meals into the trolley. Karen catches them as they threaten to slide off. I get 4 cream cakes ( just in case of visitors). two boxes of chocolates, bread, milk, coffee, pop and two tins of fruit. This is ridiculous Karen, what have you been filling the basket with, oh, just pass me two boxes of dark chocolate fingers and a pack of the chocolate gingers please. Right, ready for the till. Karen unpacks her stuff from the trolley and it doesn’t look any smaller. She places it on the conveyer belt and put a barrier up for me which I try to remove but she won’t let me. The girl is vicious. I unpack my stuff which seems to take a while. I find a skirt Karen picked and manage to hide it behind my other stuff. Finished and now nearly £100 lighter Karen goes to buy her lottery tickets while I check my receipt to see why the till doubled all the prices…it didn’t! We head off but stop on the way home for a coffee and to lighten the load by one box of chocolates.Karen had a Chocolate Indulgence and had to photograph it in case no-one believed what I’d got. I just had my latte. Two more quick shops which were ll her fault anyway as she looked for coffee creams and we went home. In four hours the floor looks a little drier and at least we don’t have to paddle now. Karen does the flowers and then after another fight heads off. Another book has come for Yvonne which I unpack.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  During the course of the day I’ve kept up to date with my emails. Had a Cumberland Pie for late lunch, fallen asleep in front of the TV and designed the second of my Christmas cards. The bins are back in and the microwave has gone. Next thing is to check the lottery and ring them to tell them where to send my winnings I promise I’ll send postcards.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             I wish you all a Wonderful Weekend and a Great Week to follow. Cwtch. xx

Are you really Santa Pops?

Are you really Santa Pops?

I'm a natural !

I’m a natural !

Bathtime Baby

Bathtime Baby

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Hot to Trot and Keep outta da Kitchen

Sunday. Sensitive and kind as I am, I let Mike lie in this aftern morning. I had lots to do with answering mail from the flurry of Nigerian women who suddenly need me to be their mentor and one particular young lady from Burkina Faso who needs me to be her protector from a wicked stepmother and uncle. Silly me, I hadn’t realised the panto season had started. As usual I’ve explained I’m far too occupied with the harem to spare the time. Just in case you’re wondering, it’s not true, the harem usually lock the door and stick a large aspirin behind it. Anyhoo, we decided ( actually it’s his fault) to go for Sunday lunch at Butterflys, a lovely little cafe by a large garden centre. It’s run by people Ju and I became great friends with and I haven’t seen them since the funeral. Since Ju always controlled me I wasn’t sure I’d be allowed in without her, but as usual I sent Mike in first to distract them while I found a table…too late then. We were very lucky as most of the tables were reserved. We were offered one outside but I couldn’t run fast enough to keep up as it was swept away in the rain. Hetty came for her usual hugs, then she let me give her one too. Irene served us and I asked about her Mum who’s giving Methuselah a run for his money. She’s well and happy. Irene is a wonderful woman from the North with a fantastic sense of humour and I adore her. On the way out, Julie the friend who does the cooking came to say goodbye. I wish I could get there more often. Mike dropped me off at home and then disappeared in the direction of Salford to see his father before heading home to Rugby. I was well occupied the rest of the afternoon with mail and TV until bedtime when there was an uncomfortable rumble in my stomach. It couldn’t possibly be he Mars bars I had for tea so logic says it’s something else.

Monday. This morning I woke early to terrible thunder. It was a case of drop the crutches and run or you’ll be running all over the crutches. And I noticed it wasn’t very nice outside either. It became a case of answer some mail and run, answer some more and run. By lunchtime there were scorch marks on the hall runner and grooves in the laminate flooring. I was poorly. One of the morning’s messages at least solved one mystery when I heard Reuben had the same problem and had started suffering before me, last Friday. He’d been taken to a meeting with the parents and children of Yvonne’s ante-natal class and was laid on the mat to be photographed with all the other babies. Oddly enough, every single one now had the same problem. I wasn’t even there that day and he’d shared it with me when I saw him Thursday. That’s taking generosity to extremes. I’m so run down I need nappies now?? In a state of cherry red glow and inner warmth I survived the day.

Tuesday. I spent the day with Yvonne and Reuben after I’d caught up with the morning post and a prediction from Mystic Mog that she could see a lot of exercise in my week. We were sitting in Central Perk, Yvonne and I having our drinks ( Yvonne had a cake) while Reuben and I looked miserable at our plight. A huge dark cloud drifted overhead so she rushed him away and changed him. I was left to make my own way very gingerly. My grandson and I are in unison and I don’t mean the Union for Office Workers either. We did a little shopping ( come on, what else did you expect) and went for another drink and another set of baby changing facilities. I may have mentioned in the past an old law in Chester that says any Welshman found inside the walls of Chester can be shot ( by bow and arrow). Until today I hadn’t realised that a law had been enacted by the drainage department that the law could be enforced during the daylight hours in an emergency. We had lunch at their home after which Yvonne got her laptop out for me to do some mail. I think she was checking the tally of marriage proposals for the week so far. They have two loos so I claimed the nearest for my own and enjoyed their company for the afternoon. Ugo ran me home after returning from work but for some reason didn’t stay long muttering something about miasma as he ran to the car. I watched the new episode of The Mentalist and found out Lisbon is not dead.

Wednesday. Only one request to receive someone’s fortune this morning. I’m not as popular as I once was, or is that was once? I pottered about during the morning then decided to have lunch despite still being full from my breakfast tranquilisers etc. I turned the TV on to watch Murder she Wrought and put my meal in the bing machine. It’s eight minutes with a shake at the half way point. I’ve never seen the point of the shake as I always lose my balance and I must look silly, but still, instructions are instructions. There was an odd smell which didn’t have the aroma of beef about it so as the adverts came on I went to have a look. The microwave looked a bit brighter than usual too. As the final bell went I opened the door and was greeted with a little bunch of flames beneath the glass plate. Oops. I took my beef out, blew and stuck my mash in for two minutes, one minute rest and two more minutes cooking. There were the flames again. Luckily they didn’t reach above the plate to my meal. I took the potatoes out and risked a minute and a half for my peas. No flames, YAY. I enjoyed my lunch but was really disappointed to find I’d already seen Jessica solve the murder a few days ago. I kept shouting who’d done it but she kept on plodding at her usual pace anyway. After lunch I checked the microwave. Under the plate there was rust which had eaten through the skin of the metal and was catching light from sparks every time the machine started. My bad! No more meals in this then. A few more jaunts to the loo during the afternoon then things started to settle before my visitors at six. Do you know they didn’t arrive till five past today. Shocking isn’t it. I mean, if you’re going to be that late, why bother at all. We had two games of Scrabble and Dil won both so I got the trivial pursuit out and the bug he won that too.If only Matthew and I could catch him cheating.

Thursday. I used the phone to pay a big bill this morning! It was great, an automated service so I din’t have to speak to anybody. It was a female voice so I told her how sexy she sounded and she hung up on me. I’d paid the bill though. MuJo arrived and I was astounded that she was wearing the things I’d got for her birthday and none of them were navy blue which she rarely diverts from. Even better, she said she loved the gifts. Just as well I remembered to check the labels as I don’t think she’d have appreciated Mike’s Manchester United shirt and tee shirt, and I know for a fact he won’t wear maroon jeggings and a hairy jumper. They took me too Lidl so I could stock up on loo rolls. A twenty four pack should see me clear to the weekend I think, though the stomach seems to have settled a bit. I’m not sure the savoury mince, peas and chips were likely to help much. I know I had the same last week but sometimes I’m adventurous and have liver. After lunch we headed for Flint to buy a new microwave and the gods were smiling on me today when I found a red one ( the colour theme in the kitchen) for  just £40 in the sale. I managed to buy a Christmas present too (MYOB Yvonne) before getting some sweets and going for a coffee or actually a cup of tea. A shame Ceri wasn’t in today or I could have mentioned the hangover she must have had after she’d been seen out over the weekend. I spent the afternoon trying to design a Christmas card for John with some success so next week I must start a production line with mine too. MuJo having left I got the new microwave out and tidied up a bit, had some tea ( fruit Andrea honestly), watched an episode of The Mentalist and then sat down to clear my mail before 8.30 pm when episode 2 of the new Big Bang Theory was on.( I missed last week’s). It was as funny as ever.

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Friday. Early start this morning as I need time to titivate, like a quick mop over the kitchen floor. It ended up quite streaky because I did it eyes closed so I didn’t see the Fe-ing pile in the basket. I decided to hit the emails next. I knew there was time as I hadn’t received the ‘On my way’ message I always get when Michael leaves home. One of the messages I got was from a friend who’d written to tell me his writing had been compared to a very well known author. Since he gave me the link I decided to have a go myself. Here’s the link for all my author friends who want to see who they compare to.      http://iwl.me/     Based on a chapter of The Queen’s Envoy it’s decided I write like Ian Fleming. On the other hand, a chapter from My Barsetshire Diary is writing like Jack London. Since someone once compared me to PG Wodehouse it seems I can’t keep to one style unless of course they were all the same person. It’s no wonder people think I’m schizophrenic all these people running around inside my head. About midday I got the text but as at best it would be two thirty before he got here ( even driving illegally which he always does) so I’d plenty of time for lunch. I’d accidentally tripped over a (small) packet of bacon in the corner shop earlier but had been able to cushion the fall with a packet of soft baps. Seeing those two battered and bruised objects sent a wave of empathy through me so I bought them and took them home to safety. They made a nice lunch. Michael finally arrived at five o’clock so I took the evening off so we could chat- in the adverts between episodes of the Mentalist and other programmes I like. I did make him a coffee though.

Saturday. I started the messages at a quarter to five this morning so I’d plenty of time to devise a standard letter. “Dear Sir/Madam, I’m so sorry you’re dying/having a hard time with your evil uncle/finding it difficult to defraud your bank/ not finding it easy to find a trustworthy man to marry. Just send me a cheque for the millions you want me to hold in your name, along with my own millions and I shall endeavour to look after it while creating a new life for myself in the sun. I will of course send you  forwarding address where you may come to collect your share as soon as my new name is finalised. Fond Regards, Roland Penhaglion. I’d just added the last few kisses when Michael’s alarm went off. We had coffee and prepared to go out. Today was a well planned joint expedition. We did my shopping first and then headed off to find him a new winter coat. I’ve never met a man harder to please. Every suggestion was met with rejection. Too long, too short, too tight, too loose, too bloody ugly, Oh sorry that’s yours. We we’re half way round the shops when on the ninth I pointed out the perfect coat.”No like” he said petulantly sticking his bottom lip out. A woman assistant came to offer help. He explained what he wanted in a soft Irish brogue. Michael’s eyes glazed over, his breath was coming in short pants but I told him we’d come for a coat and we were leaving with a coat, not short pants. The brogue brought over the jacket he ‘No Liked’ but instead of scornfully rejecting her he dutifully tried it on, bought it and threw his old one away. Next we needed a wire for a surround sound system and we were inthe third shop and my last moments of patience before I marched him to the assistant who had him done and dusted in moments. We toddled off for lunch and took some gifts I had for the owners. As we walked in one of them pointed out the newly erected Christmas tree with some little gift bags and tags from last year which were from Ju and myself. Michael hurriedly sat me down. Back at home he’s been searching the internet for a gift for himself from his father and tried to wear my ears out in the process. I almost watched a Bill Murray film in desperation.

I wish you all a wonderful week full of Love and Hugs.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Chatty Little Man

Chatty Little Man

Babi 2

Happy Little Chap

Happy Little Chap

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Welcome to an Interview with Seumas Gallacher

 
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Author of :  SAVAGE PAYBACK (also VENGEANCE WEARS BLACK and THE VIOLIN MAN’S LEGACY)
 
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A brief synopsis.

 

SAVAGE PAYBACK
A series of coordinated lethal bomb attacks on a dozen jewelry stores in London’s West End drag former SAS officer, Jack Calder and his specialist security firm, International Security Partners, into a deadly mesh of murder and international drug running.
A black ops explosives expert, an ex-colleague turned renegade mercenary with a twisted lust for revenge, emerges from the past to join forces with a powerful and dangerous drug baron from Eastern Europe.
A major cocaine trafficker from South America compounds the threats as competitive turf issues straddle international territories.
Attacks close to home heighten the urgency for Calder and his team to find and deal with each of the three sinister adversaries in a final savage payback.
 
Share your Bio
 
Seumas Gallacher was born in the cradle of the Govan shipyards in Glasgow in the so-called ‘bad old days’, which were really the greatest of days, where everybody was a true character of note.
 
An early career as a trainee banker led to a spell in London, where his pretence to be a missionary converting the English fell on deaf ears.
 
Escape to the Far East in 1980 opened up access to cultures and societies on a global scale, eventually bringing the realisation that the world is simply one large, extended village.
 
The lifelong desire to write resulted in THE VIOLIN MAN’S LEGACY, the first in a planned series. Seumas’ sequel novel, VENGEANCE WEARS BLACK was launched in early July 2012. The third, SAVAGE PAYBACK, was released in late 2013 with at least two other books to follow in the same vein. Ebook downloads on his novels exceed 70,000 to date.
 
Seumas lives in Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates.
 

What gave you the idea to write this book?
SG : It’s a continuation of the theme of three ex-SAS commando officers who form their own specialist security outfit and use their black ops skills to counter the bad guys. 
When I was in the Far East doing a corporate turnaround on a troubled ferry company, I had to fire many trade union dock workers, local cops and local mayors who were on the take. Threats to my life meant the deployment of an armoured car with armed bodyguards for three years. 
The men who guarded me were SAS-trained. That’s where the seed idea for the books came from.
 
Where did the title come from?
SG: I wanted to grab the reader immediately ..the title reflects the book content.
 
This seems to be of your usual genre. Being a natural born comedian (Read ‘Insane’) do you ever vary it?
SG: I offset the crime thriller stuff by doing an almost daily blog, which is light-hearted (hopefully attempting to mix wit and humour as the old Jurassic coping with the mysteries of the SOSYAL NETWURKIN scene as a self-published  author) 
 
If you could change One thing about the World, what would your first choice be? (My guess? No salt in porridge).
SG: That’s easy.. remove all the poverty and suffering.. I’ve seen enough of it at first hand in Asia …you’d have to be a heartless moron not to be affected by it…
 
What was your inspiration to write and at who’s knee did you start?
SG: No specific trigger, but many years ago, I was supposed to go on the television quiz show, Mastermind, and my chosen subjects were the Life and Works of John Steinbeck and the Life and Works of John  O’Hara. I passed the studio compatibility with lights, cameras,etc, but was transferred to Hong Kong three weeks before the actual show was due. Other author influences are Charles Dickens and Sir Winston Churchill. 
 
Will the Nobel prize for literature ever come to an Indie writer and how does your acceptance speech start?
SG: I have no doubts it will eventually come to an Indie writer as the entire publishing industry adapts to the commercial realities of eBooks. Many household names, traditionally published writers, have already crossed to the ‘dark side’… my acceptance speech will begin…” …What the hell took you so long?…” 
Share with the readers one little known fact about yourself. (Please remember underage children may be reading this to their guide dogs).
SG: I’ve never owned a Driver’s Licence, nor wanted one… I was born to ride in the front of airplanes, the back of limousines, and to mystery-guest test five-star hotels and bordellos, and not necessarily in that order …
Are you an organised well planned writer or a panster?
SG: Mostly disciplined in writing schedules …daily at the same time each day sort of thing… I like to have the book’s ending in mind as I start to write, but invariably let the plot go free-flow … it makes it more interesting for me that way… and I think it produces surprises, even to me, that the readers will enjoy too…
Do you have a website to share? 
SG: Yes, it’s mostly my blog…  seumasgallacher.com  …it’s on WordPress…
Any Link to the Book and your previous tomes?
AMAZON LINKS for SAVAGE PAYBACK
 
AMAZON LINKS FOR VENGEANCE WEARS BLACK
AMAZON LINKS for THE VIOLIN MAN’S LEGACY
 
 
Please feel free to share an excerpt.
EXCERPT from SAVAGE PAYBACK:
She never heard the response. A huge explosion erupted, ripping the front door from its hinges. The layered, reinforced entrance shattered into hundreds of pieces of malicious, glass shrapnel. 
The impact of the air compression from the blast stunned Martha’s eardrums as she took in the horrifying vision of a man’s bloodied arm enclosed in a pin-striped sleeve flying past her face. 
The security guard died instantly. She didn’t know eleven neighbouring outlets were suffering the same fate. The shopping avenue transformed in seconds, resembling a blitzed war zone.
A dozen simultaneous devices triggered at precisely ten o’clock had blown open the finest gems stores in London.
CONTACTS TO SEUMAS :
Blog                 : http.www.seumasgallacher.wordpress.com
Twitter             : @seumasgallacher
Facebook         : http://www.facebook.com/seumasgallacher
Email               : seumasgallacher@yahoo.com

   

Many thanks for your patience Seumas and for the free entertainment. Friends, I recommend looking at Seumas’ blog but it does come with a Govern’mental’ Health Warning so beware..

 

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Family In, Pets Out and The Christmas Season Approacheth at the Double.

Sunday. I really want to say Sunday dawned bright but it wouldn’t be true. There was a curtain of rain that painted the morning grey. It wasn’t enough to really dampen spirits as certain members of our happy throng didn’t actually see that much of the morning anyway. Nobility of soul ( who shouted ” Cowardice”?) prevents me naming names but eventually the smell of coffee dragged him from his pit to join us where I grovell was able to pursuade him to run the three of us to the shops in Flint before lunch. In view of the weather and at Rose’s behest he got dressed first and took us. I was quickly able to get what I needed plus a couple of things I didn’t know I needed till I saw them ( Mars Bars) and we toddled off for lunch at The Blossoms. As always it was an excellent meal . We headed back to my place afterwards for a coffee before the weather forecast of heavy winds and even more rain sent them homeward bound. As usual the rest of th day was devoted mainly to my emails and reading the excellent blogs I follow.

Monday. Early up at 5.10 am I did my post and then about 8.am I decided to pop to the corner shop to buy some birthday cards. I have birthdays on 4th, 5th, 6th and two on 7th. December is just as bad. I wanted to be back as the builders were due about 9.am to to fill in hole left by the work on the heating system. I was back sitting at the computer before 8.30 and looked at my bedroom clock to check how long I had. A few minutes later I remembered I hadn’t turned the fish tank lights on and didn’t want the fish coming out to remind me. Off I trotted ton the kitchen where I glanced the time. 7.40m What???? I thought maybe the kitchen clock had stopped but my watch confirmed the time. Damn, the one clock I hadn’t altered the hour on was the bedroom one. I’d been up since 4.10 am gone out at 7.am. Just as well I found out or I might have been telling the builders off. Anyway, they came, put a piece of plasterboard up in the airing cupboard, used the loo and left. Nothing done to any holes they’d left outside.

Tuesday. Having made sure there’d be no repeat of yesterday’s mistake I went out to the Post Office at 9.am to send a card to my cousin in Germany. His is one of the two birthdays,along with another cousin on 7th. He’s about 4 years younger than me I think and we’ve always got on well together. I’m very lucky in that I love all my cousins dearly. I made a point of leaving sweets for the Post Office and Chemist’s staff as they’re all so helpful to me. Back at home I somehow managed to get the sim card back in my old phone working and watched in horror as messages started popping up on it again. If only the window had been open ! One of them was from Mike to let me know he and Rose had got back safely. I played innocent and asked why it had taken him so long to let me know……. I hoovered and did a little washing. The Iro***g pile is getting bigger but I’m getting better at ignoring it.

Wednesday. You’ll get bored before I will of me saying I dealt with my messages. The usual woman from Burkina Faso dying of some terrible disease wants me to look after her millions once she’s gone, the odd Nigerian banker told me about a client who’s died intestate ( ooh painful) and he wants me to allow him to transfer the man’s millions to my account for a 50% fee and one astrological service tells me for a small fee they can tell me just when my lucky period will start. Since I do the lottery every week I’ll probably find out anyway don’t you think. Well, all this money will come in useful for Christmas but I’ll have a problem spending it all so if you’d all send me your bank details I’ll be sure to share it. I was actually bored ( no, not bored enough to I**n, no-one is that bored) until the postman came. He brought me  parcel full of Christmas gifts I’d ordered. It’s almost as much fun as getting them myself. Dilwyn, Matthew and Lee turned up about 6 pm. Lee set the computer going on a full scan and recovering my files from dropbox. The rest of us played Scrabble. First blood to me and second to Matthew. Lee left the computer running and came to join us for Absolute Balderdash which I find much harder than the ordinary Balderdash but still has as many laughs. Dil took the honours there and at half nine when we finished it was time for them all to go. Wednesday nights are a real highlight of my week. I went to bed with the scan still going and dropbox releasing my files very slowly.

Thursday. Woo Hoo, I’ve waited for today for so many reasons. Firstly, have the repairs to the desk-top worked. Well, despite having run all night the scan is still going as is dropbox. Still, it is only 6.30 am so maybe I’m rushing things. By 8.00 the scan had finished. After all that work it had only found two problems. They took less than  a minute to ccorrect. Dropbox still hasn’t brought my files back but I have a warning that says my dropbox is almost full. I’d have expected it to be empty by now which shows I obviously don’ understand it. At 9.00 I nipped to the corner shop for my lottery tickets and  paper I buy when I know MuJo are coming as they like to look at the property pages. They arrived about half past ten and I saw to drinks while we all caught up on news. At just gone 11.15 we left to go for lunch. John got his own way this week and we ended up at a chip shop. I had mince, onion and mushrooms with my chips and mushy peas. After lunch I didn’t want to linger too long as Yvonne was meeting us in Flint to introduce Reuben to MuJo. We just about made it for 1.00pm when she got there. Hugs all round, a little shopping then we went for  coffee and I was able to have Reuben on my knee.

Reuben admires the ladies over Pop's shoulder.

Reuben admires the ladies over Pop’s shoulder.

The visit was over far too soon and at four o’clock we said goodbye to Yvonne and Reuben as they headed for the bus stop. MuJo ran me home and as we arrived so did Mike a day early. We all had coffee and Mu picked up her birthday cards ready for Tuesday and they headed home leaving Mike and I to catch up , have tea and relax with some TV. I worked on emails from 11.oopm until 1.30 am Friday morning to catch up.

Friday. Foul weather and I woke up knowing it’s my anniversary. I miss Julia all the time but days like this bring it home. Mike got up and as my chauffeur asked me what I wanted to do. I thought going out for coffee might help so we did that and a little more of my Christmas shopping, I’m struggling with Yvonne, one of my nieces and Mike himself at the moment, I need inspiration. Lunch time we went to eat at Kassidy’s and to see if Mike’s still allowed in after always teasing the women. The weather was as bad as it’s been all week. After lunch it was home, some mail, some relaxation a shower and some more relaxation with ‘A body of Proof’.

Saturday. Mike set his alarm for 7.00am. Now all I have to do is train him to listen for it and get out of bed. I’d done my messages by then, informing the two Nigerians who wanted me as their financial manager that I can’t come out of hiding yet or the police will find me, but to put the money in a suitcase and send it in my name c/o the airport and I’ll save their share for when they arrive. Oddly enough I’ve not yet heard how they like that plan. I finally got him moving and out off the house by 7.55 to do the weekly food shop.We did pretty well and headed back along the coast road to stop off in Flint for a coffee. We just dew up in the car when my phone beeped to indicate a message, my niece Karen letting me know that Jo , her sister, had found Bernie dead in her cage this morning. It was like a sledgehammer and unlike with humans I find my emotions hard to control. Bernie was the third rat Ju bought, wasn’t even 2 years old and was the most affectionate rat I’ve ever known. She was our firm favourite. I absolutely adored her. It somewhat took the shine off a very wet day and our meeting with a friend in Llandudno this afternoon was overshadowed. Tonight it’s been catch up time on mail again with a wee break to watch ‘The Eagle’ tonight.

I wish you all a wonderful week full of hugs.

Reuben and cousin Abigail.

Reuben and cousin Abigail.

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Beautiful Bernie.

Beautiful Bernie.

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