Weird spam or Still a Babe Magnet

Sunday. It’s 5 am and I know I slept but it can’t have been for long as I read until 1 am before I turned the light out. I’m not sure if Michael talking in his sleep disturbed me but he has a tendency to ask questions and yet he always denies it. One day I’m going to tape him as proof but as the tape machine is in his bedroom and I’m too lazy to go get it, I just stay where I am and answer him as best I can. I’m actually feeling quite chipper since turning the computer on as there have been quite a few responses to last night’s blog and some of them are even sensible-Well Done you lot. But the real reason for my chipperness are three totally unrelated emails which prove I’m still a hot property. I’ve still got that certain ‘je ne sais quoi’, I’m on fire man!  I mean, just look at the quality of this sample and this is just one of them lusting after me. Huh, I’ve still got it haven’t I? The thing is, I hope it’s not catching whatever it is because I have the idea if I really get down and dirty and respond, I’ll probably find it’s really a 25 st lorry driver with nothing better to do.I think maybe I’ll just forward it on to Michael.                                                                                                                                                                                                               You see, I spotted you online and could not help texting you. I’d like to get closer to you.Have a look at my profile with new crazy vids and let me know how you find me!Drop me a line http://mqatklg.cupidonlinespot.in/?eotfttl                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Speaking of whom, it was 9.45 before he showed any signs of life. Or to rephrase that, he was halfway down the first coffee at 10 am before he started to look human.As usual he denies talking in his sleep and tells me my snoring kept him awake. As if ! He asks what I’d like to do this morning as if there’s much morning left ! I’m a bit off colour and tell him I don’t mind and no decision is made as we go to our respective rooms to get dressed. In the end we drive out to one of those places full of discount shops selling last year’s stock at twice the price you’d pay for anything you wanted this year.It’s been a long time since either of us has been there and boy has it changed. It’s so big now, and building still going on, to have it’s own roads leading off to towns now. There’s a huge Christmas tree that people can go inside to have photographs taken and there are lots of little Christmas shops setup around the edges of the car parks. Being the big spender I am I purchase a book for £1.99 before we go to lunch. Half an hour is spent deciding where until we settle on a Harry Ramsden’s, probably the biggest name in Fish and Chips in the UK. Just about passable today so I think the Christmas crowds are getting to them. After eating we head back to the car and head home where Michael pops his bags in the car and heads off to his father’s and I find myself nodding off over the computer. I spend the rest of the afternoon on emails then go through to watch an episode of Morse followed by one of Lewis. Hard to believe I’m still such a Babe Magnet eh ?

Monday. Apart from the obvious joys of reading my mail ( no naughty ones today), and reading the blogs of my friends ( yes, I mean you) today has been pretty boring. I made one ten minute foray into the cold and damp to get some bread and that’s it. I’ve been able to watch the TV programmes I enjoy and since there’s no-one here to stop me I had a chip buttie at lunchtime, oh what a renegade eh? Bed at 11.30 pm where I managed to finish the Conn Iggulden book my Sister in Law loaned me. I’m lucky that she has a taste for historical novels and a good selection to hand. Light off about 1. am

Tuesday. Light on again about 4.10 am Not that I was happy about it but I was wide awake again. Still, it gave me chance to get up to date with my mail before going out and tweeting an interview I did yesterday. This wasn’t an interview that made me happy as most do since for the first time ever I was interviewing the character from a book and to put it mildly he’s a nasty piece of work. Also, not being a character of mine where I know enough to select questions, this time I had nothing to go on and I didn’t fancy getting on his wrong side. Judging by the lack of comments I think a few of you must have felt the same way.                                                                                                      At 7.50 am I was washed, dressed and had partaken of my first coffee. I nipped for a final wee before going to the bus stop. As I depressed the plunger on the soap dispenser ( all the mod cons here you know) the bloody soap shot out at the speed of light in a straight line and landed on the crotch area of my trousers. I couldn’t walk round with a green blob so it was time to strip off and find another pair to wear. It’s been years since I moved so fast. Probably the last time I ran out of cigarettes and texted Ju to bring me a new packet on her way home from riding. I saw her coming and was at the front door before she was. Anyway, new trousers on I had to dash as the bus was due at ten past the hour. Ploughing my way through the horde of waiting schoolchildren I made it. I had to sit at the back today, leaning slightly forward because of the backpack I was wearing I donned the headphones to my MP3 player and prepared to try and ignore the world. My nutter magnet must have been on and lo and behold on the seat opposite me appeared a young man who sat cross-legged and tried to engage me in conversation. I plead ignorance as I pretended to close my eyes and sway with the music like a demented cobra. It didn’t work as proved by the tap on my knee. I tried to look surprised and removed the headphones only for him to tell me I had egg on my chin. I started to rub until the light bulb finally clicked and I realised two things. 1. I haven’t eaten an egg, and 2 It’s a euphemism for My flies are undone. Not wishing to be seen to be fiddling with that area of my anatomy with someone facing me, I thanked him and proceeded to pull my coat a little lower until there was no audience. I suppose I was safe really in the knowledge that dead birds don’t fall out of the nest but why take chances. Three or four stops later I was able to adjust myself before upsetting the good women of Chester and finding myself in the stocks.                                                                                                                                                                                Yvonne and I had a great day shopping with Reuben. Not that you could see him of course since he was hidden by parcels most of the time. There were many compliments throughout the day about the pram but I wonder if people just thought it was a de-luxe shopping trolley. When we stopped for lunch or coffee and uncovered him, Reuben’s fan club gathered round as usual. We went back to Yvonne’s where Ugo would pick me up after work to run me home. It was quite dark but I still had to make a dash for the car as I’m sure they’ve never repealed the law against Welshmen being in Chester after nightfall. At home I worked from 7.00 pm until 8.55 pm on mail (122) from during the day before watching the exciting new episode ( No 5) of The Mentalist, and then back to it. For some reason Google isn’t opening all my WordPress mail again. Bed around midnight. Judging by my waistline, I just missed the full transformation to pumpkin.

Wednesday. The Emails this morning were in the main predictable. Two different psychics know my future yet it doesn’t appear to be the same one. One of them could help me with the winning lottery numbers which begs the question why doesn’t she use them so she can stop asking people like me for money we haven’t got? I keep offering to pay after the win has been confirmed, or at least send a postcard from some Island paradise. A message that did catch my eye though was from a friend asking whether I’d received a letter from Google about being book partners. Short answer No, and I don’t know what it’s about. Now many of you may be au fait with this but for those that aren’t, you can add your books to a Google database and they will advertise them free of charge Worldwide with links to your site if the books can be bought there. I thought this sounded interesting and went to place my first book on there with it’s picture of the cover. From that point on I began to feel like a five year old just starting school. I’m not thick ( shut up you at the back) but I just could not get my head round things like sharing sections of the book and getting other books on. It just defeated me completely. If you want the dictionary definition of technophobe- it’s ME !                                                                                                                                                                          Just gone 9.00am I went to the Post Office to send my abroad Christmas cards. It might seem early but I son’t trust the Postal Service very much. Anyway, it was meant to be a quick trip in case I was due any mail but once there I found myself the only person in the queue. The Postmistress who is also a local Councillor ( and a good one) has just got back from holiday and naturally I asked how it had gone. She had a fantastic time but told me how desperately poor Cuba and it’s people are. I also got to see pictures of the cars there which are amazing 1950’s models cherished, cleaned and repaired within an inch of their life. I know it wouldn’t do the manufacturers much good but I couldn’t help but think how nice it would be if we held onto and looked after our things as well as they do.                                                                                                                Dilwyn and Matthew came for games night (snigger). We had two games of Scrabble and I won both this week. Then Dil and I taught Matthew how to play a card game we’ve played since Adam was a lad. Most people will know it but perhaps not under the name we use which is Crazy 8’S or Friendly Enemies. Yes, I won that one too so my humiliation of two weeks ago is hereby forgotten ( or else). Maybe next week we’ll teach him Chase The Lady or Deadly Enemies which many of you will know as Hearts on the computer. If so, the insults will fly thick and fast.

Thursday. Post done and a trip to the paper shop for my lottery ticket ( I’m assured it’s the winning one but please carry on buying them to increase my prize. I’ll buy teas all round). At just after ten Mujo arrived and I saw to drinks as we chatted about our week since I last saw them. I learned I have a niece who’s a stalker and follows them round shops tapping them on the shoulder. She tells them she knows just how to make me behave at Christmas. I know too, she just has to tell me and I’m scared enough to do it. Just like Yvonne she has me running scared even though I love them both expensively  dearly. At 11.45 we head out as I have a retinopathy appointment at 12.05. I told them to drop me off and go for lunch but they wouldn’t hear of it. Forty minutes later I’ll bet they regretted that though John did tell me he’d eaten a pasty so he could take his pre- lunch tablets. We went to the Chippie ( my third chip meal of the week so far) where he still ate a full lunch and half Muriel’s chips. Somehow when he gets his Christmas present I have doubts about it fitting now.                                                                                                                                                                                                             After lunch we decided to go to Abakhan, a fabric mill with craft areas which opened a new cafe and gift shop today. They’ d received a 20% off voucher for anything they bought today. When we got there, everything was 20% off anyway. The new gift shop had been opened in the same building as the cafe. The goods were really nice but I was disappointed that it was same stock- different place and the prices were still very high. We bought nothing which for me must be a first. The cafe building is very nice and has some nice seating areas. I have no idea what the food is like but it would be fair to say I hope it better than it was in the old building. MuJo had cold drinks but being thirsty I asked for tea. There were some very tiny pots which Mu said must be small water jugs, but no they were teapots to fill thimbles. We had to look for teabags and then get hot water from a machine. To be absolutely fair, it was the nicest cuppa I’ve had in ages and to top it off a member of staff brought round mince pies to apologise for anyone having had to wait in the queue. Lovely gesture. After tea we had a quick look in the fabric section and the craft section I spent so many hours in with Ju. We headed home where I entered a competition for John on the computer before they went to visit his mother. I’d left myself little notes everywhere today so I remembered to watch my new episode of The Big Bang Theory before coming through to catch up on the last of my messages. Now it’s time for bed and another taste of Pratchett with Snuff. I’m enjoying the re-reads.

Friday. I awoke this morning to lost of post about Black Friday. Far from the disaster it sounds there were actually plenty of interesting and tempting deals. Of course you all know me so you can be sure my wallet didn’t get opened, my card did not get posted anywhere and I sat here perfectly calm, without twitching once, safe in the knowledge I don’t like shopping- as if !! I took a walk to the Post Office to buy my Christmas stamps, yes, I know I should have done it yesterday but I forgot, it’s an age thing. For lunch I had a cottage pie and I’m not sure the cottage had been demolished properly in parts, there’s every chance I was chewing on the chimney at one point I’m really going to have to learn the difference between minutes and seconds on the microwave.                                                                                                                                                          A few more messages dealt with in the afternoon, the women have stopped being coy now and are threatening to visit, I’m having maps mimeographed as soon as possible. I settled in front of the TV for a snooze when Mike and Rose arrived. No chance now, the peace is broken and Mike’s no better. I asked him id he’d driven legally and he replied that any answer might incriminate him .We watched an episode of The Mentalist and relaxed. Teatime came and Rose decided on some rice pudding while Mike and I, diet conscious as ever settle on bacon rolls. Mike washed my hair and I had a shower and changed into my dressing gown. The evening passed in gentle insults until it was suddenly 11.00pm and time for my last assault on any messages. I wished them both good night and came through.                                                                                       I’d not been here but a few minutes when I realised something wasn’t right. I didn’t feel at all well. Mike popped in and suggested I felt cold when I actually felt hot, no, change that to cold. He went back to his TV. Within moments the race was on and I just made it to the loo in time for a technicolour yawn , and, more, and more, and yet more. I was not on top form kneeling down and waiting for the floor to steady. Mike came in behind me and soothed my fevered brow, by which I mean he ran a flannel under the cold tap and slapped it dripping on my neck. Moments later the miracle cure I was back on my feet. Granted it was because I was trying to clout him with the back brush but at least it was from the right angle now. I did feel better and ‘My elder’ packed me off to bed while he cleaned up behind me. Ah, I’m sure few are the people who would do that for me. Thanks Brother of another Mother. Throughout my ordeal Rose had slept oblivious to the battlefield horrors around her.

Saturday. I was up at 5.00am ready to do battle with the remnants of last night’s mail and anything from early this morning. There was apparently no rush as Mike decided to totally ignore his 7.00 am alarm. I would have offered some assistance had Rose not been sleeping peacefully next to him. I didn’t want her to get wet too. By 7.30 they’d both risen and while they had their drinks I put the bins out. By 8.15 Mike and I were on our way. I’d heard one Supermarket was doing selection boxes at BOGTF ( Buy One Get Two Free) and as I needed selection boxes for Christmas, that’s where we headed. I paid for two and left with six which was a great bargain.We finished the Supermarket and I decided against breakfast so we headed for home to collect Rose. Mike wondered if there was anywhere we hadn’t been for a while and I suggested a little place in Cheshire. I know it’s over the border but thought I’d take a chance, maybe the reward posters had gone now. As it happened he’d never heard of it before and Rose hasn’t visited this part of the country previously anyway. It’s really not very far and we were there in less than an hour. The place is called Blakemere for anyone interested ( near Northwich). I don’t suggest my American friends should visit as you’d never make it in a day. It’s like a wonderful little village just where you wouldn’t expect it. Antique shops, various craft shops, a specialist ice cream shop, sweet shop, gift shop, wedding products, housewares and a Falconry Centre too. We had a whale of a time going round the wonderful shops as well as having lunch in one cafe and afternoon tea in another. We came away quite weary and it was getting quite dark. They made me leave even though I hadn’t seem Santa.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  At home there were exactly 100 messages to deal with which I managed in record time. My neighbour brought a parcel he’d taken in for me which are some great slippers I was expecting. We had a light tea and settled to watch Foyle’s War for 2 hours before it was time to come through and start the blog. It’s now five to midnight and I’m ready to call it a day. I can’t as it’s a night really ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..antiques21

SNOOZE-YOU-LOSE

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

I wish you all a happy end to Movember and a brilliant start to December. Hugs all round.xxxxxx

canal 3 smileMonkey 5 happy

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44 Comments

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44 responses to “Weird spam or Still a Babe Magnet

  1. CJ

    The baby’s looking like he’s getting a little more personality on him…as for you and your hot chicks…maybe you wouldn’t be such a magnet if you kept those trousers zipped up, Mister David. Gotta quit showing ’em the goods! Leave SOMETHING to mystery…for heaven’s sake..you know the fun is always in the chase…hope you are feeling better, now. You are such a busy, busy fellow, aren’t you? Wish I could see England once…maybe someday. Been to Queensland Australia and loved that immensely. Huge big and furry warm hugs to you from the dry old deserts of California…XXX
    CJ and MousieXXX

    • Reuben is certainly developing a personality. When his eyebrow goes up and he gives me THAT stare, I feel like Ju is telling me I’m in trouble.
      I’m gonna have my zips put on elastic from now on so they fly shut ( clever pun there) all the time. I must remember to move my fingers out of the way.England would probably be happy to have you visit but I know that Wales would be delighted if you came here instead. I bet Queensland was a delight.but I’d love to see California, without which we wouldn’t have had Hippies and my life in the 60’s would have taken a different course.
      I send you and Mousie the Hugest Hugs I can manage. xxxxxxxx

  2. hey you still have IT! Whatever “it” is! (An Englishwoman coined the term, so I probably can’t explain it too well). I did go to my favorite used book store on “Black Friday” where I did have someone bump into me, but she said “I’m sorry”…so no epic battles. Looking at last of the packages to mail for the holidays, including a few to Canada which our post office seems to think is near China as I have to mail those extra early….

    • Why Thank You Kitty. If I still have ‘IT’, I hope it’s not catching, I have enough problems already. I never knew an English woman coined the term but I’ll bet she never included this Welshman in it.
      I’ve cheated this year , instead of posting packages abroad, I’ve sent gifts from within the countries concerned so I hope their own Postal Service can get them there in time. I have a package coming from the U.S. With a January arrival date on it so I’m taking no chances.
      xxx Massive Hugs xxx

  3. Don’t know how you do it all… but I do know how you feel about the technological challenges being throw at us all the time… I hate feeling powerless and frustrated, but that’s me if I stray outside the simple button pressing of a blog….
    Reuben is gorgeous….

    • I know I’m not thick Valerie, but so far I haven’t put any of my books on their various outlets.. My editor at the time did the first three and a helpful friend did the latest one with Oscar. I just don’t understand the instructions, it’s like they’re written in code. And as for putting a cover on !! A wonderful friend designed a great ebook cover for Queen’s Envoy but over a year down the line and it’s still not on. I can’t even understand the sizing differences and quality differences between ebook and actual paperbacks. No wonder O stopped. I think Reuben probably knows more about DVD players connecting to the TV than I do. Technological Blindness at it’s worst.
      Reuben is a little gem in my world, I have to make him proud of his Pops.
      xxx Sending Hugs Galore xxx

  4. I’d offer to help you with Google but I haven’t a clue either. Maybe your nephew could help? It sounds like a good way to get some more exposure. Then again, I think you’ve had enough of that already, hmm? -grin-

    Hugs to Reuben – if that baby gets any cuter he’ll be illegal. 🙂

  5. David, you didn’t say, but (thank goodness) it sounds like you got over whatever made you sick and quickly.
    So… has the Renegade Soap Dispenser behaved itself since that dastardly attack? Or maybe you should use that experience to write a syfy episode. 🙂

    • My cast iron constitution had me right as rain Saturday morning Teagan. Nothing dare get between me and an open shop.
      As for the soap dispenser, I solved that problem easily- I stopped washing. No point in taking risks after all….
      xxx Hugs Galore xxx

  6. I thought you might enjoy the story of our cat….since you have shared so many stories ….I write on this blog sometimes also. http://twodifferentgirls.com/2013/12/01/moxie-and-the-mouse/

  7. You’re still a babe magnet. 🙂 I know what you mean about the postal service. I once sent a Christmas card to NSW (Australia) and a year later it came back to me. It had a post mark from every country on the planet except the one I sent it to. LOL.

    • I think you need to fix an appointment with your optician. Possibly a psychiatrist too.
      Last year I sent my nephew a birthday card, he lives about 30 miles away. I gave it three days to get there first class, it still hasn’t made it. At least you could send yours out again with AUSTRALIA written on it in inch high letters. I wonder if some of us are just naturally jinxed. x
      xxx Massive Hugs xxx

  8. Looks like you’ve been quite busy, and obviously you’re a babe magnet even still (just don’t look at those crazy vids). I have been working like a slave until I quit on Wednesday. Now I can relax more and work for the comfort of my home and revisit my favorite blogs (like this one). Hugs from across the pond!

  9. I can’t believe Reuben looks so happy, even when he is being attacked by a giant monkey, he gets cuter all the time. 😀

    • The giant Monkey probably gives him more peace than I do, no wonder he’s smiling.He is a happy soul most of the time but you have to beware the dreaded Raised Eyebrow, you know you’re in trouble then.
      xxx Huge Hugs xxx

  10. Give yourself some credit, Uncle – of course you are still a babe magnet 🙂
    Speaking of Black Friday, I was shocked to find out that there were 4 deaths and 67 injuries reported this year in Canada. Why, Canada, why?

    • Dear Nephew, I may still be a babe magnet but I find their guide dogs get in the way a lot annd their white sticks give them a hell of a reach when I explain I’m not a 25 year old stud but nearer 75 and ready for the knackers yard.
      Are the Canadian deaths and injuries related to Black Friday sales?
      Hugs

      • LOL 🙂
        Yeah, those deaths and injuries are related to Black Friday sales. With so many online deals, I wonder why people still want to trample themselves to death in an actual store…

      • In some cases pure impatience I suppose, in others it may be te deals were only available from the shop and not online and people do like to see before they buy if possible. I’m surprised it got so bad that actual deaths occurred though I do carry some battle scars myself from past sales years ago. Never trust a woman with a brolly!

  11. LOL on the “dead birds don’t fall from the nest”. Never heard that one, or is it yours? The “Technicolor yawn” was a new and humorous spin on upending ones tummy contents, loved it. You are full of vino…or vinegar….this post! Now to my stupid question: what is a selection box?

    • To be honest I’ve been saying ‘Dead Birds’ so long I don’t know if I coined it but I definitely did not with technicolor yawn.which is as old as the hills now. I was probably full of spit and vinegar when writing it, I tend to get that way when talking with my friends out there.
      Selection boxes are usually produced at Christmas by Cadbury’s, Mars and other big sweet manufacturers. They produce a selection of the small bars kids love so much ( and adults too).
      Selection Boxes
      xxx Massive Hugs xxx

      • Ohh, we call them Assorted Chocolates! I like your name better. You use phrases with such humor that you seem to make them your own, whether they are borrowed or not. Hugs to you!

      • I think assorted chocolates over here would just get you a box of individual things like a caramel, coffee cream, orange cream etc. Most of the phrases I use will be things I’ve heard all my life and just seem natural now. My Nanna had a little plaque above the door when I was tiny that used to say.’All the World’s queer save thee and me, and even thee’s a little queer’. I’ve always loved it but haven’t yet managed to work it into anything. I love the thought of saying I’m the only sane one round here.
        xxx I return your Hugs tenfold Dear One xxx

      • LOL, although the word queer has been shangheid from the original English definition, so I suggest a slight change in the word…. 🙂 Hugs and I hope your day is full of delicious “cuppa’s”. That’s another one that makes me feel like I am in your part of the world…..

      • Maybe I should change the word to ‘Odd’?
        It sounds like you enjoy the odd cuppa too. Welcome to my world.
        xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

      • I luv both coffee and tea, esp Darjeeling and Oolong. But coffee makes my face and nose turn red! Have you ever heard the like? Very frustrating!

      • I shall lay in supplies of Darjeeling and Oolong forthwith, or allowing for inflation, fifthwith.
        xxx Huge Hugs xxx

      • I got my dad 1 lb of fine Darjeeling loose tea. Fifty dollars. He had better enjoy every “cuppa”! I actually do plan to go over the pond in the next two years and spend some time soaking in the atmosphere. The British Isles are like no other place in the world!

      • Is that the polite way of saying ‘DAMP’? LOL
        XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  12. Hello David,
    I’m out catching up with my blog friends and am laughing so much at this stop that I’m glad no one is around to hear me. I need to remember to come over here when I feel low. The whole cottage pie thing…hahhahahaha. I’ve also enjoyed your visitors here in comments.
    I don’t recall your shopping issues (addiction) and your humor seems to top itself every other sentence. Funny guy. Love the photos too:>)
    Hugs,
    Patti

    • Hi Patti, welcome to insanity or sometimes even insanitary. I’m glad you enjoyed dropping in, you’re always welcome but I should warn you now, pay no heed to the people who comment, they’re mostly doolally tap and just slipped their minders for a moment. I could name names but unless they’ve been drugged up I’m scared of violence.
      Glad you liked the photos too, my new grandson is a gem.
      xxx Hugs Galore xxx

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