Monthly Archives: February 2014

A Slightly Anarchic Book of Poems for Reuben.

It’s been a while coming. Ever since the day my daughter nagged asked me if I’d create a book for Reuben full of the type of poems I’d done for her as a girl it’s been beset with problems. When I’d first done them I’d done my own illustrations but nowadays I can’t hold a pencil still enough for that. Then we needed to find the original poems  as she was sure some would be ideal. She was also sure she’d seen them since the attic was done. A mass search ensued which led me to believe they’d gone back up there.

A couple of weeks and a few not so subtle hints later I actually came across the original poems just feet from where I’d looked so head hanging low I said I’d wait until she had chance to re-read them and select some. What a mistake that was. I freely admit that while I was writing them nearly 30 years ago I may have been entertaining myself too and there were more double entendres than you could shake a very long stick at. But, she didn’t understand them at the time and no reason Reuben will when he’s the age she was. It was a big No-No. Yvonne was adamant she wouldn’t be reading some of those to him. She did select some however  which left me with about 24 to write to manage a 32 page book. At a couple a day with time off for good behaviour I managed it  fairly soon and set about finding pictures to suit them. That wasn’t too bad either.

The poems went off to a friend who had offered to edit for me while another friend who’d offered to place the book on Lulu for me got the pictures to look at and decide if the format and size was OK. A third kind friend had helped me with the title, though I made a final adjustment and I was set, or so I thought. Once the editing was done the poems went off to my friend Ilil for input and so came a discussion or two about size. I preferred a bigger size book like a children’s painting book which they could lie on the floor with. It turns out some sizes can be done with a minimum of 32 pages and some with 64. My first choice was scuppered. There was much chopping and changing to address the size of the cover picture and then came the news about cost. Because my pictures are colour inside the book the costs will be high. Maybe high enough to dissuade the people who enquired about buying it from doing so.

Eventually we settled on a 6″x 9″ book which she’d suggested in the first place with a production cost to me of over £7. Lulu suggested a retail price of over £13 but I’ve got it at £9.95 to allow Lulu their share of the royalties while I get 91p which won’t even buy the swimming trunks to swim to America never mind the air fare and unlimited spends. Yah Boo Sucks. Anyway, for those of you who’ve followed my journey, thank you, and here’s the finished product………………………………….

The Cover

 

Marvin the Monkey

Marvin the Monkey

I owe Huge Thanks to the following friends for helping me reach this stage.
Ilil Arbel without whose technical wizardry I’d be lost.
Sherie Sprague for editing out all my errors and making my English look better.
http://roughseasinthemed.wordpress.com for helping with the title, though I got the final tweak. Thanks K.
Huge Hugs to you all and to those who encouraged me to do this!

And finally the link. It will be a short while before it gets onto Amazon and all the other sites so this is direct.   http://www.lulu.com/content/14451623 … … via @Luludotcom

 

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The Druid’s Inn Day and Back Away from Those Tools

Sunday. Such a lot of post this morning. It took from almost 5.00am to 8.00 am to finish.The fish were lined up at the side of the tank waiting for the light to go on when I got there. Maybe Starvation Saturday is getting to them, or maybe they’re just aware I haven’t imposed it upon myself. I spoke nicely to them as I dropped the food through the hatch so I may be forgiven. Mike had intimated it might be nice to do something today so after I’d taken my coffee through I proceeded to get dressed. I didn’t realise his ‘do something’ was stay in bed. Still, I was dressed, the sun was shining and I managed to stay on top of the mail. A little after 10.30 he rose from his pit and levitated towards the lounge in nothing but teeshirt and shreddies, I threw a cloth over Ju’s picture and one over the fish tank.

Twenty minutes after the first coffee I heard “Ug. ug. ug. ug” and knew he was waking up. ”  Good morning to you too” I responded. He shot off to the loo leaving burn marks on my laminate floors and eventually returned fully dressed and smelling like a brothel. I must say I prefer soup myself. After an hour of the laptop looking for a watchwinder it was time to think of lunch, or in his case breakfast. I left a bid on some green baize and we left. As always we were in the car before the discussion as to where to eat started. Best out of 3 at rock, paper, scissors told us that we’d go to the Dragon’s Rest . The journey began and my mind began to wander a bit, back to New Year. We just reached the op of the hill as I thought, “I wonder if we could get into the Druids today” as Mike actually said the words and we both shouted “Get out of my head you bar-steward.” As it happens with a slight detour we could get into the Druids and what a lovely meal it was. The standard roast beef dinner for me but Mike had beef, pork and lamb on his. My portion seemed like half a cow.

On our way out afterwards a woman was just applying a tissue to the corner of her child’s mouth. Mike told her she should spit on it first getting a ripple of laughter from the table. Following on I added “He knows that as I’ve just done it for him poor lamb.” to another ripple of laughter. As the sun was still shining and Mike’s usual visit to Manchester on a Sunday was going to be later today, we had a ride to Afon Wen( white river) Antiques and Craft Centre. You’ll all be astounded to hear I spent nothing. What I did come away with though was a violent stomach ache and a pain in the neck. The pain in the neck drove me home. A couple of trips to the bathroom started me on the right road and then just after Mike left to see his dad I fell asleep. I was out for over an hour and with having been out of the house for so long I can through to check the mail. The other half of the globe had written this afternoon. That kept me occupied until about 6.45 when I needed to eat something and take some tabs. Time to settle down with Poirot.

I was surprised when Mike came back ay about 9.00 pm and I stayed with him for half an hour commiserating on him losing his winder while he did the same over my green baize. I’m not paying nearly £30 for a metre square piece ! Eventually I came through and I’ve been here ever since. I’ve now sen the working file for the book and have high hopes it’ll be on in a day or so . I’ll be abe to order a proof copy then if Lulu OK it. I just hope t’s not going to cost a mint with pictures. Well it’s now 12.50 am so it’s time to call it a night. Five minutes with a book a I hope.

Monday. Mike and I had words this morning.He’s finally discovered the grunts don’t work and words are a better form of communication. If only I can get him to use them in the right order.

I got up quite early and did the usual rounds with my mail. Still no marriage proposals, it’s been about 3 weeks now since the last one. But I am still getting proposas of another kind as per the one below.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              [SUSPECTED SPAM] Somebody kinky out there is prepared for a date with you tonight! See my stunning pics                                                                                                        Leticia to you –

Well, not just somebody it’s me right here actually.
Why do yummy girls get so lonesome now and again?
I don’t wanna end up going on a rendezvous with some wimp so
I though possibly you’re up for it?
I like it when a dude is self-confident and can show a chick a great time.
I can be very kinky sometimes, look at my glowing photos!
Are you that guy? I believe you are,
send me a message right here http://rhuclhsh5jljlimcswqyaog2uq.thevalentinefinder.in?tonin and we’ll see where it goes!
 
Where it went was straight in the bin. It may have been some years since nookie and I were on nodding terms but I think I still prefer the more amateur approach. I dressed about 7.30 just to prove I was up before Mike but I needn’t have bothered too much as he still ignored the alarm despite the fact we’re due at our friend Brian’s house by 9.oo pm to help with the moving. I actually motivated Mike by wafting a coffee scented candle in this bedroom. I added a real coffee to that so he’s really no excuse. By 8.50 am we were just about on the road and reached Brian’s about half past nine. The place was in chaos as you can imagine, but we got started by dismantling the TV and satellite boxes,DVD player and get this, a VHS player. Once done this was taken to the car and stored till we  were ready to go. The computer, the printer, phones, modem and then Brian’s music centre were added to the mix. An hour or so later Mike and I made a move towards Brian’s new flat while he and his sister waited for the removal men.
 
In Llandudno we headed for ASDA (Walmart) fist and bought some milk and a new kettle so we could drink as we worked. Mike carried the TV in and opened a window for me to pass the rest of the stuff in. Sort of an un-burglery. It would have been funny to be reported to the police for actually adding something to a place.We started with the computer and with Mike on the floor attaching all the cables it was soon ready to go. At this point he couldn’t have accessed the internet as the new phone line isn’t active. The TV underwent a similar treatment just before the removal van arrived with Brian close behind. It was mainly stuff from his lounge and kitchen so we were able to get the computer up onto it’s work space and work out where best it would go. The printer on a little table next to it. Brian and the men went off for their second load while Mike and I set the phones up and arranged the lounge furniture. We nipped out for lunch then and came back with HUGE sausage and onion baps. Not my fault I couldn’t find anything diet conscious there.
 
Mike went into starting the fridge freezer and the cooker after lunch. He was well on the way when the next delivery arrived. I had the pleasure of putting the bed together. Mike checked the washing machine and found a pipe missing and Brian fretted about calling in the phone company and SKY.  The removal men had brought a unit that Mike thought would be better for the TV. We tried to keep a straight face as he cursed at having to undo wires, thread them through then re-attach them. Eventually it was up and while Brian went off to find the missing pipe Mike tried to tune the TV in for terrestrial channels as SKY were refusing to come sort their end until March 6th. One very unhappy bunny in our midst. Mike went off to do the washing machine while I decided to go out for cigarettes. The shop was further than I thought and I was out for over an hour which made Mike ring to see if I was OK. Breathless as I was, he thought he’d rung a sex line in error. I arrived back and Brian was still on the phone to SKY. Everything was arranged and all the appliances were up and running so Mike and I left.
 
On the way hope we stopped to pick up braised steak and creamed mash from the chippie and went home to eat. Then it was time for showers, me first and by 8.15 pm I was in my dressing gown and attacking my emails. I’ve been here ever since and it’s just gone 11.00 pm now. We’re out again tomorrow so I’d better get some sleep. Mike is driving back home tomorrow night so I might manage a few quiet days.
 
Tuesday. I didn’t sleep well or long last night. I’m convinced someone stole my share. Now I’m not naming names here but someone was in bed by 8.30 pm and was fast asleep ( telly still on)when I nipped to the loo at 10.30 pm. I turned the TV off fully expecting him to wake up and claim to be watching it but not this time. I got up. did mail , got washed and dressed, did mail, saw to fish, tabs and coffee, did mail and finally woke him with a coffee at 8.30 am. This unnamed person got up with some reluctance.
 
Mike joined me for coffee in the lounge and asked what time we were going to Chester. I explained that I’d said to expect us about 10.00 am. It was almost 9..30 am before we left but we made reasonable time and were there by 10.10 am. Somehow I ended up with Reuben in my arms while Yvonne practically bolted to the kitchen with the excuse of making drinks. He grabbed my ear and twisted it  so I knew who the boss is. Well and truly put in my place. We offered to put up a curtain rail in the lounge which meant I could pass Reuben back. He was showing every sign of being a tired little boy. Fortunately Yvonne managed to get him off and laid him upstairs in his cot with the baby monitor on the table bedside us. We sussed out what to do and went to get the tools from the utility room. There wasn’t a single thing of any use and it appears Ugo has all the power tools in the car. He mustn’t trust Yvonne not to operate on Reuben when he’s niggly. Mike had to run me into town for  hammer drill, both masonry and wood bits, screwdrivers, pliers and a hacksaw. As it was approaching lunch time we picked up some pizza to take back. When we arrived, Reuben was back downstairs having slept for about 20 mins.
 
After lunch and the usual lapdance from Reuben ,plus an attempt to pinch my Pepsi Max Mike and I started work. He was much more than hands-on guy and I was more planning and passing. Reuben wasn’t at all keen on the noise the drill made at first but after a while he just looked a little startled when it started though happy once it was going.Of course he started growling at us all but I don’t know whether it was drill imitation.Once the curtain rail was up we attached the curtains, then reattached the hooks for the nets to a different place and put those up. It did take a good couple of hours and it’s a job Ugo won’t have to worry about doing once he finishes work. Yvonne was a little worried he wouldn’t like us doing his job but I told her to say the curtain fairies had dropped by. We left at about 5.15  pm as Mike wanted to pick up some jumpers for his dad before he sees him on Friday. That done we headed for home.
 
At home there was a note in the letterbox to say a delivery had gone next door for me. Yay, my card table. It’s pretty good.I tested it out and it stands quite firmly. Mike went on a marathon phone call as I started catching up on mail. 128 in total. I worked at them till 8.00 pm then went through. He came off the phone long enough to ask me if I’d refreshed. I ignored him and asked what he wanted to eat. I solemnly swear the bacon butties were entirely his choice. I had to join him as the bacon wouldn’t have got used again this week. As it was ready he finished his phone call and came to eat. That done, I went back to the computer till about 9.30. Then it was time for meds so I went to the lounge and there was Mike on another marathon phone call. It had to be  a woman. I watched the end of a programme and decided to stick around from Law and Order special victims unit at 10.00 pm and it was then he came off the phone again. I swear I’ve never seen anyone with cauliflower ears from phone calls before. Both Mike and I received a message from Ugo thanking us for saving him some work. I answered that he’s welcome but to put my tools down and back away from the bag now. I don’t want to see them disappear to the car too.
 
11.00 pm time for me to have my last go at messages and to get the blog post on. It’s gone midnight now so time for me to head towards bed and a short read. I’m so pleased it’s a day in for me tomorrow after Mike leaves. I’ll be able to stay on top of things much better. Nytol…….
 
Wednesday. A funny start to the day, no not the humorous kind. I worked from 5.00 am to 6.30 on my emails and then couldn’t keep my eyes open. Rather than send anyone a gobbledegook message I lay on the bed for a minute that lasted an hour. We have some very flexible minutes in Wales. At 7.30 I sort of roused a bit, did a couple more messages and then went to sort the fish out. I’d no idea what time Mike was planning to leave but I know he promised Rose he’d accompany her to hospital this afternoon. I didn’t make him a coffee as I did mine  intending to let him stay asleep till about 9.00 am. However, with no shout from me and no alarm clock he got out of bed unaided at 8.30 am. I was and still am in shock.
 
Just before 10.00 am Mike left and told me he’d be back again on Friday evening after taking his dad to see a solicitor. I’m a bit wary of asking why since I don’t want to find out Mike thinks it’s for the purposes of solicitation and have to disappoint him. After he’d gone I worked on messages until lunch time and then nipped to Pauline’s for some milk and ciggies before making myself braised steak with boiled potatoes and peas. I have to eat some of the food I bought at the weekend after all. I stayed in the lounge after lunch to finish a Sherlock Holmes episode but missed the last bit when I nodded off again. I think I’ve been bitten by a tsetse fly. Finally I came round enough to work on my mail. Two more offers of enhanced cleavage today which are more like waterwings. If I got lost in those they’d need search parties to find me again. I’d say it’s like being in a brothel except you’d ask me how I know. At 5.00 pm I couldn’t face any tea as I’d eaten so much at lunch time so I just had a drink. Lee arrived about half past and then Dil and Matt about 6.00 pm.
 
I made coffee, tea and poured cold water and then unfolded the new ( to me) card table. As usual we started with two games of Scrabble. Who won? Sorry, I couldn’t quite hear the question it’s a little noisy with me tapping my fingers like this. Then we had a game of Nomination whist and I offered my support to the other three players allowing them to scramble above me. By now I’m starting to sulk and my chin is at table level. Dil suggests a game of Crazy 8’s until they need to go. I’m jinxed, I couldn’t win a game if I was the only one who could see the cards played. Matt to one side of me reversing the direction of the game and then laying ‘pick up’ cards on me, Dil doing the same from the other direction. Just to add insult to injury Lee sits opposite me laughing his head off. The night was a disaster zone. I tried very hard to wipe the tears from my eyes as I bid them goodbye. They were also trying to wipe their eyes as they left, it seems laughter does that to a person. Shame it wasn’t raining.
 
I washed up and came through to deal with the last of the day’s mail, though I was bright enough not to refresh at the end just in case. Now time to tell you my tale of woe in the safe knowledge of your sympathy. Hugs all.
 
Thursday. I swear I’m going through the change. In bed at 1.00 am this morning and up again at 5.00 am, What? I know there’s nothing unusual in that but let me finish. By 7.30 I’d finished my mail but suddenly found my eyes filling with tears. In fact I woke up. I’d nodded off on the keyboard again and dropped my cigarette in my slipper, I dreamed I was being tortured- you’ll be happy to know I resisted and didn’t give any of your secrets away. Please send the cheques in gratitude to my home address. I removed the cigarette which had gone out anyway because of these new chemicals added  to them, put the flames out on my foot and limped to the kitchen. It’s a terrible shame but I spend the majority of my life limp which has Mike in fits of laughter.
 
The fish were ready to be fed but this morning only the angel fish was glaring at me. I can live with that since he turns in circles all day so the glares are intermittent and not sustained. I’ll be honest here and say the albino cory doesn’t scare me at all but the bigger bull nosed plec, well I just hope his eyesight is awful cos’ if not one of these days I’m really in for trouble.That done, I started to do my drugs for the week which is a Thursday chore. I opened the stuff that has been delivered yesterday and wouldn’t you know it, one of my sprays was missing, AND it had to be the one that ran out yesterday. I did everything else and then took my coffee through. There was a little more mail which I finished just after 9.00 am then got washed and dressed. I went to the chemist to see what and happened and for a start they’d forgotten to put an IOU in my bag for which they apologised and then explained they were having some problems getting this particular spray. I hope it hasn’t been discontinued or it will mean a visit with the doctor, I dread those, lovely lady though she is. Then I visited Pauline’s to get my lottery tickets and handed over the one from last night to check. Please note, no begging letters will be answered, but I’d won £25 ( about $40) which paid for today’s tickets, a newspaper for Muriel and three scratchcards  which ultimately proved useless ( sorry Reuben).
 
I came home and the postman had been. The green baize had arrived along with a [package from the U.S. from a friend sending Reuben a copy of a colouring book she’d published. There was a letter from my optician telling me it’s time for a new appointment and also accompanied by a quick snigger from the gods of whimsy, an appointment to visit the surgery for a review of my diabetes and though April seems far enough away not to worry there was a reminder to book an appointment to have a blood test in advance of the appointment.
 
At 10.45 the MuJo arrived and immediately ploughed into telling me how difficult the journey was and how bad the weather has been where they live recently. I know they’ve had the snow I seem to have avoided. No, I’m not tempting fate. I made drinks and we chatted in general until 11.15 am when they suggested heading out for lunch. Unsurprisingly it was the chippie. John is so badly overweight I’m surprised it ever crosses his mind and yet it’s always his first choice. It was a nice enough meal though and of course freshly cooked. I had a word with the waitress and told her to slip me the bill to save the usual arguments. It worked. Afterwards we went to a newsagents where there is a new magazine to collect military watches and the first one was cheap so we both got one.
 
Next was our trip to Flint. A couple of shops so I could buy some chocolates to take to Temptations. The place was crowded and it looked like a mothers club had congregated there judging by the numbers of prams and pushchairs but we found seats. Ceri was on a day off but other friends were serving so my welcome was there as always. It took me three years of going in before I could speak to anyone and without the feeling of being amongst friends I couldn’t go. It’s been a much more instantaneous feeling at the Ivy with Tariq, Shella and the girls there. Coffee break over it was time for a car wash and home.
 
MuJo left at about 4.15 and after they’d gone I noticed the phone flashing.( I’d be arrested if I tried that ) and there was a message from the chemist to say they’d got my spray. Coat on again and I went to collect it. One of the girls said I shouldn’t have bothered, she’d have brought it on her way home. Living in a village is great. I watched the rest of an antique show I follow then went to start emails until my 6.00 pm programme. I saw the first few minutes and dropped off. It was midway through the following programme before I woke so I gave up and returned to my messages which I’ve been hard at since 7.30 pm. I gave up at 11.00 pm to write this and now some aeons later I’m leaving to go finish my messages before the spell wears off and I become a frog again. Hugs to you all.
 
 I’m back. In honour of my great friends C.J. and Mousie of  http://morguemouse.com/ I’m sharing a fun record that I’m dedicating to them
http://youtu.be/edDmtJYxg3U   It’s by The Kursaal Flyers and called Little does She Know. Mousie will know why.
Another old favourite to continue tonight’s Fun Hour ( OK 10 mins, so sue me)  http://youtu.be/nJ2zpCTdShg  Driver 67 with Car 67                                                                          http://youtu.be/TUb2-28adB0 This one I’m dedicating to ‘Meeks’ ACFlory  acflory.wordpress.com because we’ve had recent conversations about driving and because I adore her and her blog. 
 
 
Friday. You’re going to be very bored today.It can be cleared in a few lines with one exception which I’ll mention in a moment. Just so you don’t think I took advantage of being alone in the house I still got up uber-early and worked on my mail. As usual apart from the fish, tabs and coffee break I spent much of my time slaving over a hot keyboard. But, and I can’t remember where the heck I got it, an interesting quiz came along. If you’re honest with the answers it can be very accurate and also very revealing.   http://similarminds.com/jung.html      I ended up ISTJ and Mike as ESTP. I wonder how much we all have in common. After lunch ( sausages and sweet potato mash) I took a break to do some tidying up before coming back to the mail until Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is time. I had Law and Order, put clean bedding on and then took a shower. At about 8.30 pm Mike came back for the weekend so bang goes my peace and quiet. We yattered a while then I got him to do the quiz while I did my mail. I’ve just finished so am catching up on the blog post so I can catch some Zzzz’s before tomorrow.
 
Saturday. How lazy was I this morning? 5.30 am before I slung my lazy ass out of bed and then got out myself. I was hard put to make headway into my post at all before Mike’s alarm went off at 7.00 am. I knew I had at least a few minutes as he wouldn’t move without his coffee so I headed for the kitchen. Fish on-Check, Meds taken-Check , Coffee made- Check, OK I can safely go through now. I called his name loudly enough to penetrate his ear, called coffee’s up and left to take my own drink back to my room. I had time to wash and dress, get up to date with mail, empty the bins, take them out and put the recyclable rubbish out for collection and he still hadn’t moved. Cleverly his alarm hadn’t gone off a second time so he must have been compost mental enough to turn it off after the first one. By now it was gone 7.30 am so I shrugged and refreshed my post.
 
Mike got up at 7.45 finally and he’d taken last night’s coffee cup and this morning’s through to the kitchen. They were empty so I washed them. He came looking for this morning’s claiming he hadn’t finished it. Perhaps he’d intended licking the pattern off the cup. I gritted my teeth and made a fresh one. took it to him and went back to the mail. Again I caught up and went back through where he’s sitting with a full coffee cup reading a magazine. I resisted telling him getting up would be less of a problem if he went to bed before 1.00 am ‘cos I’m good like that and also because he can run faster than me. Eventually he got up and got dressed. At 8.15 am we were on our way. 
We reached the supermarket and Mike got a trolley as I went to the cashpoint then I met him inside. We’d got two packets of potatoes and some flowers for Ju when he said farewell and flew off to the loo. That gave me opportunity to buy myself another pair of trousers I didn’t need without him nagging. I was also able to get some of the food I needed in the basket without him laying it out in some OCD fashion that drives me up the wall. Anyway there wasn’t much room as I’d found something for Reuben that requires a bit of space.
 
Mike caught me up near the bread aisle but he’d promised to take me to another shop for some particular baps I wanted. Pop, cakes, Milk. malt loaf and chocolate ( not for me) followed and we were done. Mike takes the bags to the end of the checkout when we’ve unloaded the trolley onto the conveyer belt. We have a good system going. My mouth was so dry we had to have a coffee before leaving. In 15 mins we were in the other store where I got my baps and also pods for my coffee machine. Mike got some windscreen wash but I refuse to drink that. And talking of drinks, yes we stopped at Temptations for coffee but unfortunately Ceri wasn’t there due to a family loss so the banter was missing.
 
Back home, we unpack. Mike arranges Ju’s flowers for her and they’re really pretty. I sit aghast when I find out my gas bill is in arrears by over £200 and my elec bill in credit by over £200 so they’re putting my direct debit up by £20 a month for the gas and lowering my direct debit for the elec by £3 per month. Go figure. I had some nice pictures of Reuben from Yvonne  in my mail so I sat looking at them for a while, sorted my mail up to date and asked Mike what he wanted to do about lunch. Since he’s the driver I think the choice should be his. We headed for the Ivy Emporium. Tariq waves and greets us as we walk in and as we approach the counter I see the heavenly mad cat lady (Helen) is there, as well as Sophisticated lady (Angie) which is good as the chocolates I pass over go down well with them. Helen says she’s still enjoying Memoirs of a Superior which of course is about Oscar, and it sounds like her dozen cats are enjoying his antics too. Like all of the places I feel most comfortable, the people here are very special. Tariq has a laugh and a joke with Mike as we order lunch. Mike’s gone for a Moroccan Burger and I’ve settled for a large breakfast. The gannet had a slab of apple pie afterwards and said he knows I’ll mention it. I’d hate to disappoint him. Tariq as always undercharges me and as always I have to overpay him. I’ll only feel guilty if he shuts down next week as the profits are too low…………………………………………………………………………………………………
Bacon.

Bacon.

Back at home later it’s mail time again while Mike goes on Ebay. When I do go through I promptly fall asleep and when I wake up Mike’s nodded off too. That gave me chance to put a film on anyway. We watched Tomorrow People and he finally let me come through to finish the night’s work.
I wish you all a great week and send the usual Huge Hugs……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Green Guy

Green Guy

Swing Boy

Swing Boy

Little Man

Little Man

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Unanswered phones and How to diet-then not.

Sunday. I rose at 5.30 am today as I deserved a lie-in. My brain must have known it because it refused to release my leg muscles until that time. I’m really grateful it held similar control of my bladder. I pratted about with mail and answering blog comments until about 8.00 am then headed to the kitchen to feed the fish, deal drugs and to compound the hard man image, make myself a cuppa. I even used Columbian coffee ! Back to the mail and I was shocked to hear Mike’s alarm go off at 9.00 am on a Sunday. He never sets the alarm on a Sunday since he usually relies on me with a crowbar. But, despite my worries that he might be leaving before lunch and had forgotten to tell me, he just ignored it as usual.

When I finally heard him stir. I made him a coffee and left it on his side table and returned to my room. I was checking out a few things on Ebay. He wandered through and sat on the edge of my bed checking card tables out with me. Neither of us could believe the price some people are asking for something half the UK couldn’t throw out fast enough a few years ago. Some were asking over £50 which in $ is,  a heck of a lot. Card games and board game are just not the fashion anymore and it’s a shame as it brings families together to insult one another while now you just throw insults at a screen to no response. I’ve marked 2 to follow.

By 12.15 I’d pointed to his suitcase so he could get dressed, packed and ready to go out. I thought it might be nice to visit with Reuben and the tooth so Mike offered to drop me off on the way to his dad’s after lunch. So Mike rang Yvonne and had to leave a message. We lunched at The Blossoms and ( really sorry Catherine) the lamb was delish though Mike had loin of pork this time. Still no response from Yvonne so he tried the home phone then Ugo’s phone with no joy. After lunch Mike ran me back home and left on his journey. It turned out later they’d been out with phones off and attended a meeting about football.  Treats will have to wait till Tuesday. I spent the afternoon and evening alternating between the TV and my mail until boredom drove me to bed. I have one of those books I can’t decide about but can’t put it down.

Monday. It was a late night. It was also an early morning so give me a nudge if I drop off please. Just not hard enough so I drop off my chair. Quite a bit of mail first thing so for once I hadn’t finished before the usual kitchen visit. I brought my cafe crema back and continued on. The turnover of jobs in Burkino Faso is phenomenal, either that or the bank there has more than one ( crooked) financial director. I only say this because two of them want me to assist in scams today. Two unfortunate families have died in plane crashes leaving two separate multi-million USD accounts unclaimed. One director wants to award me 40% for laying claim to the account and one wishes me to accept 30%. I’m not sure I could appease my conscience for less than half. By 9.30 am my yawning was starting to annoy me so I went though to the lounge and nodded off in my chair for an hour. It doesn’t feel as decadent as going back to bed.

About 10.30 I came back through and got dressed. Just as well as the chemist knocked at the door a few minutes later. I wouldn’t have wanted to answer the door in my dressing gown, not that my dressing gown has a door…………I digress. Finishing up my mail for the morning I went through to see what I could have for lunch. Lucky me, baked potato and beans ! Though I did have some roast pork with it.  After washing up I watched an antique show and then decided to sort out my coins into the new case MuJo had bought for my birthday. That took a fair while and managed to keep me awake. There was a reasonable looking film on a little later so I went tpo see how the card tables were doing on Ebay. I’ve put a bid in on one that ends at 9.30 pm tonight.

For tea I had a toasted bap, two pieces of malt loaf ( very small) and a small sugar free chocolate mousse. Then I stopped messing round and have 4 Cadbury’s dark chocolate fingers. Mmm Mmmm. I saw Law and Order, an episode I’ve not seen before then came through to work again. So far no rejections on the poems but the edit isn’t over yet. I’m really looking forward to seeing the idea(s) for the cover too. Well, nothing more to report today so I’ll wish you all Goodnight.  Hugs

Tuesday. When I first woke this morning I checked to see if it was raining before making a decision as to whether I’d go out. It was, but not enough to give me cause to stay in all day again or to let the antisocial element in me keep rising to the surface. So, I did all the things I usually do first thing, dealt with my mail, I saw to the fish at 7.00 am and took my drugs and made a coffee at the same time.I took the coffee through and refreshed the mail, there were only 7 more so I got washed and dressed to be ready to go at 8.00 am for the bus. By that time I was able to leave my inbox clear.

It was a close call outside as to whether I changed my mind as the nearer I go to the bus stop the more people there seemed. I was slow as I was carrying a fairly heavy bag today. It helped as a bus arrived to remove the kids and as I drew close to the stop my own bus drew up. I let the three others who’d been waiting for it get on before me so I didn’t feel hemmed in and then settled in a single seat so that no-one could sit next to me. I’d forgotten my mp3 player but found it easy enough to rest my head on my crutches and close my eyes. The journey took from 8.10 until 9.30 and Yvonne was waiting for me as I got off. Reuben was fast asleep in his pram and I was warned he was grumpy. We headed for the Costa where we could grab a rooms settee and pull the pram in to the side of the table without obstructing anyone. As I got rid of my coat Yvonne went off to order coffee and toast. While she was at the counter Reuben woke up and smiled. I got him out.

Yvonne brought the coffee over followed by one of the staff with toast and little pots of jam.Reuben was having the time of his life bouncing around on my groin area trying to give me ‘mumps’. I buttered a bit of toast, added jam ( his first time) and passed it over. There was the usual grimace when anything goes in his mouth ( except fingers) and then he chewed away merrily. We both allowed him little bits of toast till all was gone except for the sticky pieces all over my jumper and trousers. Maybe she’ll let me borrow one of his bibs next time. From Costa we headed for the Shopping Precinct. I managed to get Yvonne some nice photo frames and a new warm coat. I was rather hoping to find a brown top like a cardigan or fleece for myself so we went into an H & M where there was a lot for Reuben but I wasn’t lucky. We left there well laden down and had a wander round a few other shops. At lunch time we went into a small cafe we know and I  ordered bangers and mash with a cup of tea while Yvonne had a Tuna pasta. She started feeding Reuben his packed, or maybe that should be pouched, lunch but he didn’t seem too impressed. He was blowing raspberries and sharing a good proportion of his lunch with us. Yvonne gave up.

Our lunches arrived and with that Reuben’s interest in food suddenly revived, So, by the time we’d finished he’d had his first mashed potato and grave, along with his first real pasta sans tuna which they can’t have this young. After the meal we went to one last store to look for my top. I was very lucky and found something. I got it one size too large so everyone thinks I’ve lost weight. Reuben was lucky there too with some fantastic outfits in the sale. I’ve bought all 6-9 months today as he’s at the last point of his other size now. We walked slowly back to Yvonne’s where for the first time today Reuben started being a little cranky. Yvonne tried to get him to sleep to no avail at first so I had him doing the Riverdance in my lap. Eventually he wore me out and Yvonne had him back to try again. Instead I found myself nodding off and waking myself up with a big snort, much to her amusement. At least Reuben dropped off for a while.

Ugo came home and after changing we all headed off to bring me home. We stopped for my bread on the way and then for chips which we ate at home. Reuben didn’t seem impressed with his tea again but he did fare better with the melon and grapes for afters. I did Ugo some chocolate puds and he almost wept when Yvonne asked for a sample when he had a full spoon and again when we suggested letting Reuben just try a wee taste. Just before they left I let Ugo know that I’d given Yvonne a memory stick with the family tree on it and to make sure she didn’t lose it. He suggested she probably already had since it had been over an hour. Since h=they left I’ve been a good boy, glued to my screen. 167 emails awaited me plus and award I had to sort out and of course this blog. t’s now well gone midnight and I am about to give up, Midway through the week tomorrow ( today) and my brother’s birthday. I hope you all have a Great Day.

Wednesday. When you’re talking atrocious weather you’re talking what I woke up to this morning. I’d woken a few times in the night to crashing noises but managed to drift off again. At 4.45 I woke up thinking a bomb had dropped the boom and crash was so loud. When I got up to check the house all seemed OK but through the kitchen window I saw the gaping maw of a wheelie bin with a big No 8 on the side. Oops, that’s mine. I was glad it was a little early for passers-by as I nipped out in my dressing gown to wrestle it back into place. It was pouring with rain and the threatened 100mph winds kept trying to tear it from my grip. I managed to get it back on the step where surprisingly my little food bin was still standing.

I came back in shivering and looking like a drowned rat ( sorry Penny and Priya). After rubbing a towel on my head for about 30 seconds to dry what remains of my locks I started on my messages. Of the many blogs I follow some stand out for their attention to the unfairness of victimisation. One which had made me cross last week was about making abortions illegal in a certain country in Europe.It seemed to me a retrograde step taking women’s rights back quite a way. Yesterday there was a blog by the quite brilliant E.B.de Mas on his blog http://pinkagendist.wordpress.com/ on a similar subject , women’s rights.  This followed posts he’s done about homosexuality which includes how gays are victimised and again the retrograde step some places are taking to remove gay marriage from law. Having myself written pieces on how young people have been hounded to death for their sexuality and how one Church promoted the idea of physically chastising children as young as 5 yrs if they stood in a gay way I decided to blog again about the Buthidar movement where Religion is forgotten or at least placed behind the idea of living together in peace and some harmony. In the past this has created some controversy but today the support has been quite overwhelming.

I got dressed around the 8.00 am mark and dealt with the fish and my morning fixes, drugs and coffee. The rain was still belting down and the wind howling. I’d just returned to the computer when there was a horrific sound outside. Opening the front door against the pressure of the wind I saw a neighbours large wheelie bin dragging along the floor leaving a trail of binbags behind it. Believe it or not this person is even older than me so I had to dash out again, my slippers immediately filled with water and pull the bin upright while trying to pile the bags of rubbish back in. I’m not kidding when I say the force of the wind didn’t make it easy to return it to their front step.

By lunchtime I was starving and the baked potatoes and beans were very welcome. After eating I decided to stay and watch Sheerluck Holmes in an old episode and promptly nodded off. An hour and a half later I woke up wondering why Sheerluck wasn’t still on. I worked through my mail in the afternoon then had some pineapple for tea and settled to await my brother’s arrival. I didn’t have long to wait. He strolled in about 5.30 pm and caught me unawares. I’d actually been listening to the wind and wondering if he’d risk the journey. Dil was alone since Matt has a viral infection of some kind. Lee sent a text saying he couldn’t make it as the weather is so bad. Dil an I started with a couple of very close games of scrabble which I just managed to pinch both times. The smirk was wiped off my face at the end of Nomination whist and again when we played Crazy 8’s where I think I reached the 301 mark before he reached double figures. Redemption only came with our last game, Cribbage at which I pipped him to the post.

After he left it was straight back to the computer to deal with the 128 messages from you all and then to blog until 12.40 when I finally drew a curtain on the day. I’m still going to have a short read first though.

Thursday. This morning all was quiet. I couldn’t hear the rain nor the Banshee howling, head on, roof rattler of yesterday. It was still dark ( as it often is at this unearthly hour of 4.45 am ) so I’ve no idea if it’s wet outside or not. As usual I turned the computer on as I passed on my way to bladder control head office or wee sittee. There was a ton of mail again so someone loves me. I was amazed at the support on yesterday’s blog. When I first mooted the Buthidars on Facebook some years ago I actually had people working in different countries to create groups to promote the Hugs and a Worldwide Hug Day. More seriously we also had individual members skilled in various jobs who were prepared to offer help and advice from how to avoid an arranged marriage to giving advice on where to seek benefits in different countries. All was going well until a Christian fundamentalist from the US accused me of stealing good Christian souls for my Church. I was obviously the Devil and no amount of reasoning that we did not have a Church to steal souls into, worked. So beware, you know who you’re dealing with now and though my horns may be cute they’re meant to lead you astray. I moved the group from Facebook  to its own site but a failure to raise any help from Universities to promote a special day at that time had the group fizzle out. The story of the Buthidars is still out there in cyberspace though.

When I went to the kitchen at 8.00 am the sun was shining and the ground was dry.Until I opened the washing machine and remembered I hadn’t set the dry cycle last night. Damn ! Not too bad though and I set the frier going. (Freudian slip, I meant drier obviously). I spent some time setting my tablets out for the week and then took a drink back to the bedroom. I got washed and dressed then had my coffee moving a little further down my mail list. I wanted to go out as near to 9.00 am as I could so the bread man had time to deliver but no-one else had chance to buy the white baps. I managed it and got my new lottery tickets at the same time. Not that it would do me much good as yesterday lunchtime there were three separate appeals for money in monthly amounts and I know there are different ones daily. I do give to charity by direct debit but I’ve made a few one-off donations from these appeals. Now I’m skint. I know they’re meant to give us a conscience and I know they’re meant to make us feel huge sympathy for the causes. They work and I do, But I can’t help wondering how much is spent to make and place these adverts. I’ve really had to harden my heart.

I came back from my successful mission 4 baps the richer and immediately got back to work. It took me all morning to reach a point where I thought I could break off for a while. Because I’d been at it so long I went for speed at lunch time and the diet was thrown out. I had ham and microchips with some coleslaw and sliced tomatoes. I spent half the lunch break trying to swallow past the lump from today’s adverts for a child with malaria and a child starving. I turned over to a music channel instead, Sorry Sherlock. The afternoon nap saved me from much of that but it was shortlived when there was a knock at the door. I could see green through the glass and thought it was a nurse or someone from the chemist but when I opened up it was one of the wardens checking there was no damage from yesterday. I thanked her.

I’m sure you’re not interested in my tea or the rest of my evening which as usual was divided between the TV and here. There were no spectacular messages to report. I’ve finished this before 11.00 pm and I’m going to curl up with a book now. Ooh, before I go remind me to tweet about my first book which is on the cheap today on Kindle, goes up a little on Saturday and then reverts to its proper price on Monday. It’s a little test to see if it tempts anyone.  Night all.

Friday. D’you know what time I got up this morning? Go on, guess. Ah, you can do better than that. It was 3.33 am. That’s a new version of ‘Not a Happy Bunny’ time. I nipped to the loo as I was fed up of skipping and by the time I’d started, stopped, started,stopped, started and stopped again I was wide awake. Awake enough to realise it was best to finish on a stop and walk away. The computer was ready to go when I got back so going back to bed wasn’t an option. I must get out of the habit of turning it on as I pass. I found I needed an early start anyway as my mail box was full again. I am grateful for all the comments I get and retweets but so many sneak in the minute I go to bed that there were 37 alone between 11.00 pm and midnight last night. Then of course there were this morning’s ones.

As 8.00 am approached I paused to see to the fish before they came looking for me. I took my morning meds and found I’d forgotten  last night’s batch so I dropped them in the bin so no-one knows and made my coffee. I had a birthday card to go and I’ve just not had the weather to go out and buy a gift the last few days so the card read…… Dear Mattie, Hope you have a wonderful Birthday. I got you a gift token but forgot to enclose it before I sealed the envelope. Huge Hugs, David. I wonder how long I’ll get away with that one.

Back to the mail and I’m still heartened by the response to my Buthidar blog. If I can get everyone who comments or retweets to include a Hug in their mail and the people who receive it do the same, the world should be covered in hugs by next weekend and maybe they’ll spill over into reality. Well, you can’t blame me for wishing can you? It’s worth repeating that I honestly believe we could have peace if enough people wanted it and maybe we could concentrate on the planet and it’s needs then. The mail took most of the morning but a parcel was delivered at 11.10 am and just at that time I came over very tired and retreated to the lounge . I wanted to nod off and I tried to nod off but it just wouldn’t come. I sat listening to the rain being beaten against the window by the savage wind outside instead. At midday I gave up and made lunch..veggies please look away now. I had my baked potato(s) and beans but added some bacon for a change. I didn’t even mind that it was smoked which I’m not keen on. It was wonderful.

I had another hour on the computer after lunch before deciding to watch a film on TV. I wasn’t paying a lot of attention but after about fifteen minutes I realised I’d seen it. Most sensible people at this point would have found another film or maybe put on one of the hundreds of DVD’s they’ve bought and not watched. Did that occur to me? Did it heck, I just allowed my eyes to glaze over and nodded off. At about 3.00 pm I woke and wandered through to keep the mail up to date. I’d caught up somehow and wandered through to open a tin of chineapple punks when my phone burped. A message from Mike to say he was on his way from our friends after dropping some boxes off there. I quickly ate the pineapple and had the last slice of malt loaf then sat watching an antiques show until he arrived which was about half an hour later. I made him a coffee, we hugged and waited for the programme to end. He then told me all about his week in which he has to include the notches on the headboard just to tease me, he knows I’m a monk. I’ve been halibut for years now. Then he moans because I tell him to read the blog to see what I’ve been up to. Have to keep the numbers up don’t I in case WordPress ever decide to showcase me.

Mike washed my hair this evening and I had a shower. A blessing for mankind Mike called it akin to an annual pilgrimage. There were a couple of CSI NY on which we both like then a Law and Order special victims unit where both of us knew who the baddie was before the police. Then it was time for me to come back to this box. A friend of mine has kindly offered to put Reuben’s book on Lulu for me and I’m trying to find out what format she wants things in from me as well as making a final decision about size. I’m favoring A4 to give a child chance to open the book on the floor and the writing will be a good size, but a bit smaller may be better. Plenty of messages going back and forth. It’s almost 12.30 am now so it’s either good morning or goodnight to you all depending where you are.I’m up for an early shop in the morning if I can raise the undead from his pit. Hugs to you all.

Saturday. It was back to 4.20 am today and not having a bursting bladder meant I could plough straight into the messages. Surprisingly there were less than 60 and quite a few were either adverts or things that didn’t require much action. I was quite far down the list at 5.00 am when I nipped to the toilet. Being as quiet as I could be I walked o tiptoe so as not to disturb Mike but as I opened the bathroom door on my way out I was met by an apparition. I was scared witless ( a short journey) and almost needed the loo again. A grunt along with an arm that swept me out-of-the-way told me someone else had a greater need and not wishing to get the mop bucket out I let him go. It was too much to hope tat he was up and staying up and the futility of that dream was proved moments later as I heard him go back to bed and recommence snoring.

Once I finished the mail at 5.30 I made the mistake of refreshing the screen and ended up with another 57. Grumbling under my breath I made a start. News to cheer me, the poems are almost edited and the pictures are fine. I believe we’ve even made a decision as to book size, almost, perhaps, maybe. The title of the book which was kindly created by our friend http://roughseasinthemed.wordpress.com has only undergone a slight change to please me and credit will be given where due. ( On pain of death- which I decided against as the alternative was better-life). I hope things will be completed before another week is out and I can present Reuben with his own book. Of course I daren’t let him touch it yet or I may as well have presented him with confetti.

This last batch was competed before 7.00am and I had time to dress before Mike’s alarm went off . I took a coffee through and told him it was there. “Yes please, thank you sir, Oh kind sir thank you.” was the response I got from his sleep. Obviously that’s the best time to talk to him but fair play, he did make a move. Of course it was still almost 8.oo am before we left. I dithered about putting the rubbish out as the rain was foul and there was still some wind about ( he’s not well you see) but I risked it. We shopped. We were actually out of the store by 9.20 am and heading for Flint where I needed a last couple of things. No Saturday would be complete without banter of course so we stopped for coffee at Temptations. I wonder if when they named it they knew just what temptations would take place. Mike not only shares his sexual exploits with us, he openly advertises Ceri’s even when he has to invent them which is all of the time. She enjoys every minute of it, or so he tells us.

Back home we unpacked the shopping and then Mike let me catch up on my mail so there wouldn’t be too much waiting for us when we got back from our next trip. First we stopped off at Abakhan Mill to look at some green baize for the card table. In with all these materials at about £4 per metre we find the baize at coppers short of £30 per metre. So guess who didn’t buy that then. I shall choose another covering or hit Ebay. Then we stopped for lunch at the Ivy and as we walked in Tariq asked if I’d sign my books for him. “No problem” I said. We had a laugh with him, with the (nice)  Cat Lady and the Sophisticated lady who were all on duty. With the genuine humour and the kindness there it’s no wonder the atmosphere is as good as it is. I’m so looking forward to seeing the rest of the building in the proposed units . I want it to be around a long time. If I ever get brave enough to venture forth on my own Kassidy’s, Temptations and The Ivy Emporium will be my destinations. If people ever want to do guided tours of the places in my books they’ll be taken there. Shella wasn’t in today so no chance to say hello to her. Mike and I both settled on One Sausage and egg bap and One bacon and egg bap each ( he’s a copy cat) and what a lovely change from baked potato and beans. The time came to pay and Tariq brought the books out for signing. He wanted to give us lunch free in return. I almost didn’t sign. He could go bankrupt at this rate and I won’t just lose a cafe I’ll lose a friend or two.

On with the journey taking the coast road so we could  see how savage the sea was. I’ve seen it worse but I wouldn’t like to have been out today. This constant rain is demoralising. We reached our friend Brian’s and he looked better than usual. After a cuppa he was taking us to see his new ground floor flat that he moves into on Monday. We were both impressed as despite being a one bedroomed place it’s really spacious. We had a good look round and then returned to the carnage that’s his current home. It’s three bedrooms which he can’t enjoy since having had a stroke last year. We’ll go on Monday and help with the move.

At home later, I spent an hour or so catching up again so I could have a couple of hours with Mike watching TV. I confess as he fiddled with the laptop I was studying my eyelids from the inside again. Still that only lasted half an hour and I was my usual sarcastic self in no time. He maintains I’m caustic and sarcastic in my sleep so he can’t tell the difference now. We had a companionable evening which was nice up until it was time for me to come through and finish for the day. He followed me and caught me eating two dark chocolate ginger biscuits.  The sad eyes and the two foot knife convinced me I should offer him one despite him not offering me a bite of either of the TWO pizza’s he’d eaten earlier. That’s life, or mine anyway.  I wish you all a wonderful week and Hugs Galore. xxx……………………………………………………………………….

Happy Home Knit.

Happy Home Knit.

The Little Man

The Little ManCover 4

 

 

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