The 1st Day of Christmas & Cleavage Tea Rest.


On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me, a foolproof way to bump off a god and not get caught. Convince another god that the first god is trying to inhume him and let him do the job for you. At least that’s how my thoughts ran at 4.49 am this morning when I woke. I’d no intention of getting up at that time but of course all they had to do was prompt my bladder and the choice was out of my hands. There was a muted muttering under the breath on the return trip as Mike was still sleeping of course. When I reached my room I turned on the computer and checked the lottery before I tried to concentrate on the mail. You’d think Somnos, Porcinus or one of their ilk or even the older gods might feel I was owed a debt but no, a resounding NO, not even a number. The mail started out no better for me. There were comments on last night’s blog which were kind but nothing that suggested it was as funny or funnier than usual and I’d built up such hopes. As with many writers I lack some confidence so to write something that actually pleased me was rare but now it seemed my deflation was due.

I was getting towards time to leave the room when my first message came through that the blog had left a friend laughing. Brilliant, but hang on, this is a friend now so are they saying it to make you feel better? And so the over thinking goes. I left the room and went straight to the kitchen where the star of his own show was waiting for me. I was almost expecting to be sacked as his manager but I remembered I’m the hand that feeds him too and you don’t cut off that hand. Actually he was lying atop the amphora and it seemed, giving forth. A soliloquy from Shakespeare maybe, I wasn’t sure if the plecs were enthralled, asleep or dead until I opened the hatch and put food in. Big Al turned and gave me a dirty-red eyed-look. As he turned back to show he was ignoring me both he and I noticed his audience had taken the opportunity to creep away. I’m guessing I’ll get the blame for that too.

Once I’d taken my meds and made a coffee I went back to my room.I did a few more messages then got washed and dressed. More emails were coming in so I concentrated on clearing as many as I could before it was time to wake Mike. I had no idea how many David would be bringing this morning and I didn’t want them confronted by Mike half dressed and not fully awake. They’d think I had a pet neanderthal. 9.00 am was as late as I dared leave it so at five minutes to I went and turned the kettle on. It took 3 calls before I could get him to acknowledge his coffee was there but eventually I succeeded and felt it safe to return to work. At some point I heard Mike get up and go to the lounge then leave the lounge and get dressed before returning there to finish or refresh his drink. I’d just gone through to say good morning when I heard him say they’re here. In order of arrival for the man who hates crowds came My nephew’s wife and my youngest great niece, David himself, his mother in law, my eldest great niece, her partner and my great grand nephew a little older than Reuben.There was a knock at the door which surprised me and I called “Come in” then remembered I might need to unlock the door first. I was so glad of my ‘wall of shame’ which some people stood to admire as it meant we could sit in shifts, exchanging places at the wall. Thanks heavens not everyone wanted hot drinks. Someone vacated a seat when David started pointing out who was who on the wall and I jumped at the opportunity to sit for a minute. There was no chance to hold a proper conversation but it sounds like David’s throat is OK for now and he’s started a new job albeit temporary.

When they left I had chance to hug Marissa and pass over some gifts to go under her Christmas tree. She does seem to have a nice little family group. Mike started to do Ju’s flowers so I retreated to my pit again and brought myself up to date. I’d remembered one more gift I needed to get so as soon as we’d both finished we got in the car and headed for Prestatyn. I bought a few decorative things for my tree then since Mike wouldn’t accompany me to a Costa I suggested we had a coffee in Marks and Spencers. It was about 1.00 pm now. When we found the cafe Mike saw they did meals and had quite a fancy for a curried dish they had on the menu. About the only thing on the menu for me was a baked potato with goulash mushrooms. We paid and took our drinks to a table. My fist mistake was in no asking for a single shot latte, this was very strong. My second mistake was in not asking how long the meal would be ( and I don’t mean about 8″ the same as the plate). I took my pre-food tablet expecting the meal would be no more than 15 minutes. It was 20 minutes before someone came to the table to say they’d run out of the curry would he accept something else? I’d have been ready to go at this point and head for a nice cafe in town but he did make another suggestion- also run out. He made a third suggestion and you could tell his patience was at an end. After nearly 40 minutes the meals arrived. I started mine and was pretty sure it had never been to Hungary but it was edible. Mike started his, first bite from the centre of his pie and it was cold. The manageress offered us 2 free coffees, an alternative meal for Mike after checking it was cold, it was, he refused, and a refund of his proportion of the bill. I felt guilty for carrying on eating but he waited. He brought back the refund but I made him keep it and buy something to eat elsewhere…he chose the motorway on the way home.

We headed for home where he loaded up the car and after a coffee left to start the long journey. I started work. It’s odd when he goes and there’s no-one to banter with. At 5.30 pm I had a half hour break for a  sandwich and some rhubarb pie. Then back to work until 8.30 pm when I had a TV break which also lasted half an hour. Since then I’ve been here battling constantly to get up to date. Off out tomorrow for Yvonne’s birthday.

My tree at the front window.

My tree at the front window.


4.23 am this morning seemed to arrive a lot quicker than it was supposed to. It wasn’t very welcome though I should point out it hasn’t actually done anything to me, but I’m not best pleased with Kronos who may well be working hand in glove with Somnos whose parentage I still don’t know. Since I have to be out of the house at 7.30 am I daren’t ignore them and stay in bed seeking more sleep, that would just ensure I missed my bus.  I took a stroll to the loo and then powered up the computer when I returned. There was plenty of mail to go at but not enough to cause any worries, barring any sudden surges I’d be up to date when I left. At 6.00 am I got washed and dressed so there were no last minute panics if I forgot the time, I thought breakfast would be a good idea today too since I didn’t know when we’d stop to eat. After seeing to the fish ( I must have caught them half asleep this morning as none of them bothered with me at all) I took my meds and put some sliced rolls in the toaster.Once I’d eaten those I made sure I had foodie tabs to take out with me and returned to work.

7.30 am arrived soon enough and I was out the door, bags in hand, struggling to get to the bus stop in the intermittent hail and rain storms. Typically today it was a dead heat at the bus stop between the bus and myself. Once settled in my seat I closed my eyes to cut out the other passengers  and nodded off leaning on my crutches. I was rudely awoken a few times when the driver pulled up a little sharply, when one of our roads produced a pot hole we couldn’t miss and when my grip relaxed leaving my chin to come down on the armpiece of the crutch a little hard. I received a message from Yvonne telling me not to bring bags as she’d pick them up later when they dropped me off. DUH ! She also said they’d pick me up in town if I went to Cafe Nero. So, as the bus drew in at Chester the hail started and I was hammered all the way to the cafe. Once inside I could see it stopped.. I sat with a latte for a while and then deciding to have a cigarette I went outside to wait. Down came the hail again. I also got a text to sat they were on the way which I could barely read because of the hail melting on my right hand. I crossed the road to the bay where they would pull in, and they did.

We were at Blakemere Village at 9.45 am and went for coffee until the shops opened. Ugo must have ordered raisin teasted toecakes because the waitress came to the table to announce they only had a different one which he accepted for everyone bar me who had already had breakfast. While waiting, I gave Yvonne her birthday gifts, a tablet and a tablet case. She was thrilled. Mike had sent a silver chain with her birthstone on and she loved it immediately. There were a few smaller gifts for all of them which weren’t really Birthday related. The teacakes arrived and were eaten though I don’t think anyone was too impressed. By the time we’d done and Reuben was back in his pushchair the shops were well open. We walked round all of the Indonesian  wood craft shops and admired everything. Yvonne even made a small purchase. We went round the courtyard shops where Ugo bought a handcrafted birthday card for a friend and I got Reuben a T.Rex cuddly toy at which time the siren started. Nothing seemed to have set it off, and nothing would console him so we missed the next couple of shops and I mentioned the magic word- chocolate. A teddy bear consoled him after he’d bitten it’s head off and we were able to continue on the journey.

Somewhere between finishing the chocolate teddy bear and the next two shops Reuben fell asleep- he is his grandad’s grandson- so we stopped for a tea at a beautiful little teashop. From there we went to a toyshop and Reuben woke up. As he was in the pushchair and there were toys around he wanted OUT, and the siren started it’s distress signal until he was. Ugo held his hand while Reuben guided him round pointing at everything in wonder. The place was closing down so Yvonne was able to get some things with a 20% discount. Then we went to the pet and aquarium shop where both Reuben and I were thrilled to listen to the birds chattering away. He wanted out of the pushchair again so Ugo carried him for a while. By the time we caught the rabbits and guinea pigs Reuben was walking and following me round the fish section. I drooled at some of the fish and it was decided that my birthday present would be a couple of catfish. They had some stunning ones and also had a huge gibbiceps which was like an armoured tank. Snakes and lizards next which were very pretty but as we moved to the spider section I felt my toes curl up.

We left there and decided to return to the same cafe for lunch.  I read to Reuben as we waited for lunch to arrive and he made the appropriate growling noise as the monsters appeared.I had pie of the day with chips and mushy peas, Reuben had pizza, Yvonne had BLT’s with some of Reuben’s chips and I’ve no idea what Ugo had. It is safe to say now it’s not a meal I’d want to repeat. I think I’d prefer the other cafe that used to be on site but which is now a craft centre to throw pots and dip candles. After lunch as it seemed to early to go home Ugo drove us to the Wirral about half an hour away to a large wholesalers Yvonne likes for gifts. It was mainly given over to Christmas trees and decorations today. It was quite impressive. We still bought noting though Yvonne was very impressed by a 7 foot artificial tree.

They drove me home and the motion sent Reuben to sleep. They wouldn’t come in and risk waking him up so I just went inside to turn my Christmas lights on to show I was making an effort. I waved them off and then came inside to start work. It was 4.30 pm and quite dark so I left the lights on. Almost 200 emails since morning so I tried to make some headway. One of the best cons I’ve seen today though not one I believed. A charitable foundation in Canada set up by the $40m winner of a lottery. Wants me to have $1m to distribute to charities in my area in honour of his wife who died from cancer. The page was well set out and very professional for a change. The losing a wife from cancer hit home badly so they’d either struck lucky or had done their homework.

It took me until 11.45 am to get up to date with just a break for a piece (the last) of the rhubarb pie. I’d refreshed the screen about 10.30 am so I’d done quite a lot. That just left time for this before I was able to go to bed for a short read.

Breakfast with Pops 1Breakfast with Pops


I woke at 3.17 am and all I had running round my head was ‘Publicist to the Gods’ as though there had been subliminal messaging running through my head as I slept. It was like the cinemas that used to turn the heat up and then stick secret messages behind the films telling you ice cream would be a good idea just before the interval. It looks like Somnos has gone for the subtle approach after the frontal assault didn’t work. After such a short sleep I doubt this approach will work either. A more direct approach in person is likely to result in a bloody nose and a whimpering god. Still when I started the mail I was cheered by ‘Sexy Sadie ‘has sent you a video. After the last one of these I didn’t need or want to click on it since, how shall I put it ahem, the more voluptuous woman is not my ideal. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, I mean, I’ve got friends whose cleavage I could rest my mug of tea on and I love them but not in that way if you get my drift. It was sent quickly to the sin bin. Now if Katie Hepburn is out there somewhere and her guide dog doesn’t need a muzzle, I’m waiting.

I carried on with the mail, happily deleting blatant adverts until 6.30 am then went through to the kitchen. Two of the plecs were on the air pump which vibrates so I was wondering whether this was a medicinal thing with them or pleasurable. If the latter I hope Big Al gets a turn as his face wasn’t going to break into a grin anytime soon. Even little Al seemed to be quite cheery so maybe he’d already had a go. I had a look round the tank to be sure these weren’t distracting tactics while they dug the escape tunnel. I wonder if I could explain the concept of Christmas to Big Al? I fed them, took my meds and brought my coffee back to my desk.Before starting work again getting dressed seemed the best option to keep me warm since I can feel a draught this morning. I need to find the source soon.

By 9.30 am I was almost up to date  and decided to go out to the shops. First stop the chemist with a repeat prescription request and a box of Ferrero Rocher for the staff, then the Post Office, situated at the far end of the same shop where I needed to post a parcel off and hand over a box of chocolates for them. I get brilliant service and great help from both places and I appreciate it. Then to Pauline’s where I picked up my TV mag and also the 2 week Christmas issue which made me realise how close it is. A packet of bacon accidentally fell into my hand as did a Twix and 5 packs of cigarettes. OK, they weren’t accidental. I came home and put everything away then went back to work. By 11.00 am I was up to date again and so started wrapping a couple of presents. It made me realise just how much I hate this job. Buying them- no problem, wrapping them-Ugh. My hands shake so I’m more likely to sellotape me than the parcel.

That job took me up to lunchtime and my noon viewing. I had a shepherd’s pie and enjoyed Bargain Hunt, even the auction stages. I had to return to work at that point as I saw there was something I wanted to watch at 2.15 pm and if I’d fallen asleep at 1.00 pm I wouldn’t have dared skive off.  Busty Bertha had joined Sexy Sadie in the ‘Look at my Boobies’ stakes but I still wasn’t inclined to look. I remember taking a quick peek (accidentally, my finger slipped ) some years ago at one of these in my naivety and saw a woman with more muscles than Arnie in his body building heyday. Her neck was bigger than my thigh and her boobs had what looked like varicose veins. T’was not a pretty sight or site. Today it would have been a real Nightmare before Christmas. I carried on working, responding to mail, retweeting blogs and commenting on blogs as well as reading some of the adverts for Woucher etc. I thanked all those wonderful people who had retweeted for me and commented on my blog. What a patient bunch you are. At 2.15 pm I went to watch my programme. I stayed awake the whole hour and surprised myself. I knew my next break would be at 5.00 pm hen I had some tea.

The work wasn’t too arduous this afternoon, it was just constant. Keeping pace wasn’t a problem but I was secretly asking Kronos in my head what the chances were of me getting ahead of myself by answering the stuff that hadn’t reached me yet. That would mean I could take the time off at 5.00 pm and not come back to a new pile. I might even manage 40 or so winks. He wasn’t interested so I laboured on. At 4.50 pm I reached a balance again so went through to take a pre food tablet and make myself a sandwich- beef and beetroot, with a bag of quavers for my tea. I didn’t eat them until the 15 minutes was up but then followed them with my after food tabs and  small chocolate marshmallows. The first quiz was good and quite entertaining as the contestant ended up playing for £50,000 against an expert and only lost by one second. The expert ended looking harassed. Eggheads was also good but the contestants there fared no better at least for the first 15 minutes, after that my eyelids closed and the last 15 minutes I spent examining them from the inside. I woke up to find Come Dancing on but it had only been on moments and no-one knew so I was OK.

I came back through and the work had piled up in my absence but that was OK as I was here for the rest of the night now. Tomorrow no doubt you’ll hear my screams as MuJo are coming to take me out in the morning and then Dil will be round for games in the evening. If I’m very lucky I’ll get an hour between departure and arrival to clear some. Well, back to work now to see what else has arrived.

The Sanity Clause and his little helper.

The Sanity Clause and his little helper.


Sing Hallelujah, this has been such a long day and so much post waiting for me at the end of it that you are to be offered a shortened post.

I was up at 4.27 am and after enjoying  the relief of Mafeking I started in on the emails with the intention of at least being up to  date before I went out. Between then and 10.10 am I managed to deal with the fish, take meds, have my coffee, get washed and dressed and yes, get up to date too. I even managed to wrap to small gifts before MuJo arrived at 10.30 am. I saw to drinks for them , gasped at the size of one of the Christmas packages they brought in ( a giant loo brush capable of coping with all the bends down as far as the sewer I’m told) and then sat chatting for 45 minutes.

We took a ride into town so John could look at the Charity shops and I was able to use the opportunity to nip to the jewellers. The job I needed was done for me withing a minute and at no charge which was a great display of Christmas spirit. We looked at a couple of shops that do decorations as John is very much a Christmas person. Then we went for lunch at the Bells in Holywell which they’re very fond of.  After lunch we went to Flint where we had a good trot round the shops before going to get a drink at Temptations. I made sure I picked up some chocolates  before we went in. A couple more shops after coffee and then we drove home. I felt awful that I hadn’t wrapped their gifts yet though I have got them in Christmas sacks ready. I id manage to give them a gift I’d picked up while we were out.  They left about 4.15 pm and I literally flew in here to start work.

182 messages waiting and an hour before Dil is due.!! I did work hard but was still well over the 100 mark when it was time for me to stop. Dil and Matt arrived at 5.30 pm. I made drinks, we watched the end of a TV quiz and then got the games table out. I’ve no choice but to admit the night was a total disaster.  In Yahtzee I won one leg out of six played. Dil three, Matt two. I Nomination Whist I might as well not have played at all as they both romped ahead of me with Matt finally beating Dil by 10 points. There was a lot of smirking going on in which I was not partaking. At last it was Crazy 8’s which is usually my game, but not tonight. Though I got Matt’s score up to being MUCH worse than mine, every time I tried to catch Dil it rebounded on me and they both laid pick up cards on me meaning Matt didn’t lose by much. Oh quelle horreur.  They left at 9.30 pm as usual and after the usual tidy up and washing of pots I retired to my room for the night. Mail now up to 188. At 11.30 pm I stopped to do the blog with about 40 to go and I hope to finish those before bed. Wish me luck.


I don’t know if I was hyped up, spaced out or just too stressed by the amount I’d got behind yesterday, but I do know that after turning my light out last night about 1.00 am I was back up and (sort of) raring to go at 2.28 am. Not what you’d call a great night’s sleep. Somehow though I’d cleared up the remnants of yesterday (by not liking/tweeting those people who never visit my blog and return the compliment) by 4.30 am. I suddenly realised it was quite cool and perhaps a wee kip was in order so I sidled sideways back into bed and woke again at 7.15 am. You might think that this could send me spiraling into guilt and fresh panic due to Big Al but last night at about 8.30 pm Matt had gone to the kitchen for a drink and found I’d forgotten to turn their light off. So, swings and roundabouts eh? Mind you, last night he’s almost put their lights out completely as I asked him if he’d do the honours to save me moving and he turned it off at the wall. That meant off went the filters and airpump too. It was only when I heard, well nothing, that I twigged and got it turned back on. So really Big Al should be treating me as a saviour today.

Oddly enough that didn’t seem to be Big Al’s take on the minor delay  when I got to the kitchen unless of course he was a bit peeved about last night. As I moved from the near end of the tank towards the middle to feed them all, Big Al moved with me. Never once breaking eye contact it was like a rabbit in the headlights and I could see the car hurtling towards me. If glaring was an art form he’d be Modigliani. I was going to say Rembrandt but I can’t spell it. He lived near a lot of water too. I dropped the food in the slot by feel alone and was so fortunate at that moment to stub my toe on the cupboard that I could escape before the Jag mk 1V hit me ( oh come on, I’m not being hit by anything less). I took my meds on the run using my coffee so all that was heard down the hallway was my gasp as I tried to swallow the hot drink. Opening and closing my mouth in an attempt to cool it I must have resembles one of Big Al’s tribe.

Back at my desk I checked my bank to make sure I wasn’t in penury, had a quick look at ebay to make sure I wasn’t missing anything exciting and then started work again. There was early mail from Australia on one site that gave me great pleasure to answer since the banter is always good and a letter from a friend in Germany. I was on automatic pilot for a while as I sat thinking about how lucky I am in my friends. Some would say I have acquaintances since I haven’t met these internet friends, or virtual friends but I know differently. Yes, there are many who are just part of the social scene of being an author, reader, blogger but there are some who you know would be there through thick and thin. To be fair, most of them think in my case it’s thick. I worked until 8.30 am and though I had no intention of going out today, I got dressed. By 10.00 am I was up to date again and by prodding myself from behind with a penknife forced myself to take the path into Mike’s room and the wrapping of gifts. Next year I’m only buying things that come giftwrapped. This is a job I really don’t enjoy. Even square shaped things manage to tear the corners of the paper and trying to disentangle myself from the sellotape is worthy of the Keystone Cops.

It was wonderful when lunchtime approached and I was able to break away, not that many people agree lunchtime is 10.15 am. I just happen to be very slow at making it. In truth it was just past midday when I stopped and I was ready to eat. It was a corned beef hash today followed by a BFG mousse. Not bad, but I’ll save the second one for Mike. Bargain Hunt was quite eventful when one team went home with more than £200 which is an event as rare as hen’s teeth. I returned to my desk after lunch so that I would be free for 2.15 pm and the mystery series I’ve been enjoying. Today was no exception though it’s a bit annoying not having clues you can follow yourself to reach a who dun it conclusion. Yet again I returned to the desk after that to keep the mail down as much as possible in case Mike arrived. I was thrilled to receive an e card from my friend in Spain which goes well with the advent calendar I’m enjoying daily from Australia.

I took breaks from 5.30 pm to 6.30 pm and then worked hard so I’d be free for the new Big Bang Theory at 8.00 pm. Mike arrived at 8.45 pm and had a coffee thrust in his direction while I watched the newest episode but we managed to chunner a bit during one we’d seen before. He told me he’s coming on Boxing Day to stay for a week or so till the kids go back to school. That’s a shame, he’ll miss hanging up his stocking on Christmas eve now. I hope he’ll be here in time for the gathering of the clans on boxing day or I might have to eat all the trifle myself. At 9.30 pm I went to clear the wrapping materials off his bed before coming back for a final assault on tonight’s work.


Do you ever get the feeling something’s brewing? No missus, I didn’t mean the tea. Something dark and dastardly that stinks faintly of unwashed hooves maybe.

I got to bed last night in time to have a short read. I’m at a vital part now and wanted to carry on to see if the escaped Templars now in Scotland, managed to buy ships from Genoa to make another journey. It was very cold last night and so I turned the light off about 1.00 am and snuggled down. I don’t know how long it took me to drift off but I know I was tired. I distinctly remember starting the 12 days of Christmas in my head at some stage. I got as far as 2 Turtle Doves before I woke up and heard a snigger. It was 3.09 am. Obviously I had to get up. put my dressing gown on and grab a thick stick to check the house with. Nothing in the lounge, the kitchen or the bathroom. Michael was lucky I remembered he was here or he might have woken to find himself dead and me throwing bedding into the washing machine. I found nothing. I went back to my room and was sure I saw something fade away from my office chair as I turned the light on. It occurred to  me that wearing my glasses might have helped and that possibly, just possibly I could have walked past a burglar and not seen him. I put my glasses on. I was wide awake but knew something was odd, oh yes, I hadn’t been to the loo yet. Odder still, I wasn’t ready to go.

There was a whiff of damp goat or something as I sat in my chair and turned on the machine. As it was loading an advert flashed across the screen, PUBLICISTS WANTED. APPLY NOW. I carried on and signed into my mail. The first message appeared to be my daily horoscope which was odd as I’m not signed up to one. Interesting to see what they say though. Capricorn. You may feel out of your comfort zone this week by the offer of a new job. If you have social skills ( and what Capricorn doesn’t) and an ability with social media, you should give it your full consideration. The rewards could be great. Refusal could be costly.

Smiling at the generality of these things I clicked to bin it.  it disappeared into the ether I was repaid by 25 more messages popping into my mail box without even refreshing it. I knew there must be a system error as every other one was a horoscope with some words emphasised… Refusal could be costly.  I deleted them and carried on with the rest of the mail. It must have been around 5.30 am when I caught up and since it was far too early for the fish I decided to go and sit in the lounge by the radiator. It didn’t take me long to nod off. It was a restless sleep in the chair and the whispering on  the edge of my consciousness kept bringing me back to the surface while I was hearing “No, no, let him sleep, it’s easier for him to think it’s his idea this way.”  I think  someone underestimated me and forgot just how lightly I always sleep. Things began to make much more sense and that feeling must have seeped through to my brain because I heard  “DRAT” and suddenly my head was clear. “Those conniving, illegitimate………” I thought, and woke up. It was 6.30 am, a good enough time to face the fish and to do my Friday drugs.

By 7.30 am I was back in my room with a coffee making inroads into the next batch of mail. Things went quite steadily but the computer was under union orders to go slow. As I clicked on a message to upload I was able to get dressed and dance a quick paso doble before it appeared. I managed about a dozen before 9.00 am but luckily there weren’t too many left. I made Mike a drink and called him twice to let him know it was on the bedside table. Then it was time to go to Pauline’s for some Milk and my new lottery tickets When I got back there had been no movement so I called loud enough for the street to hear that he mustn’t let it gi cold. He sat up startled, moved those little legs and went to the lounge. I joined him a few moments later. At 10.00 am he suggested he should get moving. DUH, that’s why I wake him, and by 10.15 am he was on his way to Manchester. I returned to my room and signed out of mail then signed back in to see if things had improved. They had except there was more mail again now. The real postman brought me some cards including a lovely one from friends in the Lone Star State. I grabbed a few minutes to put them up.

I worked until 11.00 am intending to do a little more wrapping but didn’t make it. Instead I nodded off in my chair again……peacefully this time. It wasn’t for long as my stomach suggested I fed it so I took my pre-food tab at 11.15 am and prepared to indulge in cottage pie. It was too early for Bargain Hunt so I started watching a Christmas film to pass the time and stayed with it until it finished at 1.15 pm. Since the new serial I’ve been enjoying is on at 2.15 pm it was a rush to do some work in order to justify another skive this afternoon. Whether or not it was justified I skived again until 3.15 pm but made up for it afterwards by not going to watch my usual programmes until 6.00 pm when eggheads came on. I made myself some beans on toast to enjoy while I watched it. Pushing my luck a little further I also watched an old Big Bang Theory before going for a shower. I’d expected Mike back before then but hoped he’d remember his keys if he came while I was in the shower as these days that door is locked. I can’t get used to the idea that a burglary could make me change so much. I only locked the front door if I was going out all day before. I never bothered for a trip to the shops.

After the shower I had a quick push at the mail until 8.00 pm whn Mastermind was on. Mike finally arrived home just before half past with a Chinese meal as he hadn’t eaten all day. He’d texted to see if I wanted anything but actually what I didn’t want was an increase in my waist size again. I’ll be in clown trousers soon. I stayed with Mike as there was a programme on about Queen at 9.00 pm. It hurt me but I had to disappear and come to work at 10.00 pm despite the second programme on Queen starting then. Naturally a lot of mail had accrued during my skives so it took me a long time to catch up and then get to the blog. Another bad day tomorrow when I go shopping. I wonder if I can employ some boy scouts or better yet girl guides to do my wrapping.


Before I’d gone to sleep last night Mike came through to ask whether I was OK. He was puzzled that I hadn’t spoken a few minutes before when I’d gone through to the lounge, stared at the TV then left. Perhaps he thought I was cross at the volume. The only problem with that scenario was that I hadn’t moved from my room and in fact had been wearing my headphones so hadn’t heard the TV. I had to get up and check the windows with him and just confirm the front door was locked. It won’t be the first time something odd has happened here. Many times I’m sure I’ve glanced things from the corner of my eye. Usually that beggar pinching one of my chocolates though he denies it.

I’m not quite sure exactly what time I woke up this morning but I did lie there for a couple of minutes. I slung my legs unwillingly into the frosty air at 4.35 am and I’m sure there was something small perched on top of my computer watching me. When I turned my head fully in that direction there was absolutely nothing there. I moved to turn the computer on before going to the loo.  As i got back and turned the main light on there was a piece of parchment lying on my desk with the word Contra written on it. I just couldn’t figure out what it could mean other than the Latin for ‘against’. In the bin it went and on I started with the mail.  There was quite a bit but it wasn’t unmanageable so that by 6.30 am I was up to date bar the last few minutes. I went through and gave the fish the pleasure of my company a little early. I can’t understand why Big Al never seems to appreciate it, I am the most obedient of servants. I fed them and left him glaring at the space I had last occupied as I moved towards taking my meds and some breakfast. The breakfast though would be a reward so first I went round and emptied the bin and brought them through to add to the main rubbish bin in the kitchen. I took all the household rubbish and the food waste to the appropriate bins and manoeuvred  them onto the path then added the recycling bags from inside. Anyone walking past would have had a fine sight of me in my red/black striped bathrobe, if their eyes could have penetrated the gloom that is.

Back inside I made my coffee and ate some cereal. I also put the kettle on to boil as it was coming up to time for Mike to rise. I took his coffee through just as his alarm went off for the first time so I actually caught him sitting up to turn the alarm off. His grunt of acknowledgement made me think maybe my timing had been perfect. Wrong ! He’d gone straight back to sleep.  Waiting a few extra minutes in case of delayed reaction I hovered round the lounge door. Nothing happened so I jut yelled “Don’t forget your coffee”. That got a reaction and within seconds Mike was sitting in the lounge. I however had gone to get dressed. When I had my thickest cardie on I went to join him and he started to tell me about his strange dreams. “Someone was trying to take blood without my permission and I ripped the canneloni out” he said “look, I’ve even damaged the back of my hand for real.” And he had. “Are you sure you don’t mean Canaletto?” I asked.

We eventually got out of the house for shopping at about 7.55 am and had to take the coast road this morning because parts of the A55 were under repair (what’s new?). At the Supermarket Mike got the trolley while I got some cash, I’m hoping they won’t be able to identify me with the mask on. Me, not them in the mask that is. First we picked up some gifts Mike needed before we started on the shopping.Once we’d picked up the few essentials then Mike had picked me up off the floor at the till we went for a coffee or at least Mike had a coffee and I had a cold drink, cold enough for brain freeze. It’s freezing and wet outside and I’m on cold drinks? Following that we left for Flint along the same route  we’d used earlier though in reverse naturally. No,the car was not going in reverse, the journey was. When we arrived and parked up we picked up a couple more items like some dog treats for Wilson my nephew’s dog. Eventually we went for coffee to see Ceri, Sian and Kyle on the counter in Temptations.Look, if you’re going to make up the story yourself, you don’t need me. They were working behind the counter I meant. Mike played his usual game of catch the double entendre with Ceri. There was no chance of her, or anyone else, missing them since they’re thrown so hard but she just laughs them off and agrees.

When we left there I was shocked to see it was almost midday. Mike suggested bypassing home and going straight for lunch. We needn’t eat straight away but he could pick up the t-shirts Tariq had done for him. Tariq was on the counter when we arrived and shot round to greet us properly. Moments later Angie came through and came for a kiss and a hug, I’mm just not sure how many restaurants this could happen in and I’m sure the natives are getting suspicious. Angie had Rob come and do the drinks for us and unusually Rob was less shy than usual and held a conversation with me. Maybe my bringing him round for a hug last time broke some ice. Tarq had taken the order through to Shella and Shirley so I went outside for a cigarette. Mike joined me. We were just finishing when Tariq stuck his head out to announce the meal was ready. We’d both gone for the roast dinner with honey glazed gammon and it was really nice. I had Mike’s carrots and he too my sprouts. We’d only just started when Shella came out with some stuffing she’d forgotten to put on the plated so we got to say hello.

Everything was great. Tariq came over and brought the t-shirts for Mike to see and we laughed. They were perfect. Then he was daft enough to apologise for having to spend less time talking to us recently. We both understood he was busy- or that Shella thought we led him astray. When we finished we did the ritual goodbyes only Mike was in a side room paying for the t-shirts so I was the one to get the hug and kiss from the two delicious women and not him. You can be sure I rubbed that in. We got home and put the shopping away. I really needed to have a look at the emails but I’d determined earlier I  WE would have to do some wrapping first. Unfortunately we decided to deal with the gifts for The Ivy and for Temptations so it was deciding who had what. how they would be boxed etc and it took forever before we could wrap and label them all. So, it was 4.30 before I could break away and come through. OMG hundreds, but what did I expect. I promised to go through at 6.00 pm and watch our usual quiz with Mike so I’d have to be quick. I stayed till 8.00 pm then came back through but was just overwhelmed. I went back to the lounge at 9.00 pm and declared I was watching a comedy with him. That finished at 11.00 pm. It was time to start the blog or forget it altogether this week. I felt like a truant. Once I finish this I’ll work on mail as long as I can and the rest will have to wait till tomorrow.

Mischief planned.

Mischief planned.

Now you see it, now you don't.

Now you see it, now you don’t.



Have a Great New week all.


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76 responses to “The 1st Day of Christmas & Cleavage Tea Rest.

  1. Hail and storms and birthday gifts left allpretenders taxismoking and marshmallowing … 😀

    Enjoy the Xmas season! 🙂

  2. Ha!!! The photo of Santa and Helper absolutely sleighed me — i mean slayed me. 😈
    The comment about Big Al and the meaning of Christmas… Now a re-imagining of “A Christmas Carol” is running through my head, with all your fish as actors. Naturally Al would be Ebenezer, and Little Al, Tiny Tim…
    Sunshine-super-hugs my friend. 😀

    • Ha Ha Teagan, you’re on the ball there.
      I can just see Big Al ‘bubbling’ Bah BumHug at the cameras while Sharkey shouts ‘Cut’.
      xxx A dusting of snow Mega Hug for Christmas effect xxx Nadolig Llawen beautiful one.

  3. Happy Holidays David always look forward to your posts a very good start to a new week.

  4. My goodness – do you have a ghost? Your wee grandson is totally gorgeous, you and Mike are a bit like the British version of the Odd Couple and I find I now look forward to reading more of your adventures!

    • I’m never sure about the ghost. If so, certainly never means harm.Probably just catching up on the Soaps.
      Ha, you’re probably right. every weekend is odd. I wonder which one is Felix Unger?( Don’t answer that).
      I’m glad you enjoy sharing the weekly drive down Insanity Road.
      xxx Massive Hugs xxx Nadolig Llawen from North Wales.

  5. Sanity Clause cracked me up. Sanity Claus! 🙂 Nice to hear the Four Tops and Temptations. Especially since I came from Motown (Detroit) and grew up with their music. Thanks for sharing with us. Smokey Robinson next week? Have an enjoyable week, my friend.

  6. Only you, David, could combine the First Day of Christmas with a cleavage tea rest, and follow it up with the events of your life AND conclude with “I Want To Know What Love Is.” You have quite the talent, and also quite the talented grandson; Reuben is adorably trying to balance the toy on his head.

    • What can I say Marylin, a grasshopper brain I think. My grandson is teaching me all he knows and is a founder member of the Flat Head Society.
      Sending you Ginormous Christmas cwtch xxxx Nadolig Llawen

  7. How very shocking about this week’s scam coming from Canada – I thought were better than that. Also loved the Sanity Clause photo. You make a rather stern Papa Noel. 😉 Bonne semaine! xxx

    • Merci beaucoup Mel. I very much doubt the con came from Canada really. Much more likely to be Nigeria or maybe Holland. Canada just makes it sound more believable.
      Glad you liked the picture. I didn’t realise I looked stern as I was having a hard time keeping a straight face with my gurning pal beside me.
      Nadolig Llawen my friend.
      xxx Humongous Hugs xxx

  8. Crazy numbers of e-mails you get, don’t know how you get through them all. I’m like you though don’t mind buying gifts but not good at wrapping them.

    • It is a crazy number of emails Rosie but like you I follow a lot of blogs and to be fair the Scammers have to have someone to test their new cons on.
      I shall have to grit my teeth and get on with the wrapping or it’ll be a DIY job for everyone I give a gift to at Christmas.
      xxx Huge Hugs xxx Nadolig Llawen.

  9. I’m still giggling about your highly sexed fish enjoying sitting on the pump and your pet neathandral – so much to enjoy and laugh about in this post, it was a cracker,David. I know exactly what you mean about wrapping presents – you are right about the Keystone cops element to it. I think the world is split in to those that enjoy wrapping and those that don’t- I’m far to impatient and know that I shall never master the sellotape but that’s not to say that I don’t enjoy or appreciate beautifully wrapped gifts, apparently the Japanese are masters of this art that so alludes you and I:) it would appear that your dietary needs have been well taken care of this week, I particularly like the sound of the rhubarb pie, rhubarb is not something that I’ve seen here, nor honey glazed gammon come to think of it but horror upon horrors, they were selling tiny suckling pigs in the supermarket this week, something that I doubt we’d encounter in the UK though I may be wrong. Hope this next week is a very happy and festive one for you – take it easy with the sellotape and keep popping the quavers! Big Iberian Hugs! Xxxxxxxx

    • Ah Carlotta my Dear, I knew you wouldn’t miss the nuances.I’m so glad you found something to laugh at.
      I’m afraid I fall most definitely into the camp of ‘The Japanese would be ashamed to know me’. I can wrap a nice gift but after one it all goes to pot.( No, not smoking it)
      The suckling pig sounds nice on paper but I’d probably baulk at the sight. I’m sure my week will be fine Diolch, and I hope yours is wonderful and without any bad weather,
      Quavers at the ready, xxx Humongous cwtch from Cymru xxx
      Nadolig Llawen. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  10. The Sanity Clause and his little helper make quite an impact: Merry Christmas!
    xxx Massive Hugs xxx

  11. Merry X-mas David. Great music choices and as always, beautiful writing and thoughts. Hugs!

  12. The fishes, the Sanity Clause (I’ll make sure they include that in the next psychiatric manual), and wrapping paper….You’re a braver man than me! I’ve given up on wrapping up presents. I’m dangerous! I’m not surprised to not having seen you that much in Twitter. You’ve had a busy week. Let’s hope the weather….Anyway, let’s not go there…

    • Oh yes, the Sanity Clause should be in the manual- I may need it yet. Not bravery with the wrapping paper- necessity, mind you I’ve conned Mike into wrapping a load before he goes home. Only 5 bags to go …sigh. I don’t suppose you’re free…….
      Yes, it has been a busy week an quite odd in a way. Without going there, I too hope the weather………
      xxx Humongous Hugs xxx

  13. Kev

    Lmao! Well, I think you just about covered everything one could in a post here David, from Knocking off a god to dealing with muscular babes with pizza thrown in there somewhere, not to mention santa and the nightmare before Christmas. Love the pics! 😀

  14. Bummer about the Marks and Sparks meal–I’m always so excited when in the UK and on the motorway, and find that it’s time for a petrol stop. M & S sandwiches? Oh heavenly YUM. Why can’t we have them here?!
    The birthday outing seemed hit or miss, but ultimately, you’ve got a toddler to contend with, and they could care less who’s being honored that day. Love your tiny tree and festive lights. Wonderfully cheerful.
    The picture of ‘Sanity Clause’ had me in stitches. Is that Mike? What a couple you two make. I vote for a remake of the Odd Couple. You two would be a shoe in.
    And lest you worry, David, your humor is hands down wonderfully witty and warm. It’s what keeps us coming back week after week.
    I wish you a happy week. And I advise you to toss the wrapping paper and get yourself a bunch of bag and tissue paper. No tape needed!
    Hugs from here,

    • Funnily enough I’d have settled for their sandwiches but Mike thought the concoction on the menu sounded good.He was too disappointed to even go for our free coffees today.
      Yes, you’re right. Reuben wasn’t at all bothered it was his Mum’s birthday but he was pretty good with chocolate in hand.
      Sanity’s little helper was Mike alright but he’ll kill me when he sees that picture., I may be incommunicado for a while. We couldn’t manage the Odd Couple though as I couldn’t cope with him having so many women when even the blind ones run from me, it’s those pesky dogs, can’t be bribed you see.
      Thank you, It’s kind to say the humour is still OK and brings people back, I don’t just want to be a bad habit.
      Just 5 bags to go, I can perhaps cope now but next year, everyone gets a voucher.
      xxx Massive Hugs xxx

  15. David, the opening lines of this are so catchy! Enough to draw anyone in and read more. Such a difficult thing to do. I love the idea of one god bumping off another. And I love the idea of coffee taken with meds! And isn’t Reuben quite the little man? Always a joy to visit! Happy Christmas to you and yours.

    • You see Niamh, now you know why I adore you. I have a few gods on my hit list now so I may revisit them at some stage.
      Coffee+meds is fine as long as it’s not coffee+heat.
      Yes, Roobs is growing a lot. I expect to be under the thumb when he’s 6 or so.
      It’s always nice to have you visit. I;”ve missed your posts.
      xxx Humongous Hugs and Nadolig Llawen xxx

  16. So fun and interesting to read of your very full life, David! Never a dull moment with you from day to day. I loved visualizing your different surroundings while sharing delicious shepherd’s pie, sipping cups of steaming hot tea and strolling the quaint shops with sweet Reuben in tow. Of course, I did have a few good laughs here and there, too. Mostly though, I so enjoyed this private (public) peak into the life of Lord Prosser! Thank you, David!! 🙂

    • Thanks you so much Kim. You know, the most important thing for me in doing the blog is to show that even someone with my ‘problems’ can lead a normal life yet it rarely comes out as being normal. I’m constantly surprised that friends I have made remain so loyal and continue to say I make them smile or laugh though that’s obviously my intention.
      Thank you for dropping in and yet again giving your support and proving what a special lady you are.
      xxx Massive Hugs xxx

      • So welcome, David. Always learning something ‘knew” about you. Interesting and entertaining every time. The love you have of your family shines through well beyond any physical problems you may have, as you never dwell on them. Don’t forget that we’re always here to lend a hand, offer support, send our love and of course our “Massive Hugs!” You are special, David. We count on you!!! 🙂 Blessings.

      • It’s just as well I’m alone when you say things like that Kim.sniff.
        The physical problems are there, won’t go away so there’s no use moaning is there. I’m sure you find that Dear One.
        Yes, I quite like the family but don’t tell them please as my reputation will be in tatters.
        I’ve always found my real friends out there very supportive and I try to reciprocate where I can.
        As for lending a hand, perhaps I could come for Christmas Dinner? You might have to wait on the beach with a towel if it’s cool though.
        My love and Hugs back to you. Don’t count on me, I’ve no head for figures.
        xxx Humongous Hugs xxx

  17. “Opening and closing my mouth in an attempt to cool it I must have resembles one of Big Al’s tribe.” David, when I read this I laughed out loud- because I’ve done the same and you captured the silly moment perfectly.You certainly have a way of bringing your daily happenings to life. I’m wtith Reuben- when I’m cranky, eating chocolate seems to soothe me too 😉
    Is that your brother in the Santa pic? Love it.
    I always chuckle when reading about your adventures! Have a terrific week. 🎅🎅🎅

    • Thank you,,thank you.It’s lovely when something I write is recognised as having happened to someone else, just like that.I try to bring the day to life as much as possible.
      Do you make the day bad on purpose first just so you get chocolate, I’m pretty sure Reuben does like a master manipulator.
      Yep, that’s Mike in the picture, my ever unhelpful gnome.
      Please keep reading and chuckling. Have a wonderful week.
      xxx Massive Hugs xxx

  18. ‘Sanity Claus’ makes a great book/movie title – Get started on it, David! 🙂 Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

  19. Thanks for reminding me it’s Christmas soon. The only one I have a present for so far is the youngest cat. I updated my Adobe Reader and consequently I can’t see any of the videos. It’s great for blotting out publicity, but I would like to have seen what music you had for us this week 😦

    • Sorry Jane. The adverts have hammered themselves into my brain for months now.
      That’s a real pain but I can help you out with the music.
      Pretenders 2000 miles.
      Temptations- Papa was a Rolling Stone
      4 Tops- Reach Out I’ll be There
      Casuals- Jesamine ( an old favorite)
      Billy Joel- Uptown Girl
      David McWilliams- The Days of Pearly Spencer
      Foreigner- I Want To Know What Love Is.
      I hope there’s something there you would have enjoyed.
      xxx Huge Hugs xxx

  20. laurie27wsmith

    It’s good to see that Mike’s sleeping habits haven’t changed in my absence David. Yours seem to have gone a little strange though. Which gods of old have you been upsetting then? Your humour is always shining through mate it brings a lift to my day. I can remember a couple of aunts having chests you could rest a cup and saucer on. 🙂 Young Rueben has changed, he’s losing that baby face. Good to be back David, you’re doing a great job of keeping us laughing at your weekly deeds.

    • Heck, Mike won’t change , he doesn’t believe in it.Not sure whose nose I must have got up recently but I’m paying for it.
      I’m glad if my humour lifts you a bit but I’m glad you’re there to be lifted. I was getting quite worried it wasn’t a ‘holiday’ you were on.
      I don’t think they make aunts like they used to with a shelf up front. You’re the only one to pick up on that.
      Roobs is growing fast now. He’s 16 months next week. Too quick to keep up with.
      It’s great to have you back, you promise to stick around and I’ll promise to keep trying with the entertainment.

      • laurie27wsmith

        I must say I do like the pic of you and Mike, a real pair of xmas elves if I’ve ever seen them. No it definitely wasn’t a holiday David, it started as one and went downhill from there. The main thing is I’m still here and back to read your humorous posts. My aunts are probably why I still appreciate a lovely chest. 🙂 I can’t believe how Rueben has grown in a couple of months. You’ve got a deal Mate, I’ll stick around you provide the laughs.

  21. I’m enjoying your Welsh Christmas season vicariously–thanks, Lord D! I’m always curious what the fish are up to, and it sounds like they are quietly continuing their plans to rule Earth. Also, your detailed account of your dietary intake always makes me run to look stuff up on the Internet. Now I am the only person in California who knows what Quavers are.

    • It’d be better with a little snow but you’ll have to imagine that. I never thought of the fish as ruling the World. I thought I was their target. I shall have to be firmer with them.
      I tend to forget that we don’t share foods. I thought everyone would have quavers, but as you say you’re at the forefront of knowledge now in California. Except maybe my cousin who lives there.
      xxx Huge Hugs xxx Nadolig Llawen.

  22. Very thoughtful of you to share a pic of your Christmas tree and lights… when I saw it I realised I had been missing ours. It’s at the other house – no room in the tiny apartment. The lights, decorations and traditions really do make it feel like the festive season 🙂
    Did I read correctly, your birthday wish is for more aquarium fish!?… Okay but when they take over, you’ve only got yourself to blame 😉
    “A whiff of damp goat or something …” interesting goings on in your house… Maybe time to burn some sage.

    • I thought a tree like this takes up less space and also can be used the rest of the year as a lamp.The lights of course aren’t a problem space wise.
      Yes, you read correctly. It was a moment of stupidity when I thought I could get away with them spending less.I’m currently studying to see which would be most placid if I can’t find one that especially protects human owners.
      I think it might be a little late in the day for sage, I found the leaves chewed. I’m hoping the gods are fickle and might go away.
      xxx Massive Hugs to you both xxx Nadolig Llawen.

  23. Yvonne must have been pleased with her tablet. I never envy those with birthdays close to Xmas, as they often end up getting combined presents. Perhaps you’re now going to be besieged on a daily basis with emailed horoscopes David.

    • She actually told me this morning that she’s rarely off it which means her husband will be having a quiet time. No, I don’t envy them either, my brother in law is boxing day and I’m always careful to ensure two gifts.
      No horoscopes for two days, maybe things are looking up. Of course one of them could always write and say she predicted that,
      Nadolig Llawen a Blwyddyn Newydd Dda Guy.

  24. Maggie Thom

    ‘Publicist to the Gods’ – now there’s a job if you can get it. 🙂 The book you’re reading is about Templars? My husband loves books about them. Can you tell me the name of the one you’re reading and if it’s good. I’m always looking for books for him. Rhubarb pie is my favorite pie. 🙂 Many hugs for another awesome week.

  25. Another interesting and amusing read, David ~ I feel as if he family and friends are mine now, as well! Lovely photos of your gorgeous grandson too! 🙂

    • Thank you Jacqueline.By extension, friends of mine are of course friends of the family and other friends, I just didn’t want to introduce you and add to your Christmas card list.
      Reuben is happy to be the target of his mum’s camera which is fine with the rest of us.But we do have some good pictures of him.
      I hope you’re taking full advantage of your bus pass now you’ve officially retired, don’t forget the cuppas are on me when you get to Chester.
      xxx Massive Hugs xxx
      Nadolig Llawen..

  26. A thoroughly enjoyable read this week David. 🙂 (Not that other weeks aren’t enjoyable).
    I looked up Wales on a map and now I see that you are in the northern end that helps me visualise things a little better when I read about your escapades. Although I did smile when I saw that there is an Ellesmere around. I’m a big Diana Gabaldon “Outlander” fan and one of the main characters is a Lord Ellesmere. 🙂
    Laughed at your teacup chest story. I tend to drop a lot of food and my family tell me that I need a bib but I always tell them that I’m trying to keep my boobs fed. There has to be a reason they are so big! They eat better than I do some days 😉
    Okay, enough of my inane ramblings. I hope your week is going along fine and your ghost isn’t giving you too many issues. Have a great day.

    • Thank you Suz. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
      If you have the map of Wales I’m in a place called Greenfield. It’sjust below Flint on the map but my town is Holywell just slightly inland. I’m not sure what Ellesmere you’ve seen but possibly Ellesmere Port. If so I’m insulted as that’s over the border in England.I haven’t seen/read the Outlander series so don’t know the character.
      I suppose it’s a handy shelf for the well endowed so you can keep your supper there while eating tea? I have the sam problem with my stomach but at least it keeps my knees clean.
      The ghost has behaved but we’ll see what happens if Mike comes this weekend.
      Have a great rest of the week
      xxx Massive Hugs xxx Nadolig Llawen a Blwyddyn Newydd Dda.

      • I found Holywell on the map and also Flint. Google images tells me that there is a beautiful old castle ruin nearby also. One day I’d love to photograph it however that would also mean that one day I need to win the lottery. 😉
        Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you also. ❤

      • Flint Castle (ruins) are the nearest but they’re dotted about all over the place near here.
        I know that feeling of needing the lottery.
        Thanks so much for your wishes
        xxx Humongous Hugs xxx

  27. Oh, how I love visiting you in your sitting room with Big Al, the xmas lights around your window, laughing at our writerly idiosyncrasies (like over-thinking – always – and wondering if people like us, if they really like us – and more importantly – like our writing). I like you much – and I love your take on the world. Nadolig Llawen a Blwyddyn Newydd Dda with a Huge Hug from the world of NEW England. xoxo

    • Well, I certainly don’t need any more Christmas presents now. Thank you so much.
      You’re quite right, we do overthink things sometimes and we really want our work to be liked.Our babies.
      It’s wonderful of you to offer your wishes in Cymraeg for me, I send you the biggest Cwtch I can find and wish you a very Happy Christmas in New England
      Love from Wales,

  28. Lovely, the trials and tribulations of Christmas! Here’s to a very festive season for you and your family. Look forward to reading more posts in the new year 🙂

    • So much work for so little time in the end. Still, people generally appreciate the effort. It’s nice for familes to get together.
      Thank you Emma, I wish you and yours Nadolig Llawen.
      I look forward to being around for the new year.
      xxx Massive Hugs xxx

  29. Hi David,
    Only you could make me giggle and imagine a large chested woman resting a cup of tea on her chest! I told my husband who did say that would be his type of woman!!
    I hate Markies cafes, my nan loves the one by us but they never seem to have any tables and the queue is always coming out of the door. 40 minutes for cold food is rubbish for such a place, but random rubbish fact for you, mushrooms are a anti ageing veggie or so I have read. It’s why I eat them with every meal!
    I’m sorry about the charity spam from Canada you received. I’m sure it was random but still hurtful for you. Spam is such a pain and serves no flipping purpose.
    I’m in agreement with you about virtual friends . Just because we haven’t met, doesn’t mean I dont value people’s wonderful comments and the interaction I get.
    That scary time is nearly here and of course I’m still not ready, but why change a habit of a lifetime with last minute running around.
    Great catching up,
    Take care of you,

    • Wait till I get round to African bums. Yvonne’s husband Ugo is typically African with a bum big enough to rest a plate of sarnies. His waist is slim but he has to get bigger sizes to accommodate that bum. His sisters are like that too. Now, one Dowager Duchess type and one African next to me and I can rest my food and drink to keep my hands free.
      I must eat more mushrooms, maybe I can be like Dorian Gray.
      The spam did get to me but in the end I just get angry for the number of people they try to cheat. I gather two huge operations in Canada targeting the UK/Europe have been raided.
      I’ve met some of the nicest people possible thanks to the net.
      The adrenalin will be going now as time runs out. I’m sure you’ll catch up though.
      Have a wonderful time. I send you all Love and Hugs

  30. You get so much mail, David! Very cool that it comes from around the world 🙂 I am wishing you a wonderful Christmas, my friend! HUGS

    • I’m pleased to get so much from around the world Christy and only half of them insults. Then I get the ones from, enemies too.
      I hope you have a Wonderful Christmas an a Great New Year with wishes coming true for both.
      xxx Massive Hugs beautiful friend xxx

  31. I just subscribed to your blog so am late reading this, but I enjoyed it very much. Also good photos and music. 🙂

    • Thank you Suzanne, that’s very kind. I try to have some humour , some pictures and hopefully a bit of music to suit everyone. I do accept requests to unless it’s for me to leave the stage.
      xxx Huge Hugs xxx ( If you ever see my other blog The Buthidars you’ll understand Hugs are important to me).

  32. I know how much you enjoy a good spam so thought I would share one I have just had today, well I say one they actually used 4 emails and three different tactics,the first two were to notify my that the balance on my preferred JH card was at zero, very nice of them they even gave me the last four digits of my card 8333. the next email cleared up who JH were they sent this lovely message….

    Thank you for getting your taxes done at Jackson Hewitt and expressing interest in the Refund Advance product from First Money Center. To submit your application for the Refund Advance, please click on the link below and e-sign your documents by entering the last 4 digits of your social security number.

    As you can imagine I was thrilled they had chosen to do my taxes for me just incase our own government tax agency had made a mistake but there was more to come…

    Hello J,
    To thank you for trusting Jackson Hewitt with your taxes this year, we are giving you a $50.00 USD eGift Card to use at any Walmart location.
    If you have any questions or concerns, please e-mail us at
    Want more free money? Refer your friends to Jackson Hewitt. Every time a new customer you send gets his/her taxes done, you’ll get a reward. See office for details or visit
    Enjoy Your Gift!
    Jackson Hewitt Tax Service & Walmart

    You can appreciate my disappointment in realising that the gift card is aimed at a mysterious J. who I would guess must really really famous if he goes by just on letter, though I doubt he would appreciate the walmart voucher if this is the case

    • Maybe you should have applied for the gift voucher though as it’s in dollars it may have cost a bit to go and cash it. Maybe ASDA would have converted it and let you use it since Walmart own them. Wow, four emails is really going at it, that’s the best (worst) I’ve heard of. Thanks for sharing it Paula, I must look out for that one.
      xxx Massive Hugs as always xxx

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