The 1st Day of Christmas & Cleavage Tea Rest.

Sunday. 

On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me, a foolproof way to bump off a god and not get caught. Convince another god that the first god is trying to inhume him and let him do the job for you. At least that’s how my thoughts ran at 4.49 am this morning when I woke. I’d no intention of getting up at that time but of course all they had to do was prompt my bladder and the choice was out of my hands. There was a muted muttering under the breath on the return trip as Mike was still sleeping of course. When I reached my room I turned on the computer and checked the lottery before I tried to concentrate on the mail. You’d think Somnos, Porcinus or one of their ilk or even the older gods might feel I was owed a debt but no, a resounding NO, not even a number. The mail started out no better for me. There were comments on last night’s blog which were kind but nothing that suggested it was as funny or funnier than usual and I’d built up such hopes. As with many writers I lack some confidence so to write something that actually pleased me was rare but now it seemed my deflation was due.

I was getting towards time to leave the room when my first message came through that the blog had left a friend laughing. Brilliant, but hang on, this is a friend now so are they saying it to make you feel better? And so the over thinking goes. I left the room and went straight to the kitchen where the star of his own show was waiting for me. I was almost expecting to be sacked as his manager but I remembered I’m the hand that feeds him too and you don’t cut off that hand. Actually he was lying atop the amphora and it seemed, giving forth. A soliloquy from Shakespeare maybe, I wasn’t sure if the plecs were enthralled, asleep or dead until I opened the hatch and put food in. Big Al turned and gave me a dirty-red eyed-look. As he turned back to show he was ignoring me both he and I noticed his audience had taken the opportunity to creep away. I’m guessing I’ll get the blame for that too.

Once I’d taken my meds and made a coffee I went back to my room.I did a few more messages then got washed and dressed. More emails were coming in so I concentrated on clearing as many as I could before it was time to wake Mike. I had no idea how many David would be bringing this morning and I didn’t want them confronted by Mike half dressed and not fully awake. They’d think I had a pet neanderthal. 9.00 am was as late as I dared leave it so at five minutes to I went and turned the kettle on. It took 3 calls before I could get him to acknowledge his coffee was there but eventually I succeeded and felt it safe to return to work. At some point I heard Mike get up and go to the lounge then leave the lounge and get dressed before returning there to finish or refresh his drink. I’d just gone through to say good morning when I heard him say they’re here. In order of arrival for the man who hates crowds came My nephew’s wife and my youngest great niece, David himself, his mother in law, my eldest great niece, her partner and my great grand nephew a little older than Reuben.There was a knock at the door which surprised me and I called “Come in” then remembered I might need to unlock the door first. I was so glad of my ‘wall of shame’ which some people stood to admire as it meant we could sit in shifts, exchanging places at the wall. Thanks heavens not everyone wanted hot drinks. Someone vacated a seat when David started pointing out who was who on the wall and I jumped at the opportunity to sit for a minute. There was no chance to hold a proper conversation but it sounds like David’s throat is OK for now and he’s started a new job albeit temporary.

When they left I had chance to hug Marissa and pass over some gifts to go under her Christmas tree. She does seem to have a nice little family group. Mike started to do Ju’s flowers so I retreated to my pit again and brought myself up to date. I’d remembered one more gift I needed to get so as soon as we’d both finished we got in the car and headed for Prestatyn. I bought a few decorative things for my tree then since Mike wouldn’t accompany me to a Costa I suggested we had a coffee in Marks and Spencers. It was about 1.00 pm now. When we found the cafe Mike saw they did meals and had quite a fancy for a curried dish they had on the menu. About the only thing on the menu for me was a baked potato with goulash mushrooms. We paid and took our drinks to a table. My fist mistake was in no asking for a single shot latte, this was very strong. My second mistake was in not asking how long the meal would be ( and I don’t mean about 8″ the same as the plate). I took my pre-food tablet expecting the meal would be no more than 15 minutes. It was 20 minutes before someone came to the table to say they’d run out of the curry would he accept something else? I’d have been ready to go at this point and head for a nice cafe in town but he did make another suggestion- also run out. He made a third suggestion and you could tell his patience was at an end. After nearly 40 minutes the meals arrived. I started mine and was pretty sure it had never been to Hungary but it was edible. Mike started his, first bite from the centre of his pie and it was cold. The manageress offered us 2 free coffees, an alternative meal for Mike after checking it was cold, it was, he refused, and a refund of his proportion of the bill. I felt guilty for carrying on eating but he waited. He brought back the refund but I made him keep it and buy something to eat elsewhere…he chose the motorway on the way home.

We headed for home where he loaded up the car and after a coffee left to start the long journey. I started work. It’s odd when he goes and there’s no-one to banter with. At 5.30 pm I had a half hour break for a  sandwich and some rhubarb pie. Then back to work until 8.30 pm when I had a TV break which also lasted half an hour. Since then I’ve been here battling constantly to get up to date. Off out tomorrow for Yvonne’s birthday.

My tree at the front window.

Monday.

4.23 am this morning seemed to arrive a lot quicker than it was supposed to. It wasn’t very welcome though I should point out it hasn’t actually done anything to me, but I’m not best pleased with Kronos who may well be working hand in glove with Somnos whose parentage I still don’t know. Since I have to be out of the house at 7.30 am I daren’t ignore them and stay in bed seeking more sleep, that would just ensure I missed my bus.  I took a stroll to the loo and then powered up the computer when I returned. There was plenty of mail to go at but not enough to cause any worries, barring any sudden surges I’d be up to date when I left. At 6.00 am I got washed and dressed so there were no last minute panics if I forgot the time, I thought breakfast would be a good idea today too since I didn’t know when we’d stop to eat. After seeing to the fish ( I must have caught them half asleep this morning as none of them bothered with me at all) I took my meds and put some sliced rolls in the toaster.Once I’d eaten those I made sure I had foodie tabs to take out with me and returned to work.

7.30 am arrived soon enough and I was out the door, bags in hand, struggling to get to the bus stop in the intermittent hail and rain storms. Typically today it was a dead heat at the bus stop between the bus and myself. Once settled in my seat I closed my eyes to cut out the other passengers  and nodded off leaning on my crutches. I was rudely awoken a few times when the driver pulled up a little sharply, when one of our roads produced a pot hole we couldn’t miss and when my grip relaxed leaving my chin to come down on the armpiece of the crutch a little hard. I received a message from Yvonne telling me not to bring bags as she’d pick them up later when they dropped me off. DUH ! She also said they’d pick me up in town if I went to Cafe Nero. So, as the bus drew in at Chester the hail started and I was hammered all the way to the cafe. Once inside I could see it stopped.. I sat with a latte for a while and then deciding to have a cigarette I went outside to wait. Down came the hail again. I also got a text to sat they were on the way which I could barely read because of the hail melting on my right hand. I crossed the road to the bay where they would pull in, and they did.

We were at Blakemere Village at 9.45 am and went for coffee until the shops opened. Ugo must have ordered raisin teasted toecakes because the waitress came to the table to announce they only had a different one which he accepted for everyone bar me who had already had breakfast. While waiting, I gave Yvonne her birthday gifts, a tablet and a tablet case. She was thrilled. Mike had sent a silver chain with her birthstone on and she loved it immediately. There were a few smaller gifts for all of them which weren’t really Birthday related. The teacakes arrived and were eaten though I don’t think anyone was too impressed. By the time we’d done and Reuben was back in his pushchair the shops were well open. We walked round all of the Indonesian  wood craft shops and admired everything. Yvonne even made a small purchase. We went round the courtyard shops where Ugo bought a handcrafted birthday card for a friend and I got Reuben a T.Rex cuddly toy at which time the siren started. Nothing seemed to have set it off, and nothing would console him so we missed the next couple of shops and I mentioned the magic word- chocolate. A teddy bear consoled him after he’d bitten it’s head off and we were able to continue on the journey.

Somewhere between finishing the chocolate teddy bear and the next two shops Reuben fell asleep- he is his grandad’s grandson- so we stopped for a tea at a beautiful little teashop. From there we went to a toyshop and Reuben woke up. As he was in the pushchair and there were toys around he wanted OUT, and the siren started it’s distress signal until he was. Ugo held his hand while Reuben guided him round pointing at everything in wonder. The place was closing down so Yvonne was able to get some things with a 20% discount. Then we went to the pet and aquarium shop where both Reuben and I were thrilled to listen to the birds chattering away. He wanted out of the pushchair again so Ugo carried him for a while. By the time we caught the rabbits and guinea pigs Reuben was walking and following me round the fish section. I drooled at some of the fish and it was decided that my birthday present would be a couple of catfish. They had some stunning ones and also had a huge gibbiceps which was like an armoured tank. Snakes and lizards next which were very pretty but as we moved to the spider section I felt my toes curl up.

We left there and decided to return to the same cafe for lunch.  I read to Reuben as we waited for lunch to arrive and he made the appropriate growling noise as the monsters appeared.I had pie of the day with chips and mushy peas, Reuben had pizza, Yvonne had BLT’s with some of Reuben’s chips and I’ve no idea what Ugo had. It is safe to say now it’s not a meal I’d want to repeat. I think I’d prefer the other cafe that used to be on site but which is now a craft centre to throw pots and dip candles. After lunch as it seemed to early to go home Ugo drove us to the Wirral about half an hour away to a large wholesalers Yvonne likes for gifts. It was mainly given over to Christmas trees and decorations today. It was quite impressive. We still bought noting though Yvonne was very impressed by a 7 foot artificial tree.

They drove me home and the motion sent Reuben to sleep. They wouldn’t come in and risk waking him up so I just went inside to turn my Christmas lights on to show I was making an effort. I waved them off and then came inside to start work. It was 4.30 pm and quite dark so I left the lights on. Almost 200 emails since morning so I tried to make some headway. One of the best cons I’ve seen today though not one I believed. A charitable foundation in Canada set up by the $40m winner of a lottery. Wants me to have $1m to distribute to charities in my area in honour of his wife who died from cancer. The page was well set out and very professional for a change. The losing a wife from cancer hit home badly so they’d either struck lucky or had done their homework.

It took me until 11.45 am to get up to date with just a break for a piece (the last) of the rhubarb pie. I’d refreshed the screen about 10.30 am so I’d done quite a lot. That just left time for this before I was able to go to bed for a short read.

Tuesday.

I woke at 3.17 am and all I had running round my head was ‘Publicist to the Gods’ as though there had been subliminal messaging running through my head as I slept. It was like the cinemas that used to turn the heat up and then stick secret messages behind the films telling you ice cream would be a good idea just before the interval. It looks like Somnos has gone for the subtle approach after the frontal assault didn’t work. After such a short sleep I doubt this approach will work either. A more direct approach in person is likely to result in a bloody nose and a whimpering god. Still when I started the mail I was cheered by ‘Sexy Sadie ‘has sent you a video. After the last one of these I didn’t need or want to click on it since, how shall I put it ahem, the more voluptuous woman is not my ideal. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, I mean, I’ve got friends whose cleavage I could rest my mug of tea on and I love them but not in that way if you get my drift. It was sent quickly to the sin bin. Now if Katie Hepburn is out there somewhere and her guide dog doesn’t need a muzzle, I’m waiting.

I carried on with the mail, happily deleting blatant adverts until 6.30 am then went through to the kitchen. Two of the plecs were on the air pump which vibrates so I was wondering whether this was a medicinal thing with them or pleasurable. If the latter I hope Big Al gets a turn as his face wasn’t going to break into a grin anytime soon. Even little Al seemed to be quite cheery so maybe he’d already had a go. I had a look round the tank to be sure these weren’t distracting tactics while they dug the escape tunnel. I wonder if I could explain the concept of Christmas to Big Al? I fed them, took my meds and brought my coffee back to my desk.Before starting work again getting dressed seemed the best option to keep me warm since I can feel a draught this morning. I need to find the source soon.

By 9.30 am I was almost up to date  and decided to go out to the shops. First stop the chemist with a repeat prescription request and a box of Ferrero Rocher for the staff, then the Post Office, situated at the far end of the same shop where I needed to post a parcel off and hand over a box of chocolates for them. I get brilliant service and great help from both places and I appreciate it. Then to Pauline’s where I picked up my TV mag and also the 2 week Christmas issue which made me realise how close it is. A packet of bacon accidentally fell into my hand as did a Twix and 5 packs of cigarettes. OK, they weren’t accidental. I came home and put everything away then went back to work. By 11.00 am I was up to date again and so started wrapping a couple of presents. It made me realise just how much I hate this job. Buying them- no problem, wrapping them-Ugh. My hands shake so I’m more likely to sellotape me than the parcel.

That job took me up to lunchtime and my noon viewing. I had a shepherd’s pie and enjoyed Bargain Hunt, even the auction stages. I had to return to work at that point as I saw there was something I wanted to watch at 2.15 pm and if I’d fallen asleep at 1.00 pm I wouldn’t have dared skive off.  Busty Bertha had joined Sexy Sadie in the ‘Look at my Boobies’ stakes but I still wasn’t inclined to look. I remember taking a quick peek (accidentally, my finger slipped ) some years ago at one of these in my naivety and saw a woman with more muscles than Arnie in his body building heyday. Her neck was bigger than my thigh and her boobs had what looked like varicose veins. T’was not a pretty sight or site. Today it would have been a real Nightmare before Christmas. I carried on working, responding to mail, retweeting blogs and commenting on blogs as well as reading some of the adverts for Woucher etc. I thanked all those wonderful people who had retweeted for me and commented on my blog. What a patient bunch you are. At 2.15 pm I went to watch my programme. I stayed awake the whole hour and surprised myself. I knew my next break would be at 5.00 pm hen I had some tea.

The work wasn’t too arduous this afternoon, it was just constant. Keeping pace wasn’t a problem but I was secretly asking Kronos in my head what the chances were of me getting ahead of myself by answering the stuff that hadn’t reached me yet. That would mean I could take the time off at 5.00 pm and not come back to a new pile. I might even manage 40 or so winks. He wasn’t interested so I laboured on. At 4.50 pm I reached a balance again so went through to take a pre food tablet and make myself a sandwich- beef and beetroot, with a bag of quavers for my tea. I didn’t eat them until the 15 minutes was up but then followed them with my after food tabs and  small chocolate marshmallows. The first quiz was good and quite entertaining as the contestant ended up playing for £50,000 against an expert and only lost by one second. The expert ended looking harassed. Eggheads was also good but the contestants there fared no better at least for the first 15 minutes, after that my eyelids closed and the last 15 minutes I spent examining them from the inside. I woke up to find Come Dancing on but it had only been on moments and no-one knew so I was OK.

I came back through and the work had piled up in my absence but that was OK as I was here for the rest of the night now. Tomorrow no doubt you’ll hear my screams as MuJo are coming to take me out in the morning and then Dil will be round for games in the evening. If I’m very lucky I’ll get an hour between departure and arrival to clear some. Well, back to work now to see what else has arrived.

The Sanity Clause and his little helper.

Wednesday.

Sing Hallelujah, this has been such a long day and so much post waiting for me at the end of it that you are to be offered a shortened post.

I was up at 4.27 am and after enjoying  the relief of Mafeking I started in on the emails with the intention of at least being up to  date before I went out. Between then and 10.10 am I managed to deal with the fish, take meds, have my coffee, get washed and dressed and yes, get up to date too. I even managed to wrap to small gifts before MuJo arrived at 10.30 am. I saw to drinks for them , gasped at the size of one of the Christmas packages they brought in ( a giant loo brush capable of coping with all the bends down as far as the sewer I’m told) and then sat chatting for 45 minutes.

We took a ride into town so John could look at the Charity shops and I was able to use the opportunity to nip to the jewellers. The job I needed was done for me withing a minute and at no charge which was a great display of Christmas spirit. We looked at a couple of shops that do decorations as John is very much a Christmas person. Then we went for lunch at the Bells in Holywell which they’re very fond of.  After lunch we went to Flint where we had a good trot round the shops before going to get a drink at Temptations. I made sure I picked up some chocolates  before we went in. A couple more shops after coffee and then we drove home. I felt awful that I hadn’t wrapped their gifts yet though I have got them in Christmas sacks ready. I id manage to give them a gift I’d picked up while we were out.  They left about 4.15 pm and I literally flew in here to start work.

182 messages waiting and an hour before Dil is due.!! I did work hard but was still well over the 100 mark when it was time for me to stop. Dil and Matt arrived at 5.30 pm. I made drinks, we watched the end of a TV quiz and then got the games table out. I’ve no choice but to admit the night was a total disaster.  In Yahtzee I won one leg out of six played. Dil three, Matt two. I Nomination Whist I might as well not have played at all as they both romped ahead of me with Matt finally beating Dil by 10 points. There was a lot of smirking going on in which I was not partaking. At last it was Crazy 8’s which is usually my game, but not tonight. Though I got Matt’s score up to being MUCH worse than mine, every time I tried to catch Dil it rebounded on me and they both laid pick up cards on me meaning Matt didn’t lose by much. Oh quelle horreur.  They left at 9.30 pm as usual and after the usual tidy up and washing of pots I retired to my room for the night. Mail now up to 188. At 11.30 pm I stopped to do the blog with about 40 to go and I hope to finish those before bed. Wish me luck.

Thursday.

I don’t know if I was hyped up, spaced out or just too stressed by the amount I’d got behind yesterday, but I do know that after turning my light out last night about 1.00 am I was back up and (sort of) raring to go at 2.28 am. Not what you’d call a great night’s sleep. Somehow though I’d cleared up the remnants of yesterday (by not liking/tweeting those people who never visit my blog and return the compliment) by 4.30 am. I suddenly realised it was quite cool and perhaps a wee kip was in order so I sidled sideways back into bed and woke again at 7.15 am. You might think that this could send me spiraling into guilt and fresh panic due to Big Al but last night at about 8.30 pm Matt had gone to the kitchen for a drink and found I’d forgotten to turn their light off. So, swings and roundabouts eh? Mind you, last night he’s almost put their lights out completely as I asked him if he’d do the honours to save me moving and he turned it off at the wall. That meant off went the filters and airpump too. It was only when I heard, well nothing, that I twigged and got it turned back on. So really Big Al should be treating me as a saviour today.

Oddly enough that didn’t seem to be Big Al’s take on the minor delay  when I got to the kitchen unless of course he was a bit peeved about last night. As I moved from the near end of the tank towards the middle to feed them all, Big Al moved with me. Never once breaking eye contact it was like a rabbit in the headlights and I could see the car hurtling towards me. If glaring was an art form he’d be Modigliani. I was going to say Rembrandt but I can’t spell it. He lived near a lot of water too. I dropped the food in the slot by feel alone and was so fortunate at that moment to stub my toe on the cupboard that I could escape before the Jag mk 1V hit me ( oh come on, I’m not being hit by anything less). I took my meds on the run using my coffee so all that was heard down the hallway was my gasp as I tried to swallow the hot drink. Opening and closing my mouth in an attempt to cool it I must have resembles one of Big Al’s tribe.

Back at my desk I checked my bank to make sure I wasn’t in penury, had a quick look at ebay to make sure I wasn’t missing anything exciting and then started work again. There was early mail from Australia on one site that gave me great pleasure to answer since the banter is always good and a letter from a friend in Germany. I was on automatic pilot for a while as I sat thinking about how lucky I am in my friends. Some would say I have acquaintances since I haven’t met these internet friends, or virtual friends but I know differently. Yes, there are many who are just part of the social scene of being an author, reader, blogger but there are some who you know would be there through thick and thin. To be fair, most of them think in my case it’s thick. I worked until 8.30 am and though I had no intention of going out today, I got dressed. By 10.00 am I was up to date again and by prodding myself from behind with a penknife forced myself to take the path into Mike’s room and the wrapping of gifts. Next year I’m only buying things that come giftwrapped. This is a job I really don’t enjoy. Even square shaped things manage to tear the corners of the paper and trying to disentangle myself from the sellotape is worthy of the Keystone Cops.

It was wonderful when lunchtime approached and I was able to break away, not that many people agree lunchtime is 10.15 am. I just happen to be very slow at making it. In truth it was just past midday when I stopped and I was ready to eat. It was a corned beef hash today followed by a BFG mousse. Not bad, but I’ll save the second one for Mike. Bargain Hunt was quite eventful when one team went home with more than £200 which is an event as rare as hen’s teeth. I returned to my desk after lunch so that I would be free for 2.15 pm and the mystery series I’ve been enjoying. Today was no exception though it’s a bit annoying not having clues you can follow yourself to reach a who dun it conclusion. Yet again I returned to the desk after that to keep the mail down as much as possible in case Mike arrived. I was thrilled to receive an e card from my friend in Spain which goes well with the advent calendar I’m enjoying daily from Australia.

I took breaks from 5.30 pm to 6.30 pm and then worked hard so I’d be free for the new Big Bang Theory at 8.00 pm. Mike arrived at 8.45 pm and had a coffee thrust in his direction while I watched the newest episode but we managed to chunner a bit during one we’d seen before. He told me he’s coming on Boxing Day to stay for a week or so till the kids go back to school. That’s a shame, he’ll miss hanging up his stocking on Christmas eve now. I hope he’ll be here in time for the gathering of the clans on boxing day or I might have to eat all the trifle myself. At 9.30 pm I went to clear the wrapping materials off his bed before coming back for a final assault on tonight’s work.

Friday.

Do you ever get the feeling something’s brewing? No missus, I didn’t mean the tea. Something dark and dastardly that stinks faintly of unwashed hooves maybe.

I got to bed last night in time to have a short read. I’m at a vital part now and wanted to carry on to see if the escaped Templars now in Scotland, managed to buy ships from Genoa to make another journey. It was very cold last night and so I turned the light off about 1.00 am and snuggled down. I don’t know how long it took me to drift off but I know I was tired. I distinctly remember starting the 12 days of Christmas in my head at some stage. I got as far as 2 Turtle Doves before I woke up and heard a snigger. It was 3.09 am. Obviously I had to get up. put my dressing gown on and grab a thick stick to check the house with. Nothing in the lounge, the kitchen or the bathroom. Michael was lucky I remembered he was here or he might have woken to find himself dead and me throwing bedding into the washing machine. I found nothing. I went back to my room and was sure I saw something fade away from my office chair as I turned the light on. It occurred to  me that wearing my glasses might have helped and that possibly, just possibly I could have walked past a burglar and not seen him. I put my glasses on. I was wide awake but knew something was odd, oh yes, I hadn’t been to the loo yet. Odder still, I wasn’t ready to go.

There was a whiff of damp goat or something as I sat in my chair and turned on the machine. As it was loading an advert flashed across the screen, PUBLICISTS WANTED. APPLY NOW. I carried on and signed into my mail. The first message appeared to be my daily horoscope which was odd as I’m not signed up to one. Interesting to see what they say though. Capricorn. You may feel out of your comfort zone this week by the offer of a new job. If you have social skills ( and what Capricorn doesn’t) and an ability with social media, you should give it your full consideration. The rewards could be great. Refusal could be costly.

Smiling at the generality of these things I clicked to bin it.  it disappeared into the ether I was repaid by 25 more messages popping into my mail box without even refreshing it. I knew there must be a system error as every other one was a horoscope with some words emphasised… Refusal could be costly.  I deleted them and carried on with the rest of the mail. It must have been around 5.30 am when I caught up and since it was far too early for the fish I decided to go and sit in the lounge by the radiator. It didn’t take me long to nod off. It was a restless sleep in the chair and the whispering on  the edge of my consciousness kept bringing me back to the surface while I was hearing “No, no, let him sleep, it’s easier for him to think it’s his idea this way.”  I think  someone underestimated me and forgot just how lightly I always sleep. Things began to make much more sense and that feeling must have seeped through to my brain because I heard  “DRAT” and suddenly my head was clear. “Those conniving, illegitimate………” I thought, and woke up. It was 6.30 am, a good enough time to face the fish and to do my Friday drugs.

By 7.30 am I was back in my room with a coffee making inroads into the next batch of mail. Things went quite steadily but the computer was under union orders to go slow. As I clicked on a message to upload I was able to get dressed and dance a quick paso doble before it appeared. I managed about a dozen before 9.00 am but luckily there weren’t too many left. I made Mike a drink and called him twice to let him know it was on the bedside table. Then it was time to go to Pauline’s for some Milk and my new lottery tickets When I got back there had been no movement so I called loud enough for the street to hear that he mustn’t let it gi cold. He sat up startled, moved those little legs and went to the lounge. I joined him a few moments later. At 10.00 am he suggested he should get moving. DUH, that’s why I wake him, and by 10.15 am he was on his way to Manchester. I returned to my room and signed out of mail then signed back in to see if things had improved. They had except there was more mail again now. The real postman brought me some cards including a lovely one from friends in the Lone Star State. I grabbed a few minutes to put them up.

I worked until 11.00 am intending to do a little more wrapping but didn’t make it. Instead I nodded off in my chair again……peacefully this time. It wasn’t for long as my stomach suggested I fed it so I took my pre-food tab at 11.15 am and prepared to indulge in cottage pie. It was too early for Bargain Hunt so I started watching a Christmas film to pass the time and stayed with it until it finished at 1.15 pm. Since the new serial I’ve been enjoying is on at 2.15 pm it was a rush to do some work in order to justify another skive this afternoon. Whether or not it was justified I skived again until 3.15 pm but made up for it afterwards by not going to watch my usual programmes until 6.00 pm when eggheads came on. I made myself some beans on toast to enjoy while I watched it. Pushing my luck a little further I also watched an old Big Bang Theory before going for a shower. I’d expected Mike back before then but hoped he’d remember his keys if he came while I was in the shower as these days that door is locked. I can’t get used to the idea that a burglary could make me change so much. I only locked the front door if I was going out all day before. I never bothered for a trip to the shops.

After the shower I had a quick push at the mail until 8.00 pm whn Mastermind was on. Mike finally arrived home just before half past with a Chinese meal as he hadn’t eaten all day. He’d texted to see if I wanted anything but actually what I didn’t want was an increase in my waist size again. I’ll be in clown trousers soon. I stayed with Mike as there was a programme on about Queen at 9.00 pm. It hurt me but I had to disappear and come to work at 10.00 pm despite the second programme on Queen starting then. Naturally a lot of mail had accrued during my skives so it took me a long time to catch up and then get to the blog. Another bad day tomorrow when I go shopping. I wonder if I can employ some boy scouts or better yet girl guides to do my wrapping.

Saturday.

Before I’d gone to sleep last night Mike came through to ask whether I was OK. He was puzzled that I hadn’t spoken a few minutes before when I’d gone through to the lounge, stared at the TV then left. Perhaps he thought I was cross at the volume. The only problem with that scenario was that I hadn’t moved from my room and in fact had been wearing my headphones so hadn’t heard the TV. I had to get up and check the windows with him and just confirm the front door was locked. It won’t be the first time something odd has happened here. Many times I’m sure I’ve glanced things from the corner of my eye. Usually that beggar pinching one of my chocolates though he denies it.

I’m not quite sure exactly what time I woke up this morning but I did lie there for a couple of minutes. I slung my legs unwillingly into the frosty air at 4.35 am and I’m sure there was something small perched on top of my computer watching me. When I turned my head fully in that direction there was absolutely nothing there. I moved to turn the computer on before going to the loo.  As i got back and turned the main light on there was a piece of parchment lying on my desk with the word Contra written on it. I just couldn’t figure out what it could mean other than the Latin for ‘against’. In the bin it went and on I started with the mail.  There was quite a bit but it wasn’t unmanageable so that by 6.30 am I was up to date bar the last few minutes. I went through and gave the fish the pleasure of my company a little early. I can’t understand why Big Al never seems to appreciate it, I am the most obedient of servants. I fed them and left him glaring at the space I had last occupied as I moved towards taking my meds and some breakfast. The breakfast though would be a reward so first I went round and emptied the bin and brought them through to add to the main rubbish bin in the kitchen. I took all the household rubbish and the food waste to the appropriate bins and manoeuvred  them onto the path then added the recycling bags from inside. Anyone walking past would have had a fine sight of me in my red/black striped bathrobe, if their eyes could have penetrated the gloom that is.

Back inside I made my coffee and ate some cereal. I also put the kettle on to boil as it was coming up to time for Mike to rise. I took his coffee through just as his alarm went off for the first time so I actually caught him sitting up to turn the alarm off. His grunt of acknowledgement made me think maybe my timing had been perfect. Wrong ! He’d gone straight back to sleep.  Waiting a few extra minutes in case of delayed reaction I hovered round the lounge door. Nothing happened so I jut yelled “Don’t forget your coffee”. That got a reaction and within seconds Mike was sitting in the lounge. I however had gone to get dressed. When I had my thickest cardie on I went to join him and he started to tell me about his strange dreams. “Someone was trying to take blood without my permission and I ripped the canneloni out” he said “look, I’ve even damaged the back of my hand for real.” And he had. “Are you sure you don’t mean Canaletto?” I asked.

We eventually got out of the house for shopping at about 7.55 am and had to take the coast road this morning because parts of the A55 were under repair (what’s new?). At the Supermarket Mike got the trolley while I got some cash, I’m hoping they won’t be able to identify me with the mask on. Me, not them in the mask that is. First we picked up some gifts Mike needed before we started on the shopping.Once we’d picked up the few essentials then Mike had picked me up off the floor at the till we went for a coffee or at least Mike had a coffee and I had a cold drink, cold enough for brain freeze. It’s freezing and wet outside and I’m on cold drinks? Following that we left for Flint along the same route  we’d used earlier though in reverse naturally. No,the car was not going in reverse, the journey was. When we arrived and parked up we picked up a couple more items like some dog treats for Wilson my nephew’s dog. Eventually we went for coffee to see Ceri, Sian and Kyle on the counter in Temptations.Look, if you’re going to make up the story yourself, you don’t need me. They were working behind the counter I meant. Mike played his usual game of catch the double entendre with Ceri. There was no chance of her, or anyone else, missing them since they’re thrown so hard but she just laughs them off and agrees.

When we left there I was shocked to see it was almost midday. Mike suggested bypassing home and going straight for lunch. We needn’t eat straight away but he could pick up the t-shirts Tariq had done for him. Tariq was on the counter when we arrived and shot round to greet us properly. Moments later Angie came through and came for a kiss and a hug, I’mm just not sure how many restaurants this could happen in and I’m sure the natives are getting suspicious. Angie had Rob come and do the drinks for us and unusually Rob was less shy than usual and held a conversation with me. Maybe my bringing him round for a hug last time broke some ice. Tarq had taken the order through to Shella and Shirley so I went outside for a cigarette. Mike joined me. We were just finishing when Tariq stuck his head out to announce the meal was ready. We’d both gone for the roast dinner with honey glazed gammon and it was really nice. I had Mike’s carrots and he too my sprouts. We’d only just started when Shella came out with some stuffing she’d forgotten to put on the plated so we got to say hello.

Everything was great. Tariq came over and brought the t-shirts for Mike to see and we laughed. They were perfect. Then he was daft enough to apologise for having to spend less time talking to us recently. We both understood he was busy- or that Shella thought we led him astray. When we finished we did the ritual goodbyes only Mike was in a side room paying for the t-shirts so I was the one to get the hug and kiss from the two delicious women and not him. You can be sure I rubbed that in. We got home and put the shopping away. I really needed to have a look at the emails but I’d determined earlier I  WE would have to do some wrapping first. Unfortunately we decided to deal with the gifts for The Ivy and for Temptations so it was deciding who had what. how they would be boxed etc and it took forever before we could wrap and label them all. So, it was 4.30 before I could break away and come through. OMG hundreds, but what did I expect. I promised to go through at 6.00 pm and watch our usual quiz with Mike so I’d have to be quick. I stayed till 8.00 pm then came back through but was just overwhelmed. I went back to the lounge at 9.00 pm and declared I was watching a comedy with him. That finished at 11.00 pm. It was time to start the blog or forget it altogether this week. I felt like a truant. Once I finish this I’ll work on mail as long as I can and the rest will have to wait till tomorrow.

Mischief planned.

Now you see it, now you don’t.

 

 

Have a Great New week all.