Oscar’s Joke.



    There was a robbery. My ‘The Her ‘ and ‘The Him’ were out doing whatever it is they do when they’re not here, which is far too often if you ask me. No matter how many patrols I mount ( or at least intend to mount) there is only ever one of me , and though it’s true I have the Postwoman on the run, it seems not all Longlegs have learned to be afraid of me. Of course it’s possible that’s because not all Longlegs live with me and not all Longlegs have Superiors to teach them the error of their ways.

I always thought my own Longlegs had been well taught though I confess that at times I scratch my head and wonder what my ‘The Him’ was doing during some of the lessons because he certainly wasn’t paying attention. For instance, the number of times I’ve tried to tell him about not leaving  some of the small clearways open in the dark time. We all know there have been times someone has crept in and eaten my food. It’s different if it’s in the village itself as Longlegs there value my acceptance of their kind invitations, especially at the Fursty Ferret where they have left a nice salmon before now. But surely no-one could possibly think my meals are an open invitation to help oneself to.

Anyway, there’s been a robbery. I hope no-one is suggesting I was asleep on the job here  but it had been a fraught couple of longtimes looking after those beastly rodents who had made quite a noise when they thought the house was empty. I may have inadvertently dozed for a few shorttimes but was rudely awoken by muffled voices and clanking sounds. I stood up to protest and seeing what I saw , thought discretion the better art of valour and realised I could probably see things better from behind the chair in the corner of the room. Lots of things were being put into sacks by two Longlegs and carried out to a large white chariot.  I watched for a while until they seemed happy with their haul and one said ” Roit, that’s it, let’s get outta here sharpish .” They left and the chariot drove off quickly.

My ‘The Her and The Him’ returned. He walked in first and stopped, he looked around and gasped, “Oh no” he said “burgled.” The Her walked in and getting her priorities right came to check on me. Seeing me there on her bed, on guard of course, she dashed off to check on the rodents.( As if someone would steal them when they could kidnap me for ransom.) Anyway, next thing they were on the phone thing and men in blue fur came. I could hear the questions.
“Was anything valuable taken?”
“Of course officer. Lots, but the most valuable was my clock.”
” Do you know anyone with a grudge against you Sir ?”
“No, I’m afraid not officer.”
“Well, write me out a complete list sir. Beggar off cat, you’re getting under my feet.”
“I’ll do that officer. Oscar, come here boy.”
I went and had my ears scratched. I was desperately trying to tell them something but couldn’t get them to understand. Scratching my ears seemed to be distracting me, but I knew I could solve this case for them since I know who did it.
One of them was called Sharpish as his friend had let slip when calling him. But the other one, the rogue, Oh I know who that was. It was Procrastination. Many’s the time I’ve heard  ‘The Him’ witter that procrastination is the thief of time and since the valuable clock was stolen it must be him. If only these Longlegs could think like a Superior there’s be much less crime.

amelie and spag
cat girl and boy
Now for something different.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKDYyFf1s0I
Have a wonderful new week filled with fun and hugs to keep you going until next weekend


Filed under Humour

71 responses to “Oscar’s Joke.

  1. Heartafire

    Delightful ! Big hugs and a happy weekend wish for you!

  2. Burgled oh my, and with Oscar as a witness and he wisely figured out that procrastination was the thief. Such a wise kitty!! Those photos of Reuben are amazing and always Amelie is adorable. Also really enjoyed the song, your song choices are always wonderful. Have a wonderful week my sweet friend. Massive hugs.

  3. Be on guard for Dusty the Klepto Cat.

    • Oscar only ‘borrowed’ things he could eat so he never had to give them back.A whole cooked chicken once and he’d had a salmon too. He should’ve been nicknamed Jaws, I always hoped no-one knew who it was.
      xxx Massive Hugs DeBorah xxx

  4. Oscar was an amazing Superior. That was quite a bit of deep reasoning in the final paragraph.

    xxx weekend-is-over hugs xxx

    • Thanks so much Anne, Maybe I over-egged the pudding a bit in the last paragraph since Oscar’;s sense of humour might have lacked a bit. But he could have said it.
      I’m sorry you’e grandson-less this week. Maybe your young neighbour will keep you on your toes.
      xxx Sending Hugs Galore xxx

  5. Well Oscar has indeed proved he can put two and two together and come up with twenty-two! I do have to admit his way of thinking and working out problems resembles my own these days! I hope this particular theme wasn’t based on fact though – horrid thing to be burgled! xoxo

    • I think it must have been premonition Pauline since there was a burglary in 2015. What they took was irreplaceable even though the value may not have been high.
      Oscar’s connect the dots thinking would probably have had him offering to help them so they’d leave quicker. I’m glad he wasn’t there then though as you never know how thieves would treat pets.
      xxx Ginormous Hugs xxx

  6. I love Oscar’s deductive reasoning. Too bad the long legs don’t get it. Super Photos, David.

  7. I can just imagine doing an examination in chief of Oscar!

  8. This was delightful, David. Oscar had it all figured out. 🙂 The photos and video were huge fun too. Mega hugs!

  9. I am sorry to read what happened, and that the things they made away with were irreplaceable. Still, I am relieved to know that all the critters (and humans) are fine and that none of you were injured during the robbery.

    I admire the creative way you let us know about what must have been a horrible thing to greet you as you walked in the door. May Karma be swift for those who are nasty, and I hope the police are able to recover your clock at the very least. (The photos at the end are adorable, btw.)
    (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMORE dot com)
    ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder
    “It takes a village to transform a world!”

    • What I really missed was a gold watch chain that had come from my grandfather and a wristwatch Ju had bought me from America that I couldn’t replace. The thieves weren’t caught ( at least so far) but maybe Karma has visited them. I can only hope so.
      xxx Massive Hugs xxx

      • I feel your pain -my NYC apt. was broken into shortly after my mom died and I returned from the funeral with the family jewelry. Nothing unusually valuable, except to me, of course – like my mom’s engagement pearls. The thieves only took the good stuff, tho’ – no costume jewelry was missing. They were never caught and nothing was recovered.

        I have often asked Karma and her fairies to make sure that anything they had would be stolen from them – every time they replaced anything at all.

        Eventually one moves on, but it still smarts from time to time. Again, my sympathies.

  10. Sorry about your home being burgled. Oscar has great excuses. Cute pictures of the children. The baby seems to be enjoying her meal. The makeup on Reuben is fantastic. Huge hugs, David. 🙂 — Suzanne

  11. Those faces at the end creep me out! Why do people want to do that to their children? I bet they put pink bows in their dogs’ hair and dress them in baby clothes.

    • The faces are done via an app on her phone. Nothing is done to the faces themselves so it’s not so bad. I don’t know about other mothers but Yvonne has never decided to dress her pets so far.
      Thanks for dropping in Jane
      xxx Huge Hugs xxx

      • Oof! I’m pleased to hear they’re not real! And I didn’t even recognize yours beneath the make up. Hope I didn’t give offence but animal faces on human beings really frighten me.

      • Mine wasn’t there this time though I did have one a couple of weeks ago and you’d have no problem recognising me Jane. No offence taken and I’m sorry the pictures unsettled you. So much easier with an app than having to clean faces all the time.
        xxx Massive Hugs xxx

      • Do you remember The Singing Ringing Tree? I still have nightmares about the bear.

      • That’s not one I remember Jane, Where/when was that on?
        xxx Huge Hugs xxx

      • What??? You are not part of the generation that was scarred for life by The Singing Ringing Tree? I think the BBC first showed it as part of the Tales from Europe series in the mid sixties, but they repeated it regularly to make sure that successive generations would not escape psychological damage. It’s on You Tube. I got mine to watch it and they found it completely freaky.

      • I don’t know how but I escaped hat [articular trauma. 1966 onwards I was working full time so that may have helped and perhaps I wasn’t the biggest TV fan going either (except TOTP).
        xxx Gigantic Hugs xxx

      • Looks as though you missed it by a squeak. Lucky 🙂

  12. Evidently Oscar was paying attention although you weren’t. Love the pics and impressed at the fabulous makeup. Thanks, David and happy week!

    • I don’t think I ever pay enough attention Olga. Oscar must have been on form.The make-up is a phone app rather than real make-up so there’s no mess cleaning up afterwards.
      Thanks Olga, I wish you a very happy week too.
      xxx Massive Hugs xxx

  13. Hilarious, David. What a clever cat. I’m pleased he wasn’t the cat burglar. I’m sorry to hear of your real burglary. They are not pleasant occurrences.

    • Thanks so much Norah. Too clever for his own good very often. Our description of cat burglar is different. If he nipped through someone else’s window and came out with a chicken I’d call him a burglar but he’d refer to himself as a guest.
      Th real burglary was a pain because of two special items I can’t replace (or forget).
      xxx Massive Hugs xxx

      • Burglaries are a pain. Particularly when you lose special items – special to you and irreplaceable, but probably of little interest to anyone else. That’s the killer.

  14. Ali Isaac

    That Oscar… he’s so funny. I love how he calls humans Longlegs. I hope you didnt really get burgled! Have a great week, David! Huge hugs!

    • Hi Ali, I should have put him on the stage, preferably to Deadwood. Maybe we should call cats shortlegs though not within their hearing. They have long memories for revenge.
      The burglary came later than that episode.
      Have a magic week,
      xxx Massive Hugs xxx

  15. Oscar is wise. Sorry that you were burgled. I think there’s a feeling of violation that is traumatic, as well as having objects taken.

    That spaghetti face-hahaha!
    Enjoy your week, David. Hugs!

    • I wouldn’t have trusted him with my taxes Merril. Thank you, the burglary actually happened later than this but I’ll accept your regrets. I could have put up with most things except two items stolen I couldn’t replace, one being a watch Ju bought me in America that I loved.
      Yes, I think she must like the idea of make up.
      Have a lovely week.
      xxx Gigantic Hugs xxx

  16. I’m so enjoying each Oscar story, what a lovely boy, I would so love to give him a loving scratch! Thank you for brightening up my day (as always!)!

    • Thank you for you very kind comments. I’m so glad you’re enjoying his stories. You’d have needed a gauntlet to give him a loving scratch or he might have tried to give you one back like he did me so often.
      xxx Massive Hugs xxx

  17. I read this earlier today, but had to leave before I could comment; My day has been one thing after another. However, it appears that you all have had far more to deal with lately. I’m sorry to learn of the crime. And how dare that officer tell Oscar to beggar off! He must not know Oscar’s status in the house😁 The grands are cute as ever!

    • Actually it’s been quite a while now since the burglary and longer still since anyone was able to tell Oscar to beggar off. I have to say that was a lot politer than I used to be to him. His status in the home was obviously higher than mine and I never got used to his Master to Slave arrangement. His attempts to be my alarm clock were not appreciated either as the time I was to rise was always dictated by him.
      The grands are cute and wonderful, you wouldn’t think they could be mine.As someone pointed out in one of my books I hit every branch of the ugly tree on my way down.
      xxx Sending Huge Hugs xxx

  18. Oscar looks very self-possessed here. I wonder if this story is a mix of fact and fiction – ha! I enjoy the photos, so cute.

    • I think he always looks self possessed when he was sitting on me Marian. There’s always been a certain mixture of fact and fiction to his stories….if he’s the hero then it’s fact, if I come off best it’s pure fiction.
      I’m glad you enjoy the photos.
      xxx Huge Hugs xxx

  19. Oh no. A time thief! Great story and I’m glad the Superiors were all accounted for. Cute photos, David. I love the little string of spaghetti. *Huge Hugs*

    • Thanks so much Diana, yes it was a time thief. I’m glad you enjoyed the story. Oscar would have been pleased the only Superior that counted was safe, and his longlegs were OK too.
      Amelie liked to get down and dirty where her food is concerned. The spaghetti is difficult to tame though.
      xxx Sending Gigantic Hugs xxx

  20. Oscar with witness to the burglary! Oh the poor Her and Him returning too late ~ My, you’re a good writer!

    • They never caught my burglars and there were things that could not be replaced but it never cost Oscar a moment’s sleep nor loss of appetite.
      Thank you so much Christy, you’re very kind, theres nothing nicer you can say to a (once) writer.
      xxx Gigantic Hugs xxx

  21. Burglary is nasty and humiliating. People who are buying stolen things are criminals.
    What a cute picture. Children love their spaghetti. It is worth the effort 🙂
    Many Hugs! xxxx

    • Annoyingly I would have given someone with a sob story money to save them stealing. Only two items ever mattered that I couldn’t replace but that’s life.
      She reminded me o one of those paintings kids did using spaghetti and things. I don’t know if they love the spaghetti or the mess.
      xxx Hugs Galore Inese xxx

  22. No you Didn’t!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! I can’t imagine who committed the robbery but the lineup has some really flakey looking characters. Ha ha ha ha ha!

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