Rogues Gallery

My very good friend ( and brilliant author by the way) A.C.Flory mentioned in a comment on my last blog that she’d like a reminder of who’s who in the fishy world now they all have names. I’m sure some of you may remember the originals but here’s a run down of the Famous Five, survivors of their very own Armageddon.

Bronze Cory ‘Bonzo’

Don’t worry that he looks a little startled, he’s camera shy Unhappy that he was caught scouring for food. Bonzo a bronze corydorus (cory)

‘Pepper’ a member of the Pepper Catfish family companion of Big Al

Pepper is a very even tempered fish and quite fond of his/her grub. Also a cory.

‘Big Al’ in the process of a ‘Dirty look’ Little Al is smaller and paler

Hard to tell but Big Al is the same size as Pepper about 2″ long. Little Al is just over 1″ so far. Big Al is a little more orange than in the picture but it’s about right for Little Al’s colour. Albino corys.

‘Harold’ the Hoplosternum ( Hoplo)

Considering the number of times recently Harold has tried to give me a heart attack by completely disappearing when I’m searching the tank for him and then re-appearing as though nothing is amiss, should probably be renamed Harry Houdini of the fish world.

All of the above are a species of catfish and you’ll notice from their quaint little moustaches that they’re all from the cory family. Very hardy little beggars to have survived the Great Plague (Thankfully). I hope you enjoyed re-acquainting yourselves with them.

Hugs

Dracula’s Day & Payout Puzzle.

Sunday.  After a read it was fairly late before I got to sleep last night despite the lack of sleep on Friday. This time there was no problem though and I’d gone through and turned Mike’s TV off at 11.30 pm so I knew he was well away. So my light went off at about 12.45 pm  and I suspect it wasn’t long before the gentle sounds trickles from my lips. I woke at 5.54 am feeling much more refreshed than the day before. After nipping to the loo I turned the computer on to see the damage. There was quite a lot and quite a few comments on last night’s blogpost. I’m amazed at people’s generosity and kindness towards my posts since I realise they take some time to get through.

One of my emails was   ‘Molly sent you a direct picture!’=> CLICK HERE TO SEE IT NOW   guess where I didn’t click. It went straight to my trash so there were no repeats of last time even if it wasn’t the same woman. I could neither stand the embarrassment nor the possible excitement and I didn’t want a heart attack with Mike sleeping in the other room, he’d never hear me. At least I didn’t have to contend with the usual scams this morning. Maybe they were taking a Sunday off though who the heck would ever believe an email from the Tax Office on a Sunday anyway. At 7.00 am I went through to the kitchen to see to the fish. One of the plecs was on the front glass when I turned the light on but I saw the cory disappear into a strand of weed to hide away. I don’t know why he bothered as it was almost directly under the feeding hatch and he nearly got a headache when I dropped the tablet through. I wasn’t up for breakfast again, I find myself back where I used to be of not wanting to eat this early in the day even though the doctor recommended it. It was easier just to take my meds and make myself a coffee. Before taking it back to my room I prepared Mike’s cup as I had no idea what time he’d get up after being asleep from at least 11.30 pm. I wanted to be ready. After all, he might have set his alarm for some reason.

I went back and continued working. Saturday is when a lot of other people post too so there’s always plenty of commenting to do. If possible I like to re-tweet for as many authors as I can to increase their audience. Many of them have now become firm friends. It was getting on for 9.00 am when I was reaching an end of what was showing and I decided to get dressed before doing anything else. Recently I was asked to read and review a book for someone and I wanted an uninterrupted go at it from where I’d left off yesterday. I was doing really well and was just a few chapters from the end when I heard Mike stir. It was 10.00 am so I allowed to computer to sleep and went to make his coffee. I sat with him but in a sort of companionable silence as it takes a while for him to wake up properly. I know when he has done as the insults and quick retorts start flying. Today it was about 10.30 am.

We decided to take a quick run to Flint to look for something in one of the shops, what’s more we found it. We left home about 11.15 am and were done by 12.00 pm. I staggered and almost fell over when I asked Mike if he wanted a coffee and he refused never even checking to see if his insult friend Ceri was working. Instead he suggested going straight for lunch. Since everything I’d just bought was sweets I agreed. The traffic was a bit annoying again. Plenty of cars were out and about as people enjoyed the sunshine and warmth of the day, but the road works hadn’t progressed much. We reached The Ivy about 12.30 pm and parked up. Mike was none too happy when he had to move the car because another car came in and parked next to us but at a massive angle instead of being straight. He was worried they’d hit his car if they tried to reverse out. Chances are they would too. It was a stupid and thoughtless move. We saw Tariq by the side door and he called us over to look at the bars he was making to put up. We can’t figure out if it’s to keep the staff in or the customers out. After a chat he let us go in that way cutting off a big corner of the building we’d have to walk round otherwise. Today I’d brought individual sweets for all in the shape of Terry’s Chocolate Oranges. Some with exploding candy in and some with toffee which I hadn’t seen before. I passed Angie hers and Tariq’s and told her to pick the one she wanted. When Rob came out to deliver some meals I gave him one each for Shella and himself and Mike told him to make sure he got first choice. He got to laugh at my hair today though Angie said she liked it.

Angie brought the drinks over and we made our lunch selections then went out for a cigarette. The place was filling up and there were some pretty ladies sending Mike’s temperature up, he was beginning to pant. We’d just finished the smoke when Rob came out to tell us the meal was on the table but he didn’t know who was having what. He’d got them right though. They were as always very enjoyable. Between mouthfuls Mike flirted with anything that had a pulse while I just ate being out of practice with anything like that, by about 50 years I think. ( Mike says longer, a lot longer). After we’d eaten we took our time with the coffees and just enjoyed being there. When we were done I started to get my gloves on and picked up my crutches from the floor where I tuck them. I started to head for the counter to pay and say goodbye when Mike hustled me out saying he”d already paid. He wouldn’t brook any argument today either. I did the only think I could and thanked him. We took a route over the hills coming back to avoid the traffic lights and got home much quicker. Mike listened to a little of the Manchester Utd. match before putting his bags in the car and heading off. I think he was pleased they were winning 2 – 1 quite early on. I came back in to work on the 178 emails that had accumulated since the morning. But first I wanted to finish the book.

Once I’d done the review I posted it on Goodreads and the Amazon sites and also sent it to the reviewer who’d asked me to do it as it was dark humour and a genre she didn’t know. Then it was the messages. I really worked hard until finally at 6.00 pm I was almost done. I needed a break though and some tea. I took the easy route and finished off the BFG. I had TV on and was watching a cartoon film about meatballs from the sky when I must have nodded off. It was 8.00 pm and quite dark when I woke up. The film was over and the light was still on the fish tank. I shut everything down and returned to work to the new batch awaiting me.It was 11.15 pm before I finished that and started this. Time for a little read and sleep before tomorrow’s blood tests.

Who yoo lookin’ at?

Monday. Getting up at 5.05 am felt much more normal today. I’d slept for about four and a half hours and don’t remember any loo visits during the night. My bladder was certainly suggesting I go now though. Brimful of relief I came back to my room and turned the computer on ( it’s remarkable what some sexy French words will do).                There was a slightly different,  but just as con-worthy, an email from Nigeria as usual. The widow has been left 8 million dollars by her diseased sorry, deceased husband and she needs advice on how to get it out of Nigeria. It led me to thinking ( a pastime I partake of occasionally) that Nigeria must be the wealthiest country in the world and also have the biggest concentration of filthy rich widow and orphans who can’t spend a penny of their own money. I reckon the world supply of wicked uncles live there too. I could be wrong though, it could be Burkino Faso depending on how many haven’t written to me yet. My middle finger which serves as my ‘delete’ finger on the computer is now being paid overtime rates.

The albino was looking up at me from next to a clump of weed this morning when the lights went on. He looked almost friendly and didn’t swim off when I spoke to him. Maybe he felt safe flanked as he was by two of the plecs. I dropped some algae pellets in as close to him as I could to show we were friends before going off to take my meds. That done I made myself a coffee, filled my eating out pill box and went back to my room carrying my coffee and a plastic milk bottle for the recycling bag. Naturally the bag was shut when I needed it and it didn’t occur to me to put the bottle down and open it, I just kept trying to do the job one handed without spilling my coffee. In the end I managed it and only had to pick the lid up from where it had rolled away. Before I put my hand on the floor I was careful to scan it for any of the giant spiders we’re told will invade our houses now they’re looking for a mate. That must mean the females they’re seeking are already indoors. Not a nice thought.

I got washed and dressed. I chose a shirt from halfway down the i***ing basket as I worked out the weight of the stuff above will have pressed it for me. I’m not daft see, it’s all scientific research on behalf of single men everywhere. At 8.00 am I left the house to catch the bus. There was the population of all the senior schools in the area concentrated at the bus stop but I’m thankful I didn’t have too long to wait for their bus to appear. Mine wasn’t far behind either. I was in town for 8.25 am and at the hospital for 8.35 am. The nurse called the three people who were in there by name as she called them through. I just got the daft question ” Are you here for blood tests?” Checking her list and asking my name would have answered that. Perhaps she was having a bad morning already but as she approached me in the chair I heard her say “Just a little prick” which was either very personal or extremely rude. I pretended not to hear. I don’t argue with women who carry weapons . She took an extra vial this morning so the diet must be over. As I left I had to pass in front of my surgery and I never noticed the big sign that said Call in to book your Flu Jab. or obviously I would have done and made the overdue appointment with my doctor as well. Maybe the opticians should be on my list.

I was due to walk into town itself and go to the jewelers to get some batteries put in the Fossil watches but I couldn’t face the thought of being in that claustrophobic place with a door that locks behind you. Instead I found myself in the Lidl supermarket looking at pizzas. The ones I wanted weren’t in but MuJo’s favourite chocolate was so that’s what I bought along with 2 tee-shirts until it was time to go for the bus. I wasn’t waiting long for the bus and of course the journey going downhill took no time at all. I called into Pauline’s for some bacon and to cash my winning lottery ticket (£5). I always feel obliged to buy something when I take money out. I went home and got rid of the little cotton wool ball from the cleft of my arm and got to work on emails.  I knocked of at 11.45 am to go and make some lunch and decided on some beef sandwiches with coleslaw. It was only when I was eating them that I remembered I’d bought an onion this week and nothing says I Love You to roast beef like raw onion ( and some salt). I’m out with Yvonne tomorrow so I’ll try and bear the onion in mind for Wednesday. I missed the auction part of my antique programme again thanks to those damned annoying Zzz’sss that seemed to be flying around. I think there’s a plague recently. When I did wake up it was back to work.

Late afternoon before I knocked off for a break I received an email from Karl, the loss adjuster who sent his report which appeared to be a series of empty boxes.The important bit said that he’s recommending a payout less than I claimed, which I’d expected because they don’t pay on stolen cash, less the figure which I’m expected to stand myself but without telling me what that was. He’ll be in touch again on 6th October.  Again, he didn’t say why he’d be in touch because I thought his part was done now the insurance company have his report. I haven’t heard from them yet. It’s a relief though as I’ve spent a bit to replace some of the things . At teatime I put the washing machine on that I’d forgotten this morning then I treated myself to baked beans on toast which I’d been talking to Mike about on Sunday. I just had a fancy for them. Then the order of the day was Antiques, Antiques (different), Quiz, Quiz, Antiques, before coming back in here for a catch up again. At 9.00 pm I went to empty the machine and fold the contents. I had real problems untangling myself from my duvet cover when I was trying to retrieve a sock that got stuck inside in the furthest corner from me. It was only after I’d done it I found the duvet cover was inside out so I could just have righted it and the sock would have fallen out. I’m waiting for the day when Mike tells me there are as many shirts in the i***ing basket as there are in the wardrobe ( in his fevered imagination of course).

I broke off at 10.20 pm to write this post as I don’t want to be doing it too late. I’m prepared to stop doing mail if it approached midnight tonight.

Happy as Larry on my Skuttlebug

Tuesday.It dawned on me that the day hadn’t bothered to dawn at all when I got up this morning.Too mean to turn the lights on I tried to navigate past the office chair and the obstacles on my floor by the light of the clock which kept telling me it was 4.18 pm. I must remember to adjust it, unless of course I’ve slept more than I thought. Reaching the loo I decided to risk a light in case my aim was off, it’s either that or follow Mike’s trick of sitting down. One of these night I’m going to put the top lid down too so I can see what happens. That should confuse him. Going back to my room I turned the light on so I could find the on switch for the computer and find all the goodies I’ve been sent. Though repeats two more banks I don’t have an account with, want to suspend said accounts to give me chance to update some of my info. Yeah, hope on ! The tax people have increased the figure for my rebate to £501.36 when it was only £497.56 the other day. Perhaps it’s the interest I get from not claiming. My next real rebate if there is one will be April 2015 and if they come out with a similar figure I won’t be disappointed.

Of course there has to be someone who knows the ins and outs of my life well enough to be able to predict when my lucky times are due. I’d be a fool to miss out on this FREE offer and a bigger fool If I don’t listen to when the worst time for me to invest my money is. Personally I think the worst time to invest my money is when a fake fortune teller sends me a message. The luckiest times are when I keep my money firmly in my wallet. One firm wants me to invest in a Canadian or Australian lottery. I wonder why when we have a lottery here and also the big European one. I’d need a lottery jackpot to afford the tickets for these mad schemes. Finally there’s a lady on Facebook who thinks she and I should be compatible for togetherness. Given that I had to translate the message and given that she appears to be 40 years younger than me and as supple as a circus performer, I don’t think my heart could take it. I suppose I could go with a smile on my face though. I concentrated on the rest of the mail and getting it down to manageable proportions before I go out.

Because I know time sometimes runs away with me I brought everything to a halt at 6.00 am, got dressed and went through to the kitchen. Everything looks fine. The albino must have learned his lesson after the staring competition the other day. There he was sitting atop the bridge looking in my direction with that hang-dog look and sad -but still red- eyes. I fed them and backed of and somehow skidded on a patch of water on the floor going down quite heavily on my rump. Just as well I had my wallet in my back pocket, but I do wish I hadn’t got coins in it too. There seemed to be lots of bubbles rising in the fish tank. But surely that’s not possible?……….                                   After taking my meds to restore the semblance of sanity on my face I took my coffee back to the bedroom and picked up where I’d left off with the mail. It was fortunate that there was nothing more to upset me as I was still practising a smile instead of a grimace in th reflection on the screen. I was doing one thing and the reflection was doing the other which was quite disturbing.

At 7.20 am I donned my jacket and gloves to ensure I wasn’t rushing at the last minute and took a chance on one more message. It was one that required a comment and I was going along blithely until I saw the time….7.30 am.  I flew to the door, attached the crutches and started to go out when I remembered I had a bag to take. How sensible of me to have placed it near the door in readiness. How stupid of me to have opened the door and hidden it. I was still in time for the bus. I sent Yvonne a text to let her know the journey had started and then leaned on the arm grip of the crutch with my chin and nodded off. It wasn’t to last long as the bus didn’t take the first corner too smoothly and I was almost deposited on the floor. Then Yvonne texted back to say she was leaving home to meet me. The rest of the journey was uneventful and I arrived safely to be met by Yvonne and by Reuben who was pointing madly and smiling as I got off the bus. I liked Yvonne’s bright idea that we go and have a breakfast and a drink instead of having something heavy later. Reuben had toast and jam, Yvonne had a short french stick with sausage and egg and I had something too with a cup of tea.

From the pub cafe we went to try and find some jumpers for Reuben. They came in such styles as ladies leggings, ladies tops and ladies tights, but nothing remotely little boy jumper style. From there Yvonne wanted to take a dress to be repaired and as we were passing a large jewelers shop, she took my watches in to see how much it would cost to have the batteries replaced. £8.99 each was the quote but if the seals needed doing they’d have to go away. A 2 year guarantee on each. I told her we’d think about it. Yvonne left me to have a cigarette while she took her dress in and I noticed a smaller chain who deal in shoe repairs and key cutting now do watch repairs. When Yvonne returned she took the watches in there. She was in so long I thought my luck was in, but when she came out she carried a list. She quoted £16.95 for each of the large watches and £9.95 for the small one. The large ones could have their battery replaced free of charge at any time after this first charge and the smaller one was covered for just 12 months. Oh, and to replace the scratched glass on one watch would be £29.95. I declined. From there we went round to the Market where there is a nice little jeweler, the same question was asked again, No problem, £3.99 each for the two larger and £3 for the small which included the seals. “Just give me ten minutes” he said.

I nipped to the loo and gave Yvonne some money to buy us drinks in the market cafe. Not fantastic but thirst quenching. Reuben certainly needed it judging by the way he attacked Yvonne’s drink. We took him to the pet shop to see the rabbits and assorted small critters as well as the budgies and parakeets. He was fascinated as was I having a real soft spot for budgies. They didn’t have any rats. On going back for the watches I could see he was struggling a bit with the last one, the biggest in getting the strap back on. Everyone seems to have a problem with it but it’s really quite simple and clever if you just follow the arrows imprinted in the leather strap. Eventually it was done. I’m so pleased. Coming down the exitfrom the market which was filled with shops I was suddenly hit in the face by a beautiful butterfly. As it moved away I pointed it out and Yvonne said “That’s mum” and held her arm out. The butterfly came back and landed on her. I could see her hand shaking as she kept repeating “This is mum, this is mum.” It finally flew off before she could take a photograph on her phone. Still a bit shaken we decided to go for a drink and a cake. We had to go upstairs in the cafe and Reuben decided he’d been quiet too long and set up a screech to pierce eardrums. Only the waitress could make him smile, his mum and I were out of favour for some reason. Yvonne decided on a vanilla slice with a cup of tea, I settled on a milk shake and some potato cakes, Reuben had a teasted toecake but already had a drink in his pram. He settled down. From there they walked me to the bus stop and a horrifyingly crowded bus and waved me off. Reuben didn’t look at all happy. I know how he felt actually as Yvonne is standing up to me too well these days and I hadn’t bought anyone anything all day.

At home it was straight into battle once I’d let her know I was home safely. There was so much mail I didn’t leave my seat until 5.15 om. Mind you, I didn’t return to it until 8.00 pm and here I’ve been ever since with mail and the blog to do. It’s a hard life but someone has to do it.

Happy at Play

At the Zoo

 

Wednesday. 3.42 am saw the start of my day though I wasn’t necessarily fully awake. I was being led by my bladder. By the time I’d come back I was wide awake and there was no point in going back to bed. I just turned the computer on and got to work. It seems that Medium Tara (or whatever size she is)  is giving me perhaps the twentieth ‘last chance’ to write and request my lucky numbers or whatever is going to improve my life. One of the greatest improvements would be if she stopped writing to me. Trouble is you don’t know it’s her until you open the post. I’ve tried marking hers as spam in the past. I was actually clear of messages just before 6.00 am and decided as it’s games night and I might not have tea, that I’d have a breakfast today. So, once my very well behaved fish were fed, cough. and I’d taken my meds I slipped some bread in the toaster and waited. And waited. Then I turned the toaster power on and waited again. My coffee was done before the toast so I enjoyed the first sip of the day before the toast popped up. I buttered and applied strawberry jam and enjoyed every mouthful of the two slices.

Back at my desk I caught up on the mil that was still coming through until at 8.30 am I got dressed and at 9.00 am took a walk to Pauline’s for my TV mag. some cigarettes and some baps. Coming home I had the Twix that must have accidentally fallen into my carrier bag and did some more mail, thanking those who regularly re-tweet for me. I also had an offer from Vista Print from whom I’ve not had anything for ages. With Christmas in  mind I actually ordered 6 desk calendars for my son’s mother back in Nigeria (Hmmm) and for his brothers and sisters. All different pictures of Reuben looking bright and happy. So, I’ve officially made a start now. If any of you get adverts from them but haven’t tried them, or see an advert for them, it’s worth a look. Having pictures put on tee-shirts, on shopping bags or even making special cards using your pictures can make great gifts. There are lots of other things of course including your business cards which as an author you should always have since it can carry information on your website or blog to keep people updated. Right, advert over, back to work. I try very hard to re-tweet things for other authors who often need all the help they can get so I spent the rest of the morning on that with one break when I started doing pirouettes round the house much to the surprise of the fish. The postman had just delivered a cheque from the insurance company  and they’re obviously not questioning anything other than the expected, value of the Albert, cash stolen, some prices etc. At 11.30 am though I knocked off to get ready for lunch and for my programme. That would keep me away until 1.00 pm. Or should have done.

I woke up at 2.12 pm in my chair in the lounge. I think someone put something in my lunch. I must thank them.  I’d just got back to the computer when I had a text off Lee to say he was coming tonight. Great, I don’t see enough of him. I ploughed into the mail which had obviously been coming in steadily since I left. Nothing stupid thank heavens. I was still fairly elated at getting a cheque albeit not for very much, but it will allow me to replace things now. I wanted to be as clear as possible for this evening so I worked till 5.00 pm. I’d just gone through to the kitchen to prepare mugs when Lee arrived. Bless him, he’d brought me his spare tablet. Just a 7″ one but with good  specs ( since he is a programmer). I said I’d give it back as soon as I got a new one but he told me to keep it and wouldn’t let me buy it from him. So, it’s one item I don’t have to replace and I’m OK with my watches now since the Fossil ones I bought work fine ( so far). I’m even questioning replacing the Albert as I wear it so rarely I could use the cash elsewhere. He even set it up for me. I do love my nephew very much.

It was almost 6.00 pm before Dil and Matt arrived due to horrific traffic. I sorted their drinks out and gave Matt his biscuit supply. They were open before I could blink. We got the table out and I produced the Balderdash to play and some new sheets to use with it. The first game went so swiftly and modesty prevents me from saying I WON. No-one was near me. The second game started a bit slower for me but again I have to allow my natural modesty to come to the fore, yes I WON AGAIN!!!!! Time to change games so I drew up for Nomination Whist. I think I did the first four or five hands without getting my call and Dil was really flying. Suddenly a burst of wins put me in contention and by the end Dil was down to third place and yes, it was me again. It was impossible to dance round the floor with the furniture in the way so I settled for crowing instead. Quite satisfying. It was time for Lee to go so I gave him my thanks and wished him goodbye ( and better luck next time). Then I dealt a hand of Crazy 8’s as there was still half an hour before Dil and Matt go. Things did not go my way at all and though I didn’t lose he game, I didn’t win either. I’m so unlucky ! As Dil got up to go he told me it would be Thursday night next week as he’s running his wife to the airport on the Wednesday. I said it would be kinder to take her in the car but maybe it’s a fitness thing?

After they left it was the usual tidy up, washing up and taking my tablets before I could come back through. The mail has been horrific which is of course down to you lot keep writing things on blogs etc. Some people have no self control. It’s now 11.45 pm and I still have mail to finish. Night All.

Mummy said it’s a rhino sorea**e I think.

 

 

 

Thursday. 3.51 am and for the sake of my tootsies I turned the light on as I stumbled to the loo. I can’t imagine what it would do to the village to be woken by a bloodcurdling scream as I stubbed my toe so I was swearing my slippers for protection. As I stumbled back on the return journey I slipped my dressing gown  on because it was definitely cool. I did my banking first this morning to make sure my pension had gone in. I know it’s selfish but I thought I might eat next week too. That done I turned to my mail only to be assaulted almost as I signed in. A message from the NatWest tells me that because I have not responded to their request for information my fictitious account has now been suspended. It’s the first time I’ve been mad to feel guilty for not doing something I shouldn’t have done anyway.  The conmen are getting more audacious by the minute. There were some interesting messages too like one from a friend which suggested I have 3 angels looking after me. If only I would send the message on to five more people within the hour. Dire consequences befall me should I not pass it on. Not only do I dislike these chain mail threats but I dislike them even more when religion is brought into them. Though she and I can discuss our religious differences we both know we’re at opposite ends of the polar spectrum. Maybe she actually believes the threats in which case I should forgive her.

At 6.00 am I went through to the kitchen. As I turned on the light I saw a flash of white in the tank. I went over slowly and turned the tank light on. My pal the albino cory was lying under the bridge sides heaving from the effort of flight attempting to portray himself as innocent. Believe me it’s quite hard to look innocent when your eyes are that red. I knew he’d come from the direction of the filter but couldn’t see what he’d done or what was different. Seconds later I glimpsed movement from the corner of my eye. One of the smaller plecs  emerging from the mouth of the filter and creeping surreptitiously across the back glass to remain unnoticed. I don’t know if there was a sabotage attempt or a rescue attempt but there was definitely something very ‘fishy‘ about it. I took my meds and made a coffee which I carried back to the computer where I carried on working until 8.00 am when I got dressed. I couldn’t decide whether I was brave enough to take my cheque into town and pay it in. I could look for a tablet case at the same time. The problem is it’s market day and probably very crowded. Ah, but will it be crowded early? I put my shoes on ready to leave at 9.00 am then took them off again. I did a couple more messages then put my shoes back on. As 9.00 am came I made myself go out. A bus came and I was part way on before I realised it’s not my usual one and it’s very crowded. Lucky for me there was one twin seat free but I had to walk past three seats on either side to reach it. Why didn’t I leave my shoes off?

When we arrived in town the bank wasn’t open. I checked and saw it opened it’s doors at 9.30 am. With ten minutes to waste I walked up the high street behind the market and came back down in front of the stalls. There weren’t many stalls and there weren’t too many people. It did look like rain was threatening so maybe that was why. I found 3 picture frames diminishing in size but no tablet cases. That will have to wait until my expedition with Mike. As I got down the street the bank was open and I went in. I was the only customer. While I filled in the paying in book another two customers came in but they were going as I was ready so it really was a quick in and out for me. In 3 working days the cheque  will have cleared. Back up town again to the bus station where I can have a smoke while I’m waiting. Had I not been alone ( and if I’d remembered chocolates) I would have gone to Kassidy’s for a drink. I was home for 9.50 am and the only passenger on the downward journey. As I was coming round I saw my postman Darren who called to say he had a parcel. I told him I’d be home in a minute. I’d got my jacket and shoes off before he arrived and handed me a box and a postcard. The postcard had been posted at the same time as the other one I received over a week ago, the difference, the other one was placed in an envelope. It had a beautiful view of Andalucia and I got straight on to let Lottie know it had finally arrived. The box contained a hat brush I ordered for Mike, or rather for his hats.

I worked until lunchtime which today was a crown of chicken with sweet potato mash and petit pois. I was watching my antiques show while I was eating and thinking how much I’d enjoy doing that. I took my plate through and washed up then settled down to watch the auction. It happened again, I just zonked. I’m sure they have some barely audible commands in the background hypnotising people. I woke at 1.40 pm, turned the TV off and went back to work. I got to about 3.00 pm when my stomach made noises like the plumbing was broken and I had to dash. In fact I had 4 dashes before 5.00 pm and missed some of my second antique programme of the day. I wonder if there’s something subversive about antique shows in general? I had some tea which unfortunately was some more of what I’d had for lunch as there was too much at lunch time. Wait for it……THE PROOF, I started to watch my last antique show at 7.00 pm and had to dash again. By the time I came out I was sore, cherry red and vowing never to watch another antique show (until tomorrow).

At 8.00 pm I came back through to the bedroom with one more detour. Here I have been ever since answering messages of one sort or another. One lovely message told me how much a granddaughter had enjoyed my Tall Tales poems and the lovely grandmother offered to put links for it on her blog. So kind. Though I advocate we should be kinder to each other than we are, people constantly surprise me with just how sweet they are. Certain people show their kindness to me day after day giving me hope for the world. I won another Fossil watch tonight but I really must stop now, I already have more watches than I have arms and more than I have cases to put them in too. I must give some thought to birthdays up and coming and to Christmas. Just 90 days to go folks!

Friday. If I ever find myself stuck in a Groundhog Day of today’s I’m jumping under a bus. I managed a little read after getting to  bed last night and turned my light off about 12.30 am. I got up at 1.54 am. I read again until 2.45 then when the yawning got too bad I tried again but was awake at 3.42 am. Convinced that was it I started looking at some work but by 4.40  am I was writing anything at all and even I couldn’t understand it. I wiped it all and decided to go to my chair in the lounge and try there. Success, I nodded off until 5.45 am. By my reckoning just three and a half hours at best. I’d left the computer on so it took no time to start and get into my emails. There were a lot.Thanks peeps!!

I worked till 7.00 am then took  a stroll to the kitchen knowing I needn’t rush now the fish and I are friends. What fish? Nothing at all in sight when I got there. I couldn’t help but remember the small pool of water on the floor that caused me to slip recently. Have they been digging an escape route to the sink and FREEDOM ? That could be why the  albino has been nice to distract me. Almost automatically my hand went out to put food in and one of the plecs broke cover. The sly dogs  cats , they’re doing this to scare me. Carefully I scoured the tank with my eyes until I’d spotted them all including the albino who was wearing a patch of weed like a cloak of invisibility. I’m glad it’s Saturday tomorrow as I’m going back to missing food on that day and they can hide all they want.

I did the usual, tabs, coffee, computer but left the renewing of tablets for the week until later. As I sat at the computer and took a big drink of my Americano I found I’d forgotten to sugar it. Since the mess I’d make spitting the mouthful out would be mine to clean, I forced myself to swallow. Ugh! I thought about dropping a cube of dark chocolate in but my mind rejected that as it’s not especially sweet. It was either go back to the kitchen and get sugar or persevere. I persevered. I got dressed sometime before 9.00 am and when I thought the schoolground mafia had gone from Pauline’s I took a walk over for some bread and some more dreams via the lottery. I came back and started work again.

At 10.05 am there was a knock on the door. I thought maybe the postman had something for me and opened it straight away. “You shouldn’t do that” said a voice I don’t know as I cringed back at the sight of a stranger. I couldn”t hide at that stage, it wouldn’t work so I let him explain that he was from the team doing fire alarm tests, emergency warden intercom tests and checking the property was secure with alarms in case I got burgled. Presumably he didn’t know he was here precisely because I had been burgled. The area has now been designated as No Cold Callers so I was issued some warning posters for them which he applied to my door, and a personal alarm for me. He was very pleasant but my nerves were shot. When he finally left I had just sat down when the door went again…..what’s the choice, postman or same man forgetting something? The answer is neither so yet again I was confronted by a stranger. I recognised the uniform and managed to let him in without having to stutter too much. He’d come to service the boiler. It was a pain because given some warning I’d have been prepared for him. As it was I had to drag things out of the airing cupboard to give him access. Everyone tells me I shouldn’t do that but so far they haven’t supplied a personal manservant to do it for me.

I carried on working until halfway through the visit an after he’d been in the loft he told me he needed access to the gas meter. You may remember my quest to have that moved because of the position it holds near the floor in the furthest corner of my inaccessible pit. There’s no way I can’t use that room for storage as was intended. The gas people have said they’ll put me on a smart meter so info goes to them straight away. That’s over 12 months ago now and nothing has happened. I asked them to raise it. They said not to do any lifting but to let their meter readers do it. Yeah, the last one wasn’t willing. As it happens neither was the boiler man so I had to do it again. Then back again once he’d finished of course. I’m sure he was a very nice man but he had the most annoying habit of going dum-de-dum all the time. No recognisable tune and no variation either. I was quite pleased when he left and I was able to grab a cigarette before lunch. Roast beef and red onion baps today.

I watched the auction without falling asleep today and then went back to work afterwards. Two or three messages and then an alarm started on the kitchen window and as I leave the room to check there’s some banging on the window of my room. I just about reached the kitchen and saw the window cleaner had been a bit enthusiastic, which made me understand the noise at the back too now, when there was a knock at the door. One of the team looking for payment. Unless it’s gone up he diddled me too but believe me I just wanted to shut the door. I managed to reach my room when some post came through the door,. In an afternoon, here? Not been known before. I bent down to pick it up and yes, there was a knock on the door. It had to be Darren this time. No, it was the fire alarm safety officer back again to see whether he’s asked me about window alarms. Gordon Bennett, it was his lot that supplied them!!!!!!!!!

Finally peace and quiet and the chance to catch up a bit. I worked until 4.30 pm when the last day of my antique show comes to a head. At 7.oo pm I’d hoped to see the finale of another prog but it wasn’t on so I locked the front door and went for a shower. I’d had another key cut for Mike and given it him last week as he couldn’t find his previous one so he’d be able to get in. When I came out of the bathroom I decided to do a bit of a catch up until Mike arrived but at 8.00 pm I went to the kitchen to prepare his mug. There was a plastic bottle I’d forgotten to move to the recycling so I took it then. I was on my way back when I saw Mike about to knock so I opened the door. “Just as well you were there then” he said. “Where’s your key” I asked. “I didn’t see the point in bringing it if you’re in” was the response. It occurred to me that I could be in, but lying there deceased which wouldn’t help him get in if his bloody key is in Rugby.

I made his coffee and we filled each other in on our eventful week then I stayed and kept him company until 10.00 am when cowardice brought me back to the post. It’s horrific and I had to stop at 11.30 pm to give me chance to get to the blog. It’s now half past midnight and any more will have to wait for tomorrow.

Mike’s Dragons

 

Mike’s Coffin Shelves

Saturday. I managed to get to bed just after 12.30 am this morning and was determined to have a short read so at 1.15 am I made myself put the book down and step away. I doubt I was long getting to sleep. 

I woke at dead on 5.00 am in full panic mode as I’d no idea just how many messages I’d left unanswered last night. I even forced myself to turn the computer on before I hopped cross legged down the passage towards the loo. When I got back we were ready to go…….ish. I’m afraid not all the sandwiches had made it to the picnic as they say. By the way, who is the THEY that keeps saying things like this? Rude remarks about my mental aptitude will earn a swift clip round the ear.

I worked flat out ( No, that doesn’t mean lying down again) until I heard Mike’s alarm go off which was at 6.55 am. With a sigh so deep it was at the bottom of a well I went to the kitchen to start the day proper. As I turned on the kitchen light I glanced at the tank. Two plecs on the glass at the front and the albino sitting atop the bridge in such a fashion that if he’d been any more human he’d be swinging his legs. If I had my way he’s certainly be swinging somehow. As I placed food through the slot is head seemed to follow my every move but he didn’t go anywhere. It’s unnerving I tell you, he’s not natural.

I put the stuff in Mike’s cup and flicked the switch on the kettle. While I waited for it to boil ( I didn’t watch it just in case)I took my drugs and made my own drink. I dropped Mike’s coffee off on his bedside cabinet , gave him a shout and carried on through to my room to see to getting dressed. Mike’s alarm went off for the second time and amazingly he got up under his own steam and went through to the lounge. I wished him Good Morning but got no response so I knew he wasn’t awake yet. But, a couple of minutes later I heard him light a cigarette and I knew we were OK. I only had time for a few more messages as I needed to transfer things from one jacket to another, make sure I restocked my food tablets and get the shopping list I so often leave behind.  I looked round and my jaw dropped, Mike was standing there fully dressed, eyes open and with his coat and hat on, tapping his foot in a ‘Why are we waiting’ kind of way. I got my skates on ( not literally) and made ready to go. We reached the supermarket the earliest we have done in ages.

We went straight for flowers this week as I didn’t need potatoes. Then it was round the children’s clothing sale but Reuben was out of luck unless he changes sex and then to look at the gents clothing before finally heading towards food. Sticking anything easy to do in my basket it was like watching the 1000 m final at the Olympics. We were at the checkout in no time at all. Once through we decided on a coffee which Mike went to get while I sorted out the cigarette supply. We loaded the car, returned the trolley with which I had a fight as it didn’t want to return the £ coin. No way was I returning to the car without it as it was Mikes and he’d think I’d pocketed it. I’d been wondering about a case for the tablet Lee had given me and we decided on a detour to a shop called B & M which naturally we know as BUM Bargains. There had been a case in the Supermarket at £14.99 which Mike decided perhaps I shouldn’t get after he picked me up from the floor. In BUM we found one at £2.99 which was perfect and was a good make which was handy. I bought it.

From there we headed for Flint where we were able to have a coffee and some banter with Ceri in Temptations. I can’t say it often enough what a delightful, bubbly girl (woman) she is. A quick trip to the frozen food shop and then home to unpack. He passed me the bag with the frozen stuff naturally and left me to put it away. Such a cruel man he is.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         When everything was away I started to try and play catch up with the mail but as fast as I did it, more came in. By the time 1.00 pm came and it was time to go out for lunch, I had almost as many as I started with. Still. it didn’t stop me going. It was quite busy when we got there but Angie seemed glad to see us and had a quick word as well as giving us a kiss each for the sweets we’d brought. I’d also picked her up a little reserved table sign because she liked the one we’d brought in as a joke before. Tariq was in the kitchen but came through for a hug when he saw us (CCTV). Mike had brought a little electrical item for him to work on for him so I left them having a word and went for a pre-lunch smoke. I’d already ordered my gammon, baked potato and side salad. We managed a few laughs while we were there  and then finally headed for home again and the thrill of the computer. I set myself a time limit no matter how much work there was as Mike should have some company. Since they let his cell mates go I thought I’d better be there for him. So at 5.30 pm I went through and stayed there until 8.00 pm. Back in here till 9.00 pm then back out to make some supper for us both.  At 9.30 pm I had to come through knowing I wouldn’t be leaving again tonight.

One of the first treats that caught my eye when I came back through was an email from what seemed a reasonable address but with No Subject in the subject line. I should have known better.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Hi, I’M Christina M Hammock. I am a UNITED STATE Military / Nasa .From united state of America. Am supportive and caring, looking forward to get a nice friend. I will introduce myself better and send you my picture as soon as i receive your mail. Christina                                                                                                                                                                Can anyone tell me what a United State Military/Nasa is? Can you just imagine the unshaven, overweight, ex-truck driver ( or her husband) sitting there sending out this message all over the world trying to reel someone in to a romance followed by a request for her fare to be paid to this country, Oops had to spend the money as my son is in intensive care after a fight with his transvestite lover who needs help with lawyers fees and I don’t have a dress to wear for the hearing…….. It just occurred to me that maybe I could try this to and at least get the spelling right.

Mike is watching some comedy show on the box and it’s getting late so I’m going for another look at the mail. I wish you all a Wonderful New Week.

Thoughtful Leonardo.

Playful Picasso

 

 

Two Dinner Tuesday & The Loss Adjuster Calls.

Sunday. When I turned my light out finally last night Mike was still watching TV in his room. I slept and then got up a little after 2.00 am for the loo and he was still awake though reading. I slept then got up again at 3.00 am and he was finally asleep. When I woke at 5.20 am I convinced myself just a few minutes more and didn’t wake again until….wait for it, 7.40 am. I expected to be in deep doo-doo as I rushed t the kitchen fastening my dressing gown as I went and bouncing off the walls off balance. That didn’t help much when I turned sharp left in the lounge thus taking away the luxury of a wall on my right hand side. I bounced off the cabinet on the left then almost somersaulted over Mike’s chair on my right. I’d accuse him of booby trapping me if it weren’t that the chair is always in that position and it did break my fall. Still a little gloomy, and so was the weather, I turned the kitchen light on and made my way over to the tank. On went the light and as I reached for the foot slot I started babbling ” I’m so sorry I’m a little late but I must have been tired last night and slept in forgive me.” As I babbled like the proverbial brook I dropped an algae wafer into the water. One of the plecs came off the front glass and swam towards the wafer but stopped as it saw the albino heading in the same direction from the corner of the tank it had been watching me from. Pulling up close by it seemed to not it’s head and the plec came forward to eat. While it’s attention was elsewhere I turned and move away. It reinds me of an Alky Prawn type gangster of the 20’s in  white suit.

I half filled a mug with milk, took my sprays and then took my meds using most of the milk, leaving just enough in the bottom for my coffee. I had an Americano this morning and took it back to my room. I was fairly sure I’d see nothing of Mike before 9.00 am and it was just 08.10 am now. I made a start on the mail and there was a lot this morning much of it requiring comments from me or at the least re-tweets. There was also some personal mail I needed to answer which I tried to do early on. 9.00 am came and went and I didn’t seem to have made a dent in the list. By 10.00 am I was perhaps three quarters done and still no sign of Mike to call a halt to it. As my guest he does own some of my time and attention though he says he doesn’t get any.He finally made a move at 10.20 am so I called a break and went to make him a coffee. When I placed it on the table in front of him you’d swear he’d gone back to sleep though I hoped not as he was still smoking, or rather his cigarette was. I nipped back to just finish the message I’d been in the middle of and was an extra one down when I heard “Good morning, thank you” called out. Quickly finishing what I was on I went through to join him.

We were an age deciding what to do today which means I was desperately  trying to find a way to avoid going hunting for cars with him. He’s a real car enthusiast and wants a new one with an electric roof, enough seats for the grandchildren, enough boot room for shopping and with a full leather interior. I’m only interested in leg room and boot room in a car and whether or not it’s a sports car with a go-faster strip doesn’t interest me. Nor does fuel, mpg, speed, interior fittings or colour. Hunting for cars would bore me to tears. Mike loves to talk about them and believe me can talk for hours to the right person. If he’s going to talk to a salesman, I don’t want to be withing 50 miles. Anyway as it happens time was getting on and it was 11.40 am before we were dressed. Mike had an old handbag of his mother’s made of Bakelite, very unusual, you don’t often see a man carry a bag so well. He had wanted to show it to an Antiques dealer for some time but kept forgetting ( you have to make allowances at his age). This week he’s finally remembered so decided to take it to him on our way to lunch. The man was unfortunately not very knowledgeable about such things and offered to take it to another dealer next week who specialises in unusual items. Probably worth £20-£30 he said. We left and went to lunch.

It was fairly early when we got to The Ivy, probably an hour earlier than usual. We managed a few words with Angie and with young Rob but it was a few minutes before Tariq escaped from the kitchen for hugs.He saw today’s chocolates and claimed them for his own. As he told Angie they were his we both shook our heads no so she told him off for being greedy. Angie made our drinks while we decided on food. Mike said  he wouldn’t laugh if I asked for bacon again so I ended up with BLT’s today and a small bucket of chips. Odd kind of Sunday dinner. Mike asked for two rounds of cheese on toast, one with bacon on and one with an egg so his choice wasn’t much better. I took my pre-food tablet and went out for a cigarette while the sun was still shining. As we came back in Tariq brought the meals over. Nothing less than wonderful. We managed another small chat with him again before we left and I had to tell Mike and him to stop teasing Rob about his orientation and I don’t mean his map reading. His haircut is fair game though since Mike, Tariq and myself can all be challenged on that score. Mind you, Mike is folically challenged anyway. Forget I said that, he has plans to cut my hair next week sometime after the loss adjustor has been.

We drove home and I helped Mike put his luggage in the boot and waved him off as he drove to the garage before heading home to Rugby. I as usual came through to attack the mail. I took a break at 5.00 pm so I could takes some tabs and eat something which I did in front of a Sandra Bullock film. Good entertainment and I’m sure I have a crush on her. At 8.0 pm I came back through and tried to get the list to nothing before doing the blog but I had to give up. Now this is done I can go back to it. I wish you all a Wonderful Week. Hugs all round.

Monday.Dyslexia rules K.O. As I got up at 5.27 am this morning. By the time I’d been for a wee then come back, turned on the computer and signed into my emails, kit wasn’t even 4.00 am. I really must learn to differentiate between 3’s and 5’s sometime soon. I was up, I was awake despite getting less than 3 hours sleep, nothing for it but to make the best of it. Only one major personal message today meant the normal work flowed well and it was just approaching 6.00 am when I caught up with both addresses. What to do? It’s too early to put the washing machine on an for the same reason far too early to put the hoover on and show the neighbors how domesticated but  how ignorant I am.I know, I’ll give the fish a treat and light them up early. They won’t know how dark it is outside. I was talking all the while as I entered the kitchen and turned on the light, an talking continuously as I went over and pressed the light switch for the tank. I try to avoid sudden shocks The albino was underneath the flap where I put the food but I assumed he was just waiting for breakfast. I dropped a few pellets in. One of them touched him on the back as it dropped and like a scalded cat he shot off to his favourite corner where he turned to face me and glared. I felt the hair on the back of my neck raise. Stuttering apologies I closed the flap and backed away. I backed far enough  to turn the kitchen light off and kept backing until I was safely in the lounge. I sat in my chair with a cigarette in my shaking hand and wondered about retribution. That fish is not forgiving.

After I’d managed to put the cigarette  out I relaxed and nodded off. The next I knew it was 7.50 am. I had to go back in the kitchen but didn’t need the light so I hoped I wouldn’t be noticed.All three plecs were on the front glass and I was fascinated as it seemed they were in a race to the top. Their wriggling little bodies full of rhythm as they swept the glass clean, mouths open. Of their boss there was no sign so I took my meds as fast as possible, made a coffee and took it back to my room. Quite a bit of post   had come in since I’d finished earlier. As I refreshed it, everything after 3.40 am came in. It’s all those odd people who don’t sleep that do all this writing. I started answering, then at 8.30 am went to turn the washing machine on. By 9.15 am I was clear again and able to put my shoes on and take my prescription request to the chemist.

I wasn’t out above ten minutes and came back to start the hoovering with my newest toy, a cyclonic vac. I sprinkled all the carpets with powder, found the washing cycle was over and started the drying cycle which lasts 3 hours then came back and turned the vacuum on. I thought the carpet was going to disappear with the suction so I lessened it and then made sure the brushes were out on the head to deal with carpets, and in gain when it came to the floors. Dust bunnies everywhere committed suicide by diving into the hose. It was done in no time. I thought about dusting but left it at that. They say it’s the thought that counts don’t they? Back top the computer to keep ahead of the game, there was plenty to keep me going. I worked solidly until 11.30 am when it was time to apply some thought to lunch.

Checking the fridge I saw there was a fair bit of pre-cooked meat  that had just reached it’s ‘best eat by’ date so I grabbed that, did myself some boiled potatoes and petit pois and voila, my lunch. Despite having eaten a ‘healthy’ meal ( compared to usual) I was still forced to finish off the BFG  Michael had left uneaten. We can’t have wastage can we? How lucky we didn’t but a lemon meringue this weekend too. I somehow managed to keep my eyes open right to the end on my programme and saw the auction. In case I fell asleep I went back to my desk as soon as I’d washed the pots.I’m thinking about buying paper plates and plastic cutlery purely in the interests of saving water. There wasn’t too much post thankfully so that when 2.15 pm came round I was up to date and able to go watch a new quiz. I confess I saw much of it through flickering  eyelids. The next think I knew it was 3.48 pm and the blasted phone was ringing.I turned the TV off and checked the phone for messages . Another PPI advert. They’re so annoying. Nothing I need text Yvonne or Mike about anyway.

I was working my way through messages and I noticed on said ‘Why don’t we get married?” I thought I was being propositioned again and I’d have something to moan about but it was just an advert from a firm I used to get a veil for Yvonne’s wedding. I didn’t look to far into it as I don’t think the stiletto’s  will suit me anymore. I grabbed myself a choc ice ( dark choc of course) and waded my way through the rest of the pile. With perfect timing I finished just before 5.15 pm when my ‘Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is’ comes on. So that I could take the second set of food tabs I bunged a piece of toast in the toaster and took it through with a mince pie I just happened to find lying around. I stayed there for 2 quizzes and a Celebrity Road Trip (Antiques) before calling it a day at 8.00 pm.It was time to come through and try and catch up for the night and do the blog as well. So far thing are working out OK. All being well I’ll be able to read from about 11.00 pm.

Tuesday. I managed an impressive 6.38 am this morning. No need to rush as I’m not going to see Yvonne as the Home Security people are calling. I might as well make the best of their expertise. Since there was no rush to dress I went through to the kitchen , turned the tank light on an stuck some food in the hole. Just like that! Pure bravado. I was away from there before it had time to register on the fish that I was even awake. I was able to turn the kitchen light on and concentrate on taking my medications without my hands shaking….too much. As usual I made a coffee (Columbian-I always hope no-one has used the pods to smuggle cocaine) and took it through with me. I turned the computer on and sat back waiting for the fun to begin.

And the fun did begin as two people I follow had posted funnies which made it a great way to start the day. There was a fair bit of mail but not enough to worry me if I’m staying in. But, 9.00 am and I had to get dressed in case my security people came with the warden. A knock on the door at 9.30 am revealed Darren my postman with a little parcel which was a watch I ordered off ebay, I’m back to where I was with watches now. It was late morning when the warden came and told me it’s been put off till Friday and then they’ll set up in the close so everyone can see them and get advice. It would have been handy to know that yesterday. When they are here Mike can ask about the viability  of CCTV at the front where people pass by and I know my next door neighbour wants to ask about getting some at the back where it’s dark. I knocked off for lunch.

I half watched my Antique programme today as my mind was elsewhere. Having the loss adjustor on Friday is worrying me. No doubt I’ll be expected to speak and that will be very difficult and I’m worried about them wriggling out of paying too. That won’t make me very happy, in fact it might make me angry and like the Hulk who knows what I’ll do. I’m very slow to anger but equally slow to forgive afterwards. I was reading an excellent piece this afternoon by a comedian talking about Robin Williams and why comedians get so depressed. He was talking about suicide and said it’s like the little glass box on the wall, an option that’s there in an emergency . I know what he means, it’s one of those things you really want to break it but you have to fight not to. I’d just knocked off the mail again at 3.00 pm when there was a knock at the door. My drugs from the chemist. It’s a fantastic service they run. The warden was still around and I asked her to ring up and make an appointment for a blood test as I found the gubbins and a reminder in with the drugs. That Doctor knows how to catch me out so I can’t ignore phone messages. I’m going next Monday at 8.45 am.

I allowed myself an hour ( and 20 minutes but who’s counting) in my chair where I dozed quite nicely and then managed to get another hour on mail before my 5.15 pm break with the Antiques. I was just glancing out of the window when I saw Ugo and Reuben approach. I opened the front door and Reuben put on his shy face until I tickled his tummy then he was all smiles. I took him and we did our usual tour of the lounge, looking in the mirror first then pointing out the photographs of hiss Mum and Dad. All the while I was trying to get him to say who they are but nothing forthcoming today except a gibberish story. When I put him down I regretted it though, the walking has much improved even though he still likes to touch a hand. If he has a table though no hands are needed and he whipped round my table with no help. The hands were everywhere, blood test request, cigarette lighter, pens. I kept trying to count his hands as I’m sure there were extras up his sleeve. Ugo gave him some food which gave me blessed relief. Soon enough he was done and free again. Ugo went off to the chippie to get his own tea and left the ruffian with me. We went walkabout round all the rooms.

When Ugo came back he’s also brought something for me despite the fact I’d already had a main meal. We put Reuben in his pushchair and fed him a couple of his rice crackers. I ate as much of my sausage and chips as I could and Ugo ate his tea in relative peace. I made his a chocolate pudding afterwards and opened some Cadbury’s buttons to give Reuben two. He had no problem demolishing them. They left about 6.30 pm and I tuned into one of my quizzes after waving them off having had hugs and kisses from Reuben. Once that battle and the ‘Put Your Money…’were over I turned the TV off and came through. It took quite a time to do the mail so it’s almost 11.30 pm and time for a read. I started a dystopian book last night, not my usual genre.The Bone Season by Samantha Shannon. I have to say I’m quite enjoying it so far.

Wednesday. A not quite so impressive 4.36 am today. I’d actually been up an hour earlier to visit the loo but had no problem convincing myself to go back to bed. This time I headed for my chair hoping that might do the trick but no joy, so, lighting a cigarette I went through to turn the computer on. There’s obviously some attempt either to send me barmy or turn me aggressive with the constant pitching of these seers and mystics. If these women know so much about me, and know when my luckiest times will be then they should tell me knowing that’s the best chance they have of getting paid. Telling me they know my lucky numbers is no good unless they prove it by telling me what they are and when best to play them. As an added bonus if the lottery comes up I’ll run down the street naked….. Oh no, that’s my wish not theirs isn’t it.

With some of the silly messages this morning having woken me properly I headed for the kitchen at 6.00 am to feed the fish. I turned the kitchen light on first to give them warning and walked over to the tank. I don’t know how it’s possible for an albino, but he was in his corner watching me and looked very dark and brooding. You’d think it would be very white and brooding wouldn’t you? The plecs were lying quite close to him like the Royal Guard and I couldn’t help wondering if he was a despot or a fair ruler. I know for sure if he was my size it would probably be war or at the very least the cutting of diplomatic relations. Since no-one moved when the food went in I moved away, got my meds and made myself a coffee , a nice medium roast today. Even when I have a latte outside I have to ask for a single shot except in Temptations where it’s done automatically. Angie in the Ivy always remembers for me.

At 9.00 am I got dressed and headed out to Pauline’s for some fresh bread.I”m trying the sliced loaf instead of the baps today. I got most of the way home before remembering I’d gone out for sugar and hadn’t bought it. Never mind. I heard a voice and turning round found one of my neighbours Margaret trying to catch me up. I waited.She was away when the burglary happened and wanted to know if there was any news. “Have they caught the evil little sods?” was how she put it. I told her I’d heard nothing and the conversation became more general. Darren turned up with the last watch from ebay and asked me to look after a parcel for another neighbour who’d gone out. She’d left a note on her door asking him to leave it in her outside cupboard. That seems to be an invitation to pinch it to me. Anyway  he said he can’t do that so it’s ended up on my coffee table now. Gwynneth can pick it up when she gets home.

At lunchtime I chose the easy option of cold chicken, microchips with pickled onions and beetroot. Thinking of the size of my stomach which has gone from bowling ball to medicine ball I did without my bread ration. I stayed awake for my programme and once the pots had been washed headed back to work. As tonight is games night I needed to be as ahead as possible. I managed OK and by 3.30 was pretty much up to date. That gave me the perfect excuse to have a cat nap in my chair. At 4..45 pm I made myself a sandwich to take my second lot of food tabs for the day. The bread was very nice and the ham and Branston pickle weren’t bad either. I put on the TV and caught the end of one antiques programme and the start of a new one. I nipped to see if Gwyneth was back but she was still gallivanting somewhere. Just after 5.30 pm Dil and Matt arrived. I checked my phone and Lee couldn’t make it. I sorted drinks for them and then got the card table out…what a great buy it was. We started out with Yahtzee and I refuse to say which smirking, screaming with delight yahoo won but needless to say it was neither Matt or myself. Out came the cards and while I tried Gwyneth’s house again Matt drew up the page for Nomination Whist. I refuse to say which smirking, screaming with delight Yahoo won but needless to say it was neither Matt nor Dil. Modesty prevents me from saying more, well that and the fear of retribution. Lastly we started on the cribbage and as Dil dealt there was a knock on the door. It was Gwyneth after the pubs had finally thrown her out. Actually as it’s her birthday tomorrow she’d been on an outing and had a lovely day. I wished her goodnight and came back into the room to re-commence play. Do you ever get the feeling you shouldn’t have. Battle was commenced and was going well until the points began to dry up for all of us and there was precious little scoring at the pegging  stage either. At the end I refuse to say which smirking, screaming with delight yahoo actually won but needless to say it was neither Dil nor myself and someone will find his supply of chocolate biscuits and cigarettes suddenly drying up.

The opposition left at 9.30 pm so I darted about tidying up and washing the pots before taking my night time meds. I moved as quickly as my little legs would take me to get back to my room and check the post out. 118 since 3.30 pm. Not too bad I suppose but still took me until 11.40 to get up to date. Now the blog is done I need to hit the pit. I want to try and change the beds tomorrow if I can manage it. Night all.

Thursday. So what woke me up at 3.29 am this morning I wonder. I’m certainly not going to accept that I may have snored myself awake. That’s patently ridiculous. I mean if I snored like Ju used to infer I’d never have got any sleep at all as she said she didn’t. She used to describe such things with an elegance that belied the truth like I’d be told that the centre for Earthquake Studies had just rung to see if we were OK. Or maybe she’d just had to re-hang all the pictures that had come down with the vibration. Perhaps even that the curtains were pulled vertical when I breathed in and flattened against the window when I breathed out. Oddly she used to complain I was too quiet too. That I’d be in a sitting position and would breath in then forget to breathe out for ages then it would burst out. Do these sound like the ramblings of a rational person? Of course not, she was in her Enid Blyton mode making up stories as she went along. I know Mike was very fond of Ju and for her sake he seems to have adopted her attitude and says when I’m snoring in my room, his bed is moving back and forth in his. 

I worked on my mail until 7.00 am then went to feed the fish. Only one plec is in sight this morning but my albino cory is still not talking to me, head stuck into a corner as it is. He won’t turn round when I talk. I decided to play tit-for-tat and spun on my heel to turn away which sent me crashing to the ground. No damage to the ankle but plenty to the pride. What is it they say about pride going before a fall? I took my sprays and swallowed the tablets before making myself a coffee which I took back to my room. I very quickly wrote a birthday card for Gwynneth and slipped out to pop it in her letterbox. Perhaps I should have got dressed first as a group of youngsters on their way to school passed through the tunnel separating the close from the road. A manic being in stripes with ‘Animal’ lounge pants must have been disconcerting. Luckily I didn’t scream when I saw them. I had a text message from Mike asking if I was being MuJo’d today as he’s coming early, though he gave no indication of what early means. I asked if he’d be there by 9.30 am which elicited a rather rude remark from him.

At about 10.00 am when I’d managed to get up to date on the post I went to make Mike’s bed. New pillows and I put the old ones straight in the bin, new duvet and I need to sort the old one out into the loft in case it’s ever needed. Changing beds is quite a hefty job for me and takes a while as I need to catch my breath a lot. For some reason it keeps running away. I’ve put the bedding in the wash which will be a relief for him as he can have the bedding he likes now, the more manly one. I’ll need to do my bed soon as it’ll be time to sleep under the covers as it gets cooler. Since he tells me he’s going to cut my hair this weekend it may be getting cooler sooner than I think.

Just before noon another text from Mike to say he’ll be leaving as soon as he’s fueled up ( The Car’s already fooled up) and bought some cigarettes. I decided to have some lunch If I waited till 3.00 pm when he gets here I wouldn’t be able to have a second set of food tablets without eating late in the evening, which I don’t like to do. I kept it simple with pizza and chips with a little bread and butter. It went down nicely though as I was chewing my next-to-last mouthful there was a knock on the door. The usual gibbering wreck opened it and there were the Jehovah’s Witnesses again. The lead one is such a pretty , soft spoken lady but she still scares me. To be honest though it’s very difficult to get an inkling of who’s with her sometimes. Today she asked whether I disliked them visiting and unfortunately I had to nod in agreement. She can see answering the door is a negative effect unless I know who is there. I was able to get back and finish the last two chips on my plate. Another text confirmed he’s on the way.

After the antiques programme I returned to work  until 2.30 pm and then returned to the kitchen to prepare his mug. He caught me on the hop and arrived 15 minutes earlier than I expected but I still managed to have the drink ready. He explained he’d intended to come in time for lunch but problems at his flat had prevented it. Still he’s here now ready for the meeting in the morning. We had a good natter and answered some questions on a TV quiz show brfore I came back to work. I need to be back there by 5.15 pm for a TV show I want. I made it ! I had to wrestle the TV remote from Mike in order to turn over from the quiz he wanted to the antiques show I wanted but I won when I reminded him that quiz hour starts at 6.00 pm. Maybe I should have pointed out that antique hour starts again from 7.00 pm but there’s no way I can remember everything is there? After that I normally dart off and come to work but he extracted his revenge on me by making me stay an extra hour watching a neutral but fascinating programme on Stonehenge and the fairly recent discoveries of just how big the site was. There were many more parts to the whole than just the ‘Sun’ circle of stones. Also the precision with which these originally white stones were joined together and the use of Presseli stones from South Wales was quite awesome. You could just imagine seeing the place for the first time with the sun shining off the huge white uprights being awe inspiring. Anyway, I watched that then he grudgingly let me come through.

I’d been working on the mail backlog steadily and was making good progress when I suddenly hit a mental block and had to go and ask Mike……”You know after the first couple of Star Wars films they stuck one in that preceded them all, what do you call it?”  “A prequel” he told me after minimum thought. I came back and restarted. A few minutes later he followed me in and asked me what I’m writing about Star Wars for. I had to explain I wasn’t. I knew the word I wanted but couldn’t remember what it was, that was the only way I could think of getting at it. In the full light of my room he happened to notice a spot on my forehead I must have been scratching. I’d drawn blood. That was it, I got a clout for that, and told to cut my bl**Dy nails ( he’s the only person I know can swear in asterisks). When I told him I had done so today he demanded an inspection then got another clout because they weren’t filed well enough. It’s worse than being a school kid. Next time I’m booking a manicure. Well, a little bit more mail come in to get rid of  answer so I’d better get to it if I want to be in bed before midnight. Hugs all.

Tales on a Bus.

Friday. Perhaps because I went through to chat to Mike last night before I had a read I was awake later and therefore slept longer so it was 6.30 am before I crawled out of bed this morning. I certainly didn’t expect it to be a problem at the time so without even turning on the computer I strolled to the loo and from there to the kitchen. It was early for the fish but maybe a treat would get me back in their good books, that and the fact I needed to do my weekly drugs once I’d taken the morning’s selection. I could see two of the plecs but that was it. They’re extremely good at camouflage so I wasn’t too worried about the third but not seeing the albino did worry me a bit. He’s usually out even if he’s plotting in his corner. Today it took me ages to catch a glimpse of white as he hid under the bridge no doubt enjoying my panic. I tried to act nonchalant as I close the food lid and turn away but if he’d seen the relief on my face……..

I took my meds and filled the pots for the week again. I got my little travel pill box and put two meals worth of food tabs in ready for going out then I had my sprays and made a coffee. It was almost 7.30 am so after turning the computer on I washed and dressed ready to pop out a little later. The mail box was chocka on a day I could well have done without it. Amongst the little gems I had to contend with today were a message from someone with Amazingly Accurate Predictions and I couldn’t help thinking if she was that good she’d have known just what I was going to say, and the second word was OFF! There was a message to tell me I have a tax rebate, such a shame it’s not from the real Tax Office and there was a notice that I have  a message on my NatWest Account which is a modern day miracle since I don’t bank with them. When all these people buy list of email addresses or whatever I must be on every one. Mike’s alarm went of at 8.00 am which caught me by surprise as he told me last night he was setting it for half past. I finished the letter I was answering then made him a coffee to coincide with the second call. I made sure he heard me before returning to the computer.

At 8.45 am I had to go to Pauline’s for milk and cigarettes and lucky for me she was quiet enough to be able to do my lottery tickets too. I got home as quickly as possible not knowing where the Insurance loss adjuster was coming from nor what time he’s be here. We were told between 9.00 am – 1.00 pm when Mike spoke to the company the other day. As it happens he arrived about 9.15 am and I moved into the kitchen as Mike opened the door for him and introduced himself. Fair play, he seemed a pleasant young man and I felt able to move into the lounge to my chair after he’d sat down and Mike explained that I find it difficult to talk to strangers so he’d do it. That seemed acceptable. One thing that worried me from the off was that at no time did he ask how the thieves had got in though he said he hadn’t had the police report yet. He asked some questions about the missing items and values but he didn’t ask where they’d been taken from.Despite being told we were in our separate bedrooms when it happened he did ask how many bedrooms we had??? Anyway, we produced a photograph of me wearing the Albert chain and a photograph of me wearing the Fossil watch. Since we produced the tin for the watch and the box for the tablet he seemed satisfied. He also asked about other things and Mike mentioned the bowl that had been smashed and even brought the pewter foot in to show him. I was asked how much I’d paid for it and I said £60 as my wife had expensive tastes but it might have taken longer to say it than read it with the stutter.Rest assured I don’t suffer the stutter generally with people I know unless I’m really stressed. A couple more simple questions about how long I’d been here and he explained the fact he’d come meant nothing sinister. It was in fact the opposite to try and assess whether claims are genuine obviously, but to expedite any claims that are. He intimated my claim rang no alarm bells but wouldn’t say how much , what proportion, what items would be covered. He left. The postman arrived with two real treats for me, one a postcard from my lovely friend Paula who’s been holidaying in Scarborough and judging by her Vlog has been having a whale of a time. The other safe inside an envelope was another postcard but this time from my wonderful friend Lottie in Spain, this one has  Flamenco dancer and her partner on the front but the skirt is made of material with lacy edges to all of the layers. Lottie was telling me to look at the dancer’s expression. It’s so stern but with the look of a rabbit caught in the car headlights. It’s quite comical.

I went back to work for a while to try and make some headway but as time was getting on I had to give up and get ready to go out with Mike. We were going to Flint so I could try and get batteries in my (new to me)Fossil watches and Mike wanted to call in at a garage to see a friend. The shop I went into wouldn’t do my watches as they didn’t want to break the waterproof seals and suggested I went to a jewellers who carry spare seals. Damn, the jeweller I used before charged a fortune for a new battery. We went for a coffee at Temptations as soon as I’d been able to get some chocolates and Mike had his banter with Ceri a day early though not quite so much as they were busy. He was disappointed at the garage that they didn’t have a car he wanted. By now it was 1.30 pm and both were starving so we shot of for lunch at the Ivy. Just Tariq and Shella in today but it was fairly quiet so we got a few words with him,mostly insulting ones. Tariq checked with a friend in Rhyl whether a little jewellery shop was open so I could get the batteries done. It was open till 3.30 pm . Finishing at the Ivy it was almost 3.00 pm we decided there wouldn’t be chance to drive there, find parking and then walk to the shop before closing so we went home.

At home it was 3.30 and I had to dive straight into work if I was to be free to watch TV with Mike at 5.15 am. It’s good both coming up with valuations and seeing who’s closer. By the time I had to go through I still had a backlog to carry through which I couldn’t touch again until 9.00 pm when I could come through and leave Mike to his own devices. Fortunately there are no women around so it’s fairly quiet. I worked on mail till 10.30 pm then had a break to do the blog. I’m now going back into battle again to see if the assessor has sent me a copy of his report as he said he would.

Reuben does his hair.

Saturday.What the hell kind of night was that? I was in bed about midnight, had a short read and then turned the light off. At 2.00 am I still hadn’t settled and got up to go to the loo. As I passed Mike’s door he nearly had a heart attack seeing my shadow. He hadn’t been able to sleep either. H egot up and went to the lounge where we sat and talked about his nightmares which were bad enough to make sure he wouldn’t sleep later either. At 3.15 am I said I was going to give it another try and Mike said he’d try too . I managed to nod off but was awake again before 4.00 am. Another visit to the loo showed me Mike was playing games on his tablet and he said he hadn’t slept at all. I thought I’d try nodding off in my chair so went through and tried to settle there. Even my chair had lumps where I didn’t need them but I bore it until 5.30 am when I decided I might as well be answering emails. That lasted until 6.30 am when I suddenly felt tired. I dropped into bed and dropped off. At 8.01 am I woke up and knew that was it. I got dressed and went through to sort the fish. As I passed by Mike’s room I thought he’d finally nodded off until he stained my floor by speaking to me.

I saw to the fish and this morning I didn’t care whether the albino was sulking at me or not. I was late- DEAL WITH IT! Tablets were first on my list then going round to deal with the bins and getting all the recycling out. It was just as well I did because the bin men turned up early today. As I came back in to wash my hands Mike had got himself up. Not a single battle to get him out of bed this morning, I don’t believe it. Late or not after he’d had his coffee I had to risk him driving asleep so I could get the shopping. It must be one of our quickest expeditions ever. We were home again by 10.30 am. I unpacked and put away the shopping while Mike went to the bathroom. I thought he’d gone to sleep in there but he was skiving. I fully expected him to go to bed but he sat in the lounge as I went back to my mail. To be honest both he and I expected me to be Zzzzing over the keyboard within minutes.I worked straight through until 1.00 pm until Mike came through and mentioned food. It was at that point I remembered I hadn’t even had a coffee today let alone food. And, because we hadn’t come home via Flint, Temptations and Mike’s banter with Ceri he’d missed out on his teasted toecake.

I gathered the chocolates together and we headed for The Ivy, getting there about 1.30 pm after going through the usual two sets of traffic lights on the continuous, never-ending (I know, the same thing but just for emphasis) Coast Road roadworks. If it isn’t one Utility Company digging them up it’s another. Party and Brewery not being able to organise come to mind about that point. Angie gave us both a kiss for her chocs and today I’d brought an extra box of toffees for Rob to take home. He deserves them just for allowing Mike to take the mick out of his hair so often. I had a jacket potato and beans today, completely by accident a couple of rashers of bacon had slipped onto the plate too. Mike had the Ivy Burger which came with ham, gherkins, an omelette and enough stuff to require a JCB to lift it. After lunch Mike managed to ask Shella if Tariq could come out to play but she told us he already was, playing with a bonfire in the car park. We went and had a good natter with him before leaving.

It was getting on for 4.00 pm getting home so leaving Mike to nod in his chair I went straight back to my mail until 6.00 pm at which point Mike demanded some attention. Actually he demanded I get a chair and come and have my hair cut while there was still some natural light and before he went to sleep properly. Deciding the new tram track style isn’t quite my style I shifted my bum into gear and took a chair through. Once he’d finished all I got was “Sorry I took a bit too much off over your left ear.” Once we’d cleaned up I made tea and just told him “Sorry I only had enough beetroot for half your sandwich.” I stayed around until 9.00 pm alternately chatting and watching episodes of a great UK comedy Dinnerladies with Victoria Wood and written by her. She has the cream of the comedy crop working with her for that. When that ended I came through to work on both the mail and the blog and Mike went to watch TV in his bed. He’s even promised to leave the remote accessible so I can turn it off when he falls asleep.                                                     Have a Great New Week everyone.

Is that you Pops? Hold the Front Page!

 

Alone? I hope I am & Kneecaps from the North Pole.

Sunday. Just to be different I got up twice today. Once at 3.11 am when I had a cigarette, decided I didn’t like the feel of the day and went back to bed. The second time was at 6.57 am which I realised left me three minutes to get to the kitchen. I bolted! At 7.00 am I was turning the light on the tank and putting food down the slot. The big plec came zooming out of nowhere with his escort of two smaller plecs perfectly distanced from him so as not to annoy. They all ended up stuck to the glass at the front of the tank for a moment before tasting the delicious algae and heading to the bottom to feed. Of the albino and the fan tail there was no sign. I took a coffee back to the bedroom and started work. ‘David, you’ve been tagged in a photo by Carmen, open now for a look’ one said. No chance said I, there’s a fair chance I’ve already seen Carmen’s assets and the tears have only just stopped affecting my eyes. There was a lot of sympathy from my friends over the break in.It was very kind but I’ll bet there are a fair number who’ve shared the same experience. These days it seems nothing is sacred when it comes to property unless it’s nailed down.

I was surprised to hear Mike’s alarm going off at 8.00 am but I didn’t move as there wasn’t much chance he was really going to get up. I know he mentioned going out to get a card and gift for Shella this morning before Yvonne and tribe arrive but it’s early yet.As it happened it was about 9.15 am before he made it and I had plenty of time to make him a drink then having finished most of my post. It was gone 10.00 am when ewe actually made it out of the house and we hadn’t gone a few hundred yards when there was a text from Yvonne to say they were on their way. That was a shock since we weren’t expecting them till 11.00 am and I had allowances to add to that for different time zones and Welsh miles. I suggested they met us in Flint for a coffee. Mike and I chose some gifts for Shella and then headed to Temptations to wait for them to arrive. They weren’t long. I ordered drinks and we sat in the armchair area to drink them. I was able to play pulling tongues with Reuben again. Not a happy chappie today as more teeth are breaking through.

I picked up a card, tissue paper and a gift bag from Temptations and said if we went straight to lunch I’d wrap the gifts in the car. Mike didn’t trust me so he helped me wrap them while the car was still stationary. Then we set off. I was gutted to realise I’d forgotten sweets for Temptations today and also for The Ivy too so I have something to make up for next time. We arrived at the Ivy to find Tariq has already put up a barrier to enable cars to have an In and an Out from the car park. He never stops. Angie took the order for drinks and then we sat to look at the menu. Yvonne ordered for Reuben but decided against lunch herself but she’s have a pudding (That’s my girl). Tariq took the order for me and I asked him to let me pay then. As he was working it out I just dropped some money on the counter and went back to the table. Seconds later there’s a tap on my back and there he is arguing again. We had to compromise. I think I was made to compromise more than Tariq had to. We left the gifts for Shella who came out and said thank you but she’d save them to open tomorrow on her birthday. I hope she likes our choices.

After lunch Mike drove me home and Ugo followed on but as we arrived, Yvonne came in for the bedding set I’d got them while Ugo stayed in the car with Reuben who’d fallen asleep. Yvonne left her camera with me to take some pictures off the SD card. As she turned to leave, Mike decided it was time for him to go too. I was able to say goodbye to them all at the same time. I found it bothered me after having had a lot of company recently. I worked for a few hours then went to watch Sweet Home Alabama before coming back through at 8.00 pm for the night. A lot of post to do as well as the blog of course Also a lot of pics to send to Yvonne. Have a Nice Week all.

Pops’s throw.

 

 

 Monday. As you can imagine it was a very stop-start night with waking up at every little noise. I’m normally a light sleeper but even the blink of an eye-lid was enough to make me start. In the end I must have dropped off and finally woke at 6.33 am. At least I wasn’t in trouble. There was time to nip to the loo (turning all the lights on ) and then to kick start the computer and sign in to mail. As soon as I’d done that I went off to the kitchen to feed the tribe.No-one came at my “Good morning” but I already knew no-one had stolen them. Eventually, just as I opened the food hole the fantail guppy appeared in expectation. I dropped the food and closed the flap and caught movement from the corner of my eye. The albino was watching me from behind the corner of the pump. I just don’t know how to earn his trust. I went off to take my morning meds and I also decided on breakfast so took a pre-food tab beforehand. After having the meds it was a cigarette to act as a stopwatch then I could put the toast under and brew my coffee. Breakfast over I took the after food tabs and carted the rest of my coffee through to the bedroom to work.

Once I’d done the first batch I got dressed and decided to do a thorough check in the lounge of missing things ready for an insurance claim. I’m not sure about my replica crown jewels using real jewels, my first edition William Shakespeare Sonnets or the Koh i Noor diamond I own but there are things I need to claim for and I needed a more exhaustive list for the police as well as the insurance company. There was only one other item I found missing and it puzzled me because the rest of the stuff with it had value too, though perhaps they didn’t realise it. The poor policewoman had three messages from me today. First I had to give her a description of the tablet and it’s numbers, then I had to report this last item missing and the last message I’ll get too later. In the meantime, someone came to fit a lock to my small window so I can go back to opening it, but limit the distance it can be opened. I only wanted it on the one window and I feel much happier now it’s there.

I had a cottage pie at lunchtime and a hunk of BFG. It’s no surprise I look like Billy Bunter these days. I managed half an hours sleep after that before going back to work for the afternoon.  The mail seemed to be coming in constantly though luckily there was only one that suggested I might like to look a private photograph of her, which I decided against and one that suggested I get aboard a pyramid scheme to become rich in short order ( they didn’t describe it thus). Having enough riches to be able to afford my own burglary, I decided against that too. By 5.15 I’d had enough and went to watch a bit of TV with first an antiques show ( I know, what a shock) and then some quizzes until it was time for M.A.S.H.  I’d just settled with that when there was a knock at the door. It was Bert who held up a purse and asked me if I knew it. I recognised it straight away as Ju’s and though it held nothing of value I’d hung on to it. I told Bert what was in it so he knew it was mine and asked him in.He’d found it yesterday in some grass by one of my neighbours in the opposite direction to which our burglar ran. It confirmed for me that there were two thieves, one who’s nerve broke early and he ran off leaving our friend to jump out of the window ( unfortunately without injury) and depart the other way. I found it strange because there’s no road the way the purse dropper went and I wonder if there was a local lad involved. Anyway, the CSI are coming out tomorrow.

This leads nicely on to my third message to the police. On Saturday morning a different set of police had been called out to the garages nearby because a woman had found an abandoned motorcycle in hers. I thought it possible that my two ‘friends’  fiends were connected to it. Steal a bike in Liverpool, stay around, thieve and steal a new ride home again? We’ll see if it’s a viable idea.

Bert went home as he’d left his door unlocked and I was left here alone (I hope) to work. It’s very unpleasant and I’m twitching at every sound again now it’s dark. I’d turned TV off and come through to send the message and decided I might as well stay here.There’s been plenty of mail to answer and of course the blog to write.

Tuesday. Hallelujah, it was a 4.52 am day. I woke a couple of times to listen out but generally I managed some sleep. I don’t want to be wielding my sword when I’m half asleep or I’ll be taking my toes off. By 7.00 am I’d woken properly thanks to the excitement of knowing I was due a 40% share of $13m left by a man in Africa to his wife who is a virtual prisoner of either her or his uncle.( or maybe both?) and as usual if I agree to take the funds into my account I can arrange her flight from the country which I shall not name in case one of you greedy beggars gazumps me. It may only be small change but I could use it just now. How come they never leave money in £sterling over there? Since I was awake and in charge of my faculties I stopped explaining the story to you and went to feed the fish. Everything seemed perfectly normal today, in their world at least.

I took my meds and made myself some toast today. The top of the butter tub was swimming in water and nearly drowned one of my slippers. It had to be the non-swimmer of course. I know defrosting the fridge is on the cards this morning. But first, back to work until I’m up to date. There was a message from a special friend over some confusion we’re having regarding mail. Did I have just one message Saturday instead of two? Did I somehow miss her two messages on Sunday or did she forget to send them? No we have no idea where we are in our conversations which frankly never make a lot of sense at the best of times.And when a message starts “Did you get the two emails on Sunday, my Monday” I get very confused. I answered as best I could by saying I was a recorded message and David was away on holiday. At 9.00 am I nipped out for some bread and realised the jungle drums had been beating when Pauline asked me if there was any news on my missing laptop. I first had to explain there wouldn’t be as I’m not missing a laptop. The thieves left that behind. Obviously they know my stories are stored on it. I was quickly home in case the CSI came early. He didn’t.

I turned the fridge off, took everything out and placed a bowl of hot water on the top shelf. When I went to make my lunch at midday I had a bowl of cool water to remove. In went another bowl of hot. I was able to empty the freezer compartment and I was really hoping the ice cube tray had flavoured water in as I didn’t like the colour at all. I had my lunch which was a great disappointment but made up for it with the lemon meringue. I washed the pots and went to answer the knock at the door. No, not the CSI, but the warden come to see if there’s anything she can do and to offer her sympathy. After checking she didn’t know her way round the criminal underworld to find my watch I thanked her and let her go. Next time I see her I may mention that they could consider a CCTV camera somewhere in the close to catch comings and goings and breakings and enterings. I’d no sooner turned my back than the doorbell didn’t ring again and someone knocked. It was my drug courier bringing the newest batch. I’d suggest they bring the mule to the back door but I don’t have one.

Back to the fridge. My knee was sopping wet and icy from the puddle I knelt in but son’t worry, I’ll survive. I’m hoping the huge block of ice that’s stopping me removing the drip tray won’t though. One last bowl of hot water which I left for half an hour only then went back. The tray came out with a jerk. I know I shouldn’t speak of myself that way but I spilt cold water in my lap and my cojones revolted. A quick mop of the floor and a wipe of the fridge and I was able top put everything back till the next time. And so back to work again. Messages from all of my nieces about the burglary. The jungle drums are beating farther afield now and they’re all complaining I didn’t tell them. I got my head down and concentrated on work. At 5.15 pm I’d had enough and needed a break. A little cross the CSI and the Police hadn’t been but hey,I know they’re busy. I watched, ‘Put your money where your mouth is’, ‘Two Tribes’,(quiz), ‘Eggheads’ (quiz) then two episodes of MASH until at 8.00 pm I took  my evening meds and returned to work. And here I am still at it.

Reuben and Maddy

Wednesday. It was a 5.07 am day. I woke up in my chair in the lounge thinking I’d be better off if I cleared the stuff from behind it and reclined it as it should be. My trusty walking stick was to hand just in case the burglars were feeling particularly stupid. I went through ( via the loo of course, time and a full bladder wait for no man) to my bedroom and turned the machine on. The first email that confronts me is from delightful Granny Annie. ” David, I must warn you about what will soon happen”, she told me. Its a pity your last message didn’t say the same and warn me of the invasion of my privacy, I thought.

If I am contacting you now it is so that you realize that you will miss one of the best chances of your life if you let my free help pass you by!

I am a professional, I have exercised clairvoyance for many years and I’m sure I can help you in any area you chose.  My services are varied and I can help you enhance your love life just as I can help you to become rich easily (without investing thousands of pounds) .

If you accept my help I will put all my experience and knowledge at your disposal, I will help you relentlessly until you get satisfied!

Accept my free help HERE

I’m sure I can help you live a better life because I have not yet started working (I’m waiting for your go ahead), and when I think about you I already feel a very strong positive vibration!  This is a positive sign of change, believe me, I know what I am talking about .

From what I feel, I can already deduce that you will have a great opportunity soon David…  I cannot tell you more at the moment, I will have to do some work for you, and this is why I would like you to accept my help.

Do not deprive yourself of this last chance to accept my free help because I do not wish to insist further, you must take a decision… READ HERE TO ACCEPT MY FREE HELP.

I hope you understand that I’m here to help you improve your life, I want to help you move towards a better life, I ‘d like to work for you and tell you everything that the future has in store for you!  ACCEPT MY HELP NOW BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE. 

Well, there doesn’t seem to be any inkling of what has happened or what will soon happen since she doesn’t predict any further great disasters. I like the idea of a woman helping me relentlessly until I get satisfied though, but I’ll bet she wasn’t thinking what I was. I do note that she says she doesn’t want to insist further. That’s good news as it means I shouldn’t get any more of these ‘Free’ offers. I bet I do though. It’s amazing how all of these ‘Free’ offers cost you money in the long run. Obviously if they were free they’d be so inundated with acceptances their personal life would begin to resemble mine.

The blog is still getting messages of concern about the burglary and best wishes for Mike. I’d like to thank you all on behalf of both of us. We’re made of strong stuff and doing well. I’m aware that what was taken was just ‘stuff’ and therefore unimportant compared to our lives, so my priorities are OK. I’ll make a claim on the insurance and hopefully replace some of the things taken. Some things present an obvious difficulty of course.

At 7.00 am I went through to feed the fish. I’m suspicious that everything seems normal. The guppy came out to eat the flake and the albino came out to eat the pellets. I found myself encouraged to have breakfast too, so I took my morning meds and made some toast, after which I brought my coffee back through. The incoming mail was steady but it kept me at my desk answering , commenting or tweeting all morning. I was glad when lunchtime approached. I opted for a quick meal of micro chips and ham with a Cadbury’s pudding to follow. I was able to watch my antiques programme while I ate. Dumping my dishes in the kitchen I cam back to watch the last half hour and fell asleep for the last few minutes, missing the important bit- the auction. It seems I was only asleep for 40 minutes so at least not too much mail had accrued while I was away.Before I did anything else though I decided to print off  4 pictures, one for a single frame and three for a triple. This meant replacing some inks which can be a right faff. Once done and the pictures printed I went to put them in the frames. The single one was my template and I managed to lose nothing important on trimming. I was so pleased I used the same template for the others. I know what you’re thinking now, I’m going to find the apertures are a different size…well they’re not. But, when I put them in the frame I realised I’d printed the pictures horizontally when I needed to print some that were portrait as I don’t have space on the famous wall for the frame to hang long ways up. Now I’ll have to sort out 3 that are portrait and start again. Dingbat!

I caught up with the mail eventually and was able to knock off at 4.30 pm.I wanted to watch something on TV but I also wanted to re-scan the TV stations because of some changes. Could I find a way to do it on the remote? Could I heck. I managed to mess the channels up and then to lose the connection to the box. I shouldn’t be allowed out without a keeper sometimes. Lucky for me, Lee turned up at 5.00 pm and while he quizzed me about the burglary ( I haven’t heard him swear before tonight) he fixed things for me. We  had a good old natter until just after 5.30 pm when Dil and Matt arrived and I busied myself with drinks. Dil leaned in to the kitchen to pick up his drink  ( in case my hands shake over his lap) and to ask if I was OK and what had been taken. I answered and asked how he knew, he said Matt had told him. I asked Matt how he knew and he said he’d seen it in the blog which was a surprise as I didn’t know he read it. Bang go all my secrets now. I’ll know better than to mention Christmas presents.  We started playing the games of Yahtzee we’d started the last time Lee was with us.I’m not sure why I bothered as my results were abysmal. Soon enough the suffering was over and we could play Nomination. What a play, at one stage I was 60 points ahead of my nearest rival, though by the end I only WON by 30+ points. I hate to say it            ( mainly because they’ll beat me up) but what a game I played. Lee had top leave after that so we reverted to a game of Crazy 8s until it was time for them to go. That was a grave mistake on my part. In the first hand they made me pick up 20 cards at once and I ended up on 163 points. By the end of the next hand I was on 222 and facing two grinning faces. By the end of the third hand I was out and Matt was the clear winner. I think I’ll reduce his cigarette  ration next week. They left, I cleared up and came through. It’s now 11.30 and I’m off to bed in a  minute. Any post can wait for the morning.

Thursday. 4.17 am and I woke up still in my bed after an undisturbed night. Maybe nerves are getting back to normal. It wasn’t very light so I strolled to the loo leaning on my walking stick so perhaps the last statement should be disregarded. I did at least feel able to turn off the outside lamp. I fired up the computer and logged on to mail, it was just as well I was sitting down or I’d have fallen. So much mail, so many of you refusing to go to bed at night just to occupy my time. Thank you but I wouldn’t mind a life too. Well actually I’m having one today as I’m being MuJo’d again after a 3 week break. I was desperate to have my mailbox as empty as possible when they arrived. I broke off at 7.00 pm o feed the fish and my friend the albino is still in the corner he was yesterday evening, still looking very disapproving but not looking dead or even uncomfortable, just disapproving. I dropped  a little flake in for the guppy and a few pellets for the rest of them but no-one came forward to claim it. Fine, it’ll be there when they want it. I decided not to have breakfast again so just sorted my meds out and made my coffee which I took back to my room. I got washed and dressed and started in on the messages again.

At 9.00 am I nipped to Pauline’s ( after locking the door securely) for some ciggies and to renew my lottery tickets. It was then she told me that there had been another burglary not too far away and not too different a time on the same night as mine. I wonder if it was the same toerags or whether another group or singleton just decided to do it on spec. It gave me something to think about as I walked home. I met Bert and asked if he’d be in today in case a parcel arrived while I was out. “No problem” he replied so I prepared a note for the door. Muriel and John arrived a little before 10.30 am so I got them both drinks and prepared to listen to their news. Strangely they’d heard mine and were full of questions about it. I told them all I could and they sympathised. John had actually caught two burglars in their property in the past and they won’t be thieving again he assured me. We left for lunch at 11.15 am and went to the new one Mike and I had tried during his holiday. It went down very well with them I’m glad to report.Inside we heard an elderly chap telling how he’d been burgled and I wondered if he was the other unfortunate on  the same night. They said they’ll be happy to go there again. That’s good as it saves travelling all the ways to the Bells of St. Mary though the place is called The Bells.

After lunch Muriel pulled up at the junction for going home much to our surprise and when John reminded her she was going to Jackson’s she pulled away again much to the surprise of the queue of cars behind her. When we reached Jackson’s ( A plant Nursery and Gift shop) they could see how many changes there were since last year and were very surprised. After a good walk round I took them to the new cafe for a drink and we sat outside in perfect sunshine. It was really warm like an Indian Summer after all the recent poor weather. None of us bought anything and eventually we headed home where I gave them ice cream each ( Thornton’s Toffee Dream I think) and then took John to look for four poster bed on ebay while Mu went to Pauline’s. It was on the way out as they were heading for the hills that we bumped into Dorothy from next door who also asked about the burglary, or rather she asked if I’d heard anything from the police since she’d heard they had someone for it. A rather well known boy whose brother is currently serving time and has very little time out before he’s in again. Maybe they’ve been in touch with Mike. Hopefully I’ll find out as I’ve had a text to say he’s coming tonight and then going on to his Dad’s from here tomorrow. I waved goodbye to MuJo eventually and came straight in to see how badly the mail had built up.

It was bad so I worked for three quarters of an hour, went to watch my prefered show on TV for the same amount of time and then at 6.00 pm came back in here where I’ve been ever since and it’s now 10.00 pm. Mike’s due in a minute or two so I’ll make a drink, spend some time with him and then come through to finish off.

Friday. Mike arrived almost on time and he seemed as nervy to come here as I am to be here tonight. With two of us in the house you’d think we feel safer but no, the noises are now intensified and we jump the minute we hear something. I’m wearing a hole in the carpet just going to check the lounge or to make sure Mike’s OK. But, before bedtime was due I gave up on the mail to go make Mike a drink as he arrived and thought twice about jumping out and saying ‘BOO’ as he tentatively entered the house saying “Hellooo, anyone here?” We had a good old chinwag about our respective weeks since I saw him last on Sunday. I’m glad to hear he’s been to the doctor about his knee which has been troubling him recently. One leg has already had a replacement knee and this one may be the next. It was about 11.15 pm when he decided to go to bed to relax with TV and I was able to get back to my mail. I worked till 12.25 am then went to bed for a read. The light went off about 1.15 am.

It was 3.10 am when I woke and needed the loo. I was standing there minding my own business when a voice asked me if I was in there. I didn’t have chance to state the obvious as the light was on before I shot out of my slippers. Not having a light cord to hold on to I came down with a bump and replied as calmly as possible “Yes, but I’ll be out in a mo” mainly because he’d scared the wee right back into my bladder and believe me it wasn’t coming out without a fight. I washed my hands and relinquished the room to him then went back to my room and tuned the computer on again. I worked till 4.50 am then feeling tired I went to finish my interrupted piddle before settling in my chair where I fell asleep till 7.30 am. My first thought of course was that the fish would kill me but on going through to feed them I saw the Albino swim off towards the corner like a misbehaved child. I could tell he was ignoring me but realised that the side of the tank is mirrored there and he could see me quite clearly while his back showed me complete disdain.

Too early for Mike I made myself a coffee and went back to the mail which had grown considerable since I’d left it. Mike had said last night he needed to be at his Dad’s in Manchester about 10.00 am but that a lie in until 8.30 am would be fine. Accordingly I made a coffee at 8.45 and took it through. Waking him and telling him the time I left the room again. I hadn’t heard his alarm go off though so at 9.00 am I went back through an woke him a second time, saying his coffee was growing cold and reminding him how late it was. He did actually mutter something at me at this point. Since my appendage didn’t shrivel up and drop off I assume what he said was positive, and I don’t mean positive in he made a definite curse. He came through to the lounge, lit a cigarette, coughed a lot then took a swig of his coffee. With so much mail outstanding I left him to it and by 9.30 am he was good to go. I wished him a safe journey.

I’ve caught up on my mail and had a look through ebay.I’m bidding on a couple of watches but I don’t hold out much hope at the moment because they’re quite expensive. Argos have a couple in that I might have to get for now to show I’m getting back to normal, ebay can supply me the case to keep them in. Maybe if the insurance comes through I’ll be able to get a Fossil watch. During a conversation Mike had with is daughter this last weekend she was talking about Pratchett books and asking If I had one called Eric. I was sure I had as I’ve read all of them except some he’s written with other people because the ones I have read are not Pratchett as we know him. But, on checking my shelves I can’t find it so am bidding on that on ebay now. I’m sure I don’t have half as many books as I should have and that’s because of my previous cavalier attitude to lending them out. A big mistake.

Lunchtime approached fast and I tried to keep pace with incoming missiles mail but was only just keeping my head above water. Still, I had to knock off regardless so I did do at 11.45 am with the intent to return at 1.00 pm. I had braised steak (tinned), baby boiled potatoes and veg (tinned) and enjoyed it though I was getting quite frustrated at getting the TV to behave when I wanted to watch my antiques show. I only missed a few minutes at the beginning though after I took my plate through and came back I also missed a few important minutes towards the end by nodding off. Leaving the TV on for company ( meaning I didn’t have to fiddle again later) I came back through and started on messages. It was getting way past 3.00 pm before I’d caught up so I spent some time looking at a guest post I’ve been invited to do. I’m hoping it’s not too controversial for her. I’ll keep you posted. I want to be careful not to upset her as a friend or her followers and turn them away from her blog. I also had a quick look at ebay and became quite frustrated that I hadn’t done o earlier as I’d only missed a signed copy of a Pratchett book by a measly £1. Someone got a real bargain there. I’m still in with a chance of my missing paperback though.I’m refusing to up the bid too much as it is only a paperback and with postage I could pay more than the cover price. At 4.00 pm I decided it was time for a break and went to keep the telly company for a while. I wonder how Mike is doing with his father’s shopping and also arranging a care package for him.

I noticed one of my special antique programmes  where celebs try to make a profit for charity was on at 7.00 pm so I decided to plan my evening round the little telly I watch up till 9.00 pm. That meant me having my shower before 7.00 pm during one of the quizzes. Not a crisis but I’d be doing my own hair as Mike hasn’t texted to say he’s on the way. Luckily the acrobatics of me bending over until my head is down near my stomach still worked and the size of said stomach didn’t prevent it. Washing my hair in that position is a strain but it does generally avoid an angina attack. I’d be no good in Spain dancing with my arms over my head ( or anywhere else for that matter). Once the hair is washed I can sit down and wash the rest in relaxed mode. I was out before my programme and dressed in my Mr. Men lounge pants and an orange coco-cola tee-shirt.That’s courage for you as I only drink Pepsi. I checked my phone, still no text . The programme was half over when Mike (currently known as Hopalong because of his knee problems) walked in.The next half hour was spent explaining who bought what and why. In the gap between programmes I discovered Mike’s day had been a success. Care package in place, Vests got but now a laptop is needed. We’ll be looking for that tomorrow. At 9.00 pm I came through to find 113 messages since I’d last been here so it’s been hard work clearing them. I intend to go to bed for a short read now and then catch some Zzzz’s. Night all.

Saturday. Last night was a late night and that may have helped me sleep till 05.11 am this morning. All was peaceful as I nipped to the loo except someone was using a buzz saw in Mike’s room. I don’t know how he sleeps through it. Funny, the rest of the close are asking that too. I turned on the computer and was aghast at the amount of mail. I think all of the U.S. takes Friday afternoon off to write to me and the rest of the world is trying to equal the volume. It’s not like I’ve been away for 24 hours. At least no silly proposals this morning,, and just one from Grannie Annie, who you remember didn’t want to keep pestering me, saying how being a medium isn’t all she’s about. Oh, I can believe that right enough.She”s about being a pain in my a***.

By 6.45 am I’d really worked hard and was almost there, just not quite. I broke off anyway so I could feed the fish and prepare Mike’s cup. I turned the light on of the tank , opened the flap and dropped a wafer in. Not a movement and not a fish in sight. I can believe that of the plecs as they’re well camouflaged but the albino is a stand-out white and the little cory can’t keep it’s tail still. I’ve been burgled again but by someone kind and masochistic this time. All of a sudden one of the plecs broke cover and on seeing me darted behind new cover. At least I know one is here. I don’t know what game the albino is playing this time but I refuse to be cowed. I turned away, took my meds and prepared my coffee as well as putting the kettle on to boil for Mike. I heard his alarm at 7.00 am and took his coffee through to coincide with turning the alarm off. He OK’d me then went straight back to sleep. I went through with my drink to finish the mail. At 7.15 am the alarm went off again and I heard Mike go through to the lounge. That’s progress. At 7.30 am as I just put the last message to bed he appeared at my door dressed and ready to go, complaining I’m keeping him waiting. Wow !!

We were actually in store for 7.59 am and after we’d picked Ju’s flowers Mike left me to carry on shopping while he went to the loo. I was doing quite well when he got back and it didn’t take us too long to finish the shopping . We were having a coffee by about 9.00 am. After that we headed for Flint. Mike needs a laptop/notebook for his dad so he’s pricing up at different places. In Flint we checked Argos where I bought myself some watches to replace some of those stolen and Mike ended up getting the laptop from there.We both ha what we needed and were able to head for Temptations where we said good morning to Helen and then as we neared the counter Ceri popped up saying she thought it was us ( the sound of my crutches I think). We were able to ask about her holiday and whether she’d dared the tramampoline with her dicky hip. She had, that’s Ceri all over. We got my supplies of choc-ice from the freezer shop but I was very good today and didn’t get a BFG or lemon meringue. Home to start putting things away, he made me do the freezer,  and then back to work on the computer while he did the flowers.

At about 12.45 pm I’d had enough for then and shut the computer down and we set off for lunch. The Ivy had a few in when we got there but they followed us in by the bus-load. Angie had a bit of help on the counter and waiting on today while Tariq helped Shella in the kitchen. He did have time to come and say hello though. Mike and I had a laugh at a couple of very entertaining children in there and Mike even teased on that he was going to pinch his sausages in an effort to make him eat them. He did, and the parents laughed. I had to leave £1 for him to choose some sweets from behind the counter when he’d finished.I don’t think he had problems eating after that. Today I had a ham omelette with sweet potato chips( with side salad).They were really nice and a lovely change. Mike had the Ivy burger which also includes an omelette and it wasn’t so much of a challenge he couldn’t finish it.(Gannet ). Knowing we’re seeing them this evening I asked Tariq whether Shella preferred cut flowers or a plant and got a shrug. There’s a man who doesn’t buy many. Mike and I went on a mission after lunch to find some flowers and how difficult that proved until we went all the way through to Flint again and got some in a Supermarket. I could have sworn there were more nurseries around than that.

Back home once again Mike nodded off in the chair and I can back to work. It’s now 5.45 pm and I’m knocking off to think about a shave ( maybe) and deciding what to wear. See you later.

We both booted and suited and managed to get out of the house for about 7.00 pm. Though we haven’t been to the house before it didn’t prove too difficult to find. Someone was kind enough to open the main gates to let us in ( fools that they are) and we found a parking place next to a beautiful old 17thC farmhouse (where’s a metal detector when you need one?). Tariq came out to greet us and Shella wasn’t far behind. That’s not bad, two people I know. Then Gail who is Shella’s aunt came to talk and as I’ve met her before at the cafe when she works there,that wasn’t too bad.Then we were drawn into the house itself with it’s 2 ft thick walls and someone walked in front of me mopping up the drool. I was found a little corner to occupy and watch the proceedings without having to become too involved. It’s not that I’m ignorant, I do smile at people ( sometimes). Strangers all around coming and going and then Angie arrived, another face I know. We hugged and she and her husband parked themselves nearby. She’s a little like me in not mixing well. Gail sat by me for a conversation after someone mentioned I know the town where she grew up. It turns out she knows the streets where I lived and I know her school. Her daughter and son-in law still live there so maybe I should put my order in for Titterton’s pork pies now.

Tariq was a great host as well as a good friend and Shella concentrated on the cooking. I took the opportunity to go outside with Mike for a smoke, partly because I wanted to stop him from pinching on of their dogs, a beautiful German Shepherd. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to deprive them, it was so that I didn’t have a set of massive jaws in the seat behind me on the way home. Another relation of Shella’s called Rob who works in The Ivy sometimes was there smoking too and his partner soon after. Both nice people. When the food was ready everyone got stuck in but because of these blasted gumboils I had to decline. It did look and smell amazing. Then the time to cut the cake and neither Mike nor I had realised it was not just Shella’s birthday but also their daughter who was two this week. I felt so bad that we hadn’t taken her a gift but she’ too young to understand and throw a wobbly. At 10.45 pm I asked Mike if he’d be kind enough to take us home. I didn’t want to spoil his night but we all know I have OCD where my emails are concerned. He thought it was still about 8.30 pm but agreed to get me home before I shape change at the witching hour and become a pumpkin again. We said our goodbyes, offered our thanks and headed home again arriving back around 11.15 pm. It’s given me chance to play catch up and prepare the blog . Now I need to go and catch up on messages too. Have a Great New Week and Hugs to you all.

 

 

 

The Benin Barrister & Those Trousers Can Blind a Racehorse

Sunday. After such a late night I didn’t get up until 5.00 am  After turning on the computer and saw how many emails were there from yesterday as well as this morning, I regretted moving. Just as well the Eisteddfod is just once a year. There were hundreds and it took a long time to sort the wheat from the chaff. By the time I’d made any headway it was 8.00 am and I hadn’t fed the fish. My albino cory was not amused and started dashing round the tank as though being chased by the devil or a large shark maybe.

You can almost see the look of disapproval yet he’s only about 2 inches long. Sometimes I get a very dismissive flick of the whiskers. He can be almost as stern as Michael who was a bit dischuffed when he found out whose face was on the cat last night. He issued a very stern warning.

“Don’t do it again” he said. No way was I entering into a My swords bigger than your sword argument because I know how his mind works and anyway he’d probably threaten to produce references from all his paramours so I’d be reading for a week. I’ve known men brag about a different woman for every day of the week, but never before one who adds, 52 weeks of the year. Anyway, stop diverting me, let me get on with the tale. I left the fish feeding and took my meds as I made myself a coffee and prepared a mug for when Mike got up. He’d already warned me he’s have to leave early today as he’s going out for a meal with his Dad his two sisters and his brother in law. I went back to work.

At 9.00 am I heard Mike’s alarm go off so I went and made him a drink and took it through. As usual he’d ignored the alarm and turned over so I made sure he knew the coffee was there. I carried on working. Two more rings of the alarm brings us to 9.30 am and I heard movement. I was practically up to date so I went through to join him. He has the nerve to tell me he’s hardly slept even though he appeared to be well away wen I went to the loo at 1.00 am and again at 5.00 am when I got up. He asked what I wanted to do this morning and when I said I thought he’s have breakfast and leave he answered he was OK for a while yet. In the end we settled on a trip to Flint to check out the Argos sale and to pick up some more chocolates. That was about 10.45 am and we didn’t leave Flint until 11.45 am when we headed straight for The Ivy where we had something to eat and a coffee each. Things were looking a bit more hopeful for Tariq and his family with passports though it’s ridiculous that he has to travel to Peterborough to get the ones they’ve found and he’s going to threaten to stay in the office until they find the others. I have everything crossed I possibly can for them. Mike liked a picture and asked the price. “They’re nothing today” said Tariq. We knew getting a straight answer would be hard. “How about £5,  that’s about what it cost me to make. Which one do you want”  “I’m not telling you unless I get a sensible answer”said Mike. It went on a while until I said ” How about £10, I’ll get him to say which one he wants if you’ll accept £10.” Even though it was still not the true price he agreed and I handed over £10 and made him put it away before Mike told him. Then the picture Mike wanted was so much bigger and would have been much more than £10 Tariq would brook no arguments. At least when we left today I had no arguments about the price of the meal. The big crisis facing Mike and I is that next Saturday the place is closed as Angie is at a wedding.

Mike dropped me at home at 1.30 pm and shot straight off to Manchester leaving me to face the music of all the waiting mail again. Naturally there was a fair bit and it kept me occupied until almost 5.00 pm.I had a sandwich and then  forced myself to eat what was left of the BFG after Mike had been there last night while I was out as I didn’t want to to go off in the heat. The effort I have to go to sometimes. I watched a bit of a film but couldn’t get into it properly partly I think because I’m not much of an Adam Sandler fan.This was better than some I’d seen though. It wasn’t long before I came back to the bedroom and started on messages again along with blog comments and tweets galore. Some of the comments in answer to the great remarks I had on my post from last night. I wish you lot would stop being funny though, you put me to shame. Ah well. Time to finish the last messages of the day and head for my pit. I wish you all a great week.

Piggy Back riding

 

 

 

 

 

with Uncle Mike

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Monday. It was a 3.05 morning and I’m convinced I should still be in bed and the first sign of nodding, that’s where I’m going. Did I nod? No way. I still hadn’t finished the mail at 7.00 am when I went through to the fish. I think they must all have had an argument as they were in three of the four corners of the tank, with one stuck to the filter in the fourth corner. The smallest one, the fan tailed guppy was swimming quite happily up top waiting for the food trapdoor to open. He was claiming First Dibs. I saw to my drugs and had a piece of toast before taking my coffee back through to the bedroom. The post seems to be never ending today, I wonder if I dare thin out the number of blogs I follow in order to have a life. I’d just about finished at 8.50 am which gave me chance to wash and dress in order to go to the post office. I wanted to post a large, nay Ginormous letter to a friend. I was holding it between my fingers which were wrapped around the handle of my crutch and yet it was almost dragging on the ground. I just hope she’s got a big letterbox.

Back home I put some washing on and then came back to the mail. There was one from delivery firm Hermes who annoy the heck out of me. You have a tracking number and get through to their system which follows the time they received it, when they logged it etc, etc and then you come to one that says Out for Delivery. To me, the customer, that means Great, a courier has it on his van and will deliver today. Accordingly I’ve been in all day. What it actually means is that it’s out for delivery to a courier and even though he may have received it, he hasn’t logged it with himself yet. So tomorrow when I’ve arranged to be out it will probably come. Then because you’re not in you stand the chance of them taking it back again. They need to make their site much clearer and also include telephone numbers . This is the slide I ordered last week for Reuben. I’ll have to leave a note on the door asking them to leave it with a neighbour. I carried on answering mail until I heard the washing machine stop then went and set the drier. I told it a lie and said it was a load of shirts when actually there was a towel in there too. I wonder if it can tell?

At lunchtime I had a cottage pie and an episode of my Antiques programme.  At 1.00 pm I thought forty winks were in order so settled down. RATS, the front door. Someone wanting to check a master key on my door in case of emergencies. I tried again and the blasted window cleaner arrived. OK, so no afternoon nap is on the cards today. I might as well work. There are some truly amazing bloggers out there who write purely to inspire and lift others. It’s truly nice to know there are such selfless people around. There are some very informative bloggers who ensure we miss nothing from the world around us be it from a conflict somewhere or a new species of bird found . I’m mostly grateful for the time and effort they expend on the rest of us. There is kindness in the World, and maybe like my friend Rosie’s good example of a good deed a day it will inspire me to be a nicer person.

At 4.30 I packed up intending to have a break so I could have a piece of lemon meringue pie and to watch a couple of quizzes on TV. The first was easy, the second I managed to miss by getting caught up in something else. Then, I managed to nod off and missed the first half of Law and Order. Fortunately it was a repeat anyway as was the next programme, a Murder She Wrote so I turned off and came back through. When I check the mail I see a message purporting to be from a barrister addressed to me by name via Facebook. I don’t usually open mail I don’t recognise but where it’s using my name I thought I better had- wondering who I’d pissed off enough to threaten to sue me this week.

Even the crooks in Benin have got it in for me now. I remember getting a message from Facebook recently to say from now on messages sent to us there would not be stored but would be sent to our email addresses. That’s clever really since the email address this came to isn’t the one I registered with on Facebook. So, in an effort to miss any more of these things I’m going incognito, I hope I can rely on you not to tell.

 

Now I must go back to my emails to clear as many as possible before going out tomorrow. Night all, I hope my secret is safe in your hands.

In honour of my beloved Ju whose birthday it is tomorrow.

Tuesday. 3.25 am today. Plenty of work to do before going out. The only interruption was at 6.00 am when I did the fish early in case I was attacked and had to hide the wounds. Maybe they weren’t ready for me or perhaps just in a generous mood as I got away scot free. After taking my morning fix I got washed and dressed before taking my coffee through and carrying on with the post. By carrying on I don’t mean a full blown affair, more a dalliance in the stock room. I wasn’t taking it too seriously this morning. Eventually time came to leave the house. I’d donned my leather jacket as it had been raining and the forecast said cloudy and rain today.In fact I feel as though I was wearing a sauna suit it’s been so hot.

We met in the Costa where I already had an iced coffee in front of me because I wanted the points on my card as Tuesday is double points day at the moment. Yvonne had told me that Reuben was full of cold but said the fresh air might help or I’d have put them off. As today is Ju’s birthday I suspect we each wanted to stop the other brooding. I’d taken some Tanzanite earrings of Ju’s and a Wedgewood pendant of my mother’s for Yvonne so she put the earrings in straight away to be close to her mum. We had our drinks while Reuben slept in his pushchair. He’d had no sleep the night before she told me. When we left we took a trip along what are called ‘The Rows’ which are shops on balconies above the main shops of the main street.There are a number of jewellers and they’re very exclusive which translates as expensive.  There are also some unusual shops here. Then we went for another drink as Reuben awoke. I was able to have him on my lay while Yvonne got the drinks. He was very sneezy and obviously still tired but tried hard to be smiley for me.

We had a teddy bear made as we left the precinct and then we walked up the main street to Argos to see if some toys I wanted for Reuben were in. They were. By this time I was in need of a wee and we thought it best to get some lunch before carrying on the expedition. Marks and Spencer’s was our choice. Wow, they don’t even do beans with the baked potatoes and still charge a fortune for them but the loos were nice. Such a relief. There were still two or three shops to visit afterwards and I was successful at getting a couple of shirts and a waistcoat for Ugo in one. Unfortunately I lost he smugness game today when Yvonne bought me a waistcoat too. Poor old Reuben’s patience was starting to disappear like a rabbit down a hole and he was beginning to do ear piercing ( well ear-drum at least) exercises with his vocal chords. We thought it best to take him home.Yvonne insisted I went with them and we could resume our Tuesday teatime chip meal after Ugo had run us to my house. I agreed before she started ear piercing on me. Ugo left work but thanks to a mix up in marital communications headed for my house without us. He had to turn round to collect us. We got home. Ugo went to the chippy, I went to my neighbour’s to collect Reuben’s slide which had come and Yvonne was left minding the baby. We had tea, Reuben decorated my floor with most of his and after a tidy up they left.

I came through to see to my messages before they’d even shut the car doors. I confess to being in a panic, but in all fairness I was right, 203 times right. It’s taken all night to reach somewhere near caught up before getting to the blog so tonight no entertainment, no pictures.,just a hope your day has been good.

Wednesday. A dark and early start saw me getting on top of the emails this morning. When I broke off at 7.00 am I was almost there. After throwing a leg of lamb into the fish tank from a distance I took my morning meds and  had a piece of toast before taking my coffee through. When I got back some kind of world disaster must have happened because there were almost 100 more messages than when I left 20 minutes earlier. I wonder whether America knows it’s supposed to be in bed. I started again where I’d been at 3.30 am.

By 9.30 am I was back at the almost finished stage. The postman had been and still without my last missing package  from China. I’m begining to wonder if this is another one held by our Customs Service to screw extra money out of me. It’s funny though, that usually happens once a year to me but it’s never actually been on one from China so far. Once a year one from China usually doesn’t reach me and it’s always the one with multiple purchases for some reason. If it hasn’t arrived by Friday I have to open a case with ebay and get in touch with the seller. They’re usually excellent at refunding  but the annoying thing is I don’t want a refund, I want the goods. To do that I have to start with long delays again and hoping it gets to me. If I do that I risk going beyond the time where ebay will refund for non-delivery. I may have to accept a refund and then either order from them again or choose another supplier of similar items. Since I didn’t have to wait for the postman I decided to go out to Pauline’s for fresh bread and my TV mag.She was quite busy so I joined the queue and listened as she spoke to all her customers as friends. It’s nice.

Back home I was rattling through the rest of the mail when one for a sale at my Saturday Supermarket came up. Naturally since Mike and I have been keeping an eye on the sale in store when we go I found many items had sold out or weren’t available in my size ( obviously the most popular one) but I was lucky to find some jeans I know I like, some slippers I need since one toe is currently peeping through the top of my current pair and a dress shirt complete with bowtie which was reduced to £4. I expected to pay a lot for next day delivery but was amazed to find it was also just £4 even for the 6 items I ordered. Great value.

I knocked off at 11.00 am and went through to the lounge. I needed to think about what I wanted for lunch and I was tired. I nodded off for about half an hour. Before hand I’d decided on bangers with sweet potato mash but now I couldn’t be bothered and settled on a corned beef hash. Small and quick. It was OK and all I needed to wash was my fork. After lunch I was back and forth to the computer to try and keep the mail down as I’d miss 3 hours+ this evening but I couldn’t resist another siesta when the sun was really getting warm through the window. That must have lasted an hour or so from about 3.30 pm. It gave me such a conscience that I darted back  through and found loads waiting. I was concentrating so hard that when the door opened I thought Dil and Matt had arrived early. It was in fact 5.50pm. Work stops, play starts.

Once drinks were dealt with Dil got the Yahtzee out to play. We had 3 games. Matt won the first as he got a Yahtzee where both Dil and I crossed it out. I was the lowest in that game losing badly. The next game was mine as despite Matt getting another Yahtzee, I got TWO, and won easily. In the third game there was no quarter given and Matt won again after getting two Yahtzees. We reverted to cards next and went back to Nomination Whist which after having been on the ‘catch up’ most of the game I romped ahead when needed and won. Finally the crib boards came out and the Goddess of luck was smiling on me as she gave me both games as quite easy wins. It was time for Dil and Matt to go. Dil muttering under his breath about seeing me next week ( and it would be his turn to completely thrash us then).  I had a quick tidy up, washed the pots and went back to do battle with my email adversaries. It took me till gone midnight to do the blog and to clear the mail to within about a dozen which would have to wait till morning as some required longer answers. I’m knackered now and need a little read before sleep.

Thursday. 3.50 today so a slight improvement though having a late night last night didn’t help. Maybe I shouldn’t have celebrated my wind with extra mouthwashes. Having seen my inbox I’m glad of an early start at it since everyone whose side of the world is now heading for darkness has written to me while I slept. And anyway, the message I had from Asda said my delivery could be any time from 7 am. I doubt I’ll hold my breath though. At 6.30 am I sneaked into the kitchen and turned the light on inn the fish tank. I was hoping that half an hour early might catch them off guard. It didn’t, and one beady red eye was watching my every move. Because of that I moved very quickly. I took a pre-food tablet, had my sprays, swallowed the umpteen other tablets, had a cigarette to time things and then made myself a piece of toast. I was perhaps a little generous with the butter as the first time I tried to take a sip of my coffee, my moustache just slid across the front of the mug. I either had to wash off the excess or save it for sustenance later. I settled on a wash so I could drink my coffee.

I went back to the computer and was working steadily on emptying the mail box as the rest of the world tried to fill it again. At about 8.30 am I decided to get dressed thinking the time of delivery must be getting close now and I didn’t want to open the door in my dressing gown, not that I really have a door in my dressing gown of course. I worked on and on and on until finally at 11.00 am I could work no more. I went through to the lounge to evaluate the patterns on the inside of my eyelids for a short time. It was actually no more than about 15 mins before the phone rang.I decided to peel some sweet potatoes instead, ever the man of adventure me. A bit later I put my sausages under the grill and set my potatoes to boil. Soon enough I had the delights of bangers , sweet potato mash with peas and carrots before me. It was a feast. I washed the pots and settled down in my chair again when I heard a van arrive. Nope, it was the laundry service  visiting Joe with all his freshly pressed shirts. One of these days I’m going to empty my laundry basket, and I’ll give it to them to deal with. About ten minutes later the van from Yodel arrived and I knew it was for me. I signed for the parcel and tore at the wrapping as I got it to the lounge. First job, throw old slippers away and don new moccasin ones. I know the jeans are good because I’m wearing a pair and the jeans for Mike look OK too. The dress shirts are great, all I need now is an occasion. My new lounge pants are covered in Mr Men so I won’t be letting anyone see me in those unless it’s Reuben.

I worked most of the afternoon so there could be a TV break this evening. It was 5.45 pm when I knocked off. I managed to see my Law and Order and then turned over to see Jessica Fletcher solve another crime before the police did. I saw the first 5 minutes or so and then totally  zonked until the last 5 mins. I suppose I caught the important bits. So, at 8.00 pm it was back through here again and it’s now 10.47 pm and I still haven’t emptied the mail box. Time for one last marathon effort.

 

Contemplation

 

Friday. Blah , Blah, Blah early morning. By 7.00 am I was almost abreast of the mail and went to see to the fish. Not a single one in sight.They must be OK as there are no bodies floating but they’re playing mind games with me now, they’re making me panic. I took my tabs and then started to refill the empty container. Thanks to those piscatorial pests I was putting night time ones in daytime slot and verce visa. A ten minute job took a long time…long enough for the 15-20 mins in which I was to eat had passed by. I quickly put some toast on to boil. I opened my mouth as wide as possible and ate as quickly as I could ( according to Mike I’d have got the lot in at once if I’d tried). I made my coffee and took the two after meal tablets . OK, I was up to date. With a last glance at the tank I picked up my coffee and returned to the computer.

Amongst the new set of messages was one from another firm telling me their sale starts tomorrow but as a valued customer I can buy today AND get an extra 10% off at the end. Since I mentioned on Tuesday that my sneaky daughter had bought me a waistcoat, she now informs me she bought the matching jacket. She’s going head to head in the smugness stakes now. But, I decided I’d better get a pair of trousers to wear with the new ensemble so I ordered a pair of brown trousers with a shine like a mirror. If I ever go to a racecourse I’ll blind the horses. ( just the ones I haven’t backed though). I also ordered a new pair of braces since I need something to fight gravity now my waistline has gone. There were a couple of other items in the sale so I went to the checkout and entered my code and paid. Dalmations, the discount hasn’t taken!!!!!!!!!  I’ve emailed them to see what went wrong.

A little later I dressed and went to Pauline’s to renew my lottery tickets. I picked up fresh baps and some milk while I was there just in case Mike is coming. I haven’t heard so far. At lunchtime I really couldn’t be bothered with a large meal so I made beans on toast which I haven’t had for ages. Time to hunker down for a nap now or at least as soon as the antiques programme is finished. It finished at 1.00 pm and I’d just stretched my legs out when my phone beeped. Naturally I’d left it in the bedroom. With an exasperated gasp I went to get it. There was the message I’d hoped for “On way”. I went and snored quite happily for an hour.

The mail had built up again in my absence but with Mike due about 4.00 pm I didn’t mind too much. I actually got up to date at 3.50 pm and was able to put the kettle on ready for the arrival which almost exactly on time. The ‘boy’ racer said the traffic had been bad. I settled him down with a drink and we both talked about how our week had been. We watched some quizzes calling out the answers to the screen to see who was fastest. His favourite quiz was missing though due to golf so I left him with Law and Order while I came to try and keep up to date again before my shower. Mike washed my hair in the adverts and I had a shower before changing into the new Mr Men lounge pants and a tee-shirt. NCIS was next on his menu and when a second episode came on I went to make him a meal of a lamb shank and some sweet potato mash, he said that was adequate veg. At 9.00 pm I came through for the night to keep the mail as up to date as possible and to get the blog on. I think it’s back to it again now because it’s an early start for shopping tomorrow. Can you hear the sarcastic laughter?

Saturday. I didn’t move my lazy ass today until 5.45 am. ( I bet you didn’t know I had a donkey did you?) I had only an hour answering the millions of comments from last night’s blog as well as other emails before it was time to feed the fish and prepare to make Mike his coffee. One fish allowed itself to be seen this morning but I swear he was just keeping cavey for the rest. By 7.00am I’d had my tablets and made a cup of coffee for myself. The lketttle was boiling awaiting the sound of the alarm from Mike’s room. By five past I’d heard nothing so I made the drink and took it through. My cheerful greeting was only tolerated without a well aimed show for two reasons. 1. It was his coffee I was holding. and 2 He just grunted but didn’t wake up. I took my coffee through and continued to tap away at the keyboard.

At about 7.20 I heard the sound of the loo being flushed and my intuition being what it is along with my deductive powers, I decided it was much more likely to be Mike than the fish. He was up and I hadn’t heard the alarm go off at all. I closed the screen down and went through to join him in the lounge. I was only able to join him bodily as his senses had yet again deserted him as he slept on the edge of the chair gradually leaning further forward until soon gravity would do it’s job and leave him splattered on my floor. I wouldn’t mind but he’d be a beggar to hoover. A quick (loud) cough and he woke up.We were out of the house with seconds to spare before 8.00 am.

The main shopping didn’t take too long but the delays I caused looking at children’s clothes did I’m afraid. My trolley was starting to look like Reuben’s lucky day. And of course I was expecting a delivery of clothes I’d bough for him online, today. We had a coffee after shopping while we decided the next move. I’d mentioned to Mike last night that I wouldn’t mind going to a certain shop with a sale that started today. He agreed and so we headed off there. Yet again Reuben was at the forefront of my mind and struck lucky. Mike also found a suit in a wonderful colour. I’m sure he’d have had a second one in another colour had the jacket been the right size. This wasn’t the branch of the shop I’d originally thought of and there was nowhere to eat close by so Mike suggested we visit the second branch where there are plenty of eateries. I had no problem agreeing since the word SALE is like a magnet to my poor addled brain.

We hit the other branch and came up with yet more things for Reuben though poor Mike was disappointed with his suit here as they had none of them. I did buy him a pair of shoes as compensation though were really nice.I got some braces and a couple of belts. We headed off for lunch and celebrated with a pudding today. The weather outside was awful with rain bouncing down ( or up) so we stayed in the cafe till it eased. Mike was proud that he got me out without me spending anything. We did however go to another shop before heading home and I was allowed to spend there in case my pockets healed up.

At home there was no sign of my recycling bags after the bin men had been. For all I knew they could have refused to bring them back in the lousy weather. We put the shopping away and I checked the door to see if there was a not from the delivery men to say they’d been. I was a little dejected to find nothing. Mike felt unwell and went to bed so I started to catch up with today’s 200+messages. It was about an hour in when I saw a message from one firm saying the goods were being delivered today. Checking the trace I found the package had been signed for. Yay, they’re next door with Bert. The weather was clearing nicely and the ground looked almost dry.I went out and actually met Bert who’d just seen his son off in the car. He told me where my recycling bags were and that he had two parcels for me. You’d have thought it was my birthday. Everything was fantastic and I think the trousers I’d ordered will go nicely colour-wise with the waistcoat and jacket from my bolshie daughter.

At 5.45 pm I’d all but  caught up and decided to have a break for a while. I turned to the TV for Who Do You Think You Are which takes celebrities on a journey into the history if their family. It can be quite fascinating. Mike came through so when it ended I turned over for the Grand Prix qualifiers and the news. Then we watched Lewis . We had sandwiches and a small cake in the intervals.  At 9.00 pm I deserted Mike and came through for the next battle in the message war. I think it’s going to be a long night.

 

 

David found a surgeon who could turn him into a hamster. Now he could store his chocolate properly.

Have a Nice Week all. Hugs.