Tag Archives: Burkino Faso

Hamunex and Zorba the Greek’s Dance.

Sunday. My usual Sunday morning treat is reading the responses to last night’s blog and thanking you for commenting. It’s a Sunday and it’s sacrosanct. I was therefore paralysed with shock this morning when Mike’s alarm went off at 7.00 am on a SUNDAY !!!!!  The feeling did return to my limbs and the blood start flowing round my brains again when there had been no movement for a quarter hour other than to switch it off. For a few moments I thought he’d taken himself and the impetuous offer of a car boot seriously. My laughter rang from a rafter (  just practising the poetry there and it seems I need to ).  I followed my usual timetable and chatted to the fish for a few moments, sharing with them the reason for the hilarity. I took my coffee through to carry on with the mail and saw no reason to wash and dress just yet. I’d settled down into a nice little rhythm when I heard the unbelievable sound of movement and it wasn’t even half past nine. I checked, and yes, his bed was definitely empty, I didn’t hear crying so a) he hadn’t fallen out of bed or b) he didn’t know the time. I heard the loo flush so I ran ( OK, my estimation of a run) to the kitchen and put the kettle on. Mike would say it didn’t suit me so I put it sown again and plugged it in. He was in his chair when I brought his coffee through and I stayed there for a few minutes. As there were no insults forthcoming I knew he wasn’t truly awake so I went back to clear my screen and get dressed.

As his human side emerged, and to be fair it does have a long way to come, the insults started about the volume of my snoring last night.According to Mike, it’s only the fact his bed is wider than the doorway that stops it being pulled out as I draw in breath. He didn’t complain about anything I’d said in the blog so I assumed he saw only the glowing compliments I usually put. Maybe that’s why he told me he was only up so early for my benefit. I confess I did choke slightly on the use of the word early but as his slitted eyes were glaring at me with a definite red tinge I hid it behind a hand and innocently asked what he meant. “Why, the car boot I promised if you want” he told me. I told him how kind a thought it was and I’d love to go to a car boot ( to help them clear the pitch after the cars had gone) and by 10.00 am we were on our way.

To be fair to Mike there were still  two cars there when we arrived so we had a liesurely stroll round them. I picked up a little stand that displays the suit in play at cards for Whist and Bridge. That should help on a Wednesday night. I saw a rocking hose activity centre on one car site and decided to think about it. Big mistake, By the time I’d decided to get it , it was no longer there.I forebore from mentioning the benefits of getting to a car boot sale early using the more common definition of that word. Anyway, from there we decided to hear home via Flint so Mike could exchange a non-working remote control for a TV he bought a couple of weeks ago. That was done quite quickly so we decided to have a coffee. Today it was Trudie and Sian behind the counter and Mike was having a great time laughing and joking with them both. Time was getting on so we decided to go straight to lunch. We’re a mile down the road and still arguing about where to go until we’d passed the entrance to the Blossoms. Mike put the hood down on the car so we could enjoy the unusual spring sunshine and with chattering teeth I reminded him I’d no sweets to take to the Ivy but as he staccatoed back, it was OK as I’d taken a tin yesterday.

The Ivy car park was full. As we’d drawn up a young couple had just been going in. By the time we’d parked and walked to the door they were just coming out again saying there wasn’t an empty table. We thanked them but went in anyway. I nipped to the loo and as I came out again Mike was just settling down in our usual seats and the couple that had been there were just leaving. I suppose he smiled at them which is enough to scare anyone off. Tariq came to say hello before bustling off to serve someone. Helen came flying out to say hello and give a hug and Angie waved saying she’d be there in a minute. She came to take our order and as my gums were still thawing out I asked for cfffee and what sounded like Hamunex but she knew what I wanted anyway, she also knew what Mike wanted anyway but luckily for her she has a husband. Mike had a Salmon Burger I think and now I could feel my teeth again my order would have been translated as ham and eggs  ( with thick cut chips and peas). We allowed a couple of brave cyclists to share our table and Mike chatted about their ride today. They’d come quite a way but they said it was worth it for the hot chocolate. Our lunches came and the lady cyclist accepted a chunky chip from me. The meal was as nice as it had been yesterday and the Ivy was doing a roaring trade. I was glad, except it meant we had little chance to chat to Tariq. We did see Shella and manage a few words though which was great. I really must try and see if I can get some of our favourite pork pies for her.

Mike dropped me at home and went off to his Dad’s. I ploughed straight into work until about 4.30 when I found my eyelids needed some study from the inside. I turned on the TV for the Tomorrow People and away I went. There was  afilm due to start when I woke up so I turned over. It didn’t last long. Not my kind of film at all so I turned to repeats of Big Bang Theory and saw one I must have missed. At 8.00 pm I turned off and came to attack the mail. I finished that just before 11.00 pm in time to do this and have a little read. Just had a text to say Mike home safely and will be up late on Friday.

Monday. I got up at 3.00 am but after a cigarette didn’t feel like work so just lay in bed. I was tempted again at 5.00 am but after hitting myself a few times went back to bed and even nodded off. It was just gone 7.00 am before I decided I was awake enough. The fish got fed early just to confuse them and I had my meds and made a coffee to bring back to my room. It was almost half seven before I turned the monitor on today.  There was a heavy mail bag but just as it has been recently there were a lot more comments on the two posts I’d been notified of. I should be jealous at the number of comments they got but one was a serious issue that deserved comments and the other was a momentous birthday in a woman’s life and many people wanted to reassure her life wasn’t over. So, completely unstressed I took my time and didn’t even get dressed until 10.30 am. After all, no plans to open the door today. Knock, Knock, “Who’s there?” It was just the postman with a small packet to be signed for. Just as well I had got dressed after all or the whole village would know what a devil-may-care life I lead.

I lunched on a lamb shank with colcannon potatoes. Afterwards I felt bloated as in reality it’s only my fingers getting any exercise today and even they look fat now. I did have a diet strawberry yoghurt afterwards though. Most of the afternoon I spent washing down my waste bin and brushing dust under the carpets. I almost set the washing machine going but managed to restrain myself until there’s a full load. I haven’t totally surrendered to domesticity yet. I watched a bit of TV and even managed 40 winks despite the late morning. My head is not sitting straight at the moment and I can’t settle to anything. There was an hour back with mail again before Law and Order came on and then another show that just didn’t penetrate my eyeballs before I came and started on mail again. A few blog posts to read an comment on, a few I could think of nothing to say so just ‘liked’ them. A message from Lis to say Charlie’s friend has been told the pancreatic cancer is inoperable and it will be chemo and palliative care only. I hope he didn’t go to see the oncologist alone. That must be the worst information in the world to hear. I can’t tell you how sorry I feel for him , his family and his friends right now.

I’ve finished the mail early and don’t feel like refreshing any more tonight so after I sign off here I’m going to do some reading if I can. Tomorrow I have to try and go to Chester to see Yvonne and Reuben so I’ll need to be on the ball. I think I’ll lay off the chips too after having them twice this weekend. Maybe they’ll have a couple of scallops instead ( thin slices of par-boiled potato deep fried in batter). I must remember to pick up some baps as well, remind me while I’m out will you.  Hugs.

Tuesday. A 4.10 am start on my mail this morning ensured I was bright eyed and bushy tailed at 7.00 when I was able to get dressed after getting momentarily up to date. I had seen to the fish, taken tabs, filled my outside container and made myself a coffee well before it was time to go out. I dressed in ( upper layers only you nosy beggars) black and white checked shirt, silver trousers, a blue grey cardie ( mistake) and a black & white dogtooth jacket. As the sun was shining I felt good as I stepped out at 8.00 am to go to the bus stop. I’d steeled myself to  take the 8.10 bus despite the number of schoolchildren at the stop. I wanted a slightly longer time with Yvonne and Reuben. I took the single disabled seat ( no the seat wasn’t disabled, it was for disabled people), shut my eyes and had an undisturbed journey. They were waiting at the bus stop  as I arrived. Reuben was asleep and he stayed that way during our coffee stop when I had two rounds of toast with strawberry jam. I had no conscience about not saving him any.

I managed to find myself a light grey cardie is the sales so I don’t wear this blue/grey one again. Also in the sales I managed to get Yvonne a dressing table mirror that opens to reveal a jewellery cabinet, a cap and a onesie for Reuben and a nice shirt for Ugo. I also got Ugo a block of chocolate as he hasn’t given that up for lent this year for a change. We stopped on the way home for another coffee as I get very dry these days. Yvonne took the chance to nip to the loo again as she seems to be waterlogged these days. Reuben just tried to pinch her herbal tea so that she ended up feeding it to him from  a teaspoon. He certainly seemed to enjoy it. Back at their house Yvonne made me a baked potato for lunch with baked beans while she ate some rabbit food as per her diet sheet. We watched a film in the afternoon as we waited for Ugo to get home from work. Concentration was difficult as Reuben was doing the dance from Zorba the Greek in my lap. I may sing soprano before long.

When Ugo did arrive home we readied ourselves for leaving and our Tuesday night treat of dinner together. Yvonne had to carry her own diet meal as per weightwatchers. Ugo stopped off to allow me to buy some baps then drew in outside the chip shop to get our meal. I was just having chips. I was enjoying them with a couple of my baps and Yvonne started feeding Reuben a little of my malt bread. He took to it like a duck to water. Next week I start hiding it. They left at about 8.00 pm so I came straight through to clear the 130 ( plus 20 on refresh) that had accumulated while I was out. I finished 10 minutes ago and now at 11.45 pm I’ve just about done with this post and want my bed.

Wednesday. A 5.00 am start with a 6.30 am finish when I sent myself back to bed today. I didn’t surface again until dead on 8.00 am and I’m sure that was only because the fish were sending mental messages out about me shifting my arse. I shifted it and gave them some light and food. As soon as I’d taken my meds it was back into battle with a coffee in my hand, or to be more accurate in my mug which was in my hand. I find it leaks otherwise. There was nothing stressful in the post, no marriage proposals, unfortunately no offers of rampant sex with a goddess who’d devote herself to me no strings attached. I was glad of that as I hate being a puppet. There was one message from Burkina Faso telling me about the money I was due, one message from the tax man(or woman) saying I’d overpaid last year and they’d like to put the refund in my bank account -yeah right. There was one message from London that said I’d been given a lucky number in February and would I like to ring and check what the prize is @ £1.63 per minute with a minimum ten minute call (in the tiniest writing possible) and one last interesting message to ask if I’d like to invest in a short film for which I’d receive various treats according to the size of my donation, I think the last of which was a ticket for the premiere at about £25,000.00. That one was genuine but a little outside my income. This latter type of message for funding of things is becoming more prevalent these days.

I was kept busy and entertained all morning by some great posts on some of the blogs I follow but on a few blogs I checked I found that poetry has changed beyond all recognition since I was at school. They don’t have to rhyme anymore and there are haikus that I have a problem understanding. At lunchtime I broke off for some braised beef and was very good in doing without a pudding afterwards. I sort of drifted into a film during lunch so I stayed and saw it out before going back to my desk. I wanted to be sure I was out by 3.15 pm to watch something. I was and I did, even managing to stay awake for it all until it finished just before 5.00 pm. I quickly had a tin of pineapple chunks and then dashed to do a few more messages before the clan arrived. Another message from Lee that he couldn’t make it.

Somehow I was up to date for 5.45 and was able to get back to the lounge before the door went. I was in the kitchen making drinks before they reached the lounge but not before we’d done our Walton family imitations as they walked up the hall. Hello, hello, hello, hello. I thought there was an echo. As always we huddled down behind the card table ready to slaughter each other at Scrabble and the games start in earnest ( That’s a smaller village just behind Greenfield). Despite the obvious cheating of Dil looking at Matt’s letters the minute he was otherwise occupied, and helping Matt in order to block me, I drew first blood. It looked like it would be my game next too but somehow Dil pulled ahead with a 7 letter word which he swore were the droppings of a water buffalo used for fuel in a tiny mountainous region of Kenya. Somehow the scrabble dictionary had gone missing and this strange word with 3 Z’s couldn’t be challenged. It’s not that I don’t trust my brother but he does bear watching on occasion.

Next was Nomination whist and I was able to bring out the little toy I’d bought on Sunday to show what suit we were having as trumps each hand. It proved quite useful. Matt asked if he could do the scoring in case he ever joined MI5 as a code breaker. I didn’t mind as I saw he scored Dil 10 points even if he got a call worth more. There was a slightly blue tinge to the air when Dil found out and I don’t think it was from Matt’s cigarette smoke. The insults flew so thick and fast that they were gaining air miles and there was much laughter which stopped the minute Dil won by a large margin. Personally I think Matt just scored him 10 every game so he didn’t end up walking home. Our last game was Crazy 8’s which started great. My score was pathetically low and Dil was breaking records in the other direction. Again the laughter started and I was enjoying very much Dil’s score being over 200 after just three hands, almost as much as I enjoyed Matt’s score at 50 something and me down on 33. It came to what would be the last hand and Dil played a three, I played a three and Matt played a 2 . Dil played another 3 calling last card, I played a 2, Matt played another 3 and I thought Dil was sure to pick up the 16 cards accumulated but no, the evil beggar had another 2 in his hand which he laid down to go out. There was cackling galore as I was forced to pick up 18 cards and count the points to go on my score. Matt finished on 50+, Dil on 217 and I shot straight up to 202. Matt was the winner. I went and sulked in the bedroom leaving them to tidy up the mugs, cards and the table. They left smirking and saying they’d see me next week. I think I’m moving before then.

That was at 9.45 and it’s now 12.15am. I’m as up to date as I can be for tonight so I’ll have half an hour with my book before sleep. G’night all.

Thursday.I worked hard this morning to get as much post as possible cleared for 8.00 am so I could spend time doing my drugs for the week but only after the fish had been fed of course. By 8.30 am I was back at my desk with a coffee smiling at the sunshine even though I was now in a darkened room. A few more messages and I decided to get washed and dressed. Today I was coming out of seclusion……….admittedly only as far as the corner shop to stock up on baps, cigarettes and renew my lottery tickets that had proved a big let down ( again ) on last night’s draw. Someone has to win it and I see no reason that someone shouldn’t be me. As their pithy little slogan says. ‘You’ve got to be in it, to win it.’

By 9.15 the messages were down enough to take a walk. The parents on school runs should have vacated the shop now and left something for me. They had. I got the last packet of baps and the last 100 cigarettes ( of my brand ), my TV mag, the lottery and I thought I’d chance 3 scratch cards that Ju used to like.I headed back home. I’d just unpacked and put the stuff away when the postman came. He was delivering a card case in aluminium designed to stop people scanning credit cards as they walk past. Unfortunately he was supposed to be delivering two so I had to get on to the ebay seller who promises to send out the other one first class post. The scratch cards gave me £3 which is what I’d paid so nothing lost nothing gained. I’m not sure if hat was a message from Ju to lay off. On my way home I’d seen some lovely little jonquils coming up so here’s a spring picture for you……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

spring has sprung 2

Jonquils ( I think) or maybe just mini-daffs.

Jonquils ( I think) or maybe just mini-daffs.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

By 10.30 I’d finished the mail and gone to sit in the lounge. I’d just nodded off in the sunlight coming through the window when there was a knock at the door. There was a Council Van parked close by doing some replanting and for some reason I thought it might be them. I opened the front door and went into shock. I must have looked like a goldfish as I was backing away my mouth opening and closing as one of the two people there introduced himself as from the Jehovah’s Witnesses. There was a time many moons ago I may have invited them indoors for a debate and maybe a glass of water. I managed not to hide but took rather a long time stuttering out my inability to talk to strangers ( and there was I talking to strangers) as I slowly closed the door in their faces. He did apologise and say he understood.  Now awake I went and sat on m bed for a while to calm down. It may be a while before I open the door again. Eventually I went back to work which kept me going until lunchtime.

Lunch was two ham baps which I ate in front of the TV half watching some old film or other which always seem to be on around that time. I nodded off again and must have had at least an hour as it was a totally different programme when I woke up. I though I was having problems with the plot. I was very lazy the whole afternoon and only returned to work at 4.00 pm so that I’d be free at 6.00 pm for Law and Order. I wasn’t, and only caught the last half so I watched an episode of NCIS as well. Back in here at 8.00 pm I’ve watched and listened to a bit of music on Youtube caught up on mail and managed the blog post. Youtube has gone down so maybe I’ll find a dedication song tomorrow. For now it’s a case of wishing you all a very good night.

Friday. Hurray  Youtube is back on. So, before I forget here are my dedications this week.

http://youtu.be/WANNqr-vcx0    White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane to Meeks at  http://acflory.wordpress.com/ for the little change in luck this week. Always Hugs.

http://youtu.be/wJVpihgwE18   We gotta Get out of this place by The Animals to Sherie Sprague  at http://sjsprague.weebly.com/ In case she ever considers the move.

http://youtu.be/4bniEbKXt6M  Born to be wild by Steppenwolf  to my friend Laurie at http://laurie27wsmith.wordpress.com/ A little reminder of the biking past.

And two for Mike  ‘cos I like his stories   http://youtu.be/ulvauWJxaV4 Love Wars by Womack and Womack ( Classic) and http://youtu.be/PJDrLVAjgd8 which is Love Ressurection by Alison moyet. I understand the resurrection isn’t a problem though bro????

It was an early start this morning but quite easy as nothing difficult in the mail. Not a single proposal of any kind, marriage, larceny or even a sexual advance in my direction. Has the world suddenly recovered it’s eyesight? I saw to the fish a little earlier than usual just to confuse them a bit. It’s an odd life when a tank of fish find you predictable. I was washed and dressed for 9.00 am but I’ve no idea why as I’d no plans to go anywhere. I stayed on the computer as I was having a good run on the family tree. Sometimes things just fall into place but I’m not sure Father in Law to Great Grand Aunt is anything to be getting too excited about.

At 10.00 am there was a knock on the door and I went towards it expecting the postman with my missing card-case. Yesterday’s experience pulled me up short of opening the door so I called out “Who is it please?” and then couldn’t help but chuckle about a joke I heard many years ago where the next line was “It’s the gasman I’ve come to read your meter.” That wouldn’t be too funny after my recent hiccups with British Gas . As it happened I received a response.” It’s the warden David, checking to see if you completed your form.” That would be an Oops really as I stuck it in my waste paper recycling. Luckily I hadn’t shredded it. I opened the door and it was a warden I knew and managed to stammer that I hadn’t done it yet. “That’s OK” she told me, “I’ll collect it next week.” Smiling and nodding agreement I closed the door. First stop the waste paper bag. I found it and it wasn’t too creased. It’s now completed and on my table ready for pick up.

I had a tin of pea and ham soup for lunch as I wanted to save the last two baps for the gannet when he arrives and didn’t want to go to the shop. I’m not saying what I had for pudding since I’ve found out I can hear ( some) Australians shout from here when they don’t approve. A subtle hint though, they were round, quite dark and very crunchy. Mike arrived mid-afternoon as I was watching a movie that I think was the one Noah watched on his cruise. It was called Went the Day Well and was from a Graham Greene story where a village in England was taken over by the Germans prior to an invasion. It was OK but I was glad when it was over so Mike stopped asking questions about what was happening and making me miss same.

At teatime I fed him cheese and branston baps with tinned peaches to follow. I had the peaches too ( not the same ones obviously or there would have been a fight) and followed up with, erm well , something, and so did Mike. What a hog. Having said that though he did do the washing up afterwards which was great and I only had to direct him to the kitchen once too. We were due a quiz at 6.00 pm so I had half an hour on the computer. Mike made me a coffee ( yes, he remembered the way) and put it on the lounge table for me. I managed to finish the mail and get through in time for the quiz and a still hot drink. At 7.00pm my kind generous bro washed my hair for me before I showered. I went back to the lounge for another quiz which was sports and even got some right . Mike asked where his bro was and what I’d done with him. As a rule I’m good at quizzes unless they ask a sports question or a car related one. We had the next episode of Jonathon Creek which was passable but when they said the series is on DVD at the end I said no thanks and came through. Mike went off to watch TV from bed in his room. I’m up to date on mail and now with the blog too. Still time for a read so that’s my next plan. Hope you’re all going to have a nice Weekend which starts tonight.

Saturday. Before you ask it was 4.50 am today. I ploughed into the mailbox straight away and kept getting annoyed with Microsoft Security Essentials telling me of a threat that needed cleaning and hen when I removed it, saying I had to restart. It’s a pain constantly signing in. After the third time it became annoying so the last re-start order is still sitting there untouched. The first batch of post finished just after 6.30 am so I went to the kitchen and took my tabs, put stuff in Mike’s mug, made myself a coffee and went to sit with the family tree for a while. The most observant of you might have noticed an accidental break in routine at this point.

Mike’s alarm went off at 7.00 am so I made him a coffee and took it through, called him and went back to work. About 15 minuted later there was a shout of “Good Morning.” Amazingly he was awake and drinking. I carried on working until I heard him dash to the loo. I checked his mug and he’d finished the drink so I made another one for him. I passed the loo as I took the coffee through to his bedroom. I could hear some atrocious noises but alas I’ve heard him try to sing before. I went and got dressed then carried on working again. It was just before 7.45 when I heard a shout from the lounge. I must have missed hearing Mike move around. He asked how long he had to wait before I was ready. I put my shoes and jacket on and went through. Cheeky beggar didn’t have his coat on and hadn’t finished his drink. I had him out and about right away.

Despite a cocky remark about being at the store by 8.00 am, we weren’t. Though I will say it wasn’t far off. We picked the potatoes first and then started on our usual route. Passing the ladies clothing section we saw Sale rails and heavens, it was gents stuff. I will admit a couple of shirts fell into the trolley but so did a pair of trousers that were miraculously Mike’s size everything at £3 each. We headed towards the gent’s department for a quick peep and there was sale stuff there too. A jacket I’d previously liked from £40 down to £20 which when Mike asked was now at £10. It accidentally fell in my trolley too. Eventually I had to put food in so we headed off there and passed a shelf with reduced bedding. I got a great fitted sheet for a ridiculous sum and an even cheaper book on Welsh names. I live in hope…………………….. .As we left there after a drink Mike headed for the expressway home and I didn’t understand when he swung off on the Chester road. He bypassed Chester and drove through Cheshire to Blakemere village. Regular readers may recall a visit I made there last year. As a confirmed shopaholic this is a perfect place for me.  http://www.blakemerevillage.com/   it’s well worth a look or a visit if you’re in the area. We had lunch there and didn’t leave until  4.00 pm.

At home again we unpacked and put away the shopping from this morning and I dashed off to see how many messages I’d missed. At 86 it wasn’t as bad as I ‘d feared. At 6.00 pm I left it as Mike called me to watch Field of Dreams with him.I made some tea to eat while we watched it and an essential component was the egg custards. It’s a fantastic film and I find it catches me in the throat a few times. I must interject here for the sake of a friend to say that though HALF A TIN of sweets was consumed during the watching of this film but not a one passed my lips. Once the film was over there was something else for an hour then an episode of Endevour which I had to leave at 10.00 pm in order to come to do the blog and anymore outstanding mail. Mike went to bed to watch the rest of it then catch up with Match of the Day. My post is just up to date and I managed to get this post finished with the obligatory pictures. Without further ado, here they are………………………………………………………………….

 

Messy eater !

Messy eater !

 

Hoodie in good humour..

Hoodie in good humour..

 

Park life.

Park life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have a Great Sunday and a beautiful week to come.

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You need Hands

Sunday. After the flooding of yesterday I knew I could get into no further trouble today if I sat quietly all morning and did e.mails and designed a few Christmas cards. The mails were mainly from you  lovely people who’d commented on the blog and in some cases left me with a large smile. There were however two other messages that piqued my interest, one to tell me I’ve won a book in a rafflecopter draw and asking me what format I’d prefer it in ( what’s a rafflecopter?) and the other one from a Nigerian business man who’s found a way to bilk the British Government in some complicated scheme to have me send them some goods and claim an allowance before they send them back and get a refund from the person we bought them off. I may have got this wrong because in all honesty the Zzzz’s were drifting in front of my face before I’d finished reading. What’s the equivalent of the chalk marks tramps and gypsies used to use to mark the pavement outside a gullible nice person’s house. I swear someone has marked my computer only it’s more like the way a dog marks it’s territory.                                                                                                                                                                                                          Yvonne, Ugo and Reuben were picking me up for lunch about eleven thirty. The morning’s rain had stopped and so I put my shoes on ready to step outside and watch for them. I don’t use the crutches just to stand by the door so I opened up, went to clasp my hands behind my back and wallop I hit something. I half turned and saw a T-light candle holder in the shape of a pair of hands sail past my side. The relief was palpable as they landed on the carpet and my sigh was accompanied by an inaudible chuckle as they bounced, hovered on the lip of the step and dropped to smash into more pieces than I had glue for. I don’t understand why the Gods hate me, I sacrificed an apple to them only ten years or so ago. I swept up dejectededly as I really loved those hands. Such character they had. The car drew up outside so I grabbed my jacket and sticks, locked up and went to lunch. Yvonne reminded me I’d suggested lunch and a visit to the Tweed Mill to see their Christmas shop.There’s no way we’d eat lunch there as it’s very overpriced for a simple cafeteria area. We ate at the Dragon’s Rest ( sorry Mike, I know it used to be ‘Our’ place) where Reuben came to life and watched every mouthful I ate giving me a terrible conscience, probably as intended. The food was great and as soon as we finished it was time to move on. The Tweed Mill was crowded. Yvonne walked round cursing me for taking her there, (like I even drive), while Ugo and Reuben walked round looking bored. After the Christmas shop Yvonne and I left Ugo to have a cuppa and a cake while she and I walked round the gift section. Being good the only thing I bought was a picture frame for them about being married to your best friend. We caught up with the boys and headed home where I gave them the clothes I’d bought yesterday, some owl wall stickers and the books that had come for Yvonne. I gave them chance to read while I held Reuben up to the mirror to be fascinated by himself. They left about 4.pm and I dealt with mail till it was time to eat then I settled down to watch the last half of one of the feelgood movies that are on around now. Back to emails because tonight I’m staying up late by watching a film that doesn’t start till 9.pm.’ The Book of Eli.’ After that it’s an hours read and then hopefully some sleep. Bet you all wish your life was this exciting.

Monday. Monday morning brings a curtain of rain first thing. I looked out of the window to see if it was snow and the predicted Arctic from had arrived, but no it was rain and everything was still pitch black. I dealt with emails fairly quickly because there were no marriage arrangements to ponder but I did check my bank account and don’t understand why the millions haven’t arrived yet. Mind you, my account was still intact too but that could have been my accidental slip in providing a completely bogus name and account number and directing them to the fraud office of the bank. I had half an hour on ebay looking at gadgets and was very impressed ( I’m a child) with the finger lights that look fantastic when you wave your hands around in the dark. The light seems to follow behind so it looks like you’re writing.                                           At about 9.0am I tried dodging raindrops as I dashed ( har de har) to the corner shop for bread. I was soaked six feet from my front door. It’s just as well I’m shrink proof. It was odd while I was  there and noticed a bottle of Lucozade.-for those who don’t know what it is, count yourselves lucky. A friend(?) and I had also discussed this in emails and I was reminded that as a small child of about 5 years, I won 6 small bottles of this drink for singing Nellie the Elephant on the pier at Hastings. I think the prize was one bottle and the other five bribery to make me stop singing the chorus. I always wonder if the people have ever returned to Hastings since then. Another memory that slips into replace that is of the ‘penny machines’ where you’d flip a lever and propel a steel ball towards a set of metal chutes above. If it went inthe right hole you could win a cigarette, Woodbines or Players I think. How times change. On similar machines ( for those in the UK- anyone else STOP READING) you could also win a packet of Spangles. If you’re about my age you may remember them. The Old English with a peculiar brown one that tasted of cough medicine, or the fantastic Acid Drop ones that I still yearn for today. Where was I? Oh yes, Hastings Pier. Believe it or not but I had a fine singing voice when young, it’s the Welsh blood. I was selected to sing in the choir at St.George’s Church in Stockport when I was about eleven but we moved away soon after and I’m assured there was no connection. I remember having a tape a  friend and I made when I was in my early twenties where we sang Beatle’s songs to backing music. I’m quite sure Yvonne never believed it was me.                                   More Christmas parcels arrived during the day and I’m getting quite smug now.                                                                                                                                                                                            Doing emails this evening I came across one that had a music video of Men Without Hats- Safety Dance. That set me on a music of the 80’s evening while I finished my comments. So, just to copy the idea,I leave you with one of my favourites ( of Oh so many) of that era. Enjoy !                                                                                                                             http://youtu.be/OvMoRVrqx_I

Tuesday. I’m not sure if it was even worth going to bed last night as I was awake at 3.50 am. I’d woken up gasping for breath as in the dream I’d last had I’d just finished making a strange kind of surf n’ turf meal with a moules marinieres sauce which I’d then tasted knowing how allergic I am to seafood. I’d hate to have my dreams translated as I also remember last night a sequence where for some strange reason I found myself designing and making a ladies nightie with a matching housecoat. It was in some kind of black lace and quite sheer. If anyone in Prudes United ever hears about it, I’ll be drummed out. The rain was lashing down outside doing a continuous drum roll on the roof. This is on of those times to regret being in a bungalow as you don’t have an upper storey to shield you from the noise. Obviously it was pitch black outside still so abandoning custom I made an early coffee and settled with my mail. No proposals, no cons today ( at least so far) though all the world want to sell me insurance and an inordinate number of businesses are now following me on Pinterest.                                                                                                                                                           COMMERCIAL BREAK- For any of you authors interested in getting your books on any of my Pinterest boards, check here   http://www.pinterest.com/lorddavid/   and let me know what board you want. If a particular Nationality like New Zealand writers for example isn’t there for you it can always be created.                                                           The rain has ceased by the time it was getting light at 7.30 so Yvonne and I agreed to meet at  Broughton Park for a day’s shopping. ( She’s a terrible influence on me). We met by Tesco’s at 9.30 and headed straight for the escalator  up to the cafe. I parked Reuben by my table while Yvonne went to the counter to order. He was happily asleep. Yvonne told me he’d had a nine hour night and instead of getting some rest she’d stayed awake worrying  about him not screaming at feed time.I hope as Reuben starts to get into a sleeping habit, she will too. Coffee over we mooched round the clothes section but amazingly bought nothing.Then back down the escalator ( no, not the same one) to the Christmas gift , decorations and food sections where we – by which I mean I- was well controlled again.  Outside into the very nippy air I managed a cigarette before looking round British Home Stores  admiring all their house wares and their unusual Christmas gift section. They had some lovely hampers.With the lack of movement of the pram- though not a lack of movement from him, phewee, Reuben started to wake. We started a brink walk towards lunch an baby changing facilities. I hoped a burst of speed might confuse people as to where the smell was coming from but really I was more concerned they didn’t think it was me. Costa provided the light lunch and a drink we needed and the information centre where they’re based gave Yvonne the chance to change Reuben though the swap she got still looked suspiciously like him.  You can see what you think if I decide to post any pictures this week for his fan club, my exes.                                                                                                                                         Before leaving today I’d put on my patented super slimmer vest  with the reinforced, armadillo-like plating.There had been a fair amount of screaming and swearing, some of it from me. As I was walking round the shops I noticed it wasn’t doing a very good job of holding my stomach in. What  it did do however was reduce the small band of fat just above my hips. This was a problem as that was all that was between me and a degree of embarrassment if my trousers fell down. Keeping a steady walk with the crutches and attempting to raise the waistline of my trousers was an art form in dexterity I don’t want again.                                                                                                               I shan’t bore you with details of other shops we went round and a period where Reuben decided he wanted to be carried and then put in the baby sling but needless to say a few bags somehow got filled.  By the time it came to depart I had a full backpack as well as two large carrier bags trying to hinder my walking.  The Christmas shopping may be going well but it’s certainly no doddle. I was home in time to catch an old episode of the Mentalist and have a meal, snake and pygmy with mashed potatoes followed by some tinned pineapple- out of the tin for the sake of my teeth- an then into battle with the day’s messages. There were 139 but crying didn’t help so I got stuck in leaving just 6 when 8.55 pm arrived and a new episode of the current Mentalist. I relaxed and enjoyed myself with a bar of extremely nice totally diabetic friendly Cadbury’s chocolate. 10.00 pm and it was back into battle. The 6 were now 42 which kept me up till 11.30 when it’s time to relax with my book for a while. The very excellent Conn Iggulden’s Wars of the Roses. Goodnight all.

Pongy Nappy

Pongy Nappy

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Wednesday. Early morning, rain, rain and more rain. Someone loves me again and wants me to look after her inheritance since her parents died in an horrific plane crash ( easily verifiable she tells me) and they always wanted her to  marry well. She just needs to get the money out of the clutches of her wicked guardian and she’s going to need a lawyer and my bank a/c details. …….. At 9.00 am the rain stopped and I went to the post office to send a phone flip case to my niece. I think the postmaster kept his finger on the scale when he told me the postage would be more than the case cost and they’d included postage in that. I lightened my wallet considerably, wiping the tears from my eyes as I did so then I headed back home. The first message I opened on my return was from a crook. I hope my bank manager isn’t like this…………………

Assalamu alaikum,

My name is Mr. Hamzaki Mourad, I am a staff working with the Bank Of Africa here 
in Ouagadougou,Burkina Faso. I want you to help me in receiving the sum of 
Twenty Secen Million Two Hundred thousand Dollars ($27,200,000) into your Bank 
Account. This fund was deposited in the bank here by a foreign customer who died 
accidentally alongside with his entire family members many years ago. Nobody had 
asked for this fund till now.

If you are interested, you have to provide an account where the fund will be 
remitted because i am highly interested to secure this money from the Bank. 
Please you can contact me immediately to start the transfer process. Further 
details about the fund and this transaction will be given to you upon the 
receipt of your response.

Please understand that we have to hurry-up our actions because the bank 
authority here has plans to redeposit this fund into the treasury of the Central 
Government as unclaimed fund if nobody applies for this fund after the next bank 
audit which will begin here soon. I await your urgent reply.

send me the information’s
Your full names.........................
Address,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Age,,,,,,,,,,,,,
profession,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Your photo................

Mr. Hamzaki Mourad
Bank Of Africa
Ouagadougou - Burkina Faso

I’m not sure  how much twenty secen million is though. The day passed pretty much without incident except maybe at lunchtime when I had a Shepherd’s Pie ( I just hope he never catches me). I was so eager that when I bit into it I burnt my tongue and my lip. They naturallly swelled a little so when Dilwyn and Matthew arrived for their game early I had to regale them with my brave struggle against the mystery assailant before we could play a game. Naturally it’s the fault of my damaged lip that Dil started his Scrabble game with a seven letter word on a double word score and got something ridiculous like 156. I went next with a brave and challenging 12 followed by Matt who’s barely old enough to know any words who hammered me again with a 28 or something. All I’m going to say is I fought hard and lost. The second game Dil started with just 24 but even then my tongue only managed 12 and Matt a 24.  Matthew won. I called a break and made a drink. After that I pulled out the new but original game of Trivial Pursuit I’d bought on Ebay. My faulty reasoning was Matthew wouldn’t know the answers to questions set back in the 80’s and Dil would only be able to answer the ones he was interested in then. Within minutes my tongue and lip were aware I had a game on my hands and those two begg my brother and nephew had two portions of pie each. Even an afternoons’s swotting wasn’t helping ( joke). I took it up a gear and showed my age class by winning the game. Honours even.

Thursday. Horror of horrors. I opened my emails this morning and received an invitation to have a woman at my side as soon as I wanted. Young, nubile and ready to ‘swing’ into ‘action’, she didn’t offer marriage or millions of pounds. Does she think I’ll sell myself so cheaply on the alter of ‘Nookie’?( Probably). Someone recently offered to let me read The Perfumed Garden and I had to explain I’ve not graduated from the allotment yet. Anyway, after I’d sobbed my heart out at being thought such easy prey, I went out to the shop. The cash machine was empty and I was reduced to pulling the fluff out of my pockets to find enough cash to pay for my lottery ticket. I’d not been home a few minutes when MuJo arrived. I made coffees and opened my morning post that had nearly hit John on the back of his leg as it shot through the letterbox. I’ll have to tell the postwoman to ease up on those steroids. We chatted for a while or to be more accurate I listened for a while as John was very enthusiastic about some Christmas Cards I’d designed and printed for him. I can understand why his came out fine but when I tried to do mine the printer wouldn’t take the good card and on the card it would take, the ink soaked in. We went to town. I got cash from the bank machine then left  my watch at a market stall to get a new battery and headed off to lunch at Kassidy’s. Roast pork dinner today with crackling but I know Christmas is getting close as my plate was adulterated with sprouts. An abomination before me on my plate. Ugh! I made a formal complaint to the management and left hastily before he heard me. With all three of us claiming to be full to bursting we headed off to Flint. MuJo wanted to look at box freezers in case they get snowed in this year. They’ve already had their first snowfall so it’s entirely possible.We went in at least four shops that don’t sell freezers where I was able to get a few bits and bobs ( very useful things are bits and bobs) before we headed for a coffee. At least I had a coffee while those two had a chocolate indulgence which is like another meal with all the cream and marshmallows on top. John added a scone to his list. Finally we went to a shop that sells freezers via a catalogue ( Argos for my UK friends) and bought one for delivery next week. By the time we got back it was getting dark. I showed John how to adjust volume on computers and they left for home. I had twenty minutes mail before watching my Mentalist. Between 8.oo pm and 11.05 pm it’s been emails and this post. Time to read my book now I think.

OK, I'm just being needlessly cruel now.

OK, I’m just being needlessly cruel now.

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Friday. I don’t know why I woke so early this morning but I know I was never happier to see seven o’clock as by the time it arrived I was down to my last two cigarettes and they’d last me till about five past the way I was feeling today. I suppose you could call it On Edge. One email I received told me that a gift I’d ordered two weeks ago isn’t in stock despite showing as being in stock at the time of he order. Two emails later I’m informed new stock won’t be arriving until about December 12th. This is a main present and as such is very important and not easy to replace. I have no choice but to wait and see but I’m not happy at being let down at this stage.                                      The in appears my popularity has taken another nose dive as there are no marriage proposals today though I suppose it’s possible that Nigeria is currently empty of women all flying off to get married….yeah, right !  The postman called with a parcel I’ve been looking forward to, a pair of the most ludicrous slippers I’ve ever bought and believe me the competition has been tough. The joy I’ll get out of seeing the recipients face when their parcel is opened. Why, I’m even thinking of gift wrapping it to build the tension.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Half past eleven I received a text from Mike, “On way” it said. Knowing he was over two hours away, probably over three if he drives within the speed limits, I was able to have a liesurely lunch and then for pudding eat all the loose chocolate biscuits he might otherwise pinch. I feel sick now. I must have nodded a little because I just heard the front door opening and it made me sit upright. I might as well pretend to be alert now I’m in this position.                                                                                                                                We had a good afternoon’s natter till I applied his gag so I could see The Mentalist. Then I made some sandwiches for tea after which the gannet ate my last two Christmas puddings with custard. He was kind enough to come through to wash my hair then I had a shower and made coffees.( Not in the shower, I made those in the kitchen). We talk a lot Mike and I, generally throwing insults at each other but friends don’t generally come much closer than we are. After 40 years we know each other inside out. It therefore pained me to tell him I could no longer have him coming at the weekends if he keeps telling me he only eats my chocolate because he doesn’t want the loose bars to get lonely. About 11.00pm I came through to finish my mail before bed. Shopping in the morning so I’ll need to be up early.

Saturday. Early rising as predicted. I hadn’t thought it would be as early as 4.40 am but it’s not like I have a choice. I turn the computer on and walk down the hall towards the loo. It’s not an easy journey as Mr ‘I don’t snore’ was breathing heavily with accompanying noises. Every time he breather out I was pushed back the way I’d come, when he breather in I was able to make some progress. Eventually I lowered myself to the carpet where I thought I’d off er the least resistance and made it before I wet myself. I just finished my mail at 7.10 when I almost had a heart attack after hearing Mike get up without an alarm and without me using a crowbar. I made us both a coffee and while he sat in his chair looking like a mini Buddha, stomach resting on his knees, I collected the rubbish to put out for collection. When he spoke I put him back down again. Despite having managed to drag himself from his pit we were still late going out at 8.00am.                                                                                                                                Shopping didn’t take too long as my list was short today. We drove to Flint where he could have a coffee and leer at Ceri in the cafe. Daniel told me his brothers, my friends Adam and Richard are singing the anthem at the Australia-Fiji match this afternoon. I’ll miss it unfortunately but I’m looking forward to the release of their Christmas album soon. After a lovely hug and a kiss from Ceri we took the shopping home and unpacked. By now it had gone mid-day so we set off for Colwyn Bay and lunch, a visit to a specific shop and also to meet our friend. Mike and I had actually finished eating before Brian arrived so we took the chance to look round a charity shop . They’re all so dear now and far from the old days of all donated things, there’s so much new stock in them now. Brian finished and joined us we all had a wander round a little of the local market and through the shopping precinct ( Mall) until Mike went to get a sim card from the car for Brian’s phone. That done we said our goodbyes and headed our separate ways. We stopped off t look at a Christmas shop in a garden centre on the way which was a chance of a drink and I enjoyed a milk shake for a real change. It was only after we got home I remembered we hadn’t been to the shop we’d traveled to Colwyn Bay for.                                                                                                   An attack on emails, some tea and then a relax with the TV alongside the usual insult sessions filled up most of the evening. Time to finish off here now so I have time for a read. But I must just remind you first that when sending your fan mail some of you think my name is Reuben.  That’s OK. I’ll accept it under any name now as I appreciate your efforts.

Huge Hugs and I wish you all A  Great Week

Bright 3 laugh


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