March 22, 2013 · 8:43 pm
Normally I’d post on a Wednesday to let you know how the horse riding has gone, and how the smile goes from horse to Ju to me. This week hasn’t been like that.
On Tuesday night Ju started to feel some breakthrough pain. She’d taken her normal tablets and then her emergency ones without getting any ease. By 11.00pm she was really hurting. There was no choice but to call the out of hours service and get the Marie Curie Nurses. Because of the stupidity of our system they had quite a distance to cover from another Shire and arrived at 12.15am. By 12.20 am she’d had an injection of morphine and I hoped she’d sleep. The nurses left about 1.00am and as Ju seemed to be resting I went to bed. By 2.00 am she was in obvious distress again and was now being sick as well, so it was back on to the service. Ju hates being sick and is quite prepared to stop fighting when that happens. The first team were out on another job so they’d send our local team out. Local? So why send those from far away first time round? We had a phone call back saying they’d leave as soon as the’d spoken to a doctor about the dosage Ju was allowed. I was able to tell them the dosage and frequency so they set off.
By 2.30 am the second dose of morphine had been administered but we were worried about the sickness. The Marie Curie Nurses said they asked the doctor about that too and he was coming. He arrived and gave her an injection of something to get rid of the nausea. He was obviously a little annoyed he couldn’t get round the bed easily because of Ju’s crafting stuff and suggested I might like to clear it. I bit my tongue and said I’d see when someone could do it. I didn’t think gone 3.00 am was a good time to start and he did’t need access there and then.I was probably a little tired. Anyhoo, by 4.00am they’d all gone so I made myself a coffee and sat watching Ju for a while while she slept.
I decided to get my head down about 5.00 am. I managed to fall asleep until 7.50 am when it was time to get up and see to the girls. I gave them a chocolate drop each and then feeling very guilty walked round apologising that ‘Mummy’ wouldn’t be getting them out to play today. I’m sure there were some glares thrown at me so I passed them all a Shreddie with a little milk on. Time to turn the fish on, I’ll rephrase that in case you think I’m wearing my fishnet stockings, time to turn the lights on the fish tank. Then it’s my meds and a coffee. I took a cup of tea through to Ju and she was awake but sore and tired. Time to phone and cancel riding for today. She’s been invited on one on Sunday again so I reckon it’s too early to cancel that. Wednesday her normal meds seemed to hold her but she stayed in bed for the day holding court with one visitor after another and gossiping with Yvonne who’d come to look after her precious Mum.
Thursday. Ju seemed to have no overnight problems and we both got some rest. I took her tea through and suggested she might like to get up for a while so I could change her bedding. She sat in the lounge talking to the girls but didn’t take them out again. I was in and out answering emails or nipping to the shops for a paper and some lunch. It was late morning I saw her pick up the phone and she rand the doctors to ask for a visit. I was puzzled as she hadn’t complained, but she said the pain was back. He came but persuaded her to stick to the tablets for the day and if things hadn’t improved by 5.00pm to phone him again. That was kind, and she didn’t need to. She struggled a bit overnight but no nurses were called out.
Friday. For some reason I was up answering emails at 4.30 am today. I didn’t go through to the lounge until 8.00pm and was shocked to see at least 4 inches of snow on the ground. Where the heck did tht come from? A rhetorical question honestly. And it was still snowing. I gave the girls a chocolate drop or maybe gave one girl 4 chocolate drops since I couldn’t actually look them in the eye so guilty did I feel. Ju and I normally shop early on a Friday so they don’t get their playtime but they’ve missed so much this week. I took a cuppa through and Ju wasn’t looking well. I had my meds, got a coffee and cancelled the Sunday ride. Her MacMillan Nurse arrived and gave her a morphine injection with an anti nausea one. Fair play she did balance it out, one in each arm. Then she left for a while. I went to the shops for my Euro Lottery ticket which is going to make me filthy rich tonight- no, dammit, I can afford soap. There was no way I could do my shopping with the snow and with Ju ill. The paper says 36 hours of this weather with maybe 12″ of snow. Oh Joy !
Ju had some toast for lunch and another cup of tea, that’s all I could get her to try. Then the district nurses arrived. There are always two so I’m sure one comes to hold the handbags. In all honesty they’re great. They brought a driver to attach to Ju so she gets a continuous feed of morphine to kill the pain. Most of the afternoon it seems to have been working but I know when they come to change it tomorrow Ju or I will have to tell them the pain had broken through by this evening. So, currently I haven’t been shopping so haven’t been able to get to the bank. Even If I had cash there’s nothing to buy round here for dinner. We’ll be sharing the rat’s food for the weekend unless a friend can take me shopping tomorrow or I can find a taxi willing to take me to a cash machine first. Of course once I tell them I’ve won 80m on the lottery they’ll be keen to help won’t they? I’m hoping against hope that Ju will at least be able to get out of bed tomorrow even if she can’t go out.( and do my shopping for me). Maybe she can allow the girls half an hour out of their cage. But most of all I want her free of this pain and fighting again beside me.I HATE this Cancer.
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Tagged as breakthrough pain, District Nurse, Doctor, driver, horse riding, Ju, lottery, macmillan nurses, marie curie nurses, meds, morphine, pancreatic cancer, tired, yvonne
March 6, 2013 · 8:21 pm
Well, Wednesday finally arrived. The day started chilly and ended bloody cold. First thing this morning the district nurse came to introduce herself and bring some syringes in case Ju needs an emergency morphine injection at night. That at least meant we were OK for a game of darts before going out. Ju has been saving coins for a while ( mainly from emptying my pockets for me) and once we found out our little girl is pregnant promised to buy a ‘travel system’ which I understand comprises of a pram/pushchair and car seat plus things I can’ remember. Today the bank hated her as she went to change what she (we) had which came to £190.00. Might even be enough left over to buy an iced lolly if it’s warm when the baby gets here in August.
After the bank we took a thank you car and plant into Kassidy’s our local cafe who have been collecting for the Pennant Park Wishes Charity. Carl who owns Pennant Park Riding School had asked us to deliver them when we went to say hello yesterday.He had some excellent news for us- they’ve just started the building work. It’s really fantastic to think that in as little as two weeks the indoor school could be up. It seems planning permission went through like a dream with neighbours even writing in letters of support.
The hard part now is either to raise enough money or find a firm that will sponsor a hydraulic hoist ( or scissor lift)to get the disabled up to the level of the horses to make them easy to mount. The sooner that’s done, the sooner accreditation to the RDA (Riding for the Disabled Association) is given and we can get more disabled children and adults on the backs of horses. The therapy and amount of freedom this gives them is wonderful. The one RDA stables that covers this area is a long way away and has a long waiting list for once weekly three quarter hour sessions. We’d like to see that changed.
Anyway back to the story. We were expecting to meet someone at the cafe, someone we’d met about three years ago and until recently I’d only known as baby-lady because she’d just had a baby at that time. Somehow we found out she’d just left the forces and only just had the baby who was a little sweetie. I left her £10 to buy the baby a present and we’d sort of been friends ever since but with long gaps between meetings. This was to be the first organised meeting and she’d just found out how ill Ju is. It seems she couldn’t make it. So, I had a pot of tea and Ju a bucket ( a coffee in a mug you need two hands for). Then amazingly she decided she was hungry and ordered tomatoes on toast. I didn’t want her to have to eat alone so I forced myself to have a bacon sandwich. I’m brave like that. Really Ju was sulking because the lunchtime special is Simon’s Spag Bol which she loves and since it was still breakfast time she couldn’t have it. We finished and I went to pay but Chris refused. I challenged her to arm wrestle me and beat her so she had to accept payment. I’m lucky Si(mon) was doing the cooking. “See you later” Chris said but I thought it was just one of those throw away remarks people make. We went home and while Ju tackled one of her House Auction programmes I settled to do the 94 emails I’d received since knocking off after my 5.am – 8.30 am shift. I’m convinced every crook with a story of untouchable millions, every con about suspended bank accounts and everyone who wants to tell me my lucky numbers knows my email address.
After what would have been lunch time had I not been forced to eat my sandwich we set off for the RDA stables. I was heart in my mouth all the way scared at what Ju might do to herself. Still, makes a change from being scared about what Ju will do to me I suppose. I’d just taken a seat in the indoor Siberian arena when the trainer announced she was going to give Ju tuition on the outdoor arena today. Muttering under my breath ( spells to warm me up honestly) I waited till Ju had mounted and followed. Mounting was one of the things I was most worried about with Ju’s distended stomach but because she was on the lift all was OK. Outside the below freezing wind was lazy and went through instead of around me. I leant on the gate, frozen in place, while Ju started doing diagonals, or rather the horse did them at Ju’s instruction but you knew what I meant, right? As George ( the horse) walked Ju round I could see her smile and as she drifted past where I was welded she said “I’m loving this, loving it”. Then she got George to canter and far from being scared stiff I became spineless and was able to detach myself from the gate. I watched her going up and down with the smile plastered to her face. I’d had enough and went to wait in the car. It wasn’t many minutes more when I saw George returning sans Ju and then Ju, leaning on Di , her trainer, coming down the path. When she reached me she admitted she’d had a problem trying to dismount the normal way and had to bring her leg over the front and be helped to slide down. She was bushed but happy to be back after five weeks away. Di has told her that maybe in a couple of weeks she can have an extra lesson on a Sunday to make up for the losses. That’s really kind.
We stopped for a cuppa on the way home at a Supermarket where I got her a nice thick jumper in case this cold persists.It was such a nice day yesterday too. We were home by about 4. pm and Ju had a fancy for food again. If riding makes her eat I’ll find a stable to take her twice a day. Her passion was for fish finger sandwiches of all things so I had a tiny pizza. I washed the pots while Ju went to get changed. She goes to bed quite early for comfort and of course she gets tired quite quickly. She hadn’t reached that stage when I had to shout her to open the front door. There were Si and Chris with a large bouquet of flowers for Ju ( rank favouritism) and also two plates of Si’s spag bol for us which we”ll hopefully have tomorrow. They’re a really nice couple and Chris was having fun feeding chocolate drops to the girls while trying to remember which one she dare not risk her finger with. So many people with just so much heart out there it quite chokes me up. There’s hope for mankind after all. More hope if I was getting the bouquets but I suppose I can’t have everything.
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Tagged as babylady, Bucket, cafe, Canter, Carl, Charity, Chris, Cuppa, Diagonals, District Nurse, Fish Fingers, George, Kassidy's, morphine, Pennant Park Wishes, Pizza, pregnant, RDA, Si, siberia, Simon, Spag Bol, syringes