Tag Archives: funeral

Fart City & The Lost Sock Dimension.

Sunday. It was actually quite lonely for much of the morning today. Of course there’s no verbal chatter when I’m working on my messages from what Mike calls pre-dawn. The fish don’t talk to me much either even when I feed them after a day of starvation. I wish I could say the various snores, grunts, shouts and farts emanating from Mike’s room are comforting but it’s not true, that slightly dense fog creeping it’s way over the doorway lintel is actually quite threatening. Left alone the beast emerged from it’s pit about 1o.30 , like a new born kitten it’s eyes still closed but with all the menacing size of the tiger waiting to pounce. Part way through it’s first coffee it was heard to say “I’s awake now” and you ‘re sure you can hear the claws as they are drawn and withdrawn from their sheaths. When you least expect it, a strike,  ” When was the last time you weighed yourself?” he asked. “Years ago” I responded,”why?” “Because how’re we to know if your diet is working without a weigh in.”              I wasn’t sure it was a good idea to explain it’s not exactly a diet, just an attempt to eat more healthily but if I used that word I know very well it would be countered by the mention of chocolate. I wondered whether it was too late to distract him and add laxitives to his coffee but no need, the god of bowels was on my side as the hot coffee sent him off at the run. I’d hoped to distract him but when he came back he brought up a height and comparitive weight health chart of his phone. “Right” he said,”weigh yourself.” I was not afforded privacy for that. “13 stone 2 AND a quarter pounds” he said in a very specific way. ” Take off a couple of pounds for your clothes” “Ahem, how about five pounds”I asked. Begrudgingly he agree because he was sure I’d cross the unhealthy line. “Right, five foot eleven inches and just short of 13 stone, oh” he uttered ” you’re just in healthy.” “And you?” I asked. “Erm 13 stone, and I’m 5 foot almost five inches” he had to answer honestly. “So by rights it’s YOU that should be on this DIET” I said smiling sweetly. There was a period of quiet.                                                                                                                                                                                                                       It was a little later when the mention of lunch came up that Mike decided to question me about where to go. Would I like to go the Bells where I could have a Sunday roast and (as usual, whispered under his breath) pile on the potatoes. Would I prefer the Blossoms with their Sunday roast where I just had my potatoes allocated or maybe the Ivy Emporium where I could stick to the Baked Potato diet. I said I didn’t mind, I’d be happy to eat any though perhaps the temptation of the Bells should be removed. We set off and withing a few minutes it was clear the Ivy Emporium would be the choice. Great, I like it there.  When we arrived I got out of the car and headed towards the door. I stopped to see whether Mike was behind me and had a strange sensation of sinking. My crutches had hit some wet moss on the path and were doing the splits away from my body. I was moments way from toppling when Mike’s hand grabbed my collar and drew me upright. I got my crutches back on the path and set off again. We got in and found it more crowded than usual but got a table anyway. Just settling down and the table by the log fire was vacated. He was up like a shot and I struggled to follow knocking the menu’s everywhere in the process.He came back an d picked them up and I’m sure I heard the word ‘Oaf’ somewhere. We settled at the new table and I removed my coat knocking the menu’s over. With a roll of his eyes he picked them up. The owner came to wipe the tables down from the last customer but didn’t even say hello. It took me a few seconds to realise it wasn’t him. Like him, but not him, deduction Sheerluck, a brother! Quite right the owner said as he came out. Roped in to help as it’s busy, did we fancy washing up?       There was a specials board today that included a smoked pork steak with bbq beans, jacket potato and cole slaw. It sounded ideal and we both settled on that. I had a tea and Mike his usual Americano with cold milk on the side. The meal was freshly cooked but not too long in coming and we both enjoyed it, so much so that he had apple pie to follow and I was forced into lemon meringue pie. Diet beggared yet again. Mike in pedantic mode pointed out a sign that I’d mentioned to him which said White hot………….chocolate rather than white………hot chocolate. I swear he wants to get me banned from every eating establishment possible. We drove home he dropped me off and set off for his dad’s.  I caught up on mail, went to watch TV through closed eyelids and went back to mail again. A beef and tomato sandwich for tea followed by a strawberry yoghurt and a strawberry smoothie done in the new (fantastic) toy then I watched a little of the story of the two girls who had photographs of themselves with fairies at the bottom of the garden. Harry Houdini and Arthur Conan-Doyle were taken in by the convincing pictures. Another catch up so that I can see a film at 7.00 pm. Despicable Me, I keep hearing about how good it is. Well I saw it and fair play it’s very entertaining. Rather than come through straight away I thought I’d channel hop a bit and came upon another film just starting called Kick Ass. Paint me Prude. What’s the matter with people today that they have to put foul language in the mouth of kids on film. OK, so there are kids that use it ans some kids will hear it in the playground but they’re more likely to use it when they see it on the screen used by other kids surely? It’s a poor day when our language skills are so poor we can’t find alternative words to use than the same bad language they employ. OK, rant over. I turned off pretty quickly and came through to see what new mail I had. One was a joke about the very elderly ill man lying in bed who smells his favourite ‘cookies’. He manages to make his way downstairs and gasping for breath reaches the kitchen where he sees row upon row of chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven. He silently blesses his loving wife and reaches out for one only to have his knuckles rapped by a spoon. “Hands off those, they’re for the funeral” he hears. Night All.

Monday. 4.17 am. Looks like my period of lie-ins wasn’t destined to last. When I woke I almost fell over as I found I’d slept in the bed last night instead of on it. My legs didn’t move free as expected. I pressed the computer on as I passed by on the way to the loo. After proving my bladder holds the equivalent of Niagara I went back and signed in. Only 47 mail today, there’s a treat and I was done just before 7.00 am . Feeling in a very generous mood I turned the tank light on and fed the fish early this morning. I had my tabs and brought a coffee back to the bedroom. There was a sudden temptation to go back to bed but I fought it and unfortunately won. After catching up on the new post that had come in it was time to get washed and dressed. Too early to pop out yet as there are a lot of children pass close by going to school. I don’t want stories spreading that Father Christmas lives here and adults claiming they were only in my garage to give Rudolf a carrot. I wandered back through to the kitchen with my dirty mug ( oi! The one I’d been drinking from) and my eyes landed on the piles in the 2 I***ing baskets. It was time to do something. So, I sorted the bedding which had been folded coming out of the washing machine and decided the creases may stretch out when on a bed. I stored it away. Underpants and tee-shirts were treated the same way. Towels went to the airing cupboard leaving me with shirts that have to be I***ed about 10, and socks which I proceeded to pair up. True to form there are about 20 socks without a matching partner. What dimension do the ones that disappear get to? Feeling less guilty now I mopped the kitchen floor using my new Flash gel and then while it was drying went out for fresh baps and some cigs. It might save me having to leave the house tomorrow.                                                              I checked for more mail and dealt with it. I have a true friend who half my mail gets to and the other half is returned undeliverable. We’re testing out different methods to see if we can get it all through. That done I had time for a couple more poems before lunch. As usual now it was baked potato and beans to which I added ham and coleslaw. I’m not sure if I’m losing weight or the jeans made by a couple of firms are just more generous than usual but at least two pairs I can remove without unfastening. My friend suggests I may not be far off mooning at everyone. I’ll wear braces just in case, I don’t want anyone thinking there’s an eclipse. During lunch I watched an old Burt Lancaster film I think it was 10 tall men.After that I washed up and then inspected my eyelids for an hour before going back to the computer.At 5.00 pm I knocked off and had a banana for my tea with a smoothie and a yoghurt. I could have put the yoghurt in the smoothie I suppose. I had half an antique programme, a quiz, law and order then Murder she Wrote before deciding I’d had enough TV and coming back through. I’ve read a few interesting blogs and commented on some as well as answering some personal mail. I’m still early enough tonight to get the blog done before 11.00 which is a rarity so it looks like I’ll get some real reading time tonight. Nos da.

Tuesday. Up very early. I’ve decided it’s a residual effect of Oscar my alarm cat waking me. It’s probably why I get out of bed so quickly before he goes for my feet. I’m on my way out of the room before I realise he’s gone. QUICK ADVERT. Which reminds me that his book is still available for all cat lovers and sadists alike.                             http://www.amazon.co.uk/Memoirs-Superior-Lord-David-Prosser-ebook/dp/B00EJ9FNWS/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1390942104&sr=8-1&keywords=memoirs+of+a+superior    ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

51SRY6zDYfL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA278_PIkin4,BottomRight,-58,22_AA300_SH20_OU02_Sorry, but I don’t want to die starving in a garret somewhere. Available in paperback in two sizes  of print.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..As usual I dealt with my messages and found my friend’s computer had literally blown up on her. That’s going to curtail a bit of the gaming so maybe she’ll get down to writing a bit now. Mwah ha ha , I don’t do that half as well as she does which sends a chill down my spine as I’m usually in trouble of some kind. The fish got their second treat of the week and I had an early coffee after taking my tablets and sprays. As I turned to leave the kitchen I was taken ill, that’s the only possible explanation for what happened next. I opened the pantry door and got out the I***ing board then opening one of the cupboards I got out the lethal instrument itself. I recovered enough to put it down and make a run for it. By 9.00am I’d finished my mail, couldn’t think of an animal beginning with N to do a poem on so decided to get washed and dressed. I was determined not to go out anywhere today though. My cup had to be washed and doing it in the bathroom left me with the problem of no draining board and the floor of the shower didn’t seem appropriate so I walked through to the kitchen again. I’d just placed the mug down when I saw the postvan pull up and the driver headed here. YAY, parcels, good old Amazon with perfect timing. They didn’t delay me for long and Darren hadn’t stayed to make conversation except to wish me a Happy New Year. It felt like he was mocking me as I wandered back into the kitchen to wash the mug. I could avoid it no longer. I erected the board, put smelly water in the instrument and turned it on. I started on my shirts. I ended up doing 8 and putting them on hangers on the back of the door. That was about all I could manage but there were tears in my eyes as I checked the basket, my estimate of 10  yesterday was way out. There are still 8 more to go. It’s no good I shall have to call in the services of a professional I think. A neighbour uses a service which washes and presses ( I can cope with that word) everything for him. It takes on a Wednesday and delivers on a Friday. I’ll see if I can catch their van tomorrow. Trouble is it’s  MuJo day and I have no idea how early they’ll be.I’m sort of looking forward to this visit to as I made a gift basket up over the weekend with Mike, everything in it is made by a firm called Bonner’s which was Mu and Ju’s maiden name. It’s also not a common name so for some reason I thought she might enjoy this. This year I got MuJo some Christmas tea which they really enjoyed and I couldn’t find it again except in the US and with postage I’d be paying nearly £ per teabag. So, I’ve been buying some boxes of different teabags in the hope they’ll be pleased, then I had to try and find a Teabag box to put them in but they can be £30 or more so last weekend Mike an I bought a plain box which I hope will do the job. This is like OCD in that once I started I couldn’t seem to stop. Tomorrow it ends when I finally hand things over and won’t be buying more.                                                                                                                                                                                                                          I had to skip the letter N since the only thing I could think of was narwhal, so next on my list was O. I’d already done P. Q was impossible so I went to R and I did poems for those two letters. I have U, X and Y left so that’ll be a no then unless I go with Yak. I have two left to do and I’ll need a couple of spares in case more are rejected. I’m still struggling with the best size to do the book, small like a ladybird book or larger like a painting book. Larger seems to be the type favoured by many of the shops I’ve been in. I’d love a hardback but think the cost will be prohibitive If I put the book on general sale. After lunch I spent some time in the lounge looking through the new Argos catalogue but saw nothing exciting. What is exciting is that I’m expecting three more parcels from Amazon. My wonderful nephew and wife who gave me the  gift vouchers for my birthday will be pleased to know I’ve put it to good use, some long handled, long bladed toenail scissors and some extra strong spring nail clippers. He may not be as pleased to learn I also ordered two memory sticks to download the family tree onto but will be asking his help in doing it. It’s a joy having a computer expert so handy. Teatime was a banana and a strawberry yoghurt again. Perhaps I shouldn’t buy in bulk. Afterwards I checked the mail till 6.00 pm and then had two hours slobbing in front of the TV. At 8.00 pm I came back through and have been listening to Motown classics on Youtube as I dealt with more mail. I had a quick skive to bring you all up to date so now I’m going to finish up with The Four Tops ‘I’m in a Different World’ and see if I can find William Bell and Judy Clay with ‘Private Number’ as I do the last of my mail and go for a read………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….Enjoy  http://youtu.be/X9uvmca5WF4     …….. I’m your Puppet. James and Bobby Purify……………………………………………………………………………………………………………  http://youtu.be/yDtTVYHOBZI     ……… I’m Doing Fine Now. The Pasadenas …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..   http://youtu.be/weGiFoK4JeI       ……… Loco in Acapulco . Four Tops ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  http://youtu.be/ubDVUQon5BE   ……… Young Gifted and Black. Bob and Marcia……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..  http://youtu.be/53u7LuGJecw …………. Let your Yeah be Yeah. The Pioneers ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….  http://youtu.be/Tj96QFzOL5Y …………. Let’s Just Kiss and Say Goodbye. The Manhattans ………………………………………………………………………………………………..    http://youtu.be/jPnZZTVp_2A …………. Heard it Through the Grapevine. Marvin Gaye …………………………………………………………………………………………………….  http://youtu.be/v78-ftcqpNw …………… Midnight Train to Georgia . Gladys Knight and the Pips………………………………………………………………………………………….

Wednesday. Oh dear. I had a poor night which resulted in me lying in bed semi with-it until gone 7.00 am. It then became a rush to get as many messages done before the fish deadline and my first coffee. I didn’t do badly since I just deleted anything that came from a bank (3) and decided not to fully read those that I opened unknowingly but which turned out to be African cons. In fairness they’re trying harder, asking me to believe I’ve already dealt with them on somebody else’s behalf and now this person wants to pay me. It’s trifling amounts below the million now and obviously not worth my time. Obviously once I’d done the fish I had to come back with my coffee to finish off. By then there were 20 more but at least they were genuine.                                                                                                                                                                                   By 9.10 am I’d cleared the last of that lot but was afraid to refresh until I’d washed and dressed. MuJo were coming and there’s no telling what time. I didn’t want to be found sitting at the computer in my dressing gown. I’d just finished dressing when the postman arrived but I was grateful he didn’t knock. Just one package today, the long handled, angled toenail scissors in a posh little pouch. I didn’t try them out. There was time to do a few more messages of the normal kind and comment on some blogs before I thought I should prepare for the visitation. Get milk in John’s cup and decide what coffee I’m giving him today, and take the cap off Muriel’s J2O so she’s able to pour when she’s ready. I’d just done that when they arrived at half ten. I handed Mu the packets of teabags and the box and also the basket of food made by Bonner’s which she thought was great. Then I went looking for two tiny gemstones which could be used as eyes on John’s wolfshead waking stick. Luckily I still have most of Ju’s craft stuff and found two small red ones. We chatted for a few minutes and at 11.15 they decided it was time to lave for lunch…….a bit earlier than expected but at least I hadn’t had breakfast. We went to the Ivy as they haven’t been there. Plenty of room at this time. I kept to my baked potato and beans while Mu had the meal I’d enjoyed on Sunday and John had the same but with chips instead of baked potato. To me that’s awkward but my friend was very obliging. It was a good size meal though John wasn’t impressed with the quantity of chips. I certainly would have been happy with any of them today. They were very impressed with the atmosphere and comfort there.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           Afterwards we took a ride to Prestatyn to see the new shopping precinct we’ve heard about. I managed to find some nice clothes for Reuben in Boots but shock, horror, wasn’t especially impressed with any of the other shops. I don’t think it compares to Flint. There was however a Costa so John was able to have a breakfast sausage sandwich and I got Mu a small cake. I was glad of the points. We started for home and in half an hour we were here with John ready to drink again. I think he’s showing signs of the diabetes coming on. They left at about 4.00 pm giving me an hour on the computer. I managed everything but one I couldn’t get my head round. I had some fruit for tea and watched a quiz show till the next visitors arrived. Dil and Matt arrived about quarter to six but no Lee tonight unfortunately. Still at least he didn’t see me sobbing to win just one game of scrabble the whole evening. They ganged up on me unmercifully. Typical father and son tag team tactics. Heartbroken I was and promptly showed them the door at half nine, they both said they’d seen it though. Back in here to attack mail and frustration as it keeps stopping and asking me if I want to close down. Doesn’t it know I’m big enough to do so if I want to? Ah well, I’ve had a little break from it so now I’ll have another try. Night all.

Thursday. No visitors, no events, just a quiet day. Great. I dealt with mail very early and had seen to the fish, sorted my next weeks tablets and made a coffee by 7.00 am. Instead of going back to refresh mail I just sat in the lounge watching it become lighter outside. It wasn’t easy to start but after finishing my drink I got washed and dressed. At 9.00 am I walked to the corner shop to renew m lottery tickets and renew my hope of winning naturally. On my way back I met a neighbour who asked me whether a woman had knocked on my door last night about 9.30. It seems this unexpected visitor  had called on her and demanded details of her bank account. Had it not been for the fact her son was there it’s possible she would have caved in. Another neighbour did so last year. I don’t know whether my place was avoided because I’m male, had visitors last night or just that it’s not my turn yet. They get short shrift from me if they call here.                                                                                                                                  I don’t need to bore you with today. Mail, meals and a bit of TV about sums it up. Not at my best today so I’ll leave you with a song instead……………………………………….  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDUmT3wm-0A&list=FLykLqhnwlNz3Qz3GX3qyuXw&feature=share&index=11     …………………………………………………………… Queen- These are the Days of Our Lives.

Friday. That was an unreal night or brief interlude as it should be known. Light off to sleep bout 1.00 am and up and awake at 3.45 am. It’s as well I live alone as I was miserable as sin too. I dealt with emails, blog comments and everything and round about 6.00 am the fish thought it was their birthday. Early food. I took a shower, well you have to show willing in the New Year don’t you. Who knows, I may even indulge in the summer if it’s warm.                                                                                                                      Had my tabs, made a coffee and came back to the computer to keep up. I corrected a few poems I found where the final line had been cropped on the Jpeg copy and then did a count. YAY, all 32. I’ve now sent them off to be edited before a friend creates a cover for me. I’ll send her the poems at that time in case she wants to use any of the clipart. How does ‘Odd Animal Rhymes for Toddlers’ sound as a title. Suggestions welcome ( as long as they don’t include Close the Blog and Go).

The last one. I'm not going alphabetically.

The last one. I’m not going alphabetically.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………I kept up most of the morning as I have no idea how long I’ll be out this afternoon. The postman came with some nail clippers but disappointingly not the DVD of Terry Pratchett’s Going Postal. I’ve managed to pick up another of his from ebay too and am bidding on a third. I don’t want the cartoon ones especially.                                              Ju upset me today merely by not being here. Funny how it gets you sometimes. Lunch at midday and I don’t even need to tell you what I had any more. I need to restock on potatoes and beans tomorrow though. At just gone 1.30 pm there was the honk of a horn and I saw Ugo’s car outside. I went to the door to ask if they were coming in or was I going out. I got my coat. We drove to the Ivy  Emporium where as it happened people were coming out as we were going in. A coincidence honestly. We were the only customers just then but Gary gave us time to settle before coming to take our order. I just had a latte but they chose burger meals while I got to hold Reuben. What a little gem. no squawking at all, smiles and giggles all the way though I’m not sure he was happy at not being offered a chip butty. Gary was as nice as usual and his wife Helen came through once she’d finished cooking. She’s nice too. They deserve to succeed.                                                                                                                                                               From there we shot to Flint for a little shopping then they ran me home and came in for a cuppa. I’d bought a Galt box game of animals to fit together for Reuben’s shelf at home as he’s not old enough yet. I’ve never seen such a reaction. H tried to hold the box and was making excited noises as he touched the pictures on the box, it was almost as though he was trying to do the noises.We hugged, they left and I attacked the post that had mounted up while I was out. There was a particular post I became involved in. Spain’s decision to end abortion will affect 100,000 women a year.My friend was appalled at this, especially as it’s being done by Cardinals etc of the Church so it’s more a religious decision than political. One particular person was arguing in favour of it and coming out with the biggest load of religious claptrap I’ve seen in ages. More so to my mind because there are many non-Catholics in Spain these days and this will hit them despite Catholicism not being their religion. This action makes the wealthy go outside Spain for their operations and the poorer element are pushed to illegal back street methods. This decision is best left to the women who’s bodies they are rather than a group of religious people who supposedly have nothing to do with sex but can decide that a human life is created from the moment sperm and an egg meet.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     At 8.30 pm Mike arrived. He says it was a slow journey because of the rain. It took him two and a half hours for what most consider a three hour journey. I made coffee while he fiddled with the TV and got us two episodes of a forensic crime series and one of QI. At 11.30 I was allowed to escape to come here to do this and any emails. It’s now 12.55 am and I’m off to bed.  Hugs all.

Saturday. Mike paid me an undisclosed sum of money today not to tell you he slept through two alarms and it was all his fault we left to go shopping late. Please consider yourselves not told. Before evening drew near though, I had managed to clear my mailbox, prevent myself from busting a stitch laughing at an email purporting to be from a woman who was obviously a man telling me how much she.he regretted never having received an answer to the heartfelt outpourings of love sent previously. Believe me there haven’t been any previous messages from this one or it would have gone straight to the slush pile. I had also taken my tabs, seen to the fish and read War and Peace in the original Russian.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         We did eventually get out and arrived at the shops before they closed for the day.There wasn’t much to get as my shopping list currently reads potatoes, beans, oh and milk. It was done so quickly that we had time for breakfast and I am forced to confess ( before he tells you) that it wasn’t perhaps quite as healthy as baked potato and beans. There was a small detour before going home to unpack so that someone nameless could banter with Ceri over the Coffee, sounds like a line from a song. Ceri asked if I was OK as I was very quiet. Mike had said something similar but it’s probably just because I can’t get a word in edgeways. We also had a look round the local shops for a cross cut shredder as Mike had burned out the motor on his last one.                                                                                                                                                                                   At home the shopping was put away and the post opened to reveal the two films of Terry Pratchett books I ordered. I was just going to start on emails when Mike announced a trip to Rhyl might find the shredder so it was coat on time again. The weather was foul, really cold and damp up to the kneecaps. It takes forty minutes to get there, we park in the open on the roof of the shopping precinct a target for incontinent seagulls though in this rain it was more likely to be albatrosses as anything smaller was sheltering. We hit a stationers and found just the thing, only two let and the offer ending on Monday. Bright spark said he’d wait and see if they had one left in the branch near his home to save him carrying it. The car is about 200 yards away. Instead we have a short wander round the town centre in the pouring rain, get in the car and leave. We’re wet, have driven a fair way and have left without anything. On the way back we stopped at the Ivy for a drink. If Gary thought I was bad subjecting him to three visits in a week he now knows it for sure since I not only took MuJo once but now I’ve taken Mike again, though  to be absolutely correct, technically he took me so it’s his fault.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Back at home once again I made tea though I co-opted Mike into buttering the bread and then we settled in front of the TV for Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and then The Tomorrow People. Mike started complaining of a vicious headache and Is suggested he went to bed to watch Vera with the light off and I came through here to catch up on my mail. I brought my mobile through since I’d forgotten to take it out today and found I had a message. My niece let me know that Amy has died now. Just Penny and Priya left of our happy bunch. It’ s really sad………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Holiday clothes.,

Holiday clothes.,

At the Ivy with Pops.

At the Ivy with Pops.

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Our Goodbye

Yesterday, Friday 12 th  was the day of the funeral and our last goodbye to Julia. Many people may not understand-or agree- with our decision to honour her request for a religion free service. It was beautiful. Julia had a wonderful sense of humour and so my arrangements with the undertaker may have raised a few eyebrows but with the agreement of all the major players, Yvonne, Karen and Joanne we went ahead. I prepared the order of service which would be given out yesterday.

The hearse and the family car collected us at about 11.20 . The flowers reading ‘MUM’ from Yvonne and a large horseshoe from me were place aboard the coffin along with other family flowers. We were all wearing some token black but under my frockcoat I wore a silver waistcoat (vest) and a silver, flower patterned tie. Yvonne, my nieces and I got in the family car and the undertaker started walking in front of the hearse to guide it into traffic on the main road. We set off at a sedate pace and maintained it the whole journey. For anyone who’s journey was delayed because of us I apologise

We arrived at the crematorium at 11.40 and had a few minutes to wait while the previous mourners departed. At a beckoning motion from the funeral director someone opened the car doors and we were ready to go in. Julia had expected perhaps a dozen mourners or celebrants but I could see at least sixty people there. We entered to the strains of Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah by Alan Sherman and I’m sure Ju was laughing. The Reverend spoke for a few minutes to say we were there to celebrate the life of Julia  before inviting Yvonne and my niece Karen up to speak. Yvonne spoke movingly about her beloved mother and described her as both mother and friends. Some things were so difficult she had to pause to regain control and the congregation had tears in their eyes. I know I cried as did Julia’s sister Muriel behind me who was so close to Julia in many ways. Karen read Julia’s poem which it turns out she helped to write. She also choked and her audience followed suit.

The Reverend introduced the song Hey Ho by the Lumineers which had become a firm favourite by Julia recently after hearing it on an advert. The words ‘I belong to you, you belong to me, Be mine Sweetheart’ brought on the eyeball sweats again. The tissue manufacturers saw their share prices rise accordingly. As the song ended I was called along with Ugo to speak. Many of you won’t know that I stutter badly when faced with strangers and so I kept my head down as I laid a single lily in remembrance on the coffin and for the whole time I spoke about Julia and her kindness, her being my rock and making me wheeze by introducing rats, degus and anything else to the house .( I confess, I love them all). I had to stop three or four times to regain my composure and kick myself for not buying shares in tissues before I left. I finished with a poem by E.E.Cummings called I hold you in my heart. Ugo followed me and made sure everyone knew what a privilege it was to know Julia and be welcomed into the family by so caring a person who never judged. Even my stoic son in law needed my comfort up there when he choked and the audience choked with him. There was such sadness and yet such Joy at having known her.

The Reverend started the committal with some nice words and to the music of Fun with We are Young, Julia’s casket was borne away and the curtains closed. The Reverend gave a nice speech about Julia, including how wrong the comedian Les Dawson had been about Mothers -in-law and how Julia had been many different things to many different people, Julia Prosser the mother, Julia Prosser the wife the aunt, the friend. Julia Prosser, Lady of Bouldnor, the fundraiser for good causes, Julia Prosser the mother in law and the lover of animals. Yet while being all these people she was ONE PERSON in one body all the time. Thinking about it that must be true of all of us that different people see us in different ways in different roles. I hope we’re nice in all of them.

We then stood for the closing as we were told to stay strong for Ju and she was wished a safe journey to follow her belief of meeting up with her parents again until it’s time for us to be together again. I have no doubt she’s with them and enjoying a lot of pain free rides on all the horses in the sunlight. We walked out of the crematorium to the strains of Talk Talk and their record Life’s What You Make It.

Back out in the daylight we met all those who had come to pay their respects. Ugo’s family who’d travelled from London and Birmingham ( not Alabama), My sister-in-law’s daughter ( yes, a long winded way of saying my niece) Hayley, who had also driven from London that morning, friends from the cafes I wrote of in the books that she so loved visiting, friends of Yvonne’s who had met her and loved her and her friends from the two stables she used. Llanfynydd RDA with their wonderful staff, especially Di who helped her so much and Carl and Storm from Pennant Park which now has it’s indoor arena ( we still need a hoist though- subtle hint).    I took the canvas of Julia that had been on the coffin and we repaired to the pub where glasses and cups were raised to her picture on the mantlepiece as she watched us enjoy her day. She will never be forgotten.

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The End of Days

Today saw the end of the war. Julia fought many battles and has won many of them. In the end, superior forces sneaked in and defeated her. She left our presence but never our hearts at 4.10 am today, Saturday 30th March 2013.

Like me and our daughter, Julia was often overwhelmed by the support of so many people she didn’t know but often wanted to. She had great faith in people and declared herself a humanist whenever anyone asked. I always shared the best wishes of everyone who responded to a blog and sometimes we were able to share a laugh and a joke over them. One thing is sure and it’s that Julia was always grateful for the time people took to respond to something  written about her, even if I’d managed to be rude. She never considered herself important enough to be the subject of a blog, but I guess I owed her that much after the portrayal of her in my  books. I did wear the trousers in the house and had her permission to say so. In fact she certainly was important, not just to family and friends but to all those whose causes she undertook and by all those she raised money for, though I  never got as much as I deserved I thought.

When Julia passed away , the hospice ( the FANTASTIC St.Kentigern’s) had allowed Yvonne, Ugo and my nieces Karen and Joanne as well as myself,to remain by her side, sleeping in the lounge for hours at a time and supplying us with drinks. I want to thank the family for their strength and support and love as well as thanks to the staff from all of us for their patience and kindness. Their care of Julia was unbeatable. When we are able to hold a funeral In would ask for donations either to Cancer Research or to St. Kentigern’s to allow them to carry on doing such a brilliant job.

Tango and Ju

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

R.I.P Julia Prosser 15.07.1956 – 30.03.2013

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