Tag Archives: Fursty Ferret.

Oscar’s New World Order

6/5/2012

    It was CATastrophic. There I had been, contented after my sachet of prime beef and ready for sleep. Within minutes I was in a world I couldn’t recognise, couldn’t understand and didn’t like.

I had walked to the village to check on my interests and seen small groups of the local cats and kittens along my way. In the centre by the Fursty Ferret sat Ginger or rather stood like  a Longlegs reading from a paper tacked to the wall. “What are we to do Oscar?” he said “we can no longer be friends.”
“What rubbish is this Ginger” I asked, ” how can we not be friends after having been so for such  a time?”
“Ti’s no longer to be allowed since this new Cat Council has come into being.”
“Cat Council? What are you blathering about Ginger.”
“Read it” he said.

                                                  By Order of the Cat Council.
Let it be known in the world of Moggies that the Council has in it’s wisdom decreed changes that are to be implemented immediately.
No more will there be mixing of breed. 
From now on Pure White Persians are the true breed and are selected for rule. Only they shall sit on the Council.
Ginger and marmalade cats are to be the troops under the direction of the Council and who are to enforce the rules.
Black cats are the workers and are to perform all the duties decided for them by the Council and told to them by the troops.
Manx Cats are to be pitied and laughed at.

No groups are to socialise with each other since obviously only Pure White Persians are worth socialising with. We, the Council will decide whether anyone from one group can rise in  the ranks to another- simply they can’t.
All worship shall be decided by The Council. We shall decide on a deity suitable for each rank. That deity shall be governed by the rules of the Council.
If any kitten should be found playing in a way thought not suitable or playing with a kitten from another group,  that kitten can be beaten by the Deity’s Pastor of the flock. Especially if they are found to be playing with others of the same sex.
Any older kittens found to be with others of the same sex will be ostracised from all groups and deemed to be unclean.

Signed
Supreme Mog

” But this is patently ridiculous Ginger” I told him.” We’re far too civilised to live this way. Just ignore it, obviously a big joke.”
“But……” he said, and at that moment I woke up. I laughed to myself. How silly, I thought. After all, no-one could live like that could they?

new-trainers
                                                             It’s for you.
the-nose-job
                 Not a good idea to say “Where’s your nose Amelie?” Excavation due.

72 Comments

Filed under Humour

Oscar Becomes a Hero

Facebook surprise me with memories sometimes. This morning they reminded me of a piece I’d written 5 years ago to the day when I was writing about Oscar. He was just 16 at this point. He lived until just past his 18th birthday and died on Oct 1st 2013. During all that time we’d recorded his battles with the other household ‘pets’ introduced by Julia. The three ‘girls’ who were rats and beautiful and the degus who though delightful to look at had less intelligence than a peanut and who made short work of all the wires in the lounge whenever they broke free.

Anyway, here’s the piece Facebook reminded me of.

How easily things change. One light time I’m all but invisible in the village and the next I’m the flavour of the week. Though of course that’s how it should be really.

I was a little bored and not sure what to do with myself. Outside it was still the dark time and inside there was no light as my ‘The Her’ and ‘The Him’ we’re still asleep. I’d had some fun unravelling all her knitting , I’d ‘borrowed’ a few pairs of socks, I’d even knocked two plants off the ledge by the small clearway but now I was bored. It was time for fun with the Longlegs.

I walked through my home to the room where my ‘The Him’ was in his sleeping place making those funny grunting sounds that my ‘The Her’ hates so much. He looked funny sprawled on his back , arms up above his head and one leg hanging out of the covers. It looked a very handy way up so I got a good grip and ran up the leg to the sleeping place. It might or might not have been the fact that my claws were out that caused the “What the?” that I heard but I’m afraid that was soon cut off as I jumped straight onto his stomach bringing forth an “Ooph.” I lay down and started retracting and bringing forth my claws to make him softer ( it never seems to work) until the arms which had now come from near his head started stroking me. But, if he thought he was going to get back to sleep that way he was wrong. I didn’t start purring as he’d hoped. I moved higher up his body and connected my head with his chin making him lift his head. I was then able to snuggle under his chin. Unfortunately this didn’t seem to please him today, perhaps because I may just possible have been leaning on his windpipe. Totally accidentally you understand.

It took only moments for my ‘The Him’ to decide I wanted something and gently pushing me aside he swung himself off his sleeping place. “Well, what is it you want you rogue?” he asked, probably expecting me to need food. Instead I led him through to the lounge where I made him sit and stroke me for a few minutes. Then, off I jumped and led him to the clearway. “ Hooray!” He said ,”you out and me back to bed.”

That suited me and as the clearway opened out I went. The light time was almost upon us now and I decided to walk to the village. There was no sign of Ginger or the others on my way but there was a lot of fascinating rustling coming from the undergrowth nearby. Lucky for them I’d eaten. I was just level with the Fursty Ferret when I heard a noise. It was a Longlegs scream . It was coming from below the pub. I went to look and the wooden floor outside was open. I could see a female down below shaking with fright at the sight of a rat in the corner. The rat was more frightened than she was but she couldn’t see that.

I jumped down and hissing at the rat I lunged and caught it by the neck. “Play Dead” I told it with a muffled voice, my mouth full of rat hair. It went limp. I jumped out of the cellar and deposited it on the ground. “You’re the pet of that little girl next door aren’t you?” I said, “better get yourself of home before someone comes to check I’ve finished you off.” He ran home quickly and I went to lean over the edge of the floor.

“Oh thank you Oscar” said the female Longlegs as she recognised me.”how brave you are, I shall get you some salmon , wait there.” And wait I did. It was delicious.

I had just started to leave when there was another Longlegs sound of dismay and before me was one of the old ones looking up into a tree where a kitten sat shivering in the branches. I guessed she wanted the kitten down, probably to treat it with some respect as we Superiors deserve but I know that some kittens while good climbers up, are not good climbers down. I climbed up and found this was the case. Once up there, the little female kitten had found she didn’t like the height. Picking her up by the neck as I had the rat I carried her safely down to the ground. The old Longlegs was crying and fussing the kitten who just rolled over on her back to enjoy it. I stood by as proud as I should be until suitable recognition came my way. It did, as the old one finally started fussing me too.

“Oh what a brave, clever cat ( cat ?) you are Oscar” she said, and out of the corner of my eye I saw the now unfussed kitten start heading towards the tree again. “ I won’t come after you a second time” I said “back here now please for another fuss.”

The kitten obeyed and was rewarded with another fuss as promised and I even joined in by licking it.

I carried on strolling but met none of the gang and nothing else happened. Getting bored again I decided to head home for food.

As I arrived back and entered through the clearway I saw my ‘The Him’ with a dish. I followed and found he had put me some fresh chicken out. My ‘The Her’ entered and started stroking me.

“Well Oscar, you have been a busy boy this morning. I’ve been getting phone calls from the village about you.” Before I could deny any wrongdoing,she added “You must be the bravest pussy cat ( why can’t people call us Superiors?)( But of course she’s right about the bravest) in the village.

So, I’m back on top and in favour again in my rightful position. I can’t wait until I tell the rest of the gang later.

109 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized