Tag Archives: Longlegs

A Black Day for Oscar.

14/5/2012

    The Longlegs had gone out and the smell was tormenting me. A lovely rich heady smell that tickles the nostrils and makes you want to eat it and here I was stuck inside with no clearways open and unable to get at it. I know I’ve smelt it before but I can’t remember where. I suppose I shall have to be patient.

That’s long enough. My patience has worn thin. I went to look through one of the clearways to see if I could see where the smell was coming from but I got a little tangled in the clearway covering. Trying to wrest myself from the grip of the covering I perhaps pulled a little hard because they came down with a snap and covered me even more. As they fell, unfortunately they brought down one of those tall things my ‘The Her’ puts her flowers in. I hope they’re good with puzzles.At last a key in the lock. I shot across the room and reached the clearway just as it opened. I shot out. “Oscar” they shouted in unison and my ‘The Him’ tried to grab me as I went past. Last I saw of him he was on my level struggling to get up. I admit I shouldn’t have sniggered as I looked at him because before I knew it my feet were feeling warm and the smell was very close indeed. I finally looked down. My feet were black.

The smell was coming from the surface of the road which had been freshly covered in black stuff. I turned and pulled my feet from the road one by one moving back towards the grass of the garden. The heat was leaving my feet but now my pads felt quite hard. They were covered from pads to ankle in black smelly stuff that had been spread across the road. As I got to the grass I lay down and tried to remove the layer of black that had attached itself to me. I went home through the still open clearway and as I hit the wooden floor my pads were tapping as though I wore the Longlegs shoes. It was undignified to have people hear me coming. I went to my ‘The Her and expressed my dismay that she would not try to  keep me in, and dismay that she did not make more of an effort to keep me in.She as usual feigned indifference to my words as though I do not make myself understood. I’m sure I do.

So, I finish the day sitting by my ‘The Her’ as she gently tries to soap the black stuff they call tar from my pads with soapy water. This could be a very long job.its-love-2

go-for-your-gun-1
                                                              Go for your gun pardner.
honest-its-a-motor-car-usually
                                                      Honest, it’s a motor car usually.
                                         A magic week to you all with Hugs Galore x

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Oscar’s New World Order

6/5/2012

    It was CATastrophic. There I had been, contented after my sachet of prime beef and ready for sleep. Within minutes I was in a world I couldn’t recognise, couldn’t understand and didn’t like.

I had walked to the village to check on my interests and seen small groups of the local cats and kittens along my way. In the centre by the Fursty Ferret sat Ginger or rather stood like  a Longlegs reading from a paper tacked to the wall. “What are we to do Oscar?” he said “we can no longer be friends.”
“What rubbish is this Ginger” I asked, ” how can we not be friends after having been so for such  a time?”
“Ti’s no longer to be allowed since this new Cat Council has come into being.”
“Cat Council? What are you blathering about Ginger.”
“Read it” he said.

                                                  By Order of the Cat Council.
Let it be known in the world of Moggies that the Council has in it’s wisdom decreed changes that are to be implemented immediately.
No more will there be mixing of breed. 
From now on Pure White Persians are the true breed and are selected for rule. Only they shall sit on the Council.
Ginger and marmalade cats are to be the troops under the direction of the Council and who are to enforce the rules.
Black cats are the workers and are to perform all the duties decided for them by the Council and told to them by the troops.
Manx Cats are to be pitied and laughed at.

No groups are to socialise with each other since obviously only Pure White Persians are worth socialising with. We, the Council will decide whether anyone from one group can rise in  the ranks to another- simply they can’t.
All worship shall be decided by The Council. We shall decide on a deity suitable for each rank. That deity shall be governed by the rules of the Council.
If any kitten should be found playing in a way thought not suitable or playing with a kitten from another group,  that kitten can be beaten by the Deity’s Pastor of the flock. Especially if they are found to be playing with others of the same sex.
Any older kittens found to be with others of the same sex will be ostracised from all groups and deemed to be unclean.

Signed
Supreme Mog

” But this is patently ridiculous Ginger” I told him.” We’re far too civilised to live this way. Just ignore it, obviously a big joke.”
“But……” he said, and at that moment I woke up. I laughed to myself. How silly, I thought. After all, no-one could live like that could they?

new-trainers
                                                             It’s for you.
the-nose-job
                 Not a good idea to say “Where’s your nose Amelie?” Excavation due.

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Oscar Gets Needled.

16/04/2012

What a day I’ve had. You wouldn’t believe the trouble I’ve been to today to bring the house to order.
Let’s start with this morning. In all innocence I went to my ‘The Him’ and suggested he wake up. OK, I admit it wasn’t easy to rouse him and I had to resort to nibbling his nose a bit but it’s not really my fault. In all fairness he was making such a racket it was no wonder he couldn’t hear me. So, I stopped the noise so he could understand what I was telling him and he had the nerve to object. I jumped off his sleeping place pretty rapidly as I don’t think the hand coming towards me was going to stroke me as I deserve. He turned his light on and seemed to glare at me. I walked away with my head held high as he followed me muttering all the time as he does sometimes. Anyway, after I had established that I has woken him for an emergency- my dish was empty- he filled it and returned to his sleeping place. I ignored the food for now since I wasn’t hungry ( but you can’t be too careful) and followed him back, settling on his stomach and doing a few turns just to get comfy. I’d just about reached that comfy stage when he sat up again moaning about his bladder or something and left, inconsiderate eh. Since there was now a nice warm spot I didn’t follow him but settled down.

No doubt there was no intent to distress me, but it wasn’t working. There I was woken from my sleep by my ‘The Him’ and he was picking me up and stroking my head. Now I became suspicious at this point as he wasn’t chunnering, mumbling or threatening me. It became obvious there was something wrong when my ‘The Her’ came in with a bag in her hands and he tried to put me in it. Naturally I tried to resist and in the process must have ‘accidentally’ caught my ‘The Him’s’ arm. There he was, screaming again about Bar Codes or something while forcing me down until my ‘The Her’ managed to shut the zip over me. It was very undignified but I suppose that’s what non-Superiors are like. I was quiet for a minute but unhappy so I started letting them know it. My ‘The Her’ was shushing me while he was carrying the bag outside to their chariot.

It was a short journey and the smell of our destination quietened me. I knew where I was and I didn’t like it one bit. Someone called my name and I was carried through to a white room and the bag was placed down. Suddenly the zip opened and a large paw came in and grabbed me by my neck. I didn’t wriggle or fight as this one in white is very strong. Moments later a sharp jab in my rear followed by a quick rub and I was thrust in the bag again. Another short journey and we were home. He placed my bag on the seating place and called to my ‘The Her’, “All done for another year Dear, shots are up to date. Would you like to come and let him out because I’m not putting my arms anywhere near the little wretch.” My ‘The Her’ opened the zip and lifted me out into a hug. I was feeling a bit sorry for myself- with good reason- and enjoyed it.
“There, there ” she said “all over now Oscar. David you’re such a wimp, he’s as good as gold aren’t you boy?”

I limped off to have a little food from my dish and then came back to the seating place for a catnap. I was just settling down to rest when Rat 1 spoke up, ” Hey cat, I hear you’ve been out today , well I can see the bags under your eyes or rather the bag that was around them but don’t get needled with me.” I could hear her laughing as I tried to sleep. Just as I thought the day couldn’t get any worse I heard my ‘The Her’ talking to the box in her hand. “Yes, you can collect him on Thursday evening and we’ll be back on Sunday night. We’re going away for a few days.” I knew that meant I was going away too but not with them. Another little holiday for me at the Superior’s Hotel where I never get enough to eat, don’t get the strokes I deserve and don’t get to share a comfy sleeping place with my Longlegs.
Like I said, I’ve had quite a day.

new-christmas

Santa was able to wish Reuben and Amelie a Merry Christmas when they paid him a visit, complete with parents, this weekend.

Whatever your personal beliefs, I  wish you joy of the season and happiness if you’re off for the holidays.

For the  New Year many people will make wishes. My own personal wish is for more peace in the world. More love, more respect, more tolerance and less killing.

To anything that can advance my cause I wish more strength and Hugs without end.

Nadolig Llawen a Blwyddyn  Newydd Dda.

peace-on-earth

image compliments of 123greetings.com

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Strange Start to the Day.

3/4/2012

Something strange is going on. I can’t quite put my paw on it but my whiskers are bristling and that’s a sure sign. Of course it could also mean that a great wet is coming from the sky as well, but I don’t think it’s that.

We all know I creep into this room once my ‘The Him’ has left so I can leave a note for all my fans out there who understand how to treat Superiors and like to know what I’m doing.

Let me start by saying I got up this morning and all seemed fine, well as fine as it can be with two interlopers in the house. I refuse to call them guests since I certainly didn’t invite them. There really are times when the Longlegs shouldn’t be allowed out on their own. Still, I’m sure I got my message across to them the other day and they won’t tangle with me in a hurry. Anyway, I was up. I didn’t feel like walking in the direction of the lounge just then so I thought I’d pay a little visit to my ‘The Him’. I was shocked to find he was already up too and working on the writing box that I ‘borrow’ to speak to you all. As I got closer I could hear him huffing and puffing as his fingers tapped harder and harder. P L E A S E S T O P S E N D I N G M E H O R O S C O P E S he stamped out saying it out loud as he wrote. I have no idea what they are but anything starting with horror can’t be good. He saw me and leaned down “Hello Oscar old boy” he said, “do you want your breakfast?” And without being asked too.

He carried my dishes through the lounge to the food room, passing by the cage with the rats as I followed him. He put the thing on that makes water hot and then instead of scratching my ears while we waited he took some crunchy things from a packet and went to feed the rats FIRST!! BEFORE ME!!!!!!! His paw was at a funny angle passing things through the bars and before I could warn him that he’d get pulled into the cage, one of them took the titbit from his pinched fingers as the other one got a grip on another finger with her teeth. I expected a squeal, either from him at the pain or her as he squashed her for her cheek, but no, he laughed and said “Patience Penny, yours is here” and gave her a treat. He’s obviously gone mad or they’ve hipnippertised him.

He did my dishes and gave me breakfast. Then I saw him put some bread on to brown for himself and make himself a drink. He carried my dishes through and I left him to his meal while I had mine. As I came back there he was feeding them the crusty bits. I left in disgust and went to see my ‘The Her’.

I had just settled down when my ‘The Him’ came through with a drink and a plate of browned bread. “Thank you Dear ” she told him, “but please take it through to the lounge and I’ll join you there so I can feed the girls the crusts.” He swivelled round and headed back saying “Righto my Dear”. The world has gone rat mad. Do they not know these are rodents in the house of a Superior? It’s unheard of, or at least it should be.

After a little nap I went through to ‘borrow’ the writing box to tell you all of the indignities I’m suffering and there on the place where I tap I found hair. Rat hair, where I work. Please don’t tell me they’ve escaped. But I looked carefully about and couldn’t see them. I made my way to the lounge and there they were still caged up. I was just breathing a sigh of relief when they noticed me. One of them smirked while the other one just put her head down and crunched into a peanut shell. It was very unnerving.

I’ve come straight back through to tell you all about it as I don’t understand how these hairs got from that room to this and up onto the table where this box sits. If anyone has an answer please let me know, and if anyone would like two rats just let me know.

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Fair Play for Rats

30/3/2012

“Penny stop eating or you’ll explode, come over here and hold up this hook. That’s it, now I’ll just get through the gap and hold it from the other side so you can get through. Why would you want to get though? Well I thought you were going to help me put our side of the story here? Oh, you’d forgotten again. Right, just put down that peanut and hold this before someone comes.”

“Can’t I just take it with me wherever we”re going Amy”?

“Better not Penny since we don’t want to leave clues that we left home without Longlegs help.”

“Right Penny, we made it. This is the box I’ve seen the Longlegs use and also that smug cat who thinks he’s better than us. Him pretending to ignore us but I see those whiskers on the go twitching at our every move. OK now Penny. you have to listen. I need to press these buttons and will ask you to press some too. Yes, it’s important, and yes you can write the pretty words.”
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx “Penny, don’t lean on the letters please!”

HELP, we are two Lady Rats being held against our will inside a cat infested house. I know he will tell lies about us so that he doesn’t have to tell his friends we have taken his place in the affection of the Longlegs.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx “Penny, get your tummy off the keyboard please!”
To resume….. You will no doubt hear that we took a piece from his tail which is not true. He was leaning on our home and licking his lips when my sister decided to see if she could get him through the bars-as she does with everything- and had to get a good grip with her teeth to allow her to brace herself with her hands. No malice intended. I want the world to be aware that we are not here by choice and that I was caught on the last dash for freedom I made.
“Penny Dear, don’t try and eat that please, you’ll cut off the electrickers we need to send this message.”
To resume…… Please disregard anything the cat says about us until you’ve heard our side of the story but be prepared for squeals if he attempts to make a meal of us. His squeals I mean. But, if you want to rescue us from this environment, we’ll be most grateful.
“Yes Penny, I know you’re hungry, we can go back now. You just write the pretty words at the end and sign it.!
HALP US PLAESE
LOVE FORM
PENI NAD AMI.

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Usurpers

12/3/2012

I have returned from my holiday to find I have been usurped. In a large cage in pride of place are two animals that should never be seen in the home of a self respecting cat like myself. RATS of all things. Worse still the longlegs have tried to humanize them by giving them names, Penny and Amy. I ask you, who gives names like that to rodents?

I am trying to rise above the situation by pretending I don’t see them or better still that I am ignoring them. After all I don’t want anyone to think senility is setting in…..which it obviously is with my longlegs. How dare they bring these creatures into my home after all the years I spent hunting them as pests and now they drop an ‘S’ and call them pets. Absolutely ridiculous.

It is a little funny though that I can walk into the room and watch them eyeing me up to see if I’m about to pounce. They stop whatever they’re doing to watch me as I studiously pretend to ignore them. hey’re quite funny really and from the corner of my eye I can see their antics. Penny is a thief of any food that isn’t nailed down and in that I include anything that happens to be in her sisters hands at the time. This morning I saw her fly down the ramp from the penthouse carrying a peanut in it’s shell. She deposited it on the ground floor in her cache then shot back up her ladder to the first floor to see if there was anything for her from the longlegs, No? So she shot straight up the ramp to the penthouse and pinched the nut that Amy was trying to open. That also went down the ramps to the store leaving neither of them with anything to eat until those silly longlegs gave them another one each. And how undignified the longlegs are with their constant
” Hello beautiful Penny, who’s a pretty girl” etc. when in fact I’m the beautiful one around here and they should be giving me treats and hugs now I’m back.

I believe a few sessions of missing my litter tray are in order to regain me some attention or the gang will be laughing at me soon. I think I may also train the rats to co-operate with me in a finger nibbling session when the longlegs place their hands near. I will leave them in peace in exchange for that and the longlegs will see I’m the one they need to take care of from now on.

Teatime for rats.

Teatime for rats.

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Oscar’s Take On Language

10/17/2011

I’m still lying here resting my poor sore paw and that takes some saying I promise. I know some of you will say “Huh, he’s just lazy as the paw should be healing now”. But, although the paw is healing a bit, I’m feeling the arthritis beginning to bite now and its getting harder to move. Still, it gives me time to gather my thoughts and share them with you all.

This light had me thinking about language. I’m a well educated Superior and have come into contact with many Longlegs. Over time there seem to have been Longlegs visiting from all parts of this globe. I have heard the mangled English of America, the gutteral German, the temptation of Italian and the relaxed tones of Spanish. I’ve heard the Urgency of French, the leadership of Portuguese, the sing-song of Chinese and the melody of Welsh. I’ve heard those and more but it always surprises me that no Longlegs ever talks the Miaow language of Superiors. Nor have they one language understood the World over the way Miaow is. I can meet and greet a Superior from any part of the World because he speaks the same language as me. This is of course just further proof of why we are Superiors. They have to learn new languages all the time to communicate.

All this of course made me wonder about education and whether that’s what sets us apart from the Longlegs. Just listen to this…..they send their kittens away to be educated ! Yes it’s true, they go out in the light time and come home before the dark time and they go and learn things in large groups. I’ve heard of some things they learn like counting, that’s good but you only need count things like the claws on your paws really. They learn reading, which for them is good because they send things to each other in writing. They learn about other Countries, which is good if you live there but why bother if you only live here? They learn things which are useful like the females learn to cook my chicken and the males to build houses for me to live in, but that’s only because we Superiors have decreed it thus for our own needs, after all the Longlegs have the opposing thumb we don’t have. Yes, I’m sure that’s just something else we Superiors decreed.

What the Longlegs don’t have is the instinct we are born with. What they don’t have is a Superior’s education given by a parent of how to stalk and catch food, of how to organise Longlegs to do things for us. And this is given at home with no need to send us away during the light time. Our lives are far less complicated.

One thing we should envy the Longlegs though is life. We have nine lifetimes to learn things and start very early whereas the Longlegs live many more lifetimes. They start learning late but keep learning all the time so they may actually serve more than one Superior during that time. It would be nice if we had more than our nine lives so we could keep training the Longlegs under our care though I’m not sure I’d want to live the hundreds of years they do, after all I’ve seen what happens to their fur when they get old, it disappears and they have try and comb what’s left to cover the patches. I certainly wouldn’t want that as my fur is luxurious. Everyone should be as jealous of my fur as they are of my wit and charm, my education and training skills. Talking of which, it’s time I put my language skills to good use and suggested to my ‘The Him’ that he fills my dish with chicken.

oscar-book-cover

Link      goo.gl/IRMm2f

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