Since it was suggested someone required proof of my new beardless status ( and hairless ) let me present you with the latest horror picture.
Believe me, it’s draughty.
Bald Eagle. Turkey neck.
I also owe some profound apologies. Last year you may remember I was introduced to a beautiful young lady who was the daughter of my nephew David from his days in the Army and I knew nothing about her until last year. This weekend I was making a play on being a great uncle (again) but of course Marissa already has a young son Reuben’s age called Kayden. He’s a lovely young boy. He’s also my first Great, Great Nephew so I’d like to be a great one of those too. Sorry Ina, you’re right, I’m old enough.
Sunday. 4.31 am out of bed today, a couple of hours work and back on the bed at 6.30 am for half an hour. I was on time for feeding the fish so I incurred no wrath today but they were at the end of the tank nearest the kitchen clock so I had the feeling I was being tested. I took my meds and grabbed myself a coffee. Mike’s alarm hadn’t gone off even though he’s mentioned the possibility of a car boot this morning if it was still nice. It was still nice but you were much more likely to be stopped for directions by a passing Venusian than you were to see Mike getting up yet. I went back to the mail. Speaking ( metaphorically) with a friend about the people who have been placing author’s books on a site without permission and offering free downloads I decided to put out an extra blog-post about it with some information my friend had obtained about reporting intellectual property theft.
Mike’s alarm went off at 8.00 am . I was surprised but deciding to give him the benefit of the doubt I went to make him a coffee. I took it through but my voice didn’t penetrate whatever dream he’d descended into, I wish he didn’t have such a lascivious look on his face. I returned to work and already the new post was generating a lot of activity. Mike must have turned the clock off so at 8.30 am I went through and in my most skull penetrating voice asked him not to let his coffee go cold. I had to repeat it twice which in most animals would cause death. In him it elucidated a grunt. I thought about giving up but didn’t have to as one bleary eye opened. I departed again until he’d had chance to come round and rise if not shine. When he was settled in the lounge and lighting his first ciggie of the day I went through. He’d had quite a rough night after being told an unkind remark had been made about him. ( at this point I’m biting back the jokes about him having had 65 years to get used to them since his mother saw him) because I know exactly how he feels. Unwarranted or not, remarks can cut more viciously than any knife. You only have to take one look at my face to realise I can verify that statement. Mike has the reputation for being the hard man of stone but he can be quite sensitive. We talked so much there was no chance of a car boot sale but we did get dressed and make a decision to go out for a couple of items of shopping I couldn’t get yesterday.
We left the house just after 10.00 am and went on the Coast Road towards Prestatyn and a large Tesco Supermarket. It was a surprise in view of the sunshine and the fact we had the roof down to find the roads had some puddles and there were a couple of signs saying ‘Flood ‘ about. Neither of us had heard a fierce storm at any time during the night and it looks like between us we were awake for most of it. But it must have come down fast and hard to have created problems. Very little sign on any difficulties on this journey though. We reached the store and had a wander till we had what I wanted along with some things I didn’t know I did want. One thing was a packet of jam doughnuts and both of us started to eat one the minute we left the store. We carried on walking round to some other shops that occupy the same retail park like Next, M&S and a Poundland. We wandered into the latter just to see what it’s like and couldn’t believe some of the bargains. I got Mike 3 CD”s Elton John, Simply Red and M People all at £1 each. Amazing.
We headed back along the Coast Road and parked in The Ivy. The welcome was warm as always. I passed the chocolates over to Tariq with an admonition that they were to be shared and not hidden away. I got my hug. We ordered the drinks and our choice of meals while Mike complained that we’re treated as part of the furniture now, taken for granted etc etc. Tariq just agreed with him and refused to be wound up. I was though when they started suggesting putting a fake telephone line into the old phone booth inside the cafe so kids can call Father Christmas later in the year, and I can appear in front of them. Sarky beggars. I half got my own back when my lunch arrived without the bowl of chips I’d ordered and had to ask Tariq if he’d forgotten already- and he had. After lunch I placed the money on the counter as no-one was around and then waited by the door while Mike nipped to the loo. I was glad I’d waited inside as Angie came to give me a kiss and thanked me for the chocolates. Mike didn’t believe the kiss though when I told him.
When we reached home. Mike got his case together and said his goodbye’s as it was time to head for his Dad’s in Manchester before later driving home to the Midlands. I started on the mail that had accumulated since we’d been out. An awful lot of it since that extra post. I worked until almost 6.00 pm then broke off to have some strawberries and cream and a break in front of the TV. I could only afford to stay away an hour though. From 7.00 pm I worked hard to clear my inboxes until I finally decided I’d better do the blog or it would have to wait till tomorrow. Ah well, back to it.
Monday. I got up at 3.58 am today. Apart from a small journey to the local Post Office to send a package off to a friend and delivering chocs to my friends in the Post Office and the Chemist I’ve had a very uneventful day chained mainly to the computer. About all I’ve achieved so far is keeping pace with the mail but there are times you turn your back and 20 people decide to write and you’re racing to catch up again. I’ve cut this very short as I fully intend to be in bed before 11.00 pm so I’m ready for my little outing tomorrow with Yvonne and Reuben.
Tuesday.I couldn’t manage better than 4.50 am today so I really had to scramble to get to grips with the mail. The fish were delighted when their light went on at 6.00 am as I took my tablets with one hand and made a coffee with the other. I needed to get washed and dressed so there was no chance of last minute delays and of missing my bus. Miracle of miracles, I managed it. Mind you, I hadn’t refreshed the mail just in case so it was only done up to 4.51 am. Anyway, I was out of the house at 7.30 am on the dot and caught my bus easily. I had taken a jacket today as the forecast said it will rain in Holywell at 2.00 pm. No backpack as all I had was a CD for Ugo, I wonder if Reuben will forgive me. I arrived in Chester about 8.35 m and Yvonne was at the stop waiting. I think I got one smile off Reuben before he turned into a very unhappy, screaming monster who rapidly turned his Mum and I into nervous wrecks. He’d thrown his dummy away and Yvonne needed to replace it….RAPIDLY! Unfortunately the first shop we were going to didn’t sell dummies though one certainly walked through the door with him trying to lighten his load of misery. A member of staff smiled at him and he shut up immediately and smiled like an angel but the minute she moved he was off again. We would have spent time just following her round if she’d agree to go via the departments we wanted. Soon we’d gathered enough outfits to keep him going till he reaches 21 and we fled for the counter, paid and left.
We bypassed the next shop on our list and went straight for one that sold dummies ( and strong coffee). We got a packet of two and broke it open before I’d reached the counter. Believe me the young lady understood since we could hear the screams from the other side of the store ( a VERY BIG store) as Yvonne went to wash the object before inserting it into a very receptive orifice. I suggest superglue. Thereafter he was as good as gold as we went upstairs for a drink and he decided to fall asleep. Yvonne and I had our drinks and toast in the most beautiful peace and quiet. I never realised that teething hurt quite so many people. We took our time round the next couple of shops and I behaved well since a twinge of conscience hit me that accidentally a shirt had become wrapped up in Reuben’s stuff and it would have been rude to ask the girl to take it back.
The shop we’d missed earlier was next and of course Reuben woke up. Now it was mischief rather than screams. I really didn’t need the distraction as I was about to go into Battle of Wills with my daughter. We’d found some 90″ x 90″blackout curtains in silver that were perfect for Yvonne’s lounge and a great storage box with pirates on for Reuben’s stuff. Since she wouldn’t go upstairs and order a drink and I’d catch up ( because she doesn’t trust me????) I made sure we took them upstairs with us. We found a place to sit and put Reuben in a high chair.He had a terrible glint in his eyes. Yvonne ordered some lunch and a drink while I stared at Reuben and he stared at me. I had to drop my sight first. Yvonne tried to feed him, it went on the floor, his dummy went on the floor, his cup was banged to distract us before that followed everything else. At this rate we’d be asking for a mop and bucket before we could leave. As it happened I owed my lovely grandson a vote of thanks. As we finished and prepared to leave Yvonne had to get down and start clearing the mess. It gave me a perfect chance to bolt for the lift saying I was going out for a ciggie. If I did I’d be accused of shoplifting, unless of course I went via the till first, so I did. She arrived seconds too late. I scooted out and lit up.
After a brief fight I got her to accept the gift. YAY. Then it was time to make my way over to the bus stop. They came with me and waited. Reuben was back to being a bit subdued so maybe he was tired. It wasn’t pleasant to have to wave goodbye when I found my seat. Even worse knowing Yvonne had to get home and prepare for work. An hour later I was getting off the bus and it was raining as promised. Ten minutes later I was in and attacking the mail. It took from 2.00 pm to 6.00 pm to clear most of it before I needed a break. I opened the fridge and there was half a BFG that had appeared just like magic ( the other half had disappeared the same way last night). Right, that was tea settled, with an episode of Law and Order that should be lovely. As usual I came back through here at 8.00 pm after having taken my night meds. I’ve had a good go at the mail but was determined to finish this first. Back to battle now.
Wednesday. A very lazy 5.33 am today. No plans except for Pauline at the corner shop so I could take my time. I slogged without seeming to make much headway until 7.00 am when it was time to feed the fish, preferably not by sinking in the sea with a concrete overcoat. They seemed content this morning but I didn’t hang about in case that changed. Instead I took my meds, made myself a toasted bap and took my coffee to the bedroom to see if I could break the back of the work before getting dressed. By 9.00 am there were real signs of progress. I got washed and dressed and went to pick up some ciggies. my TV mag, some bread and some microchips which I thought I might have tomorrow instead of new potatoes. Back to work and I’ve been so distressed recently over an ongoing discussion with a Jewish friend over the Arab/Israeli conflict I finally decided to reopen the Buthidar movement which calls for peace through hugs. Respect, Tolerance and Love are needed in the world between peoples of all colours and creeds.I suggested that because the Israeli defence is so good it could afford to concentrate on defence rather than retaliation for a while which would mean many innocent lives saved on the Palestinian side. My friend took that to mean that I was happy for the Palestinians to carry on killing Jews. It isn’t what I mean at all. Fewer Jews by far are killed by the Palestinians because of the defence umbrella they maintain. The more children killed the more parents there are to hate Israel and join the extremist Hamas. Hamas fire their rockets from places like school and hospitals, trying to hide behind civilians. Most of whom are ordinary people, Arabs who do not hate Israel but want a home free of fear and rubble……………… Sorry,Rant Over.
I knocked off for my antique show and lunch at 11.30 am. I stayed in there until about 2.00 pm possibly taking some time to inspect the internal workings of my eyelids. When I go back I had to stay until 5.15 pm just to keep pace with you lot. I turned my quiz on and prepared cups for Dil and Matt. I found two messages on my phone. One from Lee to say he’s not able to get here and one from MuJo saying they’re coming tomorrow if I’m free. I’m Free ! The boys arrived just after 6.00 pm so they watched a little of the Commonwealth Games while I made drinks. Tea as always for Dil and coffee for Matt. We put the table up and I got the Yahtzee out to start us off. We had 3 games, 2 wins for Matt who can pull a yahtzee from thin air, and one for me even though I had a yahtzee in every game. Then it was Nomination Whist which we haven’t played in a while………nor will we again after Dil won by a country mile. Crazy 8’s was a different matter though, I trounced them despite suffering a big angina attack and was forced to get someone else to deal for me. We finished with just two lengths of the cribbage board and that was back to Dil again.He was doing the marking though.
After they left I quickly tidied up, washed the pots and took my evening meds. The mail was horrendous and I have about 30 more to do now the blog’s done. I don’t even have time to go to youtube tonight. Anyone interested in looking at the Buthidars should find it here. lorddavidprosser1.wordpress.com/about/
Thursday. Abandonment of Pit 4.27 am. My bladder suggested I didn’t waste time looking for slippers, my brain suggested I better had since late last night I decided to perform an operation on my feet with a pair of nail clippers. It sounds like an advert for a new beer, Thick and Strong but crikey I spent the whole time ducking as they pinged across the room in ricochets smashing one window, a mirror and a vase of Ju’s flowers. There will be payment for that I can feel it in my water. Talking of which, why are you holding me up when I need to go, I found my slippers ages ago? Oooh, blessed relief. I managed to find a toenail in the bathroom and since the door was shut I can only assume it blasted it’s way through the steel plating. OK, it’ s only wood but that doesn’t grab the headlines.
The mail was quite heavy so I worked on it till 7.00 am. The fish will probably tell you that they were turned off late last night because I forgot them. That doesn’t mean I dare be late waking them up this morning. 1. Fish 2. Meds 3. Toast 4. Coffee, check, good I can get back to work. As I don’t know what time I’m being descended upon this morning I want to be as up to date as possible. The chances are it won’t be as early as 9.00 am ( Ha Ha Ha Ha) so I have a shave and get dressed at 9.30 am and tempt fate. John is not renowned for his early starts though. Just before 10.30 am I get up to date and post a quick piece to my new blog. I must be careful to stay as unemotionally involved as possible or I’ll scare everyone away. I close the screen down and ready myself to go through making sure as I do I spray the place liberally with Febreeze to mask the cigarette smoke.
10.45 am they arrive and I swiftly open the front door and then leg it to the kitchen to start on drinks. Muriel will have her J2O but I have to wait to see if John is in a hot or cold mood. Since it’s fairly warm out he’ll have a cold one thank you. One long swallow and it’s gone. We spent a little time catching up on what’s been going on in our lives since we last saw each other ( 3 weeks ago) before at 11.20 am Mu suggests we make a move towards lunch. This creates a three way conversation of people saying “I don’t mind” which wastes a few more minutes. I suggest they decide while I put a shirt on. No I wasn’t walking about bare chested, someone would have rested their drink on the ledge created by my stomach ( You can stop laughing Mike, yours is just as big- if not bigger. BTW, MuJo loved your picture). I was wearing a teeshirt and wanted to change. It seems the decision is as follows, If the first car park in town has a space, we’ll go to Kassidy’s, If it doesn’t but we can get in the second we’ll go to John’s favourite chippie. If neither, we’re stuffed! Despite it being market day and the school holidays we had no problem in the first and had a nice lunch in Kassidy’s. I didn’t actually see Si but I was able to shout my thanks over the counter as we left. Not much point shouting them under the counter I suppose.
In Flint MuJo wanted the small ASDA so I was able to nip in and get some chocolates for the girls in Temptations. I also found some great pens with big floral heads made from rubber so I bought one for Mu and one for Ceri. Mu really liked hers. We headed for Temptations where I ordered the drinks and a cream scone for John. Ceri was thrilled with her flower as much as she would have been by a bouquet I think and was grateful for the chocolates which they all love digging in to behind the counter. After the drinks we did a tour of the shops looking for Reuben’s birthday gift from MuJo. We did manage to find something, and I was able to pick up a new Argos catalogue and find a nice bookcase I may get once I’ve re-measured the space. Foot sore we came hope and by change it just started to rain.
I rearranged some bags from between the chairs and found some beautiful scrapbooks that had been done for my birthdays at 60 and 62. We sat looking at them and chatting until it was time for them to go, about 5.00 pm. The visit was lovely but I flew in here and started to check the mail, when the neighbours called about the screeching and crying, I said I had the radio on and would turn it down, Sorry. I worked until 7.00 pm and then needed a break for an hour so watched some of the Commonwealth Games.Great to see Oz doing so well with a ton of medals and poor little Wales even had 28 at the last count but our four golds were won by women so the men better pull their socks up in the boxing. I came back through at 8.00 pm and have been at it ever since except for when I found out at 10.30pm no-one had reminded me about the fish or about my meds. I’m beginning to wonder why I pay you lot. Night Night.
PS. If anyone knows the reason I can’t copy and paste from youtube anymore please let me know. I tested another place and it was fine.
Friday. There’s no point in me telling you what time I got up this morning ( to coin a phrase & wishful thinking) as it was half a dozen times from 1.15 am onwards. Nothing I tried, nowhere I tried seemed to make a difference. I tried rapping my head on my pillow 5 times but all that got me was a headache. I might have woken at 5.00 am but also at every hour on the hour in between. The last time was actually 4.17 am at which point I admitted defeat. I worked on emails until 6.30 am and because today is the day I organise my weekly tabs I went off to do that. Probably not my best decision of the day so far as I was dropping them ( the tablets) all over the show. I struggled to decide which ones needed renewal and I couldn’t decide if they looked right but hey, they were in the boxes. I fed the fish who were looking like their gruntle had been dissed at not being fed first and I was now 15 minutes late. I was too tired to be scared so I faced them down.
Back on the computer with my coffee I was starting to nod off a bit but I needed to finish. I think I managed not to send out any nonsensical messages and coped until 9.00 am when I decided to get some fresh air by going for my lottery tickets. I washed and dressed with the exception of my socks. I was quite sure the little old lady ankles I could see would not appreciate the strangulation. Mike was nagging last week that I should give up some of that water to solve the drought problems in Egypt. I got my lottery tickets and reminded myself to tell him he doesn’t get a share if I win, I will however buy him a personalised bib to catch the dripping sarcasm on his chin.
I was thrilled to see a ceasefire has been declared in Gaza at last and if praying will do any good I’ll be down on my knees hoping it stays in place permanently. There’s been far too much killing. I was gutted to see how short a time it lasted. So many more dead today.
I had to call it quits at midday to see to lunch which was near liquid sweet potato and cremated sausages though the veg was quite nice. As soon as I finished I washed up and fell asleep in the chair. ( Does that sound like I washed up in the chair?) It only lasted an hour but what a difference it made. I was energised again and managed to bring the emails up to date a few times. Of course someone always spoiled it by sending another but for a few minutes I was clear. I called a break at 5.30 pm and went to watch half a quiz followed by Law and Order. It was time for a shower. I did my usual head between the legs to avoid raising my hands above my head and got my hair washed. Of course I was gasping suspiciously when Mike walked in. As I got out of the shower he rubbed my hair dry for me while telling me about his day. That was a conversation we continued as I came through to the lounge. We swapped stories which sometimes even contain a grain of truth though I’m not sure he believed my story about being kidnapped by the Crookback Campanologists of the Camargue on Wednesday though despite being fed a tale of my heroic escape.
I sat through 2 episodes of NCIS with him before saying I had to come through to do the post. BTW we’ve discovered the horror tune box I bought last week at the car boot actually plays Toccata, Fugue in D Minor by J.S.Bach. Time to finish up and head for my pit and a short read.
Saturday. I made it for 5.17 am today and had to go like a headless chicken to try and make some impact on the mail. There was a lot of it again. I just kept going and going until 6.45 am when I had to break off to see to my jobs in the kitchen before making Mike a drink. The fish didn’t seem to notice I didn’t feed them which was good so I concentrated on getting my meds down and making my own coffee. At 7.00 pm I didn’t hear his alarm so I made his coffee and took it through. I got the usual Troglodyte grunt in response to my cheery “Coffee up Bro”. I retreated and came back to the mail intending to nudge him again at quarter past and say it had been an hour. All of a sudden I heard the shuffle of his feet going from bedroom to lounge and without any prompting from a clock. If I hadn’t been sitting down I’d have fallen.
Leaving the mail I went through to join him in the lounge to confess I’d ordered a tablet yesterday. Had it been handy that moment I think it would have been down my throat with the others. I’d expected another grunt but what I got was much worse- his undivided attention. “What make is it”? ……..”Not sure”……..”What, well what operating system”? ………”What the who, say what.”………”Show me”!………”Oh sh*t.” Which meant it was my fault we didn’t leave the house till gone 8.00 am. The journey to the supermarket was done in the rain and in silence. I wasn’t sure whether to pretend to be asleep or just listening intently to the DJ I really dislike. I knew I should have asked Mike’s advice first but it was spur of the moment and meant to stop Yvonne wasting her money on me as she threatened. The shopping didn’t take long as my appetite has suddenly taken a downturn. We didn’t stop for coffee on the way out. But in the car genius struck, Yvonne and Ugo want a smart TV and I want to get ti for them so Mike can at least advise me on that. We stopped at a shop in Flint and went through them. There was a nice 32″ smart TV at £200 which I thought might do the job but we had to play canny. Mike rang and left a message on voicemail asking Yvonne to ring asap which then gave her kittens thinking something was wrong ( revenge is lovely). When she did so he pretended I’d already bought the TV and was just checking th size was right. It turns out they’re after a 40″ one and have seen it in another shop. “Oh, I’ll get him to take this one back” he said. Now if only I can find which one they want in the shop I can get it. I know it’ll be battle royal with her again but it’ll kick start my heart if nothing else.We also looked for a new set of bookshelves and saw some at £229, that idea got shelved for today.
Mike kick started his heart with the usual banter with the delicious Ceri when we had coffee in Temptations. At one point he told her if her legs were as fast as her mouth she get through serving us much faster. All she said was “Well, he’s right you know.” She”s an absolute gem. Eventually I dragged him away, pulling his tongue with him and went to the frozen food shop for some dark choc ices then we went home to unpack. He allowed me an hour on the computer then it was time to go for lunch. The rain seemed a bit lighter on the way to The Ivy and the sun seemed to be fighting it’s way through. When we got there I think the last few spots were falling. Tariq came flying round the counter to hug us both and I had a lovely kiss and hug from Angie too. We enjoyed a lovely coffee, great meal and wonderful conversations before it was time to head home again. Mike relaxed for a while while I did the inevitable , but he stopped me jumping off the roof and made me work instead. As expected the emails had gathered until I saw no end in sight. The worst of it is my adventures for the day are not over.
At 5.00 pm I had to start getting changed ( Mike suggested a human being might be a good start but I didn’t want to go to that much trouble). I chose a brown ensemble topping it off with my new tweed waistcoat and matching jacket a la Yvonne. What a prannock, at least 200 degrees outside now the rain has stopped and I’m wearing more wool than a sheep. I would have looked really smart had it not been for the waterfall running down my forehead. It”s well known I hate meeting strangers, don’t socialise and don’t go out in an evening but I love my nephew and this is for him. Take note David…never again!! I was ( sorry we were) on my way to meet my nephew’s daughter whom you may remember I’m dozy enough to have known nothing about until recently. At least I know I’m not alone in meeting her for the first time even though others actually knew of her existence. We arrived and took a plant in for Gina (David’s wife) and Marissa the Prodigal daughter who seems as nervous as me and is at least very pleasant. We hug then someone passes her a towel and I apologise. I remove my jacket and hug those who haven’t yet run off.
I’m given a nice ice cold drink by David and get to talk to his son Taylor ( a really nice lad) when my niece Joanne arrives. I think she sees my forehead and we air cuddle. ( Not true, we did actually make contact, I love Joanne dearly). Something very strange is happening though as more people are pointed ouit to me but can’t get close now I’m in a safe corner. I’m realising just how old I am. I’m used to having a nephew in his late forties, I’m used to him having a son of nearly 18. Now I have a nephew, a great niece, and a great-grand nephew because Marissa has a son of 18 months and she herself is in her twenties. I’ve not been caught in the three generation gap until now. Hell, I’m ancient! I should mention Marissa’s partner James at this point who is a very friendly chap. They appear to be a lovely family group. David had cooked tonight and made a chilli which he called mild ( by his standards) and a David Special where you carry your own fire extinguisher. I understood it was time for Mike and I to leave when the queue for the bathroom was halfway down the stairs and most people seemed to be walking cross-legged. We actually had a lovely time and David and Gina are good hosts. Now I was a bit drier I had no problem getting hugged though it may be for one of two reasons. A. They were delighted I was finally going or B. They used the hug to wipe their own foreheads on my jacket before they ran for the loo.
We came home and I made a drink and some sandwiches before coming through to do the blog a little early so Marissa can perhaps see it before they return home to instruct her lawyer to sue me, and to carry on the vicious battle of the emails waging on my screen. I hope you’ve all had a nice week and have an even nicer one to come.