This Is The Week That Is

I suppose the title is not stricly true if you happen to be a pedant since given that Sunday is /monday is the start of a new week I’m actually covering parts of two weeks. I wasn’t sure that ‘TWTWTW with TITWTI’ wouldn’t sound like some demented owl calling instead of a title.

I left the story on Friday of last week with the hope that Julia would regain the will to go out or at least to give the ‘girls’ an outing from their cage. ( For new readers, I make the mistake of referring to my daughter and two nieces as the girls as well as our selection of pet rats. I leave it to you to decide who’s been caged).

The driver in place the pain must have been reduced but overall was still evident. So, on Saturday the dosage in the driver was increased, which required a doctor’s authorisation via the nurses. When  it had to be increased again, and because of the snow passage to our home was even more difficult, the MacMillan nurse decided to try for a place at the hospice immediately. That wasn’t possible so a bed at the hospital where Ju”s treatment started was found. Neither my daughter nor I was keen on the idea because they’re large wards, patients have to go through the outpatients dept. before being sent to a ward and there’s no guarantee of visiting outside the stated times. But, any port in a storm as the saying goes. It was thus arranged by having an on call doctor come and assess Julia and sign an authorisation for hospitalisation. It was actually strange to see the doctor since both Julia and I had met him before. He has a surgery in a local town, obviously covers as an on call doctor and also has a job with ATOS, the firm employed by the government to assess people for Disability Living Allowance claims- and refuse them . We remembered him well from his assessment of my claim a couple of years back. He had me walk four feet from chair to door before deciding I could walk OK. He saved himself the bother of asking me a few questions by just supplying his own answers for them and talking to Julia said ” Please My Lady, let him answer the quession I ask” despite being told I wasn’t able to. But this was all done in the most charming manner. On arrival this time to assess Julia he acted as though we’d not met each other before and referred to me as ‘Young Man’ (eyesight not bad then) and said to Julia ” Oh my Lady, you’re far too young for this, far too young” ( and who could disagree with that).

A couple of hours later the ambulance battled it’s way through to collect Ju. An ecstatic Macmillan Nurse rang to say we could have a place in the hospice on Monday but they don’t do weekend admissions. The alternatives were a different hospice much further away or a bed at the local cottage hospital until a transfer could be arranged on Monday.  Yvonne and I gave the problem our undivided attention for all of two seconds and decided on the local hospital. We told the ambulance men who were a little bemused as that wasn’t on their  destination sheet, but it meant an earlier finish so they could cope.

Julia was transported by wheelchair to the ambulance which was a very painful journey but inescapable because of the state of the ground cover of snow and ice. I travelled with her while Yvonne followed in the car with Ugo. It was a very short journey and soon we were on the ward. Though this a main ward it consisted of only four beds. And though privacy was somewhat impacted everyone had automatically started speaking in whispers the minute we entered. Amazingly though, the staff placed no restriction on visiting times and even showed us to a family room where there was a bed enabling some to stay over. It was also a place where we could bring food to so that there was no need to leave the hospital to eat. Ju’s morphine doses were increased again so we expeccted all to be well.

There was no doctor at the hospital so when Julia felt pain the nursing staff had to phone one to get permission to increase the morphine 20mg at a time. This wasn’t achieving much. So, after a Sunday where we brought and ate enough food to feed the four thousand and left the family room smelling like we’d had a Turkish sauna in there instead of Just Yvonne and Ugo sleeping it was great when Monday and the time fo transfer came. I travelled in the ambulance with Julia again while Yvonne and Ugo went by car and Karen did the same.

The hospice (St. Kentigern’s) is fantastic. Though Ju is in a much smaller room than last time which doesn’t have it’s own bathroom, the kindness here is amazing. No restriction on visitors ( I mean number of rather than they can form their own Sumo wrestling team to perform there) and they’ve allowed Yvonne and I to stay over so Ju has our attention 24/7 ( who shouted ‘Poor Soul’ then?) as well as constant care from the staff here which includes a fantastic Doctor who is the most empathetic I’ve ever met and brilliant staff for whom nothing is too much trouble. There’s also the possibilty to order meals so you don’t have to leave if you’d prefer . All that being said, the dosage of morphine is now strong enough to kill the pain and discomfort but Ju is hardly lucid at all now. It’s Thursday at 7.15 am here and Yvonne or I have spent the night sitting with Ju  and giving her occasional drinks to keep her hydrated. The tumour has now caused a blockage so she’s unable to eat at all. Any attempt leads to sickness so the liquid is important.

We spend time playing Ju’s favourite music, holding hands (hers) and stuffing biscuits and cakes down our gullets while Ju sleeps. We know this is the end, just not when it will arrive. Each of us hopes to be here when it does so we can say goodbye properly and not allow her to pass feeling alone. There have been important visitors here that have made Ju’s life better by their presence. Lis, one of those people who enrich the lives of all about them came as soon as the snow conditions allowed. Despite her lack of awareness Ju smiled from ear to ear. Little Mike came yesterday when he had a chance and I’m sure his cheeky banter lit sparks of recognition for her. Both Karen and Joanne (The Nieces) we here last night though Karen has been here all day every day suffering my jokes. Our nephew Lee and his partner Jen visited on Tuesday evening and Ju recognised them I’m sure. Today we know Karen will arrive early and be carrying bacon sandwiches for Yvonne and I and the three of us will sit and reminisce throughout the day trying to include Ju in the conversation where possible. We have no idea how long we’ll be sitting here for.

That Was the Week that Was

Normally I’d post on a Wednesday to let you know how the horse riding has gone, and how the smile goes from horse to Ju to me. This week hasn’t been like that.

On Tuesday night Ju started to feel some breakthrough pain. She’d taken her normal tablets  and then her emergency ones without getting any ease. By 11.00pm she was really hurting. There was no choice but to call the out of hours service and get the Marie Curie Nurses. Because of the stupidity of our system they had quite a distance to cover from another Shire and arrived at 12.15am. By 12.20 am she’d had an injection of morphine and I hoped she’d sleep. The nurses left about 1.00am and as Ju seemed to be resting I went to bed. By 2.00 am she was in obvious distress again and was now being sick as well,  so it was back on to the service. Ju hates being sick and is quite prepared to stop fighting when that happens. The first team were out on another job so they’d send our local team out. Local? So why send those from far away first time round? We had a phone call back saying they’d leave as soon as the’d spoken to a doctor about the dosage Ju was allowed. I was able to tell them the dosage and frequency so they set off.

By 2.30 am the second dose of morphine had been administered but we were worried about the sickness. The Marie Curie Nurses said they asked the doctor about that too and he was coming. He arrived and gave her an injection of something to get rid of the nausea. He was obviously a little annoyed he couldn’t get round the bed easily because of Ju’s crafting stuff and suggested I might like to clear it. I bit my tongue and said I’d see when someone could do it. I didn’t think gone 3.00 am was a good time to start and he did’t need access there and then.I was probably a little tired. Anyhoo, by 4.00am they’d all gone so I made myself a coffee and sat watching Ju for a while while she slept.

I decided to get my head down about 5.00 am. I managed to fall asleep until 7.50 am when it was time to get up and see to the girls. I gave them a chocolate drop each and then feeling very guilty walked round apologising that ‘Mummy’ wouldn’t be getting them out to play today. I’m sure there were some glares thrown at me so I passed them all a Shreddie with a little milk on. Time to turn the fish on, I’ll rephrase that in case you think I’m wearing my fishnet stockings, time to turn the lights on the fish tank. Then it’s my meds and a coffee. I took a cup of tea through to Ju and she was awake but sore and tired. Time to phone and cancel riding for today. She’s been invited on one on Sunday again so I reckon it’s too early to cancel that. Wednesday her normal meds seemed to hold her but she stayed in bed for the day holding court with one visitor after another and gossiping with Yvonne who’d come to look after her precious Mum.

Thursday. Ju seemed to have no overnight problems and we both got some rest. I took her tea through and suggested she might like to get up for a while so I could change her bedding. She sat in the lounge talking to the girls but didn’t take them out again. I was in and out answering emails or nipping to the shops for a paper and some lunch. It was late morning I saw her pick up the phone and she rand the doctors to ask for a visit. I was puzzled as she hadn’t complained, but she said the pain was back. He came but persuaded her to stick to the tablets for the day and if things hadn’t improved by 5.00pm to phone him again. That was kind, and she didn’t need to. She struggled a bit overnight but no nurses were called out.

Friday. For some reason I was up answering emails at 4.30 am today. I didn’t go through to the lounge until 8.00pm and was shocked to see at least 4 inches of snow on the ground. Where the heck did tht come from? A rhetorical question honestly. And it was still snowing. I gave the girls a chocolate drop or maybe gave one girl 4 chocolate drops since I couldn’t actually look them in the eye so guilty did I feel. Ju and I normally shop early on a Friday so they don’t get their playtime but they’ve missed so much this week. I took a cuppa through and Ju wasn’t looking well. I had my meds, got a coffee and cancelled the Sunday ride. Her MacMillan Nurse arrived and gave her a morphine injection with an anti nausea one. Fair play she did balance it out, one in each arm. Then she left for a while. I went to the shops for my Euro Lottery ticket which is going to make me filthy rich tonight- no, dammit, I can afford soap. There was no way I could do my shopping with the snow and with Ju ill. The paper says 36 hours of this weather with maybe 12″ of snow. Oh Joy !

Ju had some toast for lunch and another cup of tea, that’s all I could get her to try. Then the district nurses arrived. There are always two so I’m sure one comes to hold the handbags. In all honesty they’re great. They brought a driver to attach to Ju so she gets a continuous feed of morphine to kill the pain. Most of the afternoon it seems to have been working but I know when they come to change it tomorrow Ju or I will have to tell them the pain had broken through by this evening. So, currently I haven’t been shopping so haven’t been able to get to the bank. Even If I had cash there’s nothing to buy round here for dinner. We’ll be sharing the rat’s food for the weekend unless a friend can take me shopping tomorrow or I can find a taxi willing to take me to a cash machine first. Of course once I tell them I’ve won 80m on the lottery they’ll be keen to help won’t they? I’m hoping against hope that Ju will at least be able to get out of bed tomorrow even if she can’t go out.( and do my shopping for me). Maybe she can allow the girls half an hour out of their cage. But most of all I want her free of this pain and fighting again beside me.I HATE this Cancer.

Horse and Rider

Well, Wednesday finally arrived. The day started chilly and ended bloody cold. First thing this morning the district nurse came to introduce herself and bring some syringes in case Ju needs an emergency morphine injection at night. That at least meant we were OK for a game of darts before going out. Ju has been saving coins for a while ( mainly from emptying my pockets for me) and once we found out our little girl is pregnant promised to buy a ‘travel system’ which I understand comprises of a pram/pushchair and car seat plus things I can’ remember. Today the bank hated her as she went to change what she (we) had which came to £190.00. Might even be enough left over to buy an iced lolly if it’s warm when the baby gets here in August.

After the bank we took a thank you car and plant into Kassidy’s our local cafe who have been collecting for the Pennant Park Wishes Charity. Carl who owns Pennant Park Riding School had asked us to deliver them when we went to say hello yesterday.He had some excellent news for us- they’ve just started the building work. It’s really fantastic to think that in as little as two weeks the indoor school could be up. It seems planning permission went through like a dream with neighbours even writing in letters of support.

The hard part now is either to raise enough money or find a firm that will sponsor a hydraulic hoist ( or scissor lift)to get the disabled up to the level of the horses to make them easy to mount. The sooner that’s done, the sooner accreditation to the RDA (Riding for the Disabled Association) is given and we can get more disabled children and adults on the backs of horses. The therapy and amount of freedom this gives them is wonderful. The one RDA stables that covers this area is a long way away and has a long waiting list for once weekly three quarter hour sessions. We’d like to see that changed.

Anyway back to the story. We were expecting to meet someone at the cafe, someone we’d met about three years ago and until recently I’d only known as baby-lady because she’d just had a baby at that time. Somehow we found out she’d just left the forces and only just had the baby who was a little sweetie. I left her £10 to buy the baby a present and we’d sort of been friends ever since but with long gaps between meetings. This was to be the first organised meeting and she’d just found out how ill Ju is. It seems she couldn’t make it. So, I had a pot of tea and Ju a bucket ( a coffee in a mug you need two hands for). Then amazingly she decided she was hungry and ordered tomatoes on toast. I didn’t want her to have to eat alone so I forced myself to have a bacon sandwich. I’m brave like that. Really Ju was sulking because the lunchtime special is Simon’s Spag Bol which she loves and since it was still breakfast time she couldn’t have it. We finished and I went to pay but Chris refused. I challenged her to arm wrestle me and beat her so she had to accept payment. I’m lucky Si(mon) was doing the cooking.  “See you later” Chris said but I thought it was just one of those throw away remarks people make. We went home and while Ju tackled one of her House Auction programmes I settled to do the 94 emails I’d received since knocking off after my 5.am – 8.30 am shift. I’m convinced every crook with a story of untouchable millions, every con about suspended bank accounts and everyone who wants to tell me my lucky numbers knows my email address.

After what would have been lunch time had I not been forced to eat my sandwich we set off for the RDA stables. I was heart in my mouth all the way scared at what Ju might do to herself. Still, makes a change from being scared about what Ju will do to me I suppose. I’d just taken a seat in the indoor Siberian arena when the trainer announced she was going to give Ju tuition on the outdoor arena today. Muttering under my breath ( spells to warm me up honestly) I waited till Ju had mounted and followed. Mounting was one of the things I was most worried about with Ju’s distended stomach but because she was on the lift all was OK. Outside the below freezing wind was lazy and went through instead of around me. I leant on the gate, frozen in place, while Ju started doing diagonals, or rather the horse did them at Ju’s instruction but you knew what I meant, right?  As George ( the horse) walked Ju round I could see her smile and as she drifted past where I was welded she said “I’m loving this, loving it”. Then she got George to canter and far from being scared stiff I became spineless and was able to detach myself from the gate. I watched her going up and down with the smile plastered to her face. I’d had enough and went to wait in the car. It wasn’t many minutes more when I saw George returning sans Ju and then Ju, leaning on Di , her trainer, coming down the path. When she reached me she admitted she’d had a problem trying to dismount the normal way and had to bring her leg over the front and be helped to slide down. She was bushed but happy to be back after five weeks away. Di has told her that maybe in a couple of weeks she can have an extra lesson on a Sunday to make up for the losses. That’s really kind.

We stopped for a cuppa on the way home at a Supermarket where I got her a nice thick jumper in case this cold persists.It was such a nice day yesterday too. We were home by about 4. pm and Ju had a fancy for food again. If riding makes her eat I’ll find a stable to take her twice a day. Her passion was for fish finger sandwiches of all things so I had a tiny pizza. I washed the pots while Ju went to get changed. She goes to bed quite early for comfort and of course she gets tired quite quickly. She hadn’t reached that stage when I had to shout her to open the front door. There were Si and Chris with a large bouquet of flowers for Ju ( rank favouritism) and also two plates of Si’s spag bol for us which we”ll hopefully have tomorrow. They’re a really nice couple and Chris was having fun feeding chocolate drops to the girls while trying to remember which one she dare not risk her finger with. So many people with just so much heart out there it quite chokes me up. There’s hope for mankind after all. More hope if I was getting the bouquets but I suppose I can’t have everything.

Our Thanks for Kindness Shown.

All our friends have been so kind following the progress of Julia on my blog. Actually the only reason I share it is to get visitors here anyway.  Today wasn’t a day I was expecting to share anything but laughs about releasing trapped wind but it’s fair I share the truth.

Julia and I arrived at 3.30 for our 4.00 pm appt. Despite the fact we were meeting with Dr. Hotlips we expected to be alone as Ju was to have the drainage done on her distended stomach. But, rather than pass up a chance to leer, one of my nieces dashed there from work to join us. At 4’45 we were still sitting there and there were still others waiting. When we checked they were all for our oncologist with earlier appointments than us. Somehow the glazed eyed staff had managed to double book everyone and the list was running about an hour and a quarter late according to Dr. Hottie’s nurse. The chances of getting the drainage done today were fading fast and Ju was in pain from sitting.

This morning our own doctor had descended upon us at home to check on us both which meant to roast me about not going very often and to give Julia a new prescription for her morphine at an increased dose AGAIN to try and control the pain. Ju had decided to start them tomorrow.

To our surprise and that of the people before us we were called in at 4.50 pm. The oncologist sat us down and picked up the report from the scan. He told us there wasn’t much fluid trapped and there wouldn’t be a drain. That was a major surprise after what we’d been led to believe by him, the scanner ( sounds better than scan technician) and the MacMillan Nurse. While my niece and I were still taking it in Julia asked whether the welling was then a direct result of the tumour. You could hear the regret in his voice as he answered a simple “Yes”. Taking the bull by the horns at this point she asked whether she’d still be here in August. I’ve suggested that the gap left between question and reply was big enough to run a London Bus through. He eventually replied “I can’t answer that” but his face did.

Julia shows strength and determination on the outside but I saw her diminish in size. Dr McHottie asked if she would agree to go into a hospice for a few days at least to try and get the level of morphine right to control the pain. She agreed and it’s arranged for tomorrow morning. This will be an opportunity for her to decide if she prefers a hospice later on or would rather be at home which is what I’d prefer. No-one knows at what speed this monster will travel now or whether we’ll be able to talk about treatments like radiofrequency ablation which our daughter found. This is a form of killing the cancer by burning it out but can it be done when the evil thing has wrapped itself round major blood vessels?

So there we are. A day we weren’t expecting and one I’ll never adapt to. I want to thank on behalf of both of us all our wonderful friends who’ve visited to keep up to date with Ju’s treatment and who’ve left messages of such positivity to keep us going. Sorry but there’ll be no windy jokes today. xx Hugs to you all.

The Zombie State

No, this is not a State that’s crept into the Union unobserved in America. I refer to a state of mind and body.

Last night was a bad night with Ju going to bed early because of pain. Actually if she goes to bed much earlier it will be straight after breakfast. She took her normal  morphine dose and lay watching TV which these days give you another kind of pain. At 8 o’clock the pain was worse so I suggested she take a dose of the emergency dose we’d agreed with the MacMillan Nurse. By midnight she was writhing in pain and even the extra dose had done nothing, but since it had been four hours since the other a again suggested another dose. Ju was wary but did so. By one o’clock things hadn’t improved, and though she didn’t want to call a doctor I impressed upon her that it wouldn’t hurt to just talk to one and explain the problem.

She agreed. ( I always said miracles happen) so we phoned NHS Direct where Ju spoke first to the lady who assesses the problem ? after which she promised to get a nurse to call back. One did, and a nice young man he was, very helpful. Before agreeing Ju should take another dose of morphine he promised to speak to a doctor and comeback to us.

At two o’clock the phone rang and it was a doctor. Ju went over the problem again- pancreatic cancer, inoperable, distended stomach, awaiting scan, please help. By now both she and I were getting very tired. The doctor was a wonder. He’s come out and give an injection, but as he was coming from Wrexham it would take a while. Wonderful. At 3 o’clock he arrived was very kind to Ju, gave the injection and at 3.30 he left. Just before he went he gave me an ampoule of morphine and some paperwork to show that if we needed this again we could call the Marie Curie nurses ( who are closer) and he gave instructions to them to inject this ampoule .

Being sure now that Ju would settle and that she needed nothing I went to sleep and though I woke at five I decided to sleep again until I woke at seven.Guessing Ju would not be up to shopping I  left her where she was and concentrated on giving the girls a treat and turning on the lights of the fish tank and feeding them. I had texted Yvonne last night to say we wouldn’t be shopping so she needn’t rush to meet us. Cruel as I am I woke Ju gently at 8.30 to see how she was and whether she was up to playtime with the girls or not. They generally miss out on a Friday morning as we leave the house early. She decided she was tired but OK and would get the girls out for a while. The phone rang and I picked up the receiver in the lounge meaning to pas it to Ju but it was dead. I passed the one from the hall to her quickly and while she answered it, I went to see why the other one was dead. My suspicions were correct. SOMETHING had bitten through the cable to the plug. I wasn’t sure who’d been the last escapee from the degu cage and out of kindness I was ruling out Saffy, but one of her daughters has really pi**ed me off. This is the second set of phones I’ve had to buy. Anyway, the phone call was from Ju’s sister Mu who said she’d had nightmares about Ju last night and she and John would visit today.

I couldn’t face breakfast but gave Ju a small bowl of Rice Krispies for the rats. I was too mean for Shreddies today and off I went with a coffee to start my mail. 99 messages were waiting and I groaned. Hadn’t I suffered enough? Obviously not. Yvonne sent a message to say she was on her way but the bus was stuck in traffic and could I tell her how her Ma was. I could, I did. By 9.45 I was coming to an end because luckily few had meant a long reply and those people who just needed blog comments were to be disappointed today. Time to get dressed. A few minutes past ten Yvonne arrived and you could see she was worried and upset. Her talk of not applying make-up didn’t ring true. It must be terrible to be far away when something happens and you can’t see how the land lies. I feel bad that I obviously didn’t do enough to dispel her fears but to be honest I was feeling quite zombie like about then.

10.30 and MuJo arrived. I dashed to the kitchen to put the kettle on while they hugged Ju and said their hellos’s. Drinks taken care of I slid out of the room and went back to my computer. John joined me to get away from chatter. I was able to pass him a ruby pendant he’d asked me to get for Mu as the firm I deal with are unbeatable. (For all you Ebay afficionado’s it’s 925-silver-link ). Then, with lunch time fast approaching Mu offered to take me shopping and she could pick up something for lunch at the same time. I love my S/I/L but she drives ahem sedately around 20 mph with traffic backing up behind her. 21 mph and John is shouting “Slow down woman, it’s not Brands Hatch”.  I’m glad the store isn’t far away. We made it safely and I started round. Mu told me to take my time yet started putting things like  a hot chicken and hot sausage rolls in my trolley. I moved faster. As I did, she was catching me up and putting items of her own shopping in the trolley and my space was getting less and less. I called it quits and suggested we left while the food was still hot. Mu dealt with speaking at the counter for me and I just smiled and paid up so I was OK.

After lunch Yvonne had to leave. Mu walked with her to the bus stop while John and I sat with Ju. That lasted 5 minutes till Ju announced she needed to lie down.( I must change my deodorant).Our Doctor rang to say he was upping the dosage of morphine and would write a prescription out for her. Within a few minutes she was snoring away for Britain. Mu returned and said she’s run me to the doctors to collect the prescription. I swear I didn’t say I could run quicker than she could run me but the temptation was there. John said he’d stay with Ju. Off we went ever so sedately again though I’m sure at one point we reached 25mph because John wasn’t with us. What a rebel. She got the right road and turned in and I pointed out the doctor’s car park. I was still pointing at it as we sailed past it and Mu entered the hospital overflow car park. “Where’s the surgery” she asked. I was still pointing though now my arm was wrapped round my neck. I got out, walked across the grass verges, through the doctor car park and down the hill to the entrance. The staff know me by sight if not by voice and I soon had the prescriptions in my hand. Back up the hill, across the car park and over the verge, gasping for breath I reached the car. “I should have parked in that car park shouldn’t I ” asked Mu.

We stopped at the chemist near home where they also know me well and within a few minutes my order was filled. Mu had gone ahead so I walked home clutching my hope for tonight.I gently woke Ju and asked if  she was well enough to come through as her sister was about to go.  MuJo wished us goodbye and promised to see us next week. That left just Ju and I. We sat companionably for a while then about 4,00 pm she had to go back to bed. I understood as I knew how tired she must be feeling. I started to watch a Move to the Country programme on the TV knowing my favourite antiques programme was on at half past. That was it. I woke at 5.15 just after it had finished. I went to see that Ju was OK and confessed I’d nodded off. “I know ” she said, “Mike told me.He even kissed you on the forehead and you didn’t move.” My brother had called to borrow a bucket as he’s cleaning the house he’s moving out of soon and he’s off to a new flat in the Midlands. No more Bro at the weekends to banter with. How I hadn’t woken with him here I’ll never know. So, I watched a quiz till six and then came back to my mail for the day.I feel like a zombie now but know if I go to bed too early I’ll be up and working at 4 am tomorrow. Still. I usually am no matter what time I go to sleep. A built in alarm clock.

What to do, what to do.

I’ve mentioned recently that neither Julia nor I are at our best at the moment which may account for my lack of forethought today. All will be explained.

Last Friday we had a visit from the Macmillan Nurse in response to a request and telling them that Ju’s stomach was/is very distended and painful. It’s fortunate that apart from her regular prescribed morphine she also has emergency doses for times like this. She wouldn’t have had them still if she’d let me have them when I dropped a knife on my toe last week though. Still that’s by the by. ‘M’ for that’s the designation I shall give the Nurse thought it possible that there was a large fluid build up which needed draining. As it was too late to do anything on Friday she’s arrange for bloods t be taken on Monday this week and she’s speak to the Oncologist about seeing Ju as soon as possible.

The ‘LEECH’ came on Monday and removed the obligatory armful from Ju and left the rest of the day free for us. I reminded Ju of something we needed from the next town over to distract her and then said that on the way we could drop off  prescription request with my doctor. This we did and just outside the surgery Ju suggested making an appointment for me. My distraction hadn’t worked but with a sigh of relief I pointed out how full the car park was meaning it would be unlikely there would be free appointments now, and that we couldn’t make them for Tuesday in case the oncologist called. We went and picked up the non-urgent item, had a coffee and returned home. No phone calls Monday.

Tuesday we did nothing exciting but despite the wait no phone call. On Wednesday we went to collect my prescription from the surgery but I still had the excuse of not knowing when her far more urgent appointment would appear. As we got home there was a message on the phone from the hospital’s resident Macmillan Nurse to say she needed to  speak to Ju but try as we might we couldn’t get hold of her. Today we needed to go out to the bank which of course meant having a coffee out. On our return Ju had a call from our daughter who is a little less patient than we are. The Oncologist would see us at 2.30 today. She wouldn’t be able to be there to see Dr. Drool with us and was sad but Ju was to faithfully repeat every phrase in his delightful accent on our return.

We arrived at 2.00pm and decided t have a glass of orange rather than torture ourselves with tea or coffee from the League of Fiends kiosk. It was lovely but a mistake as I then needed the loo. Dare I go in case Ju was called or should I just persevere with crossed legs? I decided to go in case it became a case of crossed eyes and a total inability to walk. I made it back safely before Ju was called. The great weigh in showed there is another loss of weight which led to guilty looks from Ju. I know cancer patient lose weight but she doesn’t help by not eating much. Anyway, I told tales on her to Dr.Sex Bomb and got her a new course of steroids to see if we can improve the appetite. He palpated her stomach and decided we’d better have a new ultrasound scan to see how things lie. I bit my tongue at this point as I’ve said before now we need to see what’s what in there. But the silken tones of the Good Doctor Gorgeous placated even me this time. Actually he distracted me by asking where his fan club was this time.                The appointment will probably be the beginning of next week.

On coming out Julia and I went off to the pharmacist and as we waited for the steroids Ju decided to text Yvonne to say how she’s got on and also texted one of my nieces. That was where my problems started since I hadn’t told the girls where we were going and who we were going to see. We were back in the car coming home before Ju’s phone beeped with a text. I cringed. All has been peaceful since Sunday when my nieces were here and I knew things were going to happen, and not good things either. When we got home I nipped to my bedroom where I’d left my phone. There were three outstanding messages from Niece Number 1. Starting with why didn’t I say we’d got an appointment, to how could I go to see Dr. Yummy without their support ( read- without them ogling him) to have I got my doctor’s appointment yet? Niece Number 2 has still to come back to me but it’s written in stone she will. I’m semi safe tomorrow as I know it’s main shopping day and as Yvonne is meeting us it’s just a case of staying out long enough to make sure it’s too late for an appointment then. For now I asked Ju to text my niece and say my phone has no credit so I’m safe tonight. But tomorrow…… What to do, what to do?

Nothing is best.

Today was our monthly visit to see Dr. McHottie. Julia and myself went along with his fan club of my daughter Yvonne and my two nieces Karen and Joanne (though Jo proclaims her innocence at having really drooled when she saw him. I know for a fact we were an age  getting her jaw off the floor when she heard the accent that first day.)

I took along a box of sweets for the staff ( yes I know, very healthy, but it is Christmas) and a copy of Ju’ s book he’d asked to see. Ju was weighed and she’s gained a kilo since August which though progress wasn’t the news I was hoping to hear. She was wearing two of everything ( no, not bra’s) because of the biting cold in today’s sub-zero temperatures. I reckon that lot must have weighed in at a kilo on their own.

Anyhoo, he checked the bloods that were taken yesterday and said they were OK, no sign of anaemia. He asked about the digestion problems she suffers but the last change of medication seems to have increased the appetite slightly and helped with digestion and lastly he asked about pain. Ju explained that the worst pain is now covered by some extra morphine prescribed by the MacMillan Nurse. He was happy at that and suggested since we know the tumour is still growing but that there’s no immediate discomfort we don’t make a new appointment for next month but leave it until Ju decides she needs to see him. Ju took this quite bravely but asked whether it would be possible for our nieces to see him next month regardless of her. He looked puzzled until I added, “It’s only you the fan club come to see anyway.” I told him there are all manner of nicknames bandied about on my blog for him because of the girls. The was a matching glow in the room despite the chill outside, his cheeks and Karen’s a perfect match. He laughed out loud.

We left on a high note knowing he’s pleased to see Ju doing so well despite not being able to offer treatment or hope. I dare say after the afternoon’s revelations he’s booked a seat back to his home Country for Christmas and will be relieved he got away unscathed. As we exited the Hospital the girls were laughing together, “Perhaps if we……………she’ll need to see him soon” I heard. If I were Julia I’d start to worry.