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Kinky Boots.

I’d say it’s fairly well known that men make mistakes when they don’t think things through. Sometimes one mistake leads to another. Let me share with you a story about a man who did just that. Let’s call him oh, David just for fun.

The year was 1987 and it was during the summer months when the sun was out that David took a bus ride along the coast to the Queen of Resorts town of Llandudno, that’s ‘Clan did no’  for those who don’t speak the oldest living language of Europe. ( See, I try to be educational as well). Getting off the bus at what was then the delicately named place of Bog Island because the public loos were underground with the entrances on an Island which divided the road in two, David checked there was no egg on his chin ( no flies open), crossed the road and started looking in the shop windows. I have no recollection of why I mean David had gone to Llandudno that day  but he does remember that it was early and the shops were only just beginning to open.

David must have been at that end of town for some specific reason and there must have been an appointment or he wouldn’t have found himself looking in the window of a ladies shoe shop. But as (bad) luck would have it there was a sale starting and in the window was the most glorious pair of boots he just knew his wife would adore. What’s more they were down from £160.00 to £45.00 which is mmm, mmm  a lot. Without hesitation he dashed inside. They turned out to be half a size bigger than his wife took but she could just wear thicker socks couldn’t she? He paid and the boots were packed in a nice bag with all bits of confetti. David supposed they must have thought they were for a wedding.

Business concluded, David wandered wherever he needed to go before taking another bus home . He knew there would be a hero’s welcome and if I have to be brutally honest he was probably a little too full of self-congratulation. On arriving home David presented his wife with the parcel. ” What;s this ?” she asked. “Just a little gift I wanted you to have” I he replied. “What have you been up to David?” she asked, whereupon he realised the first mistake he’d made in not thinking things through, wives are always suspicious of spontaneous gifts. ” Nothing sweetie” he replied, “I just saw them and thought you’d love them.”

“Wouldn’t you like to put it to one side until my birthday next month?” she asked as he realised mistake number two in that he’s have to remember that ,and buy another gift. Kicking himself he answered ” No, I want you to have it now.” His wife unwrapped the parcel and covered the floor in the loose confetti earning him a glare for not warning her after she’d Hoovered up. At last she reached the gift and in place of the expected look of joy was one of puzzlement.

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“How lovely” she said, “but it’s the end of June David and the sun is shining. It’s not pantomime season yet where I need thigh high boots to slap.” So came the next lesson , he hadn’t bought appropriate to the season  and also that all women can be snarky when they want. He plunged into a blustering explanation that the boots were almost exclusive and no-one else would be seen wearing them, to which she agreed but in a very smug way. She was also not convinced about the wearing thick socks to help get over the size problem though he thought he presented a perfectly reasonable argument.

Julia gave David a kiss and took the boots away. He thought he’d seen the last of them. But, in the winter of 87 and a few winters thereafter the boots made an appearance. They looked fantastic below an maxi or a midi or even over jeans. Over the subsequent years there were many more pairs of boots with riding boots and a sheepskin pair being the most seen until they were thrown away eventually and replaced. Maybe he just stopped noticing in the end. But this year 2013 in sorting out clothes, shoes and boots to be given to charity shops , 26 whole years later the boots came to light again. They’ve undergone three property moves but never been thrown away and are still wearable.( In David’s opinion anyway). I really think she must have liked them after all.

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