Waking unprepared

I just woke in my bed where I went at 5.15 am to 6.48 am. I woke in a bit of a panic and immediately went to sit at my desk to try and make sense of it all. I just woke at my desk at  6.57 am with a burning cigarette in my lap with my dressing gown browning nicely but luckily no holes yet in this one. I had been dreaming of two first cousins being with me, the intention being that I should be marrying one of them, either of them would suit the family. Also, and this panicked me more than anything was the news my beloved daughter had been adopted out while I slept. I was bereft. Itg was 7.05 am before my head cleared enough to realise I’ve watched too many Long Lost Family and family adoption videos on Youtube.

The real panic set in when I realised I could have lost my Shopaholic Baby for 40+ years of her life and been searching for someone I didn’t know for all that time. That I would have lost my BFF who just happens to be my daughter too. It’s now 7.32 am and my heart is just slowing down as I realise the terrible fright didn’t actually take place and it was just a very real dream. Something that rarely happens to me. 

I’ve watched heart wrenching videos of children looking for their birth parents for half a century and more or vice versa and in the main felt the joy of them connecting. There have been cases of children finding birth parents through DNA databases or of finding missing  siblings on ‘Long Lost Family’  where the search has proved to be too late for a parental connection.Often people find siblings they had no idea about. I think for me it proves that undergoing these searches is a necessity to fill a void in their life, even though adopted children often have a very happy upbringing. Sometimes they just do it to find out their ethnicity and  medical history because it impacts on their own children, but what they find is joy. It makes me feel comfortable being a voyeur on their special moments. I do  share their moments of emotion with them and make sure I have tissues handy in case a cold wind hits my eyes as happens more often than not.

Hugs to all.

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