Penny’s day of Reason

26/6/2012   I had a dream. I dwelt in a land of peace. It went like this…………..

    The humans ( whom that daft cat calls Longlegs) went out quite early this morning.  It’s possible they had something on their minds since it seems they forgot to feed Oscar before they left. We could hear him bemoaning the fact for a long time. It doesn’t matter quite as much for us since the houses we have inside the cage are edible and we can go longer without liquid refreshment than a camel. Two minor points here I should mention, don’t expect your rats to exist on anything but edible houses any more than you’d like to exist on a diet of nothing but potatoes, and, don’t think because we can do without liquids that you shouldn’t offer us a cup of tea when you have one. I enjoy one anyway.

Oscar’s moaning was getting beyond a joke so when he wandered close enough I called him.
“What d’you want Rat” ?  he asked.
“Now now pussycat” I replied, ” just wanted to know if you need help.”
“I’m hungry” he said, “what can you do about that”?
“Well, remind you that the housekeeper Grizelda will be here in an hour” I said.
“But I’m hungry now Amy and I can’t open the packets myself” he whinged.
“I think we can help then” I told him, “but you’ll need to open the cage door since the catch is on the outside.”
“I can do that” he responded “but can I trust you, and what would you want in return”?
“You can if you behave, and how about peace between us.” was my answer.

Oscar undid the catch on the door at the bottom end of the cage. Since it was a simple hook it didn’t tax his brain too much. The door being open it was but a short jump to the floor. I told Priya and Bernie to stay and guard the cage and took Penny with me. This concordat may have been reached with Oscar but I wasn’t sure he could overcome his base instincts and Penny was my watchdog. As Penny hit the floor Oscar reached out a paw and clamped it on her back. “And you Rat had better behave or there’ll be trouble.
I was ready to pounce and tell Oscar this wasn’t a good idea when Oscar removed his paw and started walking away. “Follow me rats” he said.

I heard Penny mutter something about payment and the Pied Paper but didn’t quite catch it. We followed the cat. It was a short distance to the room where his dishes were.
Once there Oscar pointed out a box full of foil sachets. “I need one of those” he told us
“and I prefer the ones that are the colour of apples.”
I jumped up onto the small table where the box was and checked inside. Oscar wasn’t much help since there was a red beef one and a green rabbit one inside. With a 50% chance of being right I pulled out a beef one. “Is this it” I asked.
“Yes, that’s it, like an apple as I told you.” he said.
I dropped the sachet to the floor in front of Penny and asked her to open it which she did with ease using her teeth to cut away the top. I picked it up and held it over Oscar’s dish where it slid out easily. He moved towards the dish without a word and started eating. Penny moved forward and nipped Oscar’s tail.

Oscar leapt a foot in the air and almost choked on his food. “Why?” he spluttered.
I looked at Penny for an explanation, “Yes why?” I asked,” I thought this was a day of reason.”
“It is ” said Penny, ” and the reasons were he put his paw on me and he didn’t say thank you for opening the food.”
As we walked back to the cage leaving a bemused cat behind us, I decided maybe I should re-evaluate my opinion of Penny.
We shall have to see if the agreement between Oscar and I stands.

roobs varsity
                                                                           The Varsity Boy
Ami smiling
                                                                    The Smiling Sister
This one is for my friend Judith Baxter  https://growingyoungereachday.wordpress.com/2017/03/25/grief-the-black-dog/
Bonus. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pvf_OBuJVE

41 Comments

Filed under Humour

Oscar and The Day of Accidents

 

25/06/2012

    Things happen. They can’t always be helped and sometimes there’s no avoiding them.
I may have been having a time where my attention was not as it should be but personally I don’t think any of this was my fault.I shall start from the beginning.
I yawned and stretched as I started to come awake and my tummy began to tell me it was time to be fed. I did consider speaking to my ‘The Her’ since I was lying on her sleeping place close beside her head. But past experience tells me waking her would be difficult and certainly not as much fun as I could have. Accordingly I jumped down from my warm place and went to check my dishes. Yes, there was food in there but it had been placed there last light time and I’d slept since then. So, time for fresh then.

My ‘The Him’ was uttering little burbling noises as I went to him and I could see a little trail of drool from his mouth running down the side of his face as he lay on his back. It was quite sweet. Of course it couldn’t stay like that so with one of my more sensuous leaps I landed on his stomach. The burbling stopped and much of the breathing did too I think and a series of little whoops ensued as he tried to catch his breath, it was running too fast to be caught though. A little tear formed in his eye and it was quite interesting so I moved my head in for a closer look. It was pure accident that my paw happened to step on his nose at this point. With a loud gasp he drew air into his lungs and started to cough. It made standing on his stomach difficult so I showed my disapproval with a light swipe to his reddened nose. His eyes opened wide and now sure he was aware of me I smiled and said hello.

“Oscar” he croaked, “I’m sure you know exactly what you’re doing. What on Earth do you want at this time of the morning. It’s not five o’clock yet.”
It wasn’t worth answering him since I knew he’d work it out eventually and get up. He did, for some reason grumbling all the while. My food dish was washed, dried and refilled. I didn’t feel as hungry then as I heard a sound that was most annoying. The damn cock started to crow outside. I moved away from my food dish leaving it untouched and listening to my ‘The Him’ grumble about cats that get people up for no reason. I went and sat by the clearway patiently. As he started to go back towards his room he opened the clearway and let me out.

The cock was out of sight but not out of sound since I could still hear him bragging about whatever it was they brag about. Quietly and with guile I crept around the house until I could see him. Keeping low to the ground I crept towards him. I was almost there and ready to pounce when he saw me and with a flutter of his wings he ran. So did I. This was fun. The hedge came in sight and I was sure I had him then but with an almighty leap he was up and over. Just at that moment the big chariot that carries hay from the fields came round the corner and the cock landed straight on the back. The last I saw of him, he was sailing away in the distance to stunned to brag. It was a laughable sight.
Feeling cheered and now hungry again I decided to eat. There was a small clearway left open for me so up I jumped onto the sill. Unfortunately I must still have been thinking of the cock as I didn’t notice the vase placed in my path as I entered the house.Down it went with a huge crash and shattered into quite a few pieces. There was water everywhere and flowers strewn across the floor. I removed myself from the scene rapidly and went to my dish.

From where I was I could hear the commotion. Voices from both My ‘The Her’ and  ‘The Him’.
“How on Earth did you manage to break such a valuable vase David?” she asked.
“It wasn’t me” he said,”I just came through when I heard it. It was probably that damned cat of yours coming in again.”
” Don’t try and blame Oscar” she said “I can’t see him, can you? Oh well, accidents will happen I suppose.”
I decided at this point it would be a good idea to lay low for a while and under my ‘The Him’s’ duvet seemed a good idea.
It was some time later that I came out after a good snooze. Everything had been cleared up and there were no raised voices.
I wandered through to the seating room just as the ringing started. My ‘The Her’ picked up the small box and put it to her ear. “Hello” she said, and I could hear a faint sound from inside the box in return. “Really !” I heard her say a few times before saying thank you and putting the box down.
“David we have to go out. That was Major Summersby at Langholme Farm in the next County to say he’s just found our cockerell strutting about his yard.”
“How the heck” he started to reply but looking at me “did it get there when I heard it here earlier this morning.”
I just jumped up beside My ‘The Her’ and lay my head on my paws to allow her to scratch my neck and said nothing. After all, it wasn’t my fault the chariot had come when it did any more than it was my fault someone put that vase in my path.

roobs bridge
                                                                     Bear on a Bridge
Amelie ducks
                                                   Is He Cold Like Me Mummy?
                               https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdkolzXMcvY
I wish you all a fantastic new week of promotions, pay rises and luck in love. I’m probably the luckiest person I know in that department having found someone able to love me. I just hope she’s waiting for me now and that I go to the same place, not somewhere warmer. Massive Hugs to you all.
Maria Callas   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLcbfF9ypmM

44 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Oscar’s Joke.

6/18/2012

Picture

    There was a robbery. My ‘The Her ‘ and ‘The Him’ were out doing whatever it is they do when they’re not here, which is far too often if you ask me. No matter how many patrols I mount ( or at least intend to mount) there is only ever one of me , and though it’s true I have the Postwoman on the run, it seems not all Longlegs have learned to be afraid of me. Of course it’s possible that’s because not all Longlegs live with me and not all Longlegs have Superiors to teach them the error of their ways.

I always thought my own Longlegs had been well taught though I confess that at times I scratch my head and wonder what my ‘The Him’ was doing during some of the lessons because he certainly wasn’t paying attention. For instance, the number of times I’ve tried to tell him about not leaving  some of the small clearways open in the dark time. We all know there have been times someone has crept in and eaten my food. It’s different if it’s in the village itself as Longlegs there value my acceptance of their kind invitations, especially at the Fursty Ferret where they have left a nice salmon before now. But surely no-one could possibly think my meals are an open invitation to help oneself to.

Anyway, there’s been a robbery. I hope no-one is suggesting I was asleep on the job here  but it had been a fraught couple of longtimes looking after those beastly rodents who had made quite a noise when they thought the house was empty. I may have inadvertently dozed for a few shorttimes but was rudely awoken by muffled voices and clanking sounds. I stood up to protest and seeing what I saw , thought discretion the better art of valour and realised I could probably see things better from behind the chair in the corner of the room. Lots of things were being put into sacks by two Longlegs and carried out to a large white chariot.  I watched for a while until they seemed happy with their haul and one said ” Roit, that’s it, let’s get outta here sharpish .” They left and the chariot drove off quickly.

My ‘The Her and The Him’ returned. He walked in first and stopped, he looked around and gasped, “Oh no” he said “burgled.” The Her walked in and getting her priorities right came to check on me. Seeing me there on her bed, on guard of course, she dashed off to check on the rodents.( As if someone would steal them when they could kidnap me for ransom.) Anyway, next thing they were on the phone thing and men in blue fur came. I could hear the questions.
“Was anything valuable taken?”
“Of course officer. Lots, but the most valuable was my clock.”
” Do you know anyone with a grudge against you Sir ?”
“No, I’m afraid not officer.”
“Well, write me out a complete list sir. Beggar off cat, you’re getting under my feet.”
“I’ll do that officer. Oscar, come here boy.”
I went and had my ears scratched. I was desperately trying to tell them something but couldn’t get them to understand. Scratching my ears seemed to be distracting me, but I knew I could solve this case for them since I know who did it.
One of them was called Sharpish as his friend had let slip when calling him. But the other one, the rogue, Oh I know who that was. It was Procrastination. Many’s the time I’ve heard  ‘The Him’ witter that procrastination is the thief of time and since the valuable clock was stolen it must be him. If only these Longlegs could think like a Superior there’s be much less crime.

amelie and spag
cat girl and boy
Now for something different.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKDYyFf1s0I
Have a wonderful new week filled with fun and hugs to keep you going until next weekend

71 Comments

Filed under Humour

Oscar’s Lazy Day

11/06/2012

    The great hunter placed his body low to the ground. With the quiet instilled by years of training and centuries of animal instinct he pulled himself through the undergrowth barely displacing a blade of grass in his progress. Books should be written about this skill and future generations will seek to emulate the perfect machine. At last the progress came to an end and the prey was not just in sight but was in perfect ignorance of what was to happen. One perfect pounce and it would all be over.

Damn, it flew away. I was poised to get it, resting annoyingly as it was on top of a rose.
These butterflies are unpredictable.We had some warmth and light from the sky today and the Longlegs were out and about in the garden with smiles on their faces. My ‘The Her’ was wearing those funny short skins on her legs . She was going round pulling up weeds. Being an obliging sort of chap I tried to help but she didn’t seem to welcome that and was constantly screaming at me to stay away and leave her flowers alone.
My ‘The Him’ looked silly walking round with a large piece of white tissue up his nose to stop him going Atishoooooo, as he seems to whenever we have a day like this and he spends it in the garden. She always tells him to go inside but he says “No” he wants to help. He doesn’t actually do anything though except follow the heat round by turning his chair and drinks the cold tea the other Longlegs brings out.Days like this don’t seem to happen as often as they used to when I was a kitten. And the Longlegs seem to say the same though of course they are idle and live a lot longer than Superiors. That’s probably because they let us do all the work. I mean, I caught two butterflies already today and how many have they caught?  None!! I suppose I should say I caught one really as the other one more or less caught me by landing on my nose. But hey, it’s a nice day and who’s counting.
In a moment I shall have a spot of milk and then take a stroll to the village to see what the gang  are up to. Maybe we can tease a bull in a field or something. Perhaps I’ll just lie here for a minute and replay that last hunt in my head while I doze.

christening-13

One of my all time favourite records.Lead singer Levi Stubbs Jnr seems to mean every word

And now for the advert.

I wish you all a great new week with plenty of Love n’Hugs and much happiness.

61 Comments

Filed under Humour

Compromises and Adjustments

5/6/2012

    No-one could accuse me of being obstinate or refusing to accept a truth. With that in mind I have been able to come to terms with the fact that the rodents are here to stay, and while they will not, indeed cannot replace me in my ‘The Her’s’ affections, they are to be a fixture and she obviously for some reason unfathomable to me, likes them.

While I accept the realities of this situation I’m not sure the rodents were able to so I felt it my duty to place the facts before them and reach a compromise suitable for both parties. I waited until after they’d had their breakfast from my ‘The Him’ and been out for a bit of exercise with my ‘The Her’. Only one thing might have marred the discussions and that’s when I approached the seating place and the large one called Penny looked down at me as I walked past. I couldn’t help but look back and go closer. Instead of backing away she put her nose to mine and sniffed. I brought my paw up and smacked her. My ‘The Her’ was most displeased but with me? and not with Penny. I didn’t understand this and was going to argue but being a most placid fellow I walked away.

Back in their cage and the Longlegs having left the room I sauntered slowly up to the cage. There were hisses of derision but I didn’t let it bother me as I settled two feet away.
“What do you want cat” ? said Amy, the biggest of them and their obvious leader.
” I’ve decided to let you stay” I replied, “But, there are some things we’d better get straight.”
” Oh yes, and what would those be Pussykins” chipped in the one they call Bernie.
Reminding myself I had a debt to pay sometime I looked at Amy and told her, ” Firstly, I don’t want to see you move if you’re outside the cage and I come into the room.
Secondly, there’s to be no more name calling if we both live in the same place and lastly I’ll make sure the Longlegs tolerate you if you remember my word is law here.”
“Well Mr. Cat” she replied, “I think we can probably manage to do without the name calling if it works both ways but I’m not sure we can adjust to not moving once we’re out of the cage since it’s what the humans expect of us. As far as your word being law, I’m afraid we can’t agree to that since you might just expect us to do things that will go against our nature. Tell you what. let’s agree to no more name calling and see how it goes. If you don’t annoy us I won’t ask Penny to tweak your tail, how’s that?”

As you can see I’m a very reasonable cat but even I couldn’t agree to that and lose face so I had to leave the room and here we are with a dilemma. How can I learn to live with these rodents if they won’t accept the most reasonable of terms?

ice-cream-wait
                                                            Waiting forever for ice-cream.
id-rather-eat-cake
                                                                   Let Them Eat Cake.
Something totally new….
Wishing you all a wonderful new week full of hugs.

79 Comments

Filed under Humour

Introducing Amy’s Family

31/05/2012

    Hello again every one. In case you’ve forgotten my name is Amy and I’m leader of the Rat Pack. After having been a little unhappy over the name the humans refer to groups of my kind, I’ve decided that Rat Pack sounds quite cool  and compared to some sounds quite reasonable. After all I wouldn’t want to be part of a ‘Murder of Crows'( and believe me that’s quite fair because their sound can be murder on the ears). A ‘Dissimulation of Birds’ doesn’t sound all there does it?  How about a ‘Chatter of Budgerigars’ that one’s true enough, a ‘Clowder of Cats’ that one means nothing unless Clowder means nasty, a ‘School of Dolphins’ makes them sound intelligent, a ‘Skulk of Foxes’ Hmmm, reasonable that one, a ‘Mischief of Mice’ and sometimes people refer to us that way as well. But in the end I think Rat Pack will suit me very well thank you.

Sometimes settling into a new home is difficult but there have been no major problems here after teaching the humans ( a Pack?) that my teeth are quite sharp if they try to handle me without permission and sometimes just when they stick their fingers through the bars. After all, if you stick fingers in to offer treats we have to bite, you mustn’t be surprised to be bitten if you stick them in treatless and expect us to notice.
Anyway, I want to introduce the family. Obviously there’s me and like most of my kind I’m very intelligent and very underestimated. But there are exceptions to every rule I suppose so here’s Penny. She’s my sister and I love her dearly but she’s not the brightest jewel in the box. Fortunately she’s playful and very affectionate so the humans don’t notice.

Next we have Bernadettte, or Bernie who is a lot younger than Penny and I but who is a quick learner and copies Penny’s every move. She makes me laugh when the humans get her out as she pees on them a lot and hasn’t quite learned to keep her soiling to one particular area yet. They have a lot of cleaning up to do once she’s been out to play. Finally we have Priya, the youngest and smallest of our pack. She’s most like our original ancestor Rattus Rattus except it looks like she wears white socks.She’s starting to get used to the humans but hasn’t properly learned about getting treats yet.

As I say the humans aren’t too bad here and they’re learning quite well. But for some strange reason they also have a cat. Hmm, just one of a Clowder but that’s enough. It’s taken a little longer to train him since all he seemed interested in was catching us before. Penny taught him a bit of a lesson by climbing up his back leg when he happened  to be on the seat when she and I had been got out to entertain the humans. He was so surprised he ran away. Though he’s ventured close a few times he keeps a wary eye out.
It was funny a few days ago when I managed to reach the floor and ran towards an open door. As I reached it he was on the other side. We both saw each other at the same time and were startled. I was surprised long enough to be caught and my escape foiled, he was just stunned into inaction though he claimed afterwards to have helped catch me and basked in the credit even though he’d done nothing. He’s a sly one and bears watching. Don’t get the wrong idea about the escape either. It’s not that I don’t like the humans or the house they’ve given us but I like the idea of the open spaces outside. So, you may just hear of more attempts. If I ever make it of course you won’t hear anything except from the cat who is the only other one who can use the computer which I’ve ‘borrowed’ while he’s asleep.

So there we are. You’ve met me and my family now. Oscar the cat claims to be a Superior but I think you can work out for yourselves whoever you are that he’s fooling himself and that we by dint of our brains ( well maybe not Penny) are the superiors round here. We just don’t need to brag about it. I hope you get to enjoy more of our activities and adventures when we venture forth from our house within a house. As for me, I’m delighted to meet you.
Amy

DSCF3071

Me fighting for food with Penny.

hammy

One of the Human pack ?

the-race-is-on

The Race is on !

Wishing you all a Great New Week filled with Hugs when needed.

69 Comments

Filed under Humour

Nighttime Adventures.

29/05/2012

    The heat from above has been shining down for a few days. It’s actually made me quite sleepy. ( I refuse to say a little dozy since I know the Longlegs sense of sarcasm works well on remarks like this). It was my feeling a little sleepy that got me into a mess, well that and the terrible mistake My ‘The Him’ made for which judgement will be rendered.

So, the heat made me sleepy and I curled up inside a flower bed to relax. Before My ‘The Him’ went to his sleeping place he closed and locked the clearway. He had not noticed me ( or so he said), had not called me ( as he thought I was in) and didn’t bother to check. You can understand my decision to play Solomon here can’t you.
It started to get darker and cooler causing me to think I should go back inside and settle down on My ‘The Hers’ sleeping place and spend the dark time guarding her as I usually did. But on rousing myself and moving over to the clearway I found it closed. I called out but to no avail. I walked round the building to see if a small clearway was open but I found none. There was light from My ‘The Hers’ room but it seems she could not hear me sing either. I’m reluctant to try at His clearway since he throws things at the slightest sound. You really wouldn’t believe he doesn’t recognise my voice after all these years.The woods lie very close to home and some very inviting rustling sounds stirred memories of my great hunting days when I was wont to leave my Longlegs superb gifts every day. Surely I had lost none of my skills and I needed to occupy my time before returning home to find the clearway open again.

I stepped into the woods and the dark became more absolute as the night light could not break through the branches of the trees. There was a sound to my left and in one lithe move I turned and pounced. Ugh, it was one of those long things with hundreds of legs where not one of them tastes like chicken. I let it go and moved further into the trees. Another noise, another pounce and under my paw was a mouse. I was tempted to eat some and take the rest back to the Longlegs until I remembered they seem to like live things like that to play with and might not appreciate such a gift. I let it go also and moved further into the trees. Then there was a rustle and as I pounced I was met with a fox pouncing in my direction and how he smelled ( yes I know, with his nose)phew ! It was a shock to both of us but foxes don’t tend to hang around us Superiors for long so he turned tail and walked away. I suspect I should have been insulted that he didn’t run but perhaps he perceived I was not looking for a fight.

I was turning round to retrace my steps out of the woods since the time was passing and I’d proved I can still hunt when there was a loud scream and a whooshing sound. My automatic response was to duck ( not fear you understand, just the opportunity to assess the situation) which I did and as I did I felt something touch my back. A  screech of disappointment followed and as I looked up I saw a pair of claws rising above me attached to a great bird who’d been hunting me as I hunted. My departure from the woods speeded up at that point and the morning light was just coming through as I reached safety, erm I mean reached home. I strolled across the lawns towards the clearway and saw My ‘The Him’ just open it. I  picked up speed and made it before it was closed again.
“Why Oscar. where have you been? Don’t tell me you’ve been out all night” said My ‘The Him’ never the brightest bulb in the box.
“You must be hungry old boy. Let’s get something for you.” But he’s not too bad though sometimes. Maybe I’ll forgive him this time.
I ate and went through to where My ‘The Her’ was sleeping. I jumped up and curled up beside her tummy and fell asleep.

shroom-man
shroom-girl
christening-1
Hoping you all have a great new week full of hugs to remind you how special you are. Thanks for your company.
David

66 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Our Hero Returns

21/5/2012

    We all know the house is not really my sanctum any more. For some perverse reason the Longlegs ( I hesitate to call them mine now) seem to have formed a bond with the ever increasing pack of rodents, and that’s despite one of them chewing a hole in the fur The Her wears when she gets up from her sleeping place. How well I remember the roar of disapproval from ‘The Him’ ( I trust the lack of the word MY here hurts and chastens them) when I ‘accidentally’ unravelled part of the sleeve from his fur.

There is also the problem at the moment of having fallen backwards off the seat when one of the rodents surprised me and tried to run between my legs. When I enter that room now there is an outbreak of laughter from the four who seem to think I might have run away rather than just fallen a great distance.

So, today here I am outside the clearway lying in the warm light from above and enjoying the odd snooze. I mean, we all have skills and this is one of my better ones.
I woke up long enough to greet the Longlegs who brings things to put through the door that makes My ‘The Him’ ( yes, I know I’m far too forgiving but one has to treat ones pets well) shout loudly at My ”The Her’ ” What on earth have you bought this time. Timeshares on the Moon”? The Postie  as they call her seemed to recoil on spotting me. I know our previous encounter was unfortunate but be fair it was hardly my fault was it. I was being summarily ejected at the time and gripping her leg was an automatic reaction. She’d have been fine if her leg furs had been longer.

Anyway, I spent a lot of time dozing in the warmth till Ginger came round a suggested a walk through the village. This can often be a rewarding adventure given that some Longlegs leave their clearways open which must be an invitation mustn’t it? And not being rude, it would be a shame not to take advantage of their generosity. After all, some of them don’t have Superiors of their own to spoil. A nice roast chicken was our reward for a visit today which we ate in the shelter of the woods. Purely to shelter from the sun you understand. After which I decided to return home while Ginger decided to carry on exploring by which I expect he meant find some milk that hadn’t been taken in yet.

I had just reached home and started to lay down when I heard a scream.” Look out David, she’s making a break for the door.” I was startled by the noise and jumped in the air, just at the moment when the rodent called Penny appeared in the open clearway.
As I was already in ‘alert’ mode I couldn’t jump any higher but surprisingly the rodent did. Seeing me and watching me jump she turned tail and retreated back into the house where she was scooped up by My ‘The Her’ and placed back into her cage.
“Oh Oscar, you brave cat, what a good boy you are. David, put Oscar some chicken out.”
said My ‘The Her’ and despite not wanting more chicken some was placed out for me. My ‘The Her’ patted the seat beside her as an invitation to jump up, something that’s been sadly lacking recently. But as I’ve pointed out I’m a forgiving owner so up I jumped to enjoy a period of stroking and praises about my bravery in saving the day. So I’m a hero again which is as it should be and all of a sudden there’s no sniggering from the rodents who know I faced one of their own down and won.

togetherness

79 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

A Black Day for Oscar.

14/5/2012

    The Longlegs had gone out and the smell was tormenting me. A lovely rich heady smell that tickles the nostrils and makes you want to eat it and here I was stuck inside with no clearways open and unable to get at it. I know I’ve smelt it before but I can’t remember where. I suppose I shall have to be patient.

That’s long enough. My patience has worn thin. I went to look through one of the clearways to see if I could see where the smell was coming from but I got a little tangled in the clearway covering. Trying to wrest myself from the grip of the covering I perhaps pulled a little hard because they came down with a snap and covered me even more. As they fell, unfortunately they brought down one of those tall things my ‘The Her’ puts her flowers in. I hope they’re good with puzzles.At last a key in the lock. I shot across the room and reached the clearway just as it opened. I shot out. “Oscar” they shouted in unison and my ‘The Him’ tried to grab me as I went past. Last I saw of him he was on my level struggling to get up. I admit I shouldn’t have sniggered as I looked at him because before I knew it my feet were feeling warm and the smell was very close indeed. I finally looked down. My feet were black.

The smell was coming from the surface of the road which had been freshly covered in black stuff. I turned and pulled my feet from the road one by one moving back towards the grass of the garden. The heat was leaving my feet but now my pads felt quite hard. They were covered from pads to ankle in black smelly stuff that had been spread across the road. As I got to the grass I lay down and tried to remove the layer of black that had attached itself to me. I went home through the still open clearway and as I hit the wooden floor my pads were tapping as though I wore the Longlegs shoes. It was undignified to have people hear me coming. I went to my ‘The Her and expressed my dismay that she would not try to  keep me in, and dismay that she did not make more of an effort to keep me in.She as usual feigned indifference to my words as though I do not make myself understood. I’m sure I do.

So, I finish the day sitting by my ‘The Her’ as she gently tries to soap the black stuff they call tar from my pads with soapy water. This could be a very long job.its-love-2

go-for-your-gun-1
                                                              Go for your gun pardner.
honest-its-a-motor-car-usually
                                                      Honest, it’s a motor car usually.
                                         A magic week to you all with Hugs Galore x

76 Comments

Filed under Humour

Oscar gets a kitten?

7/5/2012

    I’ve seen it but I don’t believe it. It’s uncanny just how silly my Longlegs can be the minute I let them out of my sight.

    It was three lights ago when I saw them heading out of the clearway to their chariot. My ‘The Her’ even shouted goodbye but I was too busy yawning and stretching to respond properly, I did however send a thought in their direction that I required some nice fresh chicken. Sometimes they’re quite clever and catch the thought, other times they’re just so obtuse it a crime.

I occupied my time properly while they were out with sleeping, stretching and sleeping some more. After all, you must be very careful not to overdo things there days. I was lying on my ‘The Hers’ sleeping place basking in the warm light that comes through the clearway as I didn’t want to go through to where she has those rats of hers. They can be very rude sometimes. Anyway, I have no idea what she sees in them at all and should really be reprimanding her for not being available whenever I want her. Even my ‘The Him’ seems to have more time than she does. There will have to be a reckoning soon.

Some time passed and the light had moved a bit. I roused myself as there was a need for food. Roast rat on a stick appealed but there was no chance of that. Just then the clearway opened. In came my ‘The Him’ carrying what looked like a kitten box followed by my ‘The Her’ saying “Hello my baby, see what Mummy has got, Such a surprise.”
“It is a kitten ” I thought, ” but she’d better be referring to some nice tender chicken or else”………. She wasn’t.                                                                                                                         Bags of shopping were strewn everywhere in their food room but nothing came out for me. Instead they gathered round the cages in the room of seats and started making the strangest cooing noises. My ‘The Him’ ran out and came back with a new cage like that of a Chinese bird, sat down, opened the cage door and proceeded to place some pieces of paper and food inside. My ‘The Her’ opened the kitten box. I was about to tell her no kitten was going in a cage in my home when out of the box she drew ‘Another Rat’. Not just any ordinary rat either, it was obviously a kitten and quite small but it’s ears, Ohh it’s ears, they were big. I’m talking BIG here. They were like conch shells sticking out. Already I’m alternating between boredom and anger. After all, what need have we of another rat? What need have we of ANY rats I ask.

They spent more time putting the creature now called Bernadette in the cage and trying to stroke it before standing the cage on top of the big cage with the Cruella sisters in. I’m half past bored now so I wandered off to the food room. I could smell no chicken for which there will be payment but I did manage to find a rather nice parcel of ham which tided me over till tea time. I even felt so much better when I heard the squeal later ” Julia, that cat, YOUR cat has had my lunch”. Soooo satisfying.

Anyway, I’ve decided not to let them out of my sight for a while. Three rats in the house is three rats too many albeit one is too young to  be rude yet. I’m waiting till they realise that it’s chicken or nothing next time. And in the meantime I’m going to occupy the knee of one or other of them and get all the attention I can.

58 Comments

Filed under Humour, Uncategorized